A Dangerous Affair
by mrandmrsstabler
Summary: A three part crossover After ending a steamy romance with what was the most serious relationship she had since Elliot, Olivia leaves David after deciding she wants more from him than sex, but the deal she made with him left her in an uncompromising position Months later they see each other again and though they've both moved on the haunting secrets of their past secure their future
1. Prologue

**The following content is a crossover. It features and will feature themes and plot lines from up to two published books. Authors and Titles will be acknowledge/cited in the end since the FF website does not currently host an eligible category for**** listing. In other words, this story is like 2% milk, cause it's like 2% ours- no really. I'm serious we wrote like 2% of this, but that's ok. Bare with us- also, this story will sporadically feature M material. Be cautious...**

_She's sleeping with Brian Cassidy. Brian fucking Cassidy._ Jaw and fists clenched, David Haden watched Olivia Benson, _his woman, his lover_, take Brian Cassidy's hand as she stepped out of the low city sedan and out on the the brightly lit walkway that guided it's carriers into the Lincoln Center.

Torn between fascination for her and utter disgust for him, David watched from the highest window as Brian's arm wrapped around Olivia's waist. He saw him dipping low into her neck to brush his lips against her ear, and the shy smile that graced her face that followed. David swallowed the thick knot in his throat, cringing at the bitter after taste of bile in his mouth.

_I'm not surprised. He's all she can afford at this point._ But Olivia didn't seem the type of woman to gamble anything. Especially not her life. No, she was different. Wasn't she? David's gut burned and he suddenly had the unhinging desire to break the glass in front of him with his open fist. He wanted her to see him, he wanted her to look at what he'd become, and he wanted her to know that she was the reason he'd been that way.

In the distance, heels could be heard coming closer. He might have guessed the disturbance came from his current "arrangement", Kim Greylak, but on his turn he was relieved to find his mentor and dear friend Elizabeth Donnelly. She and David had gone way back. Having defended his father against a greedy life insurance company that sought to make profit for his mother's death, she and David had become close when he was still young and had become somewhat of a mother figure through the years.

He trusted the woman completely, and confided in her whenever he saw fit. If anyone knew how to handle the situation, it would have been her. She knew better than anyone what _their_ union meant to him, and like a saving grace she had come to make sure he was ok.

"Olivia's here."

"I saw." David responded, his deep voice edged with disgust.

"And she's with Cassidy." Donnelly shook her head disbelievingly. She threw back the bit of champagne left in her glass and peered down from the window where David previously stood and saw Olivia and Brian being photographed. This evening was an insanely private event, that was to be held in honor of David after he was awarded with a higher rank in office. "_Unbelievable_. He, I can understand but not her. She's got one hell of a nerve thinking she can show up here like that and with him of all people."

"She doesn't know Liz."

Donnelly scoffed. "Oh please David, don't be naive. She's a woman for christ's sake. What do you think she hand picked him from a hat?"

David didn't answer. He was too busy studying out the window. He was staring at Olivia. Taking in her silver stilettos, her gorgeous figure gracefully held together in a strapless lace dress that was black at the top and cream at the bottom, all together showcasing the most incredible legs he'd ever seen in his life. He knew those legs intimately. For months- nearly 3 years he parted them, tasted them, wrapped them around his waist as he took her, making her his.

And she was his- many times over the two and half years they'd been together. She was perfect in every way. An insatiable lover, the ideal match- until she broke the agreement and he'd done what he said he'd do. He left. Moved on. And now it seemed she'd moved on too.

_"What have you done?"_ He'd spoken out loud. He hadn't meant to, but the question was out there.

"We already know the answer to that one." Donnelly responded tightly, moving about and selecting books at random to explore.

"Backstabbing-

"A goddamn snake is what he is." She interrupted hotly. For a moment neither of them said anything. David put an end to his thoughts and turned for the second time, away from Olivia. Any longer and he would have done exactly what he thought of doing. Breaking that glass, letting her see. Marching down there to take the shattered shards in his hands and plunging them deep into Brian's gut. And anyway, they were more than likely to have entered the center by now. No use in watching her move from sight yet again.

Elizabeth took him with open arms, patting his back the way a parent might, as if to say "I understand," or "It'll be ok." What she said though, was entirely different.

"I hate him. I'd kill him for what he did to you." David smiled over her shoulder and pulled off cupping her face for a moment.

"It's not worth it."

"No. It's not. But you are." He didn't realize that she was crying until her hands had so tightly gripped his own and shook with fierce emotion. She laughed as if to wish it all away but the loss of their dreams had been no laughing matter. He squeezed her hands back and for a moment he couldn't breathe. A supreme weight had fallen on his chest and his lungs had popped like air balloons. His vision went black and for a split second he was thrust so violently back in time to a place so wretched, so dark that he couldn't see it- wouldn't dare to think.

Only darkness, and the ruins of a heart of a man. Elizabeth's touch on his cheek had brought him back and the pressure had eased off his chest. "I'm not worth anything anymore Lizzie...and I suppose that's an idea I'm willing to live with, because now he will finally be able to pay for what he's done."

"But not tonight darling. Tonight is yours. Don't let him steal this too." Then with a loving kiss she wrapped an arm around his elbow and they made their way down stairs.


	2. All In

**You guys like this don't you?...**

**I knew you would. I knew you fucking would.**

**-J**

* * *

"You sure want to do this? It's not too late to leave." Brian whispered taking a pause in the lobby. Olivia rolled her eyes picking up on his mocking tone. She dismangled herself from his grasp and stepped aside allowing herself to breathe for a moment. Her eyes were still blinded from the flash of cameras on her face but she had seen it all before. She'd imagined what this moment would be like a million times in her head.

She had to do this. She needed to. There was no decision to be made or a chance to chose different. She'd come here tonight on her own and for solely one reason alone. Closure.

"You take one more step and you're all in. No bluffs. No calls. Just bets. Think you can handle that?" Brian had invaded her space on that last one. Olivia jerked her face up to meet his unwanted gaze. His eyes were hard but his grin was sly. He was enjoying this. Playing the part like it was a game, but this was far from it. "You walk through those doors and it's over. There's no going back." He was dominating her and she didn't like it.

She understood now why David hated the man. Looking back, she'd liked to know what the hell she saw in him herself. Everything about him repulsed her. From his greasy, slick back, curly hair to the cheap cologne that seemed to be embedded in his white tux. He was literally unappetizing. She turned her head and smoothed her dress to recompose herself. "Then I guess we're even, because I have no intentions of going anywhere except forward." She replied quietly behind a convincing smile. Convincing that is, to everyone but herself.

She glanced at the intimidating doors that concealed a little over 200 of New York's finest and mentally coached herself on how to breathe. Aside from everything else that attacked her in that moment, she had to admit the event was exquisite in every way. She almost laughed out loud at the irony of that. David was an exquisite man. She hadn't known why she expected anything less.

He was exquisite and a senseless cold hearted bastard. The memories made her grow still. For a moment she went numb, simply overcome by profound grief. Grief forged by loss, the pain just as deep and inescapable as it had been eight months ago when she and David split. He'd broken her, and he'd done a bloody good damn well job of it. She was beyond repairment. Permanently wounded by what he'd done. What had once been so simple had now become a heavy reminder of what was.

Things as easy as breathing seemed to hurt. Thinking opened even more wounds and she often found her feelings to be so completely out of sorts that she considered chewing her own bullets. She drew a sharp breath remembering, reliving the time she spent in his arms. The peace she found there, and the pain she received when she wasn't. He'd destroyed her. Hurt her more deeply than anyone ever could. Forget her mother, her father- Elliot. No. He took something precious inside of her and she hated him.

She hated him and she loved him just as much. Loved him more, allowed herself to love him more than anyone or anything and for what? It didn't mean anything to him. She didn't mean anything, wasn't anything to him. She was just a body in his bed. A place where _he could come and then leave._

"Hey." Brian snapped his fingers in front of her face. "What are you starin' at? The goddamn tilework?"

"What?"

"Are you in or what?"

"I said I'm good. Let's go." Olivia said more confidently.

Brian's hand shot out and caught her fleeting arm, whipping her back to him. "Slow down kid. I'm not going in there unless we get something straight." Olivia fought with him but his firm grip on her arm was no match for their public display. "We both know the only way this'll work, is if he believes we're together. I mean we've gotta be a little convincing don't you think? So he'll believe our relationship is serious."

"He'll believe it." Olivia shot back, fighting to contain her range of emotions. The more time she spent with this guy, the more she realized she never liked him. But tonight wasn't about who liked who. She needed him. He was her ticket inside and she wanted front row seats.

Brian nodded, his head ringing with doubt. "When's the wedding?" He quipped.

"March 30th." Olivia's eyes were stinging. David detested Brian. Hated him to death and once he saw the two of them together- she inhaled sharply- he'd hate her too.

"How'd we hook up?"

"SVU picked up a case in your department. We crossed paths on a CSI, and we've been together ever since."

Brian grinned. So far so good. "And how did I pop the rock?

"We'd gone out for a romantic dinner and after a stroll, you proposed in front of the Hudson. The wedding is six months away. Your sister Janet is helping me with the decorations and we plan to honeymoon in Vegas."

Brian had to laugh. "Honeymoon in Vegas? Did you come up with that on your own? God he'll love it." He was hysterical in front of her for a sarcastic moment and then he resolved. "You know..." He said, pushing a light strand of hair that had escaped the clasp that held most of Olivia's hair, "He'll never forgive you."

Her throat burned raw. The cold air filling her nostrils had been nothing against the suffocating flames she coaxed up. That's not what she wanted. She didn't want him to hate her. She wanted to hurt him, push his buttons, pull his strings. She wanted his attention, not his imminent wish for her untimely death. Playing the enemy wasn't in her cards. Couldn't be. She'd been his once. She'd belonged to him, given him everything and he had taken all that and more. That's why she was here.

She needed to settle the score so she could get on with her life. Leave him behind once and for all and obtain the freedom to focus on her future. Subconsciously she put a hand to her middle, hoping to settle the storm at bay inside her. Eight months. Eight months she'd been like this, barely making ends meet. She couldn't afford to go on like this a moment more. She was a mess at work, cases took twice as long to close, she could barely understand the evidence- it was a mess.

She had to fix this. Find a way to let go. That's why she agreed to play the role of Brian's fiance. "You are not going to like this." Brian sighed, fixing his bow tie. His warning had been clear but he was exhilarated no less. Having already come to terms for her distaste for her date, she pondered on what he said. When had she ever liked any part of this insanity? That's what it was. Insane. She loved David unconditionally, had given him three years of her life but she couldn't stand the waiting, the wanting, the wondering...

"What's new?" she replied. The past eight months were hell in and of itself. Trying to accept that she and David were over was like trying to get her mother to stop drinking. Impossible. Even after the physical ache for him diminished, her mind played games with her in the night, turning her dreams, to people on the street into vivid images of David. It had been eight months and it felt like eighteen years, and all that time not a call, not a card. Nothing. He just let her go.

He had a right to anyway. He had no obligation to stay. They were sex only. Forgetting would have been easy for him. If only it had been the same for her.

"Alright Liv, Livvie, Livin' La Vida Loca. It's showtime." Abruptly he pulled her by her hand and before she could think, they were standing amongst a sea of unimpressed eyes. The doors slammed shut behind them with a violent thud, rattling the already disturbed silence. It couldn't be more clear that they had just interrupted something important.

From a distance Olivia could see David and Elizabeth Donnelly standing in the middle of the grand staircase, holding a glass of champagne. Even from afar Olivia could feel the heat of their eyes on her, silently criticizing everything from her appearance to the man she had so obviously situated herself with. In pure obnoxious fashion, Brian pulled a near by waiter, took two glasses of champagne drinking one there and taking another to hold. He gave the waiter a hefty tip and pat him on the back.

Then at last he gave his attention to everyone else, who were clearly unamused. Unpolitely, he smiled for them and raised his glass. "Those damn valet parkers. But they'll give you a run for the gas mileage!" Brian teased at his own entertainment. "I'm sorry Dave," he pulled Olivia into view, wrapping his arm around her waist, "By all means continue."

* * *

"Ladies and gentleman of New York, it is my great honor to present this award of highest achievement to my dear friend David Haden. A man whom in my opinion, is no better fit to receive this esteemed title. He has done this city a great service, so with my warmest requests I ask that you please join me in welcoming David Haden and his ant of relations, Elizabeth Donnelly." The mayor concluded, leading a hall full of people into a grand cheer.

All 250 of them clapped well after they appeared at the heart of the staircase with their glasses raised. David had a smile as big as Manhattan, Long Island and New Jersey on his face, contempt at last to be standing up there with his award. When the crowd finally settled he took a look at the mayor and said, "Jeff? Did you come up with that by yourself?"

"Course not! My secretary did."

"Your secretary? Well then if they're as _talented_ as Ms. Huntington then the 49th floor doesn't seem so bad."

"You're out of luck son. I'm told the good ones skip a floor."

"Oh. So I won't have someone like Ms. Huntington then? Well perhaps someone of Ms. Klum's caliber"

"More like Mr. Kimble."

The audience laughed at their light hearted discussion.

"Well...I certainly hope Mr. Kimble doesn't mind working long hours." David continued to joke. "No but uh, seriously. I can't thank you enough for this incredible gift. It has been an absolute pleasure to work with all of you, you've all taught me so much about what it really means to be successful and honest. A gift, I believe that is priceless in every way. So please believe me when I tell you that this award is much more than a statement of recognition. It's a beacon of hope and light. A guide for a bigger, and brighter future. So let it be no surprise when I dedicate this reception to the most amazing woman I know. I couldn't have done it, wouldn't have done it with out her. This is to you Lizzie." David kissed the side of her cheek while the cheers were high.

Elizabeth dazzled and gleamed with pride for him. She was quick to wipe her tears before facing the audience once again. "And t-

He was interrupted. The doors to the hall could be heard opening and slamming shut and vulgar silence had followed. There was some clatter in the back of the room and then he saw them. Olivia standing at _his_ side, supporting his unnatural frolicking. Even from where he stood he could see the sly grin on Brian's face and to be honest, David had half a mind to wipe it off, but he couldn't seem to decide who he should undermine first.

Despite what Elizabeth said earlier about Olivia knowing the details of his past with Brian, he knew there wasn't a chance in hell she had the slightest clue. Even without that sort of information, however, she was well aware of his opinion of the man- if you could call him that. He began to wonder if she thought that it was funny, showing up here with him. She wanted to embarrass him, make him look like a fool in front of all those people. And for what? All because he didn't bloody-

"Those damn valet parkers. But they'll give you a run for the gas mileage!" Brian teased at his own entertainment. "I'm sorry Dave," he pulled Olivia into view, wrapping his arm around her waist, "By all means continue."

But then again. It really didn't matter anymore did it? They were over and if she was willing to stand by his side, then she was willing to fall with him too. So David stuck out his chin and nodded at them both with a fair smile of his own. If they were going all in, then so was he. It was that simple. He had nothing to lose. The upper hand was his to play, and his alone.

"And to New York. Which desires to be free, which deserves to be the apple of every man's dream, which dares to move forward at a far greater pace than it's superiors, I accept this new challenge on all accounts. May the best man win. Thank you, God bless, and good night everybody."

David was given one last round of applause though the cheer wasn't as welcome as all the others, with Brian's taunting hoots and whistles overpowering everyone else. Luckily he was spared when Jeff began to lead him out of sight, a tactic many men in David's social standing used to signal the party would continue on elsewhere to avoid the company of unwanted guests, such as Cassidy of course.

"And now, the young lad and I shall have a little chit chat about how to put a handle on Mr. Kimble!" Jeff hollered winning a few laughs before disappearing completely.

Brian kept clapping until he couldn't see David any longer. Then like a flipped switch he snapped out of it. "Hippy-ki-yay sweetness. You were perfect. Couldn't have done it better myself. Now let's get the hell out of here before I puke."

* * *

**Hey, cool it with the f bombs!**

**-Kate**


	3. Place Your Bets

He warned her. There was no turning back now, no time to brace herself for the backlash David was no doubt waiting to give. Not even as the usher escorted them into the Hotel's ball room. After making their first move at the Lincoln, David had subsequently acknowledged them, and from the looks of it, he was more than interested to hear what either of them had to say.

Though he had been preoccupied with the prestigious men and women that came out to celebrate with him, Olivia ad Brian were never far from his prying eyes. A fact Brian sought to use at his advantage. As soon as they entered the high ceilings of the grand hall, Brian kept his arm loosely slung around Olivia's waist, even as the reality of what she'd done, the incredible stupidity hit her like an axe.

She had just buried any chance she and David had to reconcile with a hatch. All that they were, everything they had was dead. Or to be more exact, everything _she_ was and everything _she_ had was dead. David never loved her. He worshiped her body, and only when it was convenient. The clarity had come to her eight months ago when she dared to ask, to whisper for more.

His response had been blunt and brutally uncanny. He left without the slightest emotion, without the smallest care, and just like that they were finished, because _they_, for David meant only one thing- sex. Hot, hungry, insatiable sex to no end. Just thinking about it- David- her body ached for him, for the release only he could give. It was clear the craving was still there, and like a splinter the slightest touch would have done irrevocable damage.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The familiar voice sent a spine tingling chill down Olivia's back. _David_. She stiffened despite herself, the hair rising on her nape. Slowly she turned to face him, her body temperature shifting from the highest boiling point to the coldest degree. Since his acceptance speech she'd felt the tension between them miles away but now he was within a foot of her and he couldn't have been more reproachable.

He was a stranger. Everything about him, everything she knew so well about him was gone. She hardly recognized him. In fact, had it not been for his voice- the same voice that used to whisper her name, the voice that used to tell her how beautiful she was- she wouldn't have recognized him at all. His usually fair skin had been traded in for a much more refined tan. Had he vacationed? Gone off and spent his nights with some third class form of entertainment? Who knew?

He could have been with anyone these days. Between his perfectly tailored suit and his hard features so elegantly redefined it was difficult for any woman or man to resist. His dark hair was more polished. Even his height was more intimidating with the iron muscle he accumulated, but there were other things too. Traces of the man she loved that were still left behind. His eyelashes were still thick and long, and his mouth that so rarely smiled and kissed so wondrously was the same irresistible curve.

She was nauseous. The lust for him had been as overwhelming as the pain. She tried to look away but she couldn't. She missed him too much. Missed his face, his scent, his presence. Everything- especially his body. She missed the way it would hold hers in the night, missed the way his hands wrapped around her wrists, missed the way he made love to her, missed his fingers tracing her skin, missed them- together.

They had sex- lots of it, but they had passion too. The hottest, most explosive, most intoxicating passion, the kind that owned you, possessed you, made you its slave. They were both adults, and they had both had partners from the past, but none of them gave what they did. None of them did what they did. Olivia was willing to bet on her life that there wasn't a man in her lifetime let alone this room that could satisfy her the way David did. Not a single person came even close. Nothing in her life felt as good as David with her, against her, inside her and nothing had ever felt so awful as David leaving her, but after tonight she would soon learn different.

"Nice to see you too," Brian said, dismissing the intense silence.

"Don't patronize me." David replied, ignoring Olivia completely. She wasn't surprised. Once David moved on he didn't bother looking back. "You have two minutes to see yourself out. Have some decency for once in your pathetic life and leave before I cause a scene."

"You know, I wish I could, but you see I received a personal invitation-

"Not from me." David spat.

"Clearly. Believe it or not, there are some people in this city that actually like me." Brian answered taking another mocking sip of his champagne. David scoffed disbelievingly. "I know. I'm a bit flattered myself, but the point is D-dog, we're not leaving until the party's over and unless I'm mistaken it's still cocktail hour. We've gotta three course meal ahead of us, and lets not forget desert."

David was still while he mentally calculated how long it would take to beat Brian to death with his bare hands, but his surroundings provoked him to behave otherwise.

"Then you must please excuse my rudeness. By all means, drink, eat, choke on the goddamn hors d'oeuvres for all I care, but if the thought of crossing paths with me again should ever cross your mind, just remember it'll be the last time your cross paths with anyone."

That shut him up. Dissolving the matter with a last look of disgust, David diverted his attention to Olivia.

"And you...I might have known," he added softly, his voice fresh with danger. Olivia's heart stopped as David's hard gaze rested on her. The weight of it literally crushing her chest on impact. She felt him taking her in, criticizing her, trying to figure out whether she was on his side or Cassidy's, his expression completely blank and dormant compared to all the others she'd known.

Known. Knew. She was beginning to wonder if she ever really knew him at all, and the shock of seeing him again was almost too great atop everything else. She should have expected this. She should have known it would have been this way. She planned this. She'd come here to confront him but what was the point? What would it have achieved? Everything she was fighting for died long ago. There would be no peace between them, there would never be a resolution.

She loved him but he didn't care. The memory of that truth was like a knife being plunged through her heart. Had she made it so easy to forget? Had she really meant so little to him? The thoughts plagued her but her current predicament had the means to set her free. She stared straight forward, stared at the hard angles that shaped David's face. He was without tenderness and without kindness. A pity she thought. There were no words for him.

"Oh right. I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce you sweetie." Brian said, pulling her a little closer and kissing her temple. "Dick, this is my fiance Olivia Benson. You guys've met right? Didn't you work together on that big Pena case?" David clenched his jaw unamused and utterly disgusted. "Must have been nice huh sweetheart?" Neither of them said a word.

Brian intended for his words to inflict some sort of reaction but David wasn't paying him any mind. He was fixed on Olivia. "You're really here with him?" He inquired, his deep voice dropping even lower.

Brian came in between them annoyed that he wasn't getting any attention. "You gotta problem with that?"

"I'm not talking to you." David answered, his eyes never leaving Olivia's face. "I want to hear it from her."

Olivia inhaled softly and reminded herself to be strong. "Why?" She had meant to be loud and insinuating but she had let little more than a whisper out. Her mouth was suddenly too dry and her heart hammered too hard but she was interested no less. David never expressed why he hated Brian so fiercely and at this point she didn't care. She wasn't there for that, she was there for them. "You walked away from me remember? You moved on and so did I."

A small smile flashed David's face but it wasn't pleasant by any means. "Fair enough. You're a more than capable woman, you deserve to be happy, but why Cassidy? 8 million people in New York and you mean to tell me you couldn't find anything better than that?"

"No. I couldn't, but I have to admit knowing how you felt for him was a bonus." She smiled brazenly, hiding her pain, concealing her true emotions. David silently cursed her. Cursed her with so much anger he was sure she could read every name he called her on his forehead.

"Well then I certainly hope you know what you're getting yourself into. Despite what I may think, Brian and I aren't so different. I would not expect his interest to last."

She wasn't prepared for that. Is that why it was so easy for him? Had he lost interest? Had he lost it long before she asked him to consider something else? Were the last few days purely just out of courtesy to her? Did he feel like he owed her a favor? He cut her deep. Broke her down and made her weak again. She didn't know where to begin or what to say but Brian did.

"No. No my pumpkin's different. We're going the whole way. 'Til death do us part." Brian raised a toast to which David hit it out of his hand. The glass shattered on the floor at Olivia's feet, but she didn't notice. She was too busy eyeing David. He was dangerously close to his breaking point and from the looks of it about ready to kick Brian's teeth in.

"David?" She said softly. The blood rushed from his face and he recomposed himself. Then without another word he turned away but not before looking at her one last time. She saw his features, so naked, so savage that her heart pounded faster. He was falling apart right in front of her eyes. Something they said, something they did made him this way and she wanted to take it back. She wasn't ready for this, didn't know how she let it get this far. She had meant to hurt him but not this deeply.

This was wrong. She couldn't do it anymore. It was bad enough to suffer, but to put that on someone else was an evil so unlike anything she had ever experienced, that for the first time she felt like she was her father's daughter. There was awful crack in her chest and suddenly she didn't feel so strong, or so tough. She too was falling apart, yet again. The pain that she disabled had returned full force, crippling her from the inside out.

He had been such a strong man. Fierce, unflinching, dominating, controlling, surprisingly protective and incredibly contempt. Those were the qualities that attracted her to him. Now before her, he stood little more than a fraction of those things.

"For what it's worth, there's something I think you should know," he said quietly, oblivious to all but her. "I may not have been able to fulfill the promise you asked of me when we last spoke, but I promise you this if it is the last thing I do, I _will_ make you pay for what you've done."

David's stomach churned when he saw Olivia's face turn a flush crimson. Despite the burning thoughts in his head, or the anger in his heart, it had been an absolute nightmare to think this was the woman he'd once wanted more than all others. To think that there was a time when he trusted her and yet, under his anger, below his rage he still felt the impact of her beauty, her sensuality, her curves ripe and full. Her lace dress molding her breasts, skimming her hips, playing up her golden skin, her hair and eyes a striking dark bronze.

She didn't need makeup to be beautiful. She didn't need clothes or jewelry, nothing in the world would have made Olivia Benson more feminine or seductive than she already was.

"No. I've paid enough. I don't owe you anything." Olivia shot back, stepping up to him, pointing the finger, revealing more than she probably should have. They hadn't been this close to each other in months. David frowned at her, lividly reading the hints she unintentionally gave. What was she saying? Did she honestly believe that he was the one at fault for how things ended between them? He couldn't tell, but he noticed her grip her wineglass tighter, her lips parting, her quick breath. He nearly reached out and rubbed the lipstick off her lips, wanting to feel her skin again, wanting to make her his again.

She was his. Not Brian's. Brian was trash and Olivia had been trash for coming here with him, but he couldn't bring himself to see her that way. He still saw her as his woman. His alone to touch and hold. There was no other way to think of her. She was his, only his.

"But you do," he answered, remembering the way she looked in his bed, the way she felt beneath him, how he could never get enough of her, how he would reach for her three and four times in a night, night after night.

"I know you," David insisted. Olivia's wineglass was slipping in the palm of her hand, her own skin melting under the fire in his eyes. She was unconventionally at odds with herself. Depending on what he said or would say she changed her footing to stay in tune with him. Having changed so many times since this morning, she couldn't remember if she wanted to fix things with him or spit in his face- that was an issue considering she was still so attracted to him. Was she chasing him now? She was. _Chasing._ God, what a mess. She'd lost her mind completely.

She saw his gaze drop, sliding over her, intimately examining her face, the arch of her neck and down further where her breasts would have been exposed had it not been for the cut of her dress. He still wanted her body, still fantasized about her. It was obvious. Watching him, behind her misty eyes Olivia grinned. _Still David? __After all this time..._ Still, but he longed for her body alone. He did not long for her.

This was it. This was the moment she'd been waiting for. Closure. Finally at last. She could take it and be gone with it. She tilted her head, smiling still. "You knew the old me, but you don't know me anymore."

His dark gaze met hers. "Have you changed?"

"I'm not with you anymore am I?"

"You would be if you could." The cunning grin fell from her face. He was right of course. If she hadn't gone against their agreement they'd still be together. If he hadn't left her she'd still be with him- but he did and he destroyed everything they were. That was something she couldn't forgive nor would she.

"I hate you," she replied. The words cutting her in the process.

"I'm not surprised." Was he ever? She blinked, gathered her composure, stepped away and retreated to Brian who was watching the whole thing with pleasure.

"Come on honey. Let's get a drink." Olivia smiled, linking her arm in Brian's. She kept her head held high and focused on the lights around the room to keep herself from breaking down. She should have anticipated how hard this would be, but there was no way she could have prepared herself for any of it. Brian began to lead the way when David caught her hand.

"If you're thirsty, Brian will get you something to drink. I'm not finished with you yet." David said.

"Oh I think you are. If I remember correctly you couldn't wait to be finished." Olivia replied just as rash as he was.

"And if I remember correctly, it was you who made that choice. Don't tell me you've come here to parade that idiot in front of me." Brian's eyebrow arched unbeknownst to the quarreling pair in front of him.

"But I have. I wanted you to see how much better I did, how much happier I am without you." It was coming out now. Everything was spilling out of her throat. Memories rushing down her chin of love and loss, memories of him, memories of the midnight trip to the hospital, memories of pain and loneliness.

David chuckled. "He may make you happier, but never think you did better."

"You're pathetic. Brian is twice the man you'll ever be. At least with him I'm not locked up in a hotel suite like I'm sort of room service."

He was done up again. Hot as a furnace. He was like some giant volcano getting ready to erupt. Hot, fiery spics of lava rained around him. He was so tense that Brian got nervous.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go...whatever." Brian announced walking away, suddenly helpful to the situation.

"Your fiance doesn't seem interested in protecting you." David said behind clenched teeth.

"From what? You? You've already done your worst David. I think I can handle it."

"My worst? Darling you haven't seen it."

Just then a roar of clapping took off around them and the spotlight hit them both off guard. People were cheering them on as the band started to play something interesting. David smiled for appearances sake and then clenched Olivia's hand so tightly that she gasped. He lead her out onto the dance floor and the spotlight went away. The clapping went on until he finally drew her near.

Olivia went light headed the moment David rested his hand on her back. He pressed his hand into her with strained force, but his efforts were balanced by her resistant push on his shoulder. To everyone else they looked like a lovely couple with an interesting chemistry but they had no idea how interesting it was. Softly, he began to sway her, all the while staring down at her and she staring up at him.

He squeezed her hand even tighter to wan off the effect of perfume, completely unaware of how much he was hurting her. Not that he cared if he did at this point. This affair she thought she thought she had control over was dangerous. There was risk on both ends and the stakes were raised.

"So, what _are_ you doing here?" He said low enough for only her to hear.

"You know why-

"Don't insult me. Tell me the truth."

Olivia laughed in his arms. Her heart thudded hard and fast. Her insides were hot and tight, tender and bruised. She felt absolutely turned out and exposed. Her loss of control was overwhelming. She needed peace. Craved it to no end. She'd never been so desperate in her life. But with David there was no peace.

"Or don't you know? Has he kept you so in the dark about everything?"

Olivia scoffed. "Hardly."

"So he has. I warned you that he and I aren't so different. You came here on your own merit tonight. I know it. Because if you knew the truth about he and I you wouldn't be seen standing within a mile of him." There it was again. That past. The past she knew nothing about, but would pretend to, to put salt on the wound.

"I know everything. Down to the last detail."

"Then tell me. What's the story hm?" Her mouth opened, and then shut. She hated him. Hated him. How did she ever manage to share intimacy with him? Was her head so fogged by the sexual relationship they had? Is that what defined them? It was the passion that made her believe they were more. The things they did, the things they shared in bed that ever made her _think_ they could be more. Now she wondered at all if they had ever truly been something.

"Are you really with him Liv?" _Liv._ He hadn't called her that in months. He'd whisper it at night, when he touched her, made love to her. _Liv. _The first time he referred to her at all tonight and she was close. Really close. She stopped resisting him when she began to think about her reasons for being there in the first place, and he in turn had stopped forcing her. They were relaxed, at ease- and close. Dangerously close. There was so much tension, so much heat, that the tailored barriers between them felt as though they had melted away. They could feel each other.

He could feel her hardened nipples crushed against his chest, the soft skin that wrapped her curves underneath her dress. In contrast she could feel the ridges of his muscles, the stiff character of his torso nudging her middle. Dangerous. She blinked holding back the grief straining to flow from her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Yes," she sighed. She focused on his lips to afraid to look him in the eyes. "We're engaged."

"When?" Olivia met his glare again, surprised to find jealousy there.

"March," she said even softer. The song was over and a new one, one much quicker had started, but they continued to sway as if they were the only two in the room.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked. He was being blunt and innocent all at the same time. He truly wanted to know, as if he could somehow change the inevitable.

"Because...I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and without a family. Brian he- he proposed. He offered me everything I've ever wanted, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I passed up the only chance I had to be happy."

"Only?" David pressed.

"My first and last." Olivia admitted. "I was tired of thinking I wasn't good enough, or that I didn't deserve to have what everyone else does because I take my job too seriously or my genes too slightly. So I said yes. We're getting married on March 30th in Rhode Island."

The blood fled from his face. "March 30th...Rhode Island..." he repeated.

"That's the plan. I only six months to get ready for it but-

"Why the 30th?" David interrupted.

"Brian said-

"What?" David looked like he'd seen a ghost. So fixed were his eyes on her lips that he truly believed he could receive the information before she actually said anything.

"The date was special to him...a lucky day." They came to a halt and David ungracefully detached her from him. _She did know._

"I hope you live long enough to enjoy your life together. You two really deserve each other. I really don't think there's a better guy out there for you." David said. And like he did so harmfully before, he walked away.

* * *

**Do you think she _knows_? I don't think she knows, but maybe. We'll have to see. ;) Coming up, David pushes Olivia to a point of no return and she gets a chance to get some answers of her own. And another heads up, next chapter will contain some material that some readers may consider to be M. Discretion is advised.**


	4. Tempt Me

She'd done her part. She held up her end of the deal and hurt David in the process. She wouldn't have called it closure exactly, but in her cards they were even. Now all she had to do was walk away. It was supposed to be that simple, but anything that had to do with David was never simple. He waited until the end to fill her with doubt. A smart move on his part, because she, no doubt would follow him.

For months she believed he didn't care. His words, his actions had all paid tribute to that, but the tone of his voice had betrayed him and she suddenly had to know. Needed to. She budged through every man and woman in her way until she reached the lobby. It was quieter out there. The french doors behind them seemed to suppress all sound from the party, acting as somewhat of a dramatic backdrop to the show they were about to put on.

"Hey!" she called out after him.

"You don't stop do you?" David answered in a far more appropriate tone, while continuing to walk away.

"You think I want to keep this going all night?" Olivia protested.

"You certainly don't have any plans to stop so far."

"I didn't come here to argue with you-

"No. I'm still not entirely sure why you are here." David said finally facing her. "You're engaged to Brian, where he goes you follow, but you knew I would be here. Why come, knowing what it would provoke? Did you honestly mean to torture yourself for all hours of the night just so you could tell me you moved on? I expected you to. What was so important that you had to come all this way to see me for?"

"There were things I needed to see for myself. Things I needed to hear you say."

"What things?"

"Things like why I-" her voice broke, and the words failed her. She took a deep breath, shaky as it was, and found the strength she needed to go on. "Wasn't enough. Why I didn't deserve to have more." _Oops_. She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. She had said too much and far too soon and he knew it. She could tell by the change in his demeanor. In a matter of moments he'd gone from hot and enumerated to cold and carefree. He sighed with relief and finally gave himself the respect to breathe. He could think clearly now and he had some questions of his own.

"You're not getting married are you?" Olivia opened her mouth to protest, but he beat her to it. "You want to play games with me Olivia? Is that it? Did you get to laugh with him behind my back?" Olivia's pulse leapt wildly as David leaned into her with every ridiculous insinuation he made.

"No," she fought back.

"No what? No you didn't laugh at me or no you're not getting married? Whichever you decide you're gonna have a hard time convincing me of either."

"No I didn't laugh at you and quite frankly I don't care what you believe. Whether you like it or not, Brian and I are getting married."

A muscle pulled in David's jaw. "Then why?"

"I wanted to see what you wouldn't share with me! Look me in the face and tell me why you didn't stay!" Olivia shouted. She didn't care who saw them, or who heard. She wanted the entire world to see him for what he was; a self-centered, inconsiderate bastard.

"We had an agreement." David answered in a threatening tone.

"Oh? The same one you have with Kim?" Kim Greylak. She was the rebound job, David picked up after they split. Olivia could still remember the day she found out about them. Wouldn't forget until the day she died and she left the miserable world David exiled her to. She could still feel the pain she suffered and the hell it sent her to. Everything she did, everything she said was justified by that memory, and just like everything else it was illegitimate as far as David was concerned.

"I'm warning you Olivia." David didn't take humiliation lightly

"Come on David. Make me understand." She was playing this like an interrogation, but she forgot about what happens when you push the wrong button.

"We had sex Olivia! It was sex! You knew there were no strings attached! I told you that from the beginning! That was the arrangement! You knew! You knew and you did it anyway!" David yelled.

It should have been enough for both of them but it wasn't. Not nearly enough. Some couples could manage it, but they weren't some couples and they didn't just have sex. If David didn't want to admit then Olivia did. From the first time they made love she wanted more, felt more, needed more. David made her crave everything. He filled the empty spaces Elliot and her mother dug out and he gave her something beautiful instead. He gave her a connection. The kind that binds two people together.

It was a drug to her. How could she let it go? She depended on it. She needed it like oxygen. She needed it just to breathe. During their time together he had made her so happy. The entire affair was an adventure to her. It was fun. The desire, the risks, the endless possibilities. Excitement alone was enough to sweep her off her feet. And he'd been swept too. He was willing. He'd been just as eager as she was, if not more. And how different their experiences had been!

He buried his emotions before they got exposed. He emptied himself in her and he didn't look back. She, on the other hand, had to hold him. She cradled his body, contained his passion. And when it was over there had been traces left behind making it impossible to forget. She would never forget because they didn't just have sex. Maybe that's what it started out as, but sooner than later it had turned into lovemaking, and the more they made love, the more Olivia wanted to be loved. That's what she wanted. Forget about physical pleasure. There was more...

"Just sex…" Olivia repeated numbly. His declaration had outright smacked her in the face. She could feel the harsh sting of them and the tingling sensations raw on her cheek. _Just sex_. And theirs had been nothing shy of perfection. She couldn't look at him anymore, even as his dark eyes challenged her.

"You knew."

"So did you," she answered and he didn't respond. Neither of them could hold the weight of those words.

"Excuse me sir? I've been asked to give this to you," the footman informed, handing David a small note.

"Who's it from?"

"Ms. Greylak."

"Tell her to wait." David ordered without looking at the note, his full attention fixed on Olivia.

"Yes sir,"

"Why did you do that?" Olivia waited until they were alone again to ask.

"Because it just occurred to me how much we've changed in the last eight months. You're different. I don't you know who you are anymore."

"I don't think you ever did."

"We spent two and a half years together." She knew exactly how long they'd been together, could remember the first night so clearly. They had something good and he hadn't cared. All he cared about was sex. That was all he knew which was a pity because she knew so much about him. She took her time to learn what she could; like how he liked his eggs, which side of the bed he slept on, what kind of toothpaste he used, his favorite sports teams. She knew him. _Knew_, and that was all the reason she needed to let him go.

Even if he hadn't known who she was before, he had been right about how much she'd changed. They weren't compatible anymore. She was free to leave it all behind and start a new life. She didn't have to worry about would ifs, or should haves- it was over. Without moving she focused on the lives of others around her, a small smile appearing on her face. Annoyed that she was ignoring him, and curious about what had so easily changed her mood, David followed her wondering eyes and found them resting on what he believed was Brian.

He blew a shot of disgust from the roof of his mouth and shook his head. _An absolute fucking nightmare. _"When did you start seeing him?" And the smile was gone. Her brow creased and she pretended to remember. "March? April?"

His expression grew darker. "We were still together in March."

"April then."

"You didn't waste anytime," he taunted brutally.

She drew her eyes up to meet him but he was harboring over Brian. _Waste any time?_ She silently repeated. Is that what it was supposed to be called? The bitter after taste of grief? The discovery that she was pregnant? Oblivious to him, she remembered how he left. How she asked him for more- for a relationship that lived outside her apartment. How he left her bed in the middle of the night and walked out of her apartment just before the sun came up. She could still feel the mattress breathing beneath her face as soon as his weight was lifted from the other side.

She could still remember the sight of him dressing in front the window next to her bed and the smell of spearmint toothpaste lingering in her bathroom. She could still here her front door shutting and the joy that came three weeks later when she realized she was late. She smiled thinking about it, despite the tight feeling in her chest that made it hard to breathe, she could still remember how beautiful that gift was. _Another lifetime it would seem..._

"You weren't coming back, and Brian treated me well…" She let her voice drift off, allowing him to fill in the rest. "I won't ask you now, but I hope you'll be happy for us one day."

"Happy for you?" _She was kidding right? _

"We want you to come to the wedding-"

He was fast. His hand cuffed her upper arm, his fingers tighter than they'd ever been, while he dragged her like a madman out of sight. The closest escape had been down the service hallway to the unknown. Olivia was motionless while he recklessly tried to open one door after another, finally succeeding with the storage room. He opened it wide before shoving her in and following her close behind.

Olivia stumbled back into the towel rack watching him barricade the door. Thrilling as it was, it felt like used to. He made her feel things she'd never felt before and at the most unexpected times too. It ranged from lust, to hurt, agony to love- but never fear or violence. He didn't need to be violent. Not when his touch had been so effective- enslaving. He owned her just by knowing her body. One touch on her breast, one kiss on the side of her neck, one leg between her own and she was gone- but that was the old David. She didn't know what to expect with this one.

He whipped his belt off and tied it from the door nob to a near by rack of pillows and sheets. Then like a man possessed he went after her. He slammed her body back up against the towel rack, pressed his body into hers, his knee parting her legs so wide she felt exposed. _No. Not now. God please, not now! _She was so close to finally being free of him, so close to-

"Don't marry him," he said. _Don't marry him, he said._ One hand was locked around her jaw while the other towered above her gripping a shelf for support, his eyes fixed on her lips. It might have worked if he'd done this ten minutes earlier but instead he'd acted ten minutes late. She could think straight for once. If this had been any other time he would have been inside her by now but it wasn't any other time. She could hear him- what he said.

_Don't marry him_. Why not? Not that she ever had any real intentions to, the point was that he believed she did. He believed it so much that he had gone to great lengths- old lengths, to stop her. But why? He would never marry her- didn't want to. What was the point in stopping her? She wasn't going back to that- to them again. Wouldn't dream of it.

"No," she said with every ounce of resistance in her body.

"No." He leaned against her, his chest roughly crushing her breasts, pinning her beneath him. "He doesn't love you."

"And you do?"

"More than you think."

"You're out of your mind." David lost his control. He let go of her face, unclipped the rest of her hair, and snaked his hand into the loose waves, grabbing thick strands to pull.

"How is he in bed?"

"Like you've said all night- the two of you are more alike than I thought."

"But you don't have what you had with me."

"Don't flatter yourself. We were just sex remember?"

"No."

"He's different then you."

"No."

"I belong to him David. He owns me." She was dousing the fire with gasoline.

"No you belong to me." His hand gripped her breast. "This is mine," he whispered.

"Not anymore," she retorted.

He drove down low, stopping at the hilt of her lower torso. "This is mine."

"It's his now."

"He doesn't know how to touch you."

"You'd be surprised," she answered, tensing as he leisurely stroked her hip.

"Surprised…." he repeated, letting his hand fall between her legs, touching her intimately, possessively, his palm covering the edge of her thighs. Olivia's breathing hitched as he moved even closer still. "And this is mine." His fingers hooked under the straps of her lace underwear. "To do what I please…" he pulled them down only slightly, "However I please." The heat of his hand warm against her core was so physically taxing that her head began to spin and her legs began to tremble, but her answer had been the same.

"No."

But he didn't remove his hand. Instead he pressed his palm up, rocking the tip of his wrist against her softness, against the growing dampness, rocking against the sensitive small ridge where every nerve seemed to ache.

"He doesn't do this to you. He can't."

"You're right. He doesn't do this to me. He does better," she replied breathlessly.

"You want me to make you beg don't you?" She was torn between fascination and fear. He was so different- no desperate. That was the word.

"You can try," she challenged.

"Have you ever been unfaithful to him?" He wondered out loud.

The heat was growing inside her, intensive, consuming. "No," she sighed.

"You're getting close now."

"Stop David."

"So you can go to him?" If only he know how the thought sickened her.

"Please." Another sigh, a word whispered in such a frenzy that it pushed him beyond the point of reason. He reached for the hem of her dress, bunching the gentle fabric into folds to find her bare thighs beneath. He yanked the lace garment between them and protruded his fingers on her. Her mouth parted in a silent gasp. She reached for him, grabbing at him for support.

She needed it, she could feel herself getting emotionally involved. Just a touch and she wanted him, needed him, loved him. She shuddered. This wasn't supposed to happen, shouldn't have happened, but it was. He slowly caressed her along the seam of her core and then further in between. She started to pant, overwhelmed by the sensation. He was teasing her, forcing her to remember what it was like, making her his again.

She arched against his hand, which made her feel everything though he was doing so little. And then he slowly slid his finger inside her, inflicting the lust on her against her will. _More_, she thought wildly. _More._ But he was in no rush- had no plans to just get it over and done with. He took his time, enjoyed her reaction, almost surprised by the beads of sweat near her brow, almost surprised by how she pressed for more.

A glint of triumph surfaced in his eyes. Only he knew how make her feel loved, and where she wanted to be touched. He knew her body better than she did, and now he knew how badly she still wanted him. He stroked her deeply again, inflaming all of her senses and yet holding her back from him completely. He refused to let her torment him the same. Eight months was a death sentence. She'd let him take her if that's what he wanted, but only because that's what she wanted to.

Given the circumstances, it was shameful, but it was always like that between them- so bare, so raw. The door handle that David locked started to jiggle. Olivia struggled, felt David's lips on her neck, the nip of teeth, the thrill of someone outside the door.

"Someone's coming," she choked, her body throbbing as he stroked harder and faster.

"So are you." She shivered as his finger worked inside her and his thumb began to flick over her even more tender skin.

"Stop David. Please."

"Tell him the truth baby."

And she closed her eyes afraid to face the humiliation when they finally would be caught. "Please."

"Let them see. Let them see how you belong to me," David whispered in a rough mocking tone. They were using keys now and as much as he wanted to see that look on her face. That look that let him know she was over and done, he let her go. His absence so abrupt that she gasped in tremor. He let her slide back down on her own two feet, even slipped her lace panty back on. Then he stepped away, almost ashamed at what he'd done. Both of them were breathless and an absolute mess.

"What on earth are you doing in here?" the head master inquired finally breaking through David's attempts to keep whomever out. Neither of them replied, each were trying to read one another's eyes.

"Towels." David said without looking to face the man.

"I do beg your pardon sir?"

"I need fresh towels. Have them delivered to the presidential suite."

"I'd be happy to inform one of the maids sir, but mind your own and stay out of this hall. This is for service only."

"There you are!" Brian exclaimed. "Jesus baby, I've been lookin all over for you." He pushed past the headmaster and small bunch of maids to take Olivia's hand.

"Excuse me sir! You are unauthorized personnel. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Hey! Cool it!" Brian yelled back. "You finished?" He asked more seriously to Olivia. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"She's all yours." David replied for her. Olivia clenched the shelf behind her, legs quaking as she watched David walk away. He looked half insane. Deadly. As if he'd break the person who'd so much as look at him. They followed him out into the hallway and began to walk back to the party.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything important." Brian said to Olivia though loud enough for David to catch. "What did he say?" She turned her head and looked at Brian but she couldn't see him, couldn't see anything but the haze of lust and love that previously consumed her. He was right. He still had control over him, and she was still his. Maybe she'd always be. Maybe there wasn't an escape. "He looked like he was going to murder someone. Did you argue?"

"Yes."

"Good. Fix your hair. You looked like you've just had the fuck of your life." Brian said before walking away.

* * *

**Coming up next, we tell you what's going on! And of course- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARISKA!**


	5. Bluff

Olivia returned in full form just ten minutes later. All traces of David and what he did to her had completely vanished. In a visual sense she was completely untouched, but if you were to look in her eyes, be it brief or long term, you could see what an unstable mess she'd become. She sighed heavily, loathing the idea of sitting next to Brian of all people at a time like this. She wanted to be as far away from him as possible- or just someplace different than his side.

She sat next to him and had her glass of wine, wondering just where she'd rather be. With _him_ of course. Only him. Always. Looking for David now, she could see him in the center of the room. His tall, masculine build overpowering the gentlemen with whom he spoke. He was so invulnerable, so unaffected. Not her or anything they'd said in the last half hour put any real change in him.

They'd lost sight of each other only ten minutes and there he was, laughing without a care in the world. His arm so naturally pressed against Kim Greylak's slender form. She couldn't watch for more than a flint second. The damage he'd caused- they'd caused was killing her. So many emotions pin pricked her mind. Regret. Desire. Envy. Rage. Madness. Love. It had to stop. She took a deep breath to release some of the pressure in her head and tried to make herself comfortable. It was going to be a long night.

"Did you know this is a weekend thing?" Brian asked while he meticulously picked dirt from under his nails with a dinner knife. Olivia didn't reply. "Three whole days...a lot can happen in three days don't you think?" Nothing. "Hey? You alright? You look like you could use a minute." Brian said with the slightest bit of concern. Not for her of course. He was worried that she wasn't going to be able to go through with it. That she didn't want to go through with it.

"I'm fine. Thanks." Olivia replied.

"You sure you don't want to go up to the room, lay down for a minute? Dinner's not for another two hours." He pressed.

"Why the 30th?" Olivia asked, avoiding his question.

"What?"

"The 30th. You wanted me to tell him that we're getting married on March 30th. Why?" Despite their situation, Brian liked Olivia- still liked Olivia. She made things so interesting. He leaned into her, moving a bit of hair from her shoulder so he could whisper in her ear, smell the light scent of her that drove him crazy. Olivia tensed at his touch and shivered at the feeling of his breath on her.

"It's our anniversary." Brian whispered. "David and I...we had a little dispute. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Over what?"

Brian laughed at her mockingly. He admired her sudden interest, but he didn't really care to satisfy her. "You'll know soon enough. I don't want to spoil all the fun." He laughed some more and threw back another drink, uncaring that it belonged to someone else. He ground a heavy load of ice in his teeth while he stared at his supposed target of interest. "I would have paid a lot of money to see his face when you told him. A lot of fucking money."

Olivia blinked at him with significant awe. Why had she ever agreed to come here with him? Why did she ever consider being apart of this? _David._ Right. Something about getting even- and then it was about getting answers. Whatever the case, she got what she came for. It didn't change anything, so she obviously wondered if it was worth it. Brian seemed to think it was. He was enjoying every minute of it.

"Don't look so glum. My favorite part's coming up."

"Let me know how it goes."

"Where are you going?"

"Home," Olivia said flatly, rising to take her leave.

"To what? To who? You walk out now and she'll win."

"Fine. He's happy anyway. He doesn't need me."

"No. But you need him." She stopped a moment. That part was true, but she didn't have it in her to fight anymore. It was all clear to her now. David chose different. She wasn't good enough to be seen in public with. And at the peak of their most recent passion he'd only been too happy to throw her on Brian. _She's all yours, _he said. Those words...how he said it...They hurt her so much. She just wanted to go. So much of it had seemed like another lifetime, perhaps now she could start to believe it too.

"Not anymore."

Brian got up too, visibly angry but smart enough not to show it. "Yes. You. Do."

"I'm going upstairs to get my things and then I'm going. I've had enough," Olivia replied.

"Too bad, I'm not finished yet. For the next three days, you're playing for me. So you better make a move and pull your shit together because I don't have time for screw ups." His voice was dangerously low and serious with every threat. "You have one hour, make it count." Olivia was pale as a sheet. She refused to look at him. Refused to hear anything he would say. She was on autopilot, and it was like this that she began to leave him behind.

"And Olivia?" She had stopped but she didn't give him the courtesy of looking back. "Don't forget which side your on. I would hate to be your enemy."

* * *

Olivia stared at the door until her eyes burned. The silence that embarked on her when she finally escaped to her suite, had reminded her of how completely and utterly alone she was. The door reminded her of all the times David had made love to her and then dressed and walked out without so much as a glance. In her own bed she'd sat up and watched him leave, feeling sick inside, feeling like she'd made a deal with the devil.

Of course when there was a deal to be made, she'd never imagined it would get this far. So she consented to his conditions- No commitments, No scenes, No strings- without ever considering their possibility. Even worse, were all the other conditions that weren't said but so harshly implied. With David there would be No relationship, No marriage, No children, No family functions, No engagements to attend as a couple, No vacations to private getaways. It was a bitter arrangement, one so one-sided that she'd suffocated dying a little more each day.

Even a year prior to confronting David, Olivia had known she couldn't live like that, like _this, _with so little, with being treated like so little...

"Still naked I see." Brian smirked as he walked in on her. Olivia rolled her eyes at how immature he was, ignoring his comment. She continued to brush her wet hair, and paid him absolutely no mind. "Hey Liv, gotta towel?" He pressed, threatening to take the one she was so expertly wrapped in.

"Hey. Knock it off."

"Aw come on babe. I've seen you before." Brian teased sarcastically. Olivia pushed him away, hitting him hard on his bare chest. "If you like it rough, I have no objections." He confessed, finally leaving her be to eat some of the strawberries he ordered up to the room. Olivia shook her head in disgust and wondered how in the hell David had ever been in the same room with him.

"How did you meet Haden?" she asked, again avoiding his snark comments.

"A case few years back."

"What case?"

"You know you really ask a lot of questions."

"I'm a cop." Olivia reminded him.

"Yeah, but when did you decide to start acting like one?" She stared at him clearly waiting for an answer. He sighed, exasperated over the topic. "It was a few years ago. So what?" He replied stuffing another strawberry in his mouth.

"What happened?"

Brian threw the last piece of fruit in his hand back on the platter and walked over to her, sheer rage burned in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but there was a knock on the door. He shot her a threatening glare and opened the door.

"What do you want?" Brian answered unamused by David's presence outside his door. He flexed his muscles and perched his shoulder up against the opened door frame.

"This is Olivia's room." David answered thickly.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's the Cassidy suite." Brian taunted, weak in his attempts to hide his smile. David bit his tongue, and caught a glimpse of Olivia in the background tying a knot in her bath robe. He stared at her disapprovingly until her own faulty gaze cowered off.

"Pack your things. You're not staying here." Olivia peered at him curiously, standing next to Brian.

"Why not? This is the room that was given to me. The room given to _us_," Olivia said as if it were the most logical thing in the world for her and Brian to be together.

"My fourteen year old niece and her friend are staying next door and I'd really rather that they not over here your _plans_ for tonight."

"If you're referring to me banging the hell out of my fiance, I wouldn't get too sensitive. Liv's a good girl, she knows how to keep quiet."

David scoffed, "Olivia? Quiet? You must be doing something wrong."

Brian clenched his jaw. "Then we'll both go." Brian said coarsely.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible. Olivia will be sharing a room with my sister from now on, so unless you have plans to miss out on this weekends excursions I suggest you step aside."

"No need. Baby, book us in at another hotel." Brian ordered, though his rigid glare remained on David.

"During this event? You'll be lucky if you can get a drink at the bar let alone a room."

"We'll take our chances."

"No. He's right. We'll never find a place." Olivia said quietly.

"Where are your things?" David pressed.

"In the room. I don't have much."

"Get dressed, you're coming with me. "

"Where are you moving her?" Brian asked thickly.

"If you're concerned about her well being, I wouldn't worry to much. Her room's right next door to mine. She'll be in good hands." David promised with a cocky grin. "Ready?" He asked just as Olivia reappeared in the doorway. She nodded. He took her bag. "Let's go." With her by his side, David finally took his leave, heading for the elevator. Neither of them so much as flinched when Brian slammed the door shut behind them.

The walk to the elevator carried the most awkward silence Olivia had ever felt. For two people who shared so much to suddenly pretend like it didn't matter, was a strange feeling with unsettling emotions. And his stand-offish demeanor didn't seem to help either. Everything about him seemed untouchable and distant. It wasn't until they were safely in the elevator that the tension seemed to simmer down.

"I came to apologize," he said stiffly. She stared at him suddenly fully aware of his feelings, the intensity, the attraction. "It shouldn't have happened. It was wrong of me to- do what I did." Was an apology the same as asking for forgiveness? No. And he knew it. Asking for forgiveness would meant that he cared about whatever they were at this point, and David wasn't the man who cared about anything of the sort.

Her eyes searched the pale shadow of his face, trying to figure out what exactly he meant to say, but he was far too good at this game. "It's been a long time...but it can't happen again. Ever," she answered just as stiffly. The elevator came to a hault and the doors opened. Olivia started to move but David pushed her back, pressing a firm hand to her middle. Olivia instantly went numb, her body exploded in a million tingling sensations.

"Not yet." David warned, just before a teenager with obnoxious headphones invaded their space. He didn't let her go until the kid got off only three floors further up, purposely sending rippling tides of need, hope and desire through Olivia's body. She let out an exasperated sigh when he finally let her go, and leaned up against the elevator wall as far away as possible.

_Ding...Ding...Ding..._Once again the doors opened and Olivia thought better than to take the lead. She couldn't bare his hands on her again. Wouldn't be able to take it. In truth, she was sure she'd encourage him, risk everything again, and loose control. Forget about the past. Nothing mattered when her body wash pressed against his, and his against hers.

"How's work?" he asked, stopping in front of the room that would now be hers.

"The same." But she wasn't the same, he noticed. She had changed. Changed in ways that other people wouldn't notice but he did. It had only been six months since he last saw her but she looked different. She was still beautiful, still attractive in the ways that provoked him, but her eyes, once so full of light, were dead. She looked cold, and her features were harsher then the soft ones he used to kiss.

"And at home?"

"Fine."

"Liv-

"Everybody's great, everything's fine David." David reacted so bluntly to her, that she wondered if he heard a word she said. He pushed open the door to a softly lit apartment. Beautiful wood floors, carried a detached living area and a private bedroom with a full view of the city. Olivia had to admit she was impressed. It was a hell of a lot nicer than the room she shared with Brian but it turned her off when she realized that David's sister wasn't around.

Of course she wasn't. He would never bring her anywhere near his family. It was stupid of her to think that for a moment, she could be let into the private world David so heavily protected.

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful." Olivia replied setting her things next to her bed. Everything about The James New York was beautiful. Another possession, another material to flatter or impress her with she thought. David made sure to give her the world and everything in it. Everything but him.

"Good, then you shouldn't mind me locking you in it." He had meant it to sound like a threat, but it had come out all wrong.

"As long as you're not in it when you do," Olivia answered, and was surprised to find the smallest smile on David's face.

"What about your _fiance_? You wouldn't miss him?"

"Why would I do that? You've just given us a new room."

"There isn't an _us_ with Brian. Only you and him." David said to Olivia as she pulled a dress from her things and went into the bathroom.

"Well, he and I together are a lot better than we were."

"And how's that?" David pressed, his emotions hot as he neared the open bathroom that shielded Olivia from him.

"He takes care of me. He wants me, loves me- unlike you."

"I wanted you."

"In your bed, not in your life." Olivia replied, swallowing the suffocating knot in her throat.

"Maybe, but you're delusional if you think Brian loves you."

"He doesn't have to. We're getting married. That's all I care about."

"Why?" David asked appearing in the doorway, staring at her through the mirror. She had stepped into a form fitting black dress, the zipper hanging at the upper bottom of her back, waiting to be pulled up.

"You're jealous." It was getting harder for her to keep her cool, mocking smile in place.

"Yes..." David whispered coming up behind her, his dark eyes glittering with desire. "I am jealous." His hands found themselves at rest on her waist. One moving dangerously close to the bare skin that was exposed. "I hate that you're together. I hate the idea of him touching you." His fingers brushed her skin as they went for the zipper sending a shock of goosebumps down her spine. "...And I'm afraid for you." David admitted, bringing the zipper to a tight close just above the middle of her back.

"He's using you to get to me," he went on, matching his gaze with hers in the mirror, his body pressed so slightly against hers with his hands firm on the counter.

"Then his plan is working," she whispered, her heart beating too hard against her rib cage.

"And what's yours?" Olivia was silent. She had already done what she'd came for. There really wasn't any reason for her to stick around other than to hold up her end of the deal with Brian, and there were other things that she'd rather get caught dead doing. "You're going to get hurt, Liv." he whispered in the nape of her neck.

Her heart had thudded into an ache now. "You don't know what hurt is."

"Quite the contrary darling. I've known it all my life." He looked pained as the words passed through his lips, the expression in his dark eyes mixed with anger and suffering. She couldn't look away, to familiar with the gaze to just let it pass without knowing the sorrow that he'd known, from the things he experienced but wouldn't share. Needless to say, this weekend was bringing on a lot more than she expected and the more she thought about it, the more she realized she really didn't know David at all.

Maybe that's what he meant before about not knowing who she was. He seemed to know what she liked and what would please her, but he knew nothing at all about everything else; including her dysfunctional relationship with her late mother, or any of the crazy things she'd been through while working on the clock- personal stuff. The few details she knew, were learned when David came to SVU.

Curious about his credentials, she looked into him. Nothing serious like a background check, but she'd gone online and found him mentioned in a few articles. Most of them on major cases that usually made headlines. It wasn't until she made it to the site for the law firm he co founded, that she learned anything of interest. Educated at Yale, he started the firm only five years after graduating, leaving his family and hometown in Connecticut for the ambitious streets of Manhattan.

"Do you know what it is?" he taunted, swaying her hair from her neck.

"Yes." He looked so absolutely phased, that she was sure he had been under the influence of some kind of stimulant. But then he was resolved. Like a predator through with a pack of meat, he backed off and retreated away, showing no shame in how offensive he must have seemed. Olivia bit her tongue as she thought about how it easy it had been to love him and how impossible it was to lose him.

She blamed herself of course. None of this would have happened if she'd kept her mouth shut, kept her needs buried, he would never have known what he meant to her or how she ached for all the things she never had. Love. Family. Children- but she couldn't stay quiet, couldn't deny what she wanted or pass up the best chance she had for any of it. So, one night while she was wrapped up in his arms, she made him a proposition. He had even made it easy for her by speaking up first.

Just remembering made her eyes sting, and her hands shake. She was completely undone by the memory of needing and losing and learning to stop feeling, stop wanting, stop dreaming. Only that was all it had ever been- a dream, and it had turned into a nightmare the night she woke up.

_"I'll be out of town for the next week on business, but I should be able to come back that Wednesday night."_

_"I don't think you should..." she answered, head down on his chest. _

_"Thursday morning then?" she lifted up so she could look at him, the palm of her hand sliding up his chest to rest on the side of his face. She shook her head no, a faint smile reminiscent of a bittersweet thought fell on her face. __It was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life and she was so afraid to lose it all, but she was ready no less. She thought two and a half years had prepared her for whatever happened next. _

_"No, I mean I don't think you should come back...I don't want you to..- unless we do this the right way." _

_"This is the right way- it's the only way," he answered, pushing her hair behind her ear, and kissing her cheek. She moved so he couldn't get more._

_"That's not what I mean...you know that."_

_"And I know we had an agreement."_

_"I remember. Sex right? Nothing more and nothing less. Those were your terms. Not mine."_

_"What is it that you want Olivia?" he frowned, irritated with where this was going._

_"I want you to chose me...chose us. I want there to be an us-_

_"There is an us!"_

_"According to who? There isn't an us outside this room. I don't know your friends. I don't know your family- David don't you want that?"_

_"No," he spat in a wrathful tone, pushing her aside and half dressing himself on the edge of her bed._

_"So I don't mean anything to you? This- doesn't mean anything?" she sighed, shedding little more than one or two bitter tears. On his feet he kissed her head, and swiped at the crystal clear ringlets on her cheek. _

_"You should get some sleep before I get back." And then it was over._

To this day, Olivia was always thankful she did sleep while she could, because when he finally did come back, rest was not an option. He woke her in the middle of the night while she was still disturbed about how things had turned out, and let her go the next morning, having changed her to the point of restored hope-making her feel that they might have had a chance. But they didn't. Not even close.

David exhaled with longevity, deploring his exhaustion. "So do us both a favor and end this now. Tell me why he's here. Is he still trying to even the score with me? Is he still hungry for blood?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Olivia answered a bit to blank for David's taste.

"You were sharing a room with him." David pressed, his voice edging to the point of aggression.

"A room, an apartment, a few dinners after a show on Broadway, but not that."

"You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"Just because you don't like the way the truth sounds, doesn't mean it isn't true." Olivia protested as she touched up her makeup in the mirror.

"Just because you say it out loud doesn't make it true either."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Olivia argued, exhausted herself as she pushed past him and into her bedroom where she proceeded to put on her heels.

"Are you really getting married in March?" Everything was happening too fast. Everything seemed to fall like dominos, one after the other without a break to stop. Olivia was cracking. Shoes on, she ran her fingers briefly through her her hair before standing up to face him.

She'd always been honest with David- or as honest as he allowed her to be, so the amount of lying she did now did not settle well with her. She fought the urge to put a hand to her stomach so she could subdue the nausea at bay, giving her fingers instead the task of fixing David's tie.

"Of course there is," she whispered, unable to look at him."

"There are 365 days in a year, why did you choose March 30th?"

She shrugged, "I liked the way it sounded on the invitations."

"That's not why." She looked up at him. His features were granite hard.

"Then I don't know why, David. Okay?" She left him again and went back into the bathroom to spray a bit of perfume on.

"No it's not ok. You're marrying him, which means you must love him. So why don't you know him better?"

"Everybody has secrets David. We keep them to protect the people we care about. Whatever happened in the past, happened. It's not my concern. Brian and I are focused on our future. That's all."

"Why did you agree to marry in Rhode Island? He doesn't have family there, and I doubt you've ever gone."

"They have nice beaches...I always wanted to get married on a beach." Olivia flinched as glass shards flew everywhere. David had punched his fist in the bathroom mirror where her face would have been.

**WOW. Wonder how that turns out! Coming up next, the dinner party from hell, Brian blackmails Olivia with a HAUNTING source of information. Will David step in before it gets too far? **


	6. Raising Stakes

**CRITICS**

**lawandorderfan96**: I absolutely love this story! I can't wait to see where you take yet next, especially with David and Olivia ;)

**katechoco: **Wow this story is unique and mysterious and hot and has drama... Great! More soon!

...**(TO THE ONE WHO STARTED IT ALL- SUCH AN INCREDIBLE HONOR TO HAVE YOU APART OF THIS WITH US!) **OVARIES! OK GO ON

**paperframes: **I'm literally hooked on this story. I can't wait to see what happens next! Seriously, you've hooked me! Great detail, dark themes. I usually don't read anything but EO, but I'm rooting for Livid here. Great job!

**fayevdm: **I'm finding this story VERY intriguing. Looking forward to the next update :)

**teleficsmovies211: **Oh my goodness! I was waiting for an update and oh how u have come thru for me! I cannot wait to see how Olivia deals with David and his angry mirror punch. I know I'm not the only one who saw Mariska in that black dress from this past weekend from some awards ceremony when u said black dress in this chapter. **(TO ****OUR BIGGEST SUPPORTER- WE LOVE YOU!)**

**nickandliv: **Currently lying down in my own freshly-dug grave because this chapter just killed me, OMFG! **(TO OUR BFF- PREPARE TO REACH HEAVEN)**

* * *

Blood dripped from David's clenched knuckles out into the sink, but he was so hot tempered that he didn't notice. "You're lying," he said. He did not raise his voice. He didn't holler or scream, but his tone was enough to break Olivia in two, make her crumble at the sound. So dark was his whisper, so intimidating was his anger. She could hear him roughly breathing, but she couldn't be sure if it was through the pain of his cut knuckles or the level of his temper- not when her own level of sanity was being tested.

She was on the edge of tears but she refused to entertain them, refused to entertain _him_. He'd made their lives a living hell by playing her, using her, giving her the freedom to hope. "I'm not," she choked. "It's going to happen. There isn't an _us_ anymore, David. I'm with Brian now. I'm _with him_. That's all the truth there is. There isn't anymore," she replied slowly, her face flushed and her skin so hot she thought it would peel off.

"I know. Very well job done Olivia. You both have played a strong hand-

"It's not a game David."

"Isn't it? What would you say if I bet my life there's no wedding? I'd put that money in without even thinking- and yours, that if I called the churches in Rhode Island there'd be nothing on the books? What about right now? This very instant?" He wondered out loud, moving closer to her still. "If I pressed you harder would you tell me he bought that plastic piece of shit you're wearing on your finger from _Macy's_? Would you be honest then, and tell me there was no engagement?" He was staring into her face, his body by then was close- too close. Heat and power emanated from him in waves. "Or don't tell me. Either way. I'm going all in."

No word had the strength to uncork the tight air, bottled up in Olivia's lungs. He was so close that all she could feel was the memory of his tongue sliding under lips when he kissed her, and the way he'd taken her against the wall, taken advantage of her body, her senses, the way he controlled her, the way he played her then even as he did now. David did know her. He knew her too well.

"No," she whispered.

"No," he echoed. He backed off, taking a heavy sigh with him. The blood flew through his body again, restoring feeling in his nervous system and the highly anticipated pain his reckless actions had caused, now throbbed on the ends of his good hand. He gave it a good shake, detaching a few shards from brazed knuckles. His eyes, as if they were to heavy to hold, fell from her face and then he leaned himself up against the doorway. After some much needed time to process everything, he spoke again.

"How much is he paying you?"

"He's not paying me anything!"

"So what then was your price? Because you must have been damn expensive, and let's be honest, you really can't afford to face me alone. Can you?"

"There wasn't a price. I'm not some house call prostitute with an open sign hanging around my waist. Ok? He knew I wanted to see you, knew I needed to see you-

"Why?"

She was **livid**. She was so mad she could hardly think straight. One of her hands clenched the roof of her head, balling up curls at the tips of her fingers as her chest rose and fell. _Hadn't he been listening for the past, what? I don't know two, three hours? Hadn't he sat there and followed her footsteps and argued with her over things that they were clearly both at fault for?_

"Because I thought I still cared about you. I thought there was something left. Something that needed to be finished-" she broke off, shook her head, "-obviously I was wrong."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to just pick up the phone?"

"You wouldn't have talked." Her eyes felt hot with tears. "You never talk. All that time together, and you hardly said two words. No, you don't talk. You communicate with sex-

"David?" It was a woman's voice.

"I'm in here," he answered, his gaze still contempt with the sight of Olivia's face. A young woman stood hesitantly in the doorway. Dark hair, tall, very slender, almost ethereal in a cream colored dress, the gentle material crafting her body in an elegant Grecian way, with a plunging v-neck and exposed skin at her sides. She had a gorgeous glow embedded in her honey-bronzed skin, that brought light to her innocence and a soft smile that seemed to calm Olivia and the rest of the situation.

"I've been sent to find you. They're all waiting for you downstairs."

"I'm late," he said with a sigh.

"You are," she agreed, still smiling when he turned to face her. "And Jeff's running out of entertainment." David understood. She stopped him on his way out, and put a hand to his face where she kissed him sweetly on his cheek.

"Maybe we should keep him going. Who knows, by the end of the night he may be out of the job, and I'll be the one on the 50th floor," he quipped. The girl laughed in his shoulder, moving her hand down to take his. Olivia's stomach dropped at the playful, yet intimate exchange. They were close, she realized, and it occurred to her that they might be more than friends...and that Kim was just a pawn, just something else to keep her out and away from the things that really mattered in David's life.

"David what have you done?" she exclaimed.

"What? Oh it's nothing," he flinched his hand away. "Don't worry about it. Tell Lizzie I'll be down shortly."

"Okay," she answered with a concerned look on her face. She kissed him once more on his cheek and then with a slight glance at Olivia, she disappeared as quickly as she came. The smile David held, faded when he turned back to look at Olivia. He sighed, suddenly outdone and overrun by the whole charade.

"I hope you know what you're doing," he said quietly, staring at her and then at the mess he made on the floor and in the sink. Olivia watched him try and contemplate his next move in the silence where he didn't share what he thought, or what he felt. At least not with her.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Olivia answered meekly. A flicker of emotion sparked in David's eyes when his gaze found her face again.

"Then I want you to do everything in your power to be happy with him."

"Happy?" Olivia's eyes retreated to the corner of the room.

"You deserve that much, regardless of where you've found it."

"Still finding," she corrected. "I haven't been happy in a long time," she struggled to smile.

"Since when?"

"March." _When you left._ Though the end of her response was silent, he knew exactly what she was saying. It didn't have to be heard by word of mouth when it could be seen so clear on her face. Olivia saw him digesting what she said, saw his face regain color and then he shuttered the emotion clean off his stature and went completely blank all over again.

"I'll see you at the dinner," he said before walking out.

"David?" She called running to the doorway catching him before he left the suite.

"Yes?"

"Do I look ok?"

He took a breath but he didn't let it out. Staring at her a long time, he wondered what in the hell she was trying to pull off and what her and Brian's showing up actually meant. He'd determined her play in all this long before they'd even spoke that evening, so to dub her as a conniving bitch was out of the question. And if she had no part in Brian's schemes, or any knowledge of the true reason why he'd left her all those months ago, if she truly had no idea why he despised her so called fiance, then perhaps the woman he loved was still in there. And that woman deserved to hear the words he chanted when he held in her bed.

"_Beautiful then, beautiful now," _he said, and then gently walked away.

Olivia stayed in the doorway minutes after he'd gone. Silently replaying his words and how he'd looked when he said them. It sickened her to know that he gave them half forced and half distant, as if he'd didn't mean to say them or want to say them at all. There was a time when he said them to her passionately, deeply, with care and ease. But not now. Things were different now. She swallowed the stale tinge of defeat in her mouth as she came back to the moment and realized he wasn't there.

He left. Again. And God was he good at that, she thought, brimming with pain, alert with feeling. No one was as good at leaving as he was. Even Elliot had made small, although pathetic, attempts to contact her, but not David. No, he wanted nothing to do with her, just wanted to _do _her and get the hell out. It was all clear now.

Olivia returned to her room, wanting to pack her things but she'd remembered that she had to keep appearances with Brian for the weekend, and if she left now David would learn the truth, and even worse, would know that she lied. She sighed at the mess the whole idea had turned out to be and returned to the bathroom to check on herself.

Through what was left of the mirror, she tried to hide the frazzled state David had left her in, but her un-enthused attempts made the job take longer than it should have. Looking good was not at the top of her priority list. Her mind was preoccupied with other things, like how right her mother had been to say the things she said about her while growing up, or how easy she'd made it for people to take things from her, and abuse her to the point of unsealing wounds.

Most of them were treatable, and they didn't seem to bother her unless someone or something had been awful enough to tamper with them- unluckily for her, losing David just about opened all her stitches, but her miscarriage had made them bleed. Losing their baby had been the one thing she couldn't seem to recover from. She felt like a cold, hollow, empty shell at which the slightest touch would cause her to fall apart.

People at work believed she was invincible. They thought she was unemotional, unyielding, invulnerable, married to the job. And maybe once she had been all of those things, but losing David and the baby had changed all of that. Suddenly that life wasn't enough for her. She'd forced herself to become satisfied with how things turned out but having been so close to having the life she'd always wanted sent that wall crumbling to the ground.

She couldn't pretend anymore that being loved, being apart of something bigger than herself and SVU, something warmer and stronger like a family wasn't something she wanted. She craved a family. Wanted it so bad she could feel the idea move about all around her and touch everything but herself. She smiled sadly, imagining herself picking up a little boy that came running into her home. The home she made with David. And a little girl too that had her eyes and David's smile. She saw herself- but not in the mirror.

In the mirror a woman that had aged, and grown tired stared back at her. She could tell, and that meant it was noticeable. But it made no difference. She had permanently changed. She knew that. She finally understood that she'd never be happy unless she could love and be loved in return, but love was a two player game and she couldn't afford to play anymore...

Remembering to breathe, she made some final adjustments to her appearance before finally making her way downstairs to join the dinner. The elevator opened up to the abandoned foyer, which she guessed was due to the hundreds of people crammed into the dining hall where David was no doubt entertaining as the guest of honor, but Brian's greasy curls could be spotted around the corner from where she stood.

He turned around the moment he heard the tone of heels hitting the floor, "_About fucking time_," he sighed. She saw his face and approached him with caution careful not to rub him the wrong way.

"What's wrong?"

"I can smell him on you," he replied, glancing frantically around as if someone was there prying on their every move. "And what are you wearing? I told you to bring something fresh."

"It was the shortest dress in the department store I could find before I hit the skank aisle," Olivia replied hotly.

"I don't like it," he shot back a little louder.

"Well that's to bad. You're just going to have to deal with it. You're looking a bit dapper yourself. If you want to change, by all means go ahead but leave me the hell out of it. I look great."

"That's not the fucking point. Let's not forget why we're here Olivia."

"I know why I'm here. You still haven't said a word about your end though, but I'm all ears Brian. Believe me I've got all night to dish this out with you-

"You bet your ass you do. All goddamn night with your fiance. It's me your engaged to, not fucking Nelson Mandela over there with the fucking Nobel Prize." Brian timidly shouted, gesturing to the closed doors where David was laughing behind.

"What are you going to sit here and argue with me? I don't have anything else to wear, let's just go and get it over with so you can show David just how much better you think you are than him."

Brian's eyes shot at her with a dangerous glare.

"Sir? Your bag?" A lobby attendant offered.

Brian snatched the bag out of his hands with brute force, keeping his eyes on Olivia the whole time.

"Go away," he said, referring to the attendant, and he did. He thrust the bag into Olivia's torso. "Three minutes." Olivia bunched the bag in her fist staring him equally down with a stare of her own. She opened the bag, her eyes unrelenting as well, and pulled out something of silk material.

"What is this? Lingerie?"

"It's a dress," Brian sneered.

"This isn't a dress." She lifted the fabric, and the puddle of soft rose became a thigh length slip with lace embroidery. "This is a slip, and it's mine. How did you get this?"

"It's a little late to be asking questions don't you think? Go put it on."

"I'm not wearing this."

"You made a deal with me-

"The devil."

"Whoever. At the end of the day it's still your word against mine."

"You think anyone in there will believe a word you say after that stunt you pulled earlier?"

"Oh I know they will, especially David. In fact, I'm quite sure he's more than interested to hear what I say."

"Is that supposed to scare me? You're out of your mind. I don't care what you do, I'm not putting this on."

"You will. Because I know something you don't want David to know."

"I doubt that, unless of course you intend to sell yourself out in the process."

"Are you sure?" Brian pressed the plastic bag to her middle and leaned in close so she could hear him loud and clear. "I know about the baby Liv." She stiffened. Everything within her froze. Her eyes, her mouth, her heart... "I know all about it," Brian continued. "I know what you did-

He was interrupted by Olivia's hand hard across his cheek where she hit him hard. "You don't know anything!"

"Well that hurt. I mean I knew you were kinky but man do you like rough," he taunted. "But don't worry baby, I'll get you back. As soon as were finished eating, I'll take you upstairs and will make the earth shake."

"I wouldn't sleep with you if you had the biggest dick on the planet," Olivia spat.

"No but you will stroke me until _ALL OF THIS, _this stupid shit you got us into, is over. You want to call it quits? I'll go in there right now and tell him how you terminated the pregnancy. And trust me, if David finds out what you did to his child he'll never forgive you honey. You might as well eat the gun you sit on." She couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't move. How was it possible? How did he know about the baby?

How could he know? What _did_ he know? She told no one. No one knew. She hadn't even taken off work when she had morning sickness. Hadn't even missed work the day after she'd checked out of the hospital.

"Are you blackmailing me?" she asked, her tone stooping unnaturally low. She hadn't terminated her pregnancy. It had been a horrible miscarriage, and yes there had been procedures done afterward, but everything done had been necessary. She'd been hemorrhaging so badly...not that any of that was Brian's business. None of it was. That was her own personal suffering, to be dealt in a private and timely matter. Not broadcast to her peers and at the worst possible of times.

"Is it working?" he grinned. Olivia didn't respond. She suddenly wished she had been honest with David and told the truth about their engagement and proved him right. That way, Brian's element in this would have failed and she'd be free to go where and as she pleased, but she lied. She lied and now it was very unlikely that he'd ever believe anything she said again. It was 2, nothing and the odds were not in her favor.

"Now, you're going to finish this weekend. Finish what we started. You're going to put this dress on so he can see us together, and just how much you do for me when I touch you, when I kiss you. You're going to help me make him so jealous that he blows up the whole joint and weird little green things fall out against the pavement. And you better make it believable or I'll tell him everything sweetheart. To death do us part."

* * *

**GUYS! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! FEARLESS LIV? OR "OH SHIT" LIV? TELL MEH! or both? cause I could do both too... OH MY GOD, I hope BENSIDY fans read this and stop supporting this obscene disgrace of a relationship warren and julie have meshed together and unceremoniously presented on network television. Olivia deserves a rejuvenating partner, not a "relieved" one- the fucking prick.**

**COMING UP NEXT- how does Liv react to Brian's blackmail? YOU DECIDE. what will David do when...oh wait that's a spoiler alert, um...yeah that pretty much sums it up. Be back soon readers!**


	7. A Dangerous Affair

**CRITICS & NOTE**

**fayeVDM:** I'm still VERY intrigued :)

**(TO OUR FUNNIEST FAN: we actually crack up when we read your reviews. Glad you're intrigued!)**

**teleficsmovies211: **Omg omg I love you so much more for my shout out! I want Liv to get in Brian's face and tell him off but still keep the weekend plans and then tell David what happened to their baby when they get alone again. I cannot wait for more so please please don't make us wait too long :*

**(TO OUR FUNNIEST FAN: No way! We love you more! Don't worry kid, we've got some surprises in our box- and they ain't pretty ;)**

**katechoco: **Oh my! I think that she should not give in into Brian's blackmail, because she knows what really happened and after all, wasn't David the one that didn't want children?

Anyway great job, more soon! ;)

**(TO THE ONE THAT STARTED IT ALL: ...Yep we're still freaking out that you're reading this, but we've got some fearless Liv for you. Don't worry kid!)**

**nickandliv: **Fearless Liv all the way! (This chapter was amazing, btw) I hate Brian so much, please let Liv end whatever she's mixed up in with him right now! God he's such a douche. And yes, we can only pray that the televised nonsense ends soon.

**(TO OUR BFF: THANK GOD! Someone else feels our pain)**

**iwannahamberger2: **Oh shit liv! I get tired of fearless liv sometimes. Then again i like trouble! Plus i also think david should see how brian REALLY treats liv! Not all at once but i like seeing blackmailed liv!

**(TO THE NEW FAN: Don't worry chap! We hear you too! Just you wait ;)**

**The oracle has spoken! Since you've all been good pets, we've made this update, a wee bit longer. Hope we don't disappoint ;)**

* * *

Olivia took the highway, the last card she had to play, and threw it on the table for Brian to digest. She'd been hurt by David. Gravely hurt. And there wasn't a thing in this world that Brian could do to change that. He didn't have the power to hurt her more than David already did. Even if Brian did tell him, it wasn't as if David would have cared. When it came to them, having children was out of the question.

He didn't even believe she was good enough to have a full relationship with. Parenthood? With her? Yeah right. Maybe with someone else, someone like Kim Greylak that was ok, but David would have parted seven hells to make sure she didn't have a baby. Olivia flinched and put her slip back in the bag.

"Go ahead. He won't care. You can tell him, and let him know I said it was for the best."

Brian laughed in her face. "I will. I will do that. But it's just a shame though," Brian said sarcastically as he pulled out a comb and slicked back his hair. "About the pregnancy I mean. The one thing David wanted was to be was a father. He longs for a child." His gaze met hers and held. "Especially a daughter." Brian hesitated a moment. "In fact, you'd find this is quite a sensitive subject with him. Explosive even."

There was more to this than Brian was telling her and Olivia wanted to know the facts...the truth...but she doubted she'd get it from Brian. Anything he said was demented and designed to hurt other people. Just like how what he said about her miscarriage had come so far left wing and hurt her so deep that her ribs ached. David couldn't have wanted a baby...or maybe he did, just not with her. Either way, it was a little late to talk about what people wanted.

"How did you find out?"

"I'm a fucking cop remember? Did you really think I was going to walk into a hostile situation without getting all my ducks in a row? Your medical report is in our- well my room. You fucked that up too didn't you?"

Olivia felt the ground shift beneath her. "Go to hell."

"One D&C, June 28th. The minute I show him, he'll think you planned it."

Olivia shook her head, the dark smile on her face expertly hiding the tears in her eyes. "I didn't have a choice." And she didn't. She'd suffered a miscarriage- the pain had been unbelievable and even that awful pain had been nothing compared to the heartbreak. She'd wanted the baby. Wanted the baby desperately. But it didn't matter anymore, did it? Nothing mattered. The whole thing had been a mistake at the start. She didn't no where to begin.

She came to this event with Brian to show David she didn't need him anymore, or want him any longer but that was a lie. Then it was because she wanted to know why she wasn't good enough.

"Is that your excuse? You should really consider coming up with something else Liv. He'll kill you if you try and say that, and I think it's everyone's best interest that you stay alive." Brian pushed the bag at her again. "Now go get dressed."

"No." Olivia argued throwing it at his feet. Brian glanced over his shoulder before pushing Olivia by her chest into the wall. Her body crashed against the wallpaper with an ungenerous thud while Brian ripped the dress she hand picked for the occasion wide open. Tearing it at the hem of the zipper line, Olivia's dress split heavily beyond repairment.

"Put on the dress or I swear to god I will walk in that room and tell everyone how you fucked him on your desk and killed the child you conceived after he refused to commit to you. Put it on."

Olivia backed off the wall, her right hand clutching the torn gown to her breast. "I didn't come here to humiliate him."

"Just get even."

"No. I don't want to get even. I'd never dream of putting him through what I went through. I love him. I've always loved him."

Brian looked at the ghastly pale color her skin turned and the hollow build of shame in her eyes, and knew that she was in another place. Vulnerable. Easy to deal with. He put both his hands on each side of her face, smacking her lightly to receive her attention.

"That's why you're going to do this for me. This is his big night baby. Don't ruin it. It's just a dress." Olivia glared at him. "Go on. If you hurry we'll be able to make the salad."

On autopilot Olivia went back upstairs and into her suite. Dropping her dress by the window, she pulled out the delicate slip and put it on. Immediately Olivia felt the cold chill of air hit her bare skin. She felt so utterly exposed she half considered locking herself in her room, but Brian would have told David everything and made her look like she had deliberately sought out to make his life miserable, and even worse than that, her colleagues would know as well.

She could live with David thinking the worst about her, she'd done it for the last few months, but the humiliation of other people prying into her life, especially a part of it that was so private and personal would have been the end of her. A crucifixion would have been better. So without even thinking about it she put the slip on, refusing to check herself in the mirror.

She already knew how she looked. It was the most inappropriate thing she could have ever put on for the occasion. Any woman with two eyes could see that she was clearly dressed to please a man in bed not support one who'd just been honored with one of the highest awards one could receive in their career. Olivia shuddered imagining any one of the hundreds of male escorts or husbands as they turned to look at her.

How their eyes would stare at her like she was a piece of meat. How they'd each imagine touching her, performing with her, making her beg- whatever. Somehow being the fantasy of every man's dream, the topic of gossip on every woman's tongue still proved better than the latter. Olivia drew a slow shallow breath and left her suite once more.

"You. Look. Ravishing," Brian commented slowly, staring at her body instead of her face. But he wasn't finished yet. With the tip of his finger he smudged her lipstick up over the ridge of her lips and then he did the same to her eyeliner. Then, with his hands he raked her hair, fluffing it with volume until it fell in a sexually tarnished wave in front of her face. Olivia was frozen with consent, literally at his disposal, her mind in another place entirely. "Nice and slutty. Just the way I like my women."

Olivia said nothing in return. The whole time, she kept thinking about how stupid the whole arrangement was. How completely senseless the entire affair had been from the start. So much had happened in a few short hours from her impeding humiliation, to her early disappointment, and nothing had changed the current situation she'd found herself in for the past few months. Despite the fact that David had moved on, she still wanted him. Despite that he'd show interest in her earlier that night, she still hated him. And after all that, she wondered if any of it was truly worth it.

Her throat squeezed closed and she stepped carefully into the dining hall, biting her tongue to cause more pain than the overbearing glances she knew she was receiving. Even though the dining hall was filled to the brim with people, Olivia spotted David almost immediately. He wasn't alone either. He was standing with the young woman who'd been sent to find him earlier and Kim, his arm rested lightly around her waist.

It was this blunt motion that made Olivia realize that the girl in the cream colored dress must have been David's younger sister Miranda, but this aside, the sight was still detrimental. Olivia halted with Brian in front of their table, grateful for the chair that was so kindly in her reach. Her legs turned to lead as she looked at him so carefree with Kim as his date.

She was surprised at how shocked she was. She knew that Kim and David were an item, but seeing it up close seemed to make it so much more distressing. She was devastated that Kim had somehow won the upper ground, and easily at that. She was jealous that she hadn't been kept in the background, or a woman only seen at night or on the weekends. Kim wasn't a mistress, she was a lover.

She wondered if that had been her if he'd be so relaxed, or play the same hard and disruptive guy he normally was. Olivia heard Brian talking to her but she wasn't listening until his hand so ungraciously found hers. The touch sending revolting waves of disgust through her body.

"He's been fucking her for months. While he was with you too," Brian said, his voice in Olivia's ear. As cruel as Brian's words had been, Olivia hadn't felt the strength to tear her eyes away from Kim and David. She suspected Brian was BSing her, just like he did with everything else, but still she had to wonder. It made sense that he was, seeing as though the end of their affair had done nothing to him, and had been so easy to execute. Had the relationship he had with Kim been the real reason why he refused to commit to her?

It made sense in retrospect, and that meant that Olivia had Kim to blame for all of her misgivings. Whatever her and David shared clearly wasn't enough for him to go and seek Olivia out the way he did.

"How long?" she asked faintly, stomach churning.

"Four years, maybe five." Olivia finally gave him the attention he was so determined to have, and realized how serious he was. But again, his level of honesty was disputable. "Don't look so sad little dove. Believe me, she's the perfect woman for him."

"You know her?"

"I knew her sister better."

"Her sister?"

"Grace." The way he said her name sent chills down Olivia's spine. She was beginning to think that there was a lot more to David and Brian's relationship then just a heavy dislike and suddenly she wished she had been as prepared as Brian when he did his own fair share of research to ensure his play in all this. She thought of it once, but because of her trust and admiration for David, she believed he'd tell her in his own time if it was so important.

"You should ask David about her sometime. I'm sure he'd love to share her with you." he went on.

"Or maybe I could ask her myself," Olivia replied.

Brian took another sip of his scotch and said, "Good luck with that. No one's heard from Grace in years." He paused. "I can't wait to see his face when he sees us." He watched with humorous pride as her face flushed a deep red. "You can have a little fun too Liv. It's not illegal."

Olivia turned her head away, sickened. She couldn't do this. Couldn't pull this off.

"Brian-

"You know if you have such a problem with doing business, maybe you should stay out of it."

"He doesn't deserve any of _this_."

"Like hell he does." He reached for her chin and leaned toward her as if to kiss her but she turned her head away and his kiss landed on her cheek.

"That wasn't smart darling," he whispered.

"I may have a problem with holding up my end of the deal, but I know what I signed up for, and I didn't sign up for _that_," she answered, forcing a smile as another couple passed by both blatantly staring at her, reminding her of what she had on. A _disgrace_. All of it. Meeting David, falling so madly in love, losing him, losing the baby, losing her mind.

Brian shook out his napkin and laid it abruptly on his knee. "We're drawing attention. He'll notice too." Olivia followed Brian's gaze and saw the way people were looking at them. The disgusted looks. Olivia wished Cragen was there in her defense. He was supposed to be there tonight, but he bailed on short notice. She wished he was there to notice her first and come to her rescue. Only he would know that she'd never in a million years do something like that unless she was being forced.

She sighed and took a sip of her cocktail to kill her nerves. "And here he comes," Brian murmured, and there went her sanity. Brian leaned back in his chair so David could get a full view of Olivia in her slip. The one that he had so many times before, tore from her body at first glance. "You should see his face every time I touch you," he added, twirling a long strand of Olivia's hair around his fingers.

"You're sick," she replied softly to him, hoping very desperately that David would pass them by.

Brian smiled, putting a hand to her face. "I know."

Olivia could hear David's footsteps behind her and cringed. The air escaped her lungs as she recalled such a time when the sound was the heart of her joy, but on this night it was the very thing that sought to put her in her grave.

"Liv?" David said quietly. "Brian."

Olivia lifted her head, then her eyes as hot tears burned the back of them and faced David. He looked so angry, so disgusted that she could hardly bare to keep up with the staring game they were playing. David's dark gaze slowly slid over her, the examination bold, deliberate, possessive. Then to her surprise, he gave a small triumphant smile, telling Olivia that he was recalling all the times he cursed the very garment she wore now. He was letting her know- letting Brian know- that she was his, that she belonged to him. Still.

A new shade of red burned Olivia's cheeks under his gaze, her skin heating even as her insides contracted. She felt her breasts swell under their lace covering, her nipples hardening, brushing against the silk material. She heard David's sharp intake of breath, that told her he'd noticed the tightening of her nipples. He couldn't ignore her any more than she could keep her body from responding to him.

"You must be freezing," David said, his deep voice pitched even lower, the sound intimate and harsh, so like him. _Yes. That's what we'll call it_, Olivia thought. _Instead of w__ant. Need. Desire._

"I hate these silly places. They make it so hot in the bedrooms and then you get on the first floor and it's polar," Olivia replied gently, playing a small smile. Olivia felt Brian twisting her fingers underneath the table, near breaking them, but she showed no form of discomfort on her face.

"You must want to wear it now, I presume."

Olivia scoffed, but she didn't say anything back. She couldn't speak. Wouldn't let another lie pass her lips.

"You'll never believe it." Brian butted in. "We were all ready, set to go, and then she spilled a glass of wine all over herself. Didn't you sweetheart?"

"I did." Olivia said, hoping it came out as convincing as she wanted. It better had, considering the great interest David had taken in her, his attention so personal that it made her feel like they were the only two people in the room. As unpleasant as their earlier privacy had been, she wanted to be with him again so she could tell him how sorry she was. So she could explain everything, from start to finish.

It saddened her to think how she'd missed him. Missed his arms, missed his body, missed his strength, his endless confidence, the ease with which he spoke, moved, lived. She felt empowered by him. On many occasion his strength had fed her own...She wanted to go back. Wished she could go back, be the light and convenient lover she'd once been and never ask for more. But somethings couldn't be undone, and the hurt had been to deep...

David reached for, forcing Brian to let go so as not to reveal how ruthless he treated her. He brought her toward him, brought her close enough so she could feel his warmth. As hard as stone as he was, Olivia wouldn't deny the attraction she still felt for him. She loved his eyes, his cheekbones, his jaw, his mouth- curious though. Wouldn't you say? Only a few hours ago she would have retreated to Brian's schemes.

Maybe it was because she truly felt this was the end, she could feel them slipping away, she could feel herself finally letting him go as well that all these thoughts danced around her head. It was maddening just realizing how she didn't want it to end, even now. Her gaze clung to his mouth, and the lips that always softened against hers.

"Here," he said, removing his coat and putting it around her shoulders. His hands both comforting and a torment. She remembered the way his hands used to caress her, hold her, touch her. She'd loved his hands. Loved the way they'd make her feel. Because they'd make her feel...again and again, _and again_. She looked up at him feeling blind- exposed.

"Thank you."

"It's been a long day," he said in an amicable tone. He was friendly now. He'd let her go too it would seem. Officially. At that moment she thought she'd give just about anything for one more night with him. She'd give anything to be loved...wanted...cherished. All the things she claimed he didn't give to her, but he did time and time again, even if wasn't supposed to last forever, even if those weren't the words to describe what he did to her.

He liked sex. He liked their sex because it was good- there was no comparison, interest couldn't be sparked anywhere else. But it wasn't really her that he was interested in. Just her body.

"Can't seem to get it right anymore," Olivia laughed, blinking back her tears.

"The lies you mean." David said low enough for only her to hear. It wasn't a question, which mean he knew the whole time. She laughed some more wondering why she ever thought she could get this whole thing pass him. David was sharp. Too sharp. "It's a warm night," he added, "but not that warm." Then as unexpected as could be he kissed her forehead. Olivia closed her eyes, relishing the moment. This was David, her David the man who'd been her heart and soul for near three years.

And then he was turning away, returning to Kim at the other end of the room. Less than a moment later the room started to quiet down and dinner started to be served. Despite David's coat wrapped around her, Olivia still felt exposed as she sat back down next to Brian. Judgmental stares followed and registered a thick knot in Olivia's throat. No one had wanted them there. It was worse than awkward, she thought, glancing back at Brian.

"How do you do it?" Olivia asked.

"I never stare back, and I always pretend I'm right- because I am right." Brian didn't care that no one wanted him there. In fact, the more attention they drew, the more whispers that could be heard, the happier he was. He'd come to inflict humiliation and discomfort and so far he was succeeding brilliantly at achieving both. Olivia shifted uneasily. "Relax. They're just a bunch of hypocritical idiots anyway. What the fuck do they know?"

"You'd be surprised."

Brian scoffed. "No I wouldn't. Half of these bums I've worked with, and the other half are full of shit, and you my dear are right in the middle- like me. You don't know it yet, but you've got the keys to the castle and the sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be. He knows it. I know it- We've all got our own part in this."

Olivia glanced across the room where David sat, and just then, David lifted his head and met her gaze. For a moment, she and David stared at each other sizing each other up, the way they had the first time in the busy precinct of the 1-6. They met during a lucrative case. The attraction had been immediate and intense. They'd barely made it out of the the police department and into a taxi before David's hand slid down her slacks and into her hot feverish skin.

There'd been no looking back after that. She wanted him. She waited for him. In the beginning, the waiting had been like a game. She'd see how well she'd could fill the time between the calls, and with a crime rate like New York's it wasn't so hard to do. It wasn't until after she'd solved a case, and written her report that the challenge came.

It helped when she knew when he was and when he wasn't going to call. For instance, he never phoned early in the morning, or anytime before the afternoon. If he called it would be late, on his way home from work or after concluding a business meeting- and never otherwise. It was an open window of opportunity that closed more than frequently, and God forbid she'd ever miss one of his desperate calls of need. He'd return the favor by making her miss other things in bed, like her own sweet release.

She'd near spiraled out of control, lost corks and screws the first time she missed his call, and he knew just how to keep her right on the edge, only letting her go until he was completely finished with her- hours later. Despite her best efforts though, she'd experienced more than one night like that, due to some self absorbent idiot who refused to give up information until they felt like it.

As a result she'd grown increasingly impatient when working on the field. Cragen and the others suspected it was because Elliot wasn't there, and she had to deal with the rookies by bringing them up to speed, but in honest to God truth, she'd just wanted to bail the hell out of there to go home and be with David. That's how it started- but then she wanted the call.

She started to obsess over it. She'd watch the clock, stare at her cell, stand by her home phone, try and keep her entire schedule clean, and again the first year she'd been genuinely busy with SVU, but it had gotten worse. With Nick and Amanda becoming better equipped, and needing the experience she had more and more time to herself. It was hard. Harder. It got to the point where the nights between calls became madness- pain. Call me. Call me. Call me. Call me...

Not that she couldn't deal with it. She dealt with it everyday when it came to Elliot, but this was different. She could see David, talk to him. He wasn't avoiding her just not calling her, even worse than that, he _would_ call her. But the wait...by God the wait. She'd stare at the clock and feel her whole body ache. _Weeks. _She could have weeks of waiting. And that's how the anger built. That's when she realized that becoming his lover was the most dangerous, self-destructive thing she could have ever done.

_Dangerous. _

Because waiting for him, waiting on him, waiting to be loved, made her doubt everything about herself. Including her self-worth. The waiting created need, anger, resentment. But then when David finally did call he'd be so warm, so interested, so devoted. She'd agree to see him, and being with him- alone with him, only heightened the passion. She loved making love with David, loved everything about the sex, and the emotion, and the intimacy, and she'd lose herself, her self control.

The lovemaking was unreal in it's intensity. The lovemaking made her believe in love. Then there were the trips he'd take her on. They'd only come once or twice a year but they'd happen. He'd taken her to the Bahamas, Italy once or twice, and Greece. They'd been beautiful adventures, but she'd almost never see him. They were more like retreats- resting grounds. The amount of time she stayed in the lavish resorts was like a personal recharge, after being relentlessly drained by David himself. He'd taken absolute care of her, and it had been so long since she'd taken absolute care of herself.

"You can't take your eyes off him." Brian said in a low observant tone.

"What?"

"You've been staring at him since we've sat down." Brian turned her chair so David was physically removed from sight. "You're a fool if you don't know he's got you wrapped around his finger. Grow a pair and pull yourself together. You look desperate."

"I'm sure I must look like a lot of things in this slip."

"Don't flatter yourself. You know I don't get you. Why go through all the trouble with someone like him? Maybe you're not, I don't know, like the rest of the broads guys usually fuck, but you've got something- enough to have your pick."

"Because...it was good. What we had was good."

Brian went hysterical. "It was an orgasm. You can find it anywhere believe me. Love on the other hand, maybe not, but don't confuse the two sweetheart."

Olivia shook her head. Brian didn't know the first thing about what she and David had. "I'm not listening to any of this."

"Yes you are. Just call it for what it is. He slept with you, but he loves someone else. Point blank."

"You know we've been talking about my situation an awful lot lately. Why don't you start talking about yours?" Olivia shot back.

"That's because I like how your story goes." Brian smiled lazily, leaning in closer to her. Olivia moved her legs so theirs didn't touch.

"Must be better than the boring life of a prison guard." Brian's smile faded, little by little. Then his grip shot up and yanked Olivia's neck. His thumb and forefinger dug into her throat as he brought her head down so that it was level with his. They were forehead to forehead but no one seemed object. To any normal eye they looked like a very involved couple, but Brian and Olivia knew that wasn't the case.

"But much more interesting than the average though, wouldn't you say?" Brian seethed. Olivia fought back trying to free her neck from his grip but his fingers closed tighter. "What's the matter? We've been close before Liv. Remember all those years ago? Hm? When I was the one making you come? Or did you forget? Did I make it that easy?"

"Brian let go of me. You're hurting me." Olivia warned.

"Hurt?" Brian pressed, his voice raising a bit louder. "You don't know what hurt is! This is his game! Not mine! Don't you see?"

_This is it_, Olivia thought. _He'll explode right in front of me, and then everyone will know._ But that wasn't the case. Because the next thing Olivia knew, David was prying Brian off her.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN! Up next, David's reaction, David get's Olivia alone, figure out what the deal is with Kim and Grace, and history repeats itself! Discretion is advised...BOOM**


	8. D&C (Devoured & Consumed)

**CRITICS**

**nickandliv: **OH MY GOD! I just... I can't... OH MY GOD!

**(TO OUR BFF- Oh, but you will)**

**lawandorderfan96: **This chapter was just as amazing as the last seven! You keep me on the edge of my seat with each chapter!

**(TO OUR DEDICATED READER: Yes, yes we know! That's how you're supposed to feel! Holy Hell!)**

**fayevdm: **BOOM, huh... Hmmmmm :)

**(TO OUR FUNNIEST FAN: still laughing! LOL BOOM)**

**teleficsmovies211: **Uh oh uh oh I can't wait to see hear this convo between David and Olivia! This story is just so yummy and juicy

**(TO OUR BEST FAN: The wait is over!)**

**NOW READ**

* * *

David was a strong person. A hard person, yet above all that he resistant and modest- just like his grip on Brian's shoulder. With his other hand he pulled out a free chair and sat down.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, leaning forward, looking Brian in the eye. The stress on Olivia's lungs softened as Brian let go of her neck.

"Get your hands off me," Brian spat pushing him away. David complied, trying carefully not to draw any more attention.

"Brian? Did you get the chance to say hello Kim?" David quipped.

Brian's jaw clenched tightly and for a while he didn't say anything, somehow the death stare he was giving David seemed to speak loads. Brian rose up from his seat, took his drink and started timidly laughing.

"Believe me buddy, that ship sailed a long time ago, but bend the odds if you must. You can't hurt me anymore. She'll do a fine job of that- and when you least expect it."

He stalked off and Olivia watched him go. There was a long moment's silence and Olivia stirred uneasily. With Brian gone she was completely out in the open for David. She bit the inside of her lip waiting for him to get up and leave too, but he never did. She didn't know what to say, what to do, or how to make amends at this point. But she did need to make amends. This whole evening had been awful, and an embarrassment for David.

"I'm sorry," she said at length, tugging on the lapels of David's coat, despite the jacket's protection. Her voice faded and she swallowed. "I'm sorry. Really I am."

David regarded her steadily. "I was surprised to see you here with him. I didn't even know you two knew each other."

"I've known him a long time, but not like this until..." She broke off, surprised at a new thought. Quickly she counted back. She'd met Brian in July at an advertising awards dinner, a dinner held three days after the miscarriage. Three days. Maybe their meeting hadn't been by chance. Maybe Brian had found out about the miscarriage and intended for them to meet ... It was bizarre to think about, but made sense in an awful sort of way.

"I need to go," she said, reaching for her purse and rising.

"What, now?"

Olivia smiled gently. "It's gone on long enough David. I don't-" her voice hitched.

"You don't what?"

"I don't even know how it got his far."

David stuck his chin out, his face more stern than it had ever been. "Maybe because you thought it was worth going the distance." Olivia's eyes met his, but only briefly before she had to turn and walk away, due to the moisture determined to run from her eyes. "I'll take you back to your room," he said quietly turning behind her.

"No." She smiled quickly to soften her refusal. "I'll be fine."

"I've heard that before. I don't trust Brian and I don't want you returning to your room alone, especially while you wearing that."

"David―"

"Let me just let Liz know I'm leaving. I'll be right back."

In the elevator Olivia stared at the numbers as David stood frozen as stone.

"I didn't want to wear it," Olivia said.

"I know." _Good._

"How long have you been seeing Kim?" she finally asked, gathering her courage.

"Brian talked about her." But it was a statement, not a question.

"He said she'd been your-"

"She isn't your concern." He cut her off. She flinched at his tone of voice. Was he angry that she brought her up? She meant that much to him...

"She's beautiful," Olivia added quietly, her insides feeling as if they were on fire. She didn't know why she had to talk about Kim now. Was it jealousy? Envy? Probably.

"Yes." David didn't take his eyes from the road.

"And young."

His dark brows pulled. A small muscle in his jaw tightened. "I've known her nearly thirteen years."

Her chest squeezed, her heart aching. "Do you love her?"

"Olivia?"

"I need to know, David. I need to understand."

"Understand what?"

Her shoulders lifted, fell. "Why you didn't love me."

"Christ," he swore beneath his breath. The elevator doors opened

Olivia folded her fingers in her palms, nails dug into her skin. "Would you marry her?"

"_Olivia_."

"Is that why you only saw me part-time? Because the rest of the time you were with her?"

David pulled her over to the side of the hallway to look at her, and even in the dim light of the interior his expression was fierce, forbidding. "Yes." He let it hang there, so she could digest it. "Can you hear me?" Olivia looked at him, the tears spilling free and silently down her cheeks. "I don't love her. It was supposed to be another agreement-

Olivia smacked him across the face and darted for her room. David followed intensely behind her. "Olivia!"

"It's ok. David I get it now. Listen to me, just do me a favor ok?" David had her pinned against her door.

"No, no Liv-

"Be happy David. Be happy with her please. Someone has to- be happy in all of this."

"Olivia."

"You don't have to-

And then his lips were on hers. Their bodies were pressed against one another. His fingers wiped away her tears, his hands held her so tightly to him. He never wanted to let her go. _Never. _Even after their lips tangled and their bodies stumbled into her suite. But it couldn't happen again. Not now. Not like this. She pulled away from him, but he wouldn't let her go.

"Listen to me now. Please Olivia?" He waited for her to protest but she didn't. That's when he felt it was safe enough to let her go. "Kim was- is an arrangement that I made. When I started the firm I needed investments, and Kim's family had offered since I was dating their daughter. I thought it could work, it was supposed to work but there had been an accident with Grace, and then I met you."

Olivia's eyes went wide, and she gasped at the news, throwing her hand in the air only to smack it down at her side again. She slumped on the edge of her bed and tried to listen to what he was saying.

Olivia took a deep breath, and blinked past her blurry eyes. _Was. Had. Couldn't. Did. _Past Tense. "So she's never been your lover?"

"_No_!" His voice thundered. "No. Only you...just you."

Olivia looked away. Another deep breath. It still didn't change anything. She shed David's coat and grabbed a bottle of water.

David broke the silence. "You've changed," he said tersely. "You used to be strong. Optimistic. You're so insecure now."

Insecure. That was one way of putting it. "Things were different then," she said.

"Not that different."

Olivia almost laughed out loud, thinking he was joking but as she caught sight of his face, she realized he wasn't. "Things are very different, David."

"How so? You still have your job. You have your apartment, your work, your friends..."

"But not you." How could he not get it? How could he value her love―relationship―so little? "You were everything to me."

"That's what I was afraid of. I cared about you, Olivia I cared more than you know, but you know you're responsible for your own happiness, just as I am. It's the one thing we agreed on when we met, it's what attracted me to you. You were strong and independent."

"And I still am." She took a breath. "Sort of...Caring for you changed me. It made me want more."

"But sometimes there just isn't more."

"You say that-"

"And I mean it. You got what I could give you. I saw you when I could. And it wasn't a lot. I know it. We were a weekend thing. Once a month, two weekends a month, just now and then."

She closed her eyes, counted to five, tried to keep from losing her temper. "But I was available every weekend," she said carefully, "free each evening."

"You had your own life, Olivia. You could've done-"

"I had work," she interrupted shortly, opening her eyes to look at him. "But outside of work you were my life."

David inhaled sharply. "Your mistake. Not mine." He was breaking her apart. He knew it. He didn't have a choice. It was true that he loved her. He loved her unconditionally, but he couldn't be with her. Not while Kim was still an issue. He didn't know how to say it or go about doing it but he needed for her to understand that, and if pushing her away and letting her go was the easiest way to do it, he would.

Heat and sensation exploded inside her. Olivia shuddered at the brutal tug on her heart. How could she feel so much? How could she still hurt like this? The pain was so intense she had to smile to hold the tears back. Was this love? Was it hate? All she knew for certain was that this emotion held her in its thrall, had bewitched her mind, taken control of her senses.

What she wanted ... needed ...

She shook her head once, a short dazed shake, the same dazed sensation she'd had since meeting David two and a half years ago. "I'm not arguing with you." She was so distracted with her own hurt that she hadn't realized that he'd been kneeling in front of her window picking up her dress.

"What the hell happened to your dress?"

When she didn't answer she saw him lift her ruined gown, the delicate fabric of the bodice in shreds. David's brow furrowed, his expression darkening. "He didn't-"

"As if you would even care," Olivia replied grabbing the ruined dress from his hands and balling it up and tossing it into a chair in the corner.

"I'll kill him when I have the chance."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?" His tone turned savage. "He's made my life a living hell for far too long."

''I'm sorry," she said, wanting to go to him, touch him but she didn't dare. He was too angry and she was too unsure of herself. Once she knew how to please him but that seemed like light-years ago. "I shouldn't have come here with him, shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have needed what I needed."

"And that was?"

"Closure."

"Right." His voice was quiet, thoughtful. "Closure." He looked at her. "Is that possible? Having seen me, do you think you'll have that...closure?"

_No. Never. Because she'd never forget him, never stop loving him. It was impossible. He might as well be part of her. _"I hope so."

"That's good," he said, smiling thinly but the smile didn't reach his eyes. It would seem they were both confused with how to feel- and rightly so. People get confused because when they start doing the exact opposite of what they want without a decent reason. "And at least Brian's gone. You don't have to worry about him anymore. His things have been removed from his room. He won't be back."

Brian was gone? Olivia felt a wave of relief. "What do you mean?"

"He won't be returning to the hotel, or attending the rest of the events. I made sure of that before we left tonight."

She felt weak, her legs wobbly, and she didn't even know why.

"You can do that?"

"My security detail can."

She moved to the window, to stare at the lights. "I didn't know you had security."

"I don't when I travel. But here in New York when the family gets together, or when we host a party, particularly one like tonight where we have many high profile guests attending, it's wise to take precautions."

"That's how you knew he and I weren't really together?"

"Yes."

She glanced up, checked the ceiling and corners of the room for possible cameras. "You don't have any in the bedrooms, do you?"

David smiled faintly. "I believe that's considered an invasion of privacy."

"Good." A little of her tension eased. "We agree on something at least."

David stepped toward her, adjusted the strap on her slip, smoothing the fabric on her bare golden shoulder. The touch of his fingers on her skin made her shiver, body and nerves tingling. "We probably still agree on quite a bit."

She shivered again as his fingertip traced the low neckline and the lace panel covering her breast. "Careful," she murmured, voice low and husky.

His hand fell away. "Did you ever meet anyone while we were separated?"

Did she meet anyone? What kind of question was that? Hadn't he been listening to a single thing she'd said today? "No."

"Why not?"

Did he really mean to hurt her, or was he honestly so oblivious to the depth of her feelings? It took her a moment to manage a careless shrug. "I do get asked out." Not that she ever said yes, but he didn't have to know that. Since he clearly didn't care.

"And do you go out?" he persisted.

"I haven't been in the mood." First there was the heartbreak, then the discovery of the pregnancy and then the miscarriage. Not exactly the right mind frame for meeting-or dating-new men.

"It's not to late to find real happiness."

"Because with you it wasn't real happiness?"

"It was never an option."

She sighed, "I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?"

"Make decisions for me. Decide what it is I can or can't have, what it is I need or don't need." The anger was building. Hot, terrible and fierce. "You might know what you need, David, and you might know what you want. But you don't know the first thing about me." The emotion felt hot and strangled inside. "You never even tried."

Silence stretched, a long uncomfortable silence that made the hair on her nape rise. "I thought loving you was enough."

"You didn't love me. You made love to me."

"And yet you let it continue for two years," David said finally, his voice a soft drawl.

She gritted her teeth, stifling the pain. "Stupid, isn't it? If I were smart, I would have bailed early on."

"If I were smart I would have moved on six months ago."

Her heart did a painful lurch. "You haven't moved on?"

The corner of his mouth lifted in a faint, mocking smile. "You're surprisingly difficult to forget."

"David." His name came out strangled, her voice strangled, everything inside her tightening up. What was he saying? What did he mean by that? And why had she ever loved him? Why him? There were so many men in the world, so many men who had been interested in her, fiercely devoted, but she'd never cared about any of them, never cared one way or the other until David.

He now reached for her, his hand cupping the back of her head, his fingers curving, briefly tangling in her long hair before falling away. "So difficult, I find myself not wanting any other woman yet."

"Yet?"

He ignored her comment. "And you should know that I never slept with any other woman while I was sleeping with you."

Sleeping. Slept.

Her throat squeezed, constricting nearly as tight as her heart.

It crossed her mind that she should stop talking now, that even though she had questions she probably wouldn't want answers. But she'd come too far. Waited too long. Common sense was a thing of the past. "So I was your only sexual partner?"

"Yes."

"For the entire two and a half years?"

She felt rather than saw him step closer, felt the sudden sizzle of energy, the electric sexual tension that always hummed between them. "Yes."

Yes. Her heart did a double thump, hard, uneven, fast. Too fast. He was now standing too close. "And there's been no one since?"

"Olivia-"

"I have to know."

"Why? What good will it do? If I had a one-night stand with some nameless woman, will it change anything between us?"

"Maybe. Possibly." She gave him her most evil eye. "No."

"So?"

"But did you?"

He made a hoarse sound, part exasperation, part amusement. "No."

She breathed in, breathing in the achingly familiar scent of him, feeling his warmth, his sheer physical strength. Even without him touching her she could remember the caress of his hand, the heat of his palm, the way his fingers wrapped around hers. With him she'd known a life no one else had ever shown her. Known emotion, passion, a scope of feeling that had been everything she'd ever wanted-and more and the desire returned full force.

Her stomach clenched. Her legs felt odd, and she kept switching which foot to lean on, holding the emptiness in, fighting the ache as if desire could be so easily answered. She wanted him. She needed him to drag her to him, make her straddle his lap, sinking deeply into him. She remembered it all, remembered the way he'd bury himself in her, remembered the way she'd wrap herself around him. Remembered how slowly he'd take her, love her, remembered how he'd drag the pleasure out.

She wanted him now. She wanted release. A reprieve. But it wasn't going to happen. It couldn't. Not with things so complicated between them now. "You should go back to the party," she said, trying to be practical, do the right thing. "Kim's waiting ―"

"She's not. She's going home with her parents. Her family lives not far from here. Besides, as I told you, we're not together, not the way you think." David looked at her, no emotion anywhere in his dark eyes, on his face, and again the silence stretched, the tension growing. "You should have never come here."

Olivia swallowed the knot of desire burning in her throat, matching the fire in her lower torso. She ached all over, hot with want, hot with need. "You're probably right."

"Maybe you're the one that should go," he said.

"Yes," she agreed, knowing intellectually that she had to leave this place and never come back, never speak to David again, never have contact with him because she'd never get over him, never recover from him, if she thought, hoped, believed she might still have a chance.

"This isn't what we should be doing." His voice was quiet, but she sensed the storm beneath the calm. "We shouldn't be alone, not like this."

If he made love to her now, he'd blame her. If he lost control, it would be because of lust, not love. And she wanted love, his love. She'd had his body but God help her, this time she wanted his heart.

"I should pack." Her voice cracked.

"You want to go first?"

_Yes. No. _

_No. _

_No. _

Acid tears filled her eyes and she drew a breath that cut her from the inside out. "Yes."

"Yes?"

He'd done this to her, she thought, struggling to nod even as she stared up into his hard beautiful face, losing herself in his dark silent eyes. He'd brought her to this. He knew her better than anyone-had made love to her-and still he'd cast her off. She had to get over him, had to get rid of him. If she were smart she'd take his heart out. But first she'd have to rip out her own. The bitterest of emotions filled her and she looked away, precariously close to losing control.

Either he needed to go or she did, but this couldn't continue, not a minute longer. She missed him ―David ―the man she loved and that was the man she wanted, not this hard distant stranger. Silence filled the room, and then the sound of footsteps, David's footsteps and then came the firm but distinct closing of the bedroom door. Olivia jerked around, turning swiftly toward the door, tears flooding her eyes.

But David wasn't gone. He was there, at the door, and he was turning the antiquated dead bolt, locking them in.

"I can't." he said, watching her.

She shook her head, nervous. Overwhelmed. Even scared. She was defenseless when it came to David and she bit her lip, biting so hard she tasted blood. Don't get emotional, she told herself, don't fall apart now. "You're not making this easy," she said.

His laugh was low, mocking. "I didn't have a choice."

"No?"

"No." He replied. Her lips trembled and she struggled to smile. "I don't think I've had a choice since I met you. I knew...knew from the first time I saw you." Her shoulders lifted, a slight shiver of cold and nerves. "I've always known when something big happens, I know it in my bones. Call it instinct. But I knew from the first moment I saw you, and when I saw you."

She wanted to laugh at herself but she couldn't, not after spending the last six months caught somewhere between hell and purgatory. "I knew then you were it. Everything. You were what I wanted. Heart, body and soul."

"And now?" she wondered.

The tears filled her eyes, burning hotter than before but she fought to hold them back. "You're the last thing I need, but I can't..."

Olivia nodded, understanding what he meant. Then she felt his lips return to the pulse, the sensation razor hot. Incredible. Excruciating. His mouth moved with tormenting slowness across her throat. "I'm sorry...One more time," he whispered hotly.

Yes, she answered silently, shuddering at the feel of his body against hers.

Yes, she wanted fire, she wanted the burn if only to remember ―relive ―what it had once been like, how amazing it had felt to be taken by him. He had to know she craved the feel of him, the weight of him on her, the hard, heavy pressure, the way he filled her, the way he stormed her world and made it his. She'd never known anything like the glorious sensation of being touched, possessed, and maybe it wasn't love but it was heady, seductive, intoxicating.

And then his mouth covered hers and it was so fierce, so demanding that something inside her snapped and she felt close to breaking, felt as though she needed to throw a white flag, cry surrender. His hands were wrapping around her arms, sliding up to her shoulders and then down, molding her through the slip with his palms, shaping her breasts, her rib cage, her torso before one palm returned to her breast.

His kiss sucked the hiss of pleasure from between her lips, as his fingers worked her breast, cupping, pressing hard against her nipple. The rhythmic kneading, squeezing, rippled through her, bringing memory and desire to life. She shifted, brushing her hips against his, her body blindly seeking what it had so desperately missed.

Sex.

Dominance.

Surrender.

Surrender, she silently repeated as one of his hands slipped the strap of her gown down over her shoulder and he impatiently pushed the delicate fabric down to expose her skin. She gasped at the heat of his hand against her skin, gasped again as he seemed to count and measure her ribs, a reclaiming of her body, a reminder of all that he'd given her, all that they'd experienced together. And as his bare palm slid across her chest, his control slipped, and he, too, cracked, and something primitive and wild took over.

He shoved the gown down the back with one fierce tug of his hand, the silk falling at their feet. He stroked the length of her exposed back, wrapping her thighs against his waist. She felt his quick breath as his examination slowed, his fingers tracing the skin around her waist and the strands of wild hair in her face. He stroked the length of her, from the back of her neck all the way down to the small of her spine, stroking each skin, inflaming the nerves, stirring all the senses.

When she trembled against him he cupped her bottom, pulling her thin undergarment down off her. How she loved the feel of his hands on her, loved the way he touched her, his fingers burning, kneading, branding her. Branding her as his. Aggressively he moved her, lifting her off her feet to push her down on the bed. He parted her thighs wider, his large hands on each of her knees, and he looked down at her and smiled faintly.

Holding her still as he took his fill. She jerked as his mouth touched her between her legs, the soft place already moist from the anticipation. Olivia breathed through her nose as her cheeks burned red. She clenched the sheets for support when she felt his tongue gliding over her, tasting her, unfolding her piece by piece.

She wanted him. But she'd always want him. He knew it, too. His mouth moved faster. She gasped, squirmed, legs trembling as the tip of his pointed tongue pressed hard at the apex of her thighs, finding the small rigid nub where all her nerve endings came together in intense, erotic pleasure. Her hips shifted on their own accord, her hips grinding in a helpless dance, wanting more than just the tip of his tongue against the satin, wanting his tongue on her skin, wanting the feel of his damp tongue against her.

"David," she groaned as his palms slid across the inside of her thighs, slow, torturous caresses that stirred her senses but brought no relief.

She begged but he ignored her hoarse plea, his thumbs instead skimmed close to the edge of her hips, finding the hollows where her thighs joined her body, playing the nerves dancing beneath her skin.

Olivia choked on a breath, skin flaming, cheeks burning as his dark head lifted and his narrowed, stormy gaze slowly traveled the length of her, taking in the fullness of her breasts, the rise and fall of her rib cage, the pale bones at her hips, and her thighs parted wide, exposing all of her to him. With his gaze on her face, he reached for her, strumming her dampness with his fingertips, watching her jerk and clench her muscles, watching her tense expression, measuring her response.

"David," she repeated, grinding out his name, her voice so deep and husky that it sounded as if it came from someone other than her.

And this time he responded, leaning toward her, putting his mouth on her, his fingers against the hot silk of her inner skin where she burned and melted and needed so much of him. With his mouth against hers, she quivered and reached for him, burying a hand deep into his crisp hair, hanging on to him as his tongue touched her, traced her, made her even hotter, wetter, made her want him even more.

Cupping her hips, he slid his palms beneath her bottom and tilted her up to him even as he tugged on his belt. So many sensations...so much to sweep her up, dazzle her... His cool tongue on her hot slick skin, his fingertip testing her dampness, another of his fingers toying with the silk hose encasing her thigh. She dragged in air, her rib cage rising, falling, her body tightening at the endless pleasure.

And his mouth never left her, his mouth moving on her, tracking her, sucking her, making her feel far too much, making the sensation far too strong.

She arched against him as the pressure inside her grew, tension building, the climax becoming something tangible, something real. Olivia dug her hands into David's hair, felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes, felt love, felt anger, felt the unquenchable fire of desire. His mouth pressed closer, his fingers buried in her. He wasn't going to let her go, not without making her his, breaking her resistance. She was, after all, his.

His possession.

His object.

His lover.

His woman.

And she was there, at the peak, that pinnacle where sensation is so true, tension so tight that the only way to go is through. Through and over and into. Into the coil of feeling, of being, and she shattered even as his mouth held her, caressed her. She would, she thought, giving herself over to him, always be his.

She cried out in his mouth, as the first one intense release flushed through and out between them. After she called down, he resumed, only this time it was hotter, greedier, more desperate. She still wanted him, and the desire to be joined with him was intense.

"Are you still on the pill?" he asked, making room for his body between her thighs.

Olivia nodded. Not that it had protected her last time.

Not that David would ever know. There were some things she'd carry with her to the grave.

Confident that they could safely proceed, David touched her, made sure she was ready for him, and of course she was. But even though she wanted him, it still hurt when David entered her. He was big, hard, and taking him inside her had always stretched her, required a quick breath to help her adjust to his size. But tonight the sting of pain was already giving way to pleasure. The feeling was unreal, the sensation of him in her, filling her, taking her, so addictive and so familiar.

Something happened when his skin was on hers, his body in hers. She felt fierce, hungry, craven. With him in her, making love to her, she knew she'd do just about anything for him. Nothing was unthinkable. Nothing taboo. And maybe that's how she'd fallen for him. Not for his kindness or his tenderness, but his skill in bed.

Because making love with David felt like love. When he touched her, covered her, she couldn't imagine anyone else touching her again. Couldn't fathom desire―need―pleasure with anyone else. Just once with David had changed her completely. Now with David's body covering her, and his warmth penetrating her skin, she felt consumed by the hunger that had once raged inside her. They'd been together for over two years and the sex had never grown stale, the desire never waned.

Again, she'd silently begged, again. Again. Again. And he had, until the day she wanted more from him than his body. When she'd asked for his heart. And that, she'd discovered, was the wrong thing to ask for. The pain of remembering couldn't dampen the erotic pleasure he gave her now. Her body loved his, wanted him, and as David surged into her in deep, powerful thrusts, she gave herself over to him yet again as they climaxed together.

Later, it was wordless silence, the night dark, the room still, the air thick with tension, with all that was unsaid. Because there was so much unsaid that couldn't, wouldn't, be spoken now. That would never be spoken now.

Lying there in the dark with David next to her, Olivia felt as if a massive weight lay on her chest and her throat was slowly squeezing closed. She couldn't breathe, not well, not easily. She knew how this would end. Knew what was coming next. She dreaded what was coming next. He'd get up, and leave. She hated the leaving part, had always hated the leaving part but it seemed positively excruciating now.

What she should do was leave, right now. She shouldn't wait for him to get up, shouldn't wait for him to make the move. Instead she should be strong.

Olivia swallowed, touched the edge of the duvet, preparing to throw it back. All she had to do was get up. Stand up. Yet her body wouldn't move, and she lay inert, lay in silence and pain. Making love again had ripped her wide-open all over again. Taken whatever thin covering layover her wounds, peeling it off, leaving her even more bare and exposed than before.

Sex for him was a release. Sex for her was love itself. Olivia felt David stir beside her. Now he was going to leave. She'd missed her chance to take the upper hand. Panic rushed through her, the panic of leaving fantasy and returning to reality, the panic of knowing how bad she'd feel once he'd left, the panic of facing the pain―alone―of being alone after being with the person she loved most.

"Don't go," she whispered, putting her hand out, placing her hand in the middle of David's chest. His heart beat so warm and steady beneath her palm. Something inside her knotted and she thought life had never been so beautiful and awful. "Stay. Stay with me."

She felt David's indecision, felt the ripple in his muscles as he considered whether to get up or lay down again and she found herself repeating her plea. "Stay with me until morning. Please?"

He hesitated a moment longer and then he pressed against her palm, moving her hand out of the way. "Can't stay all night. There's too much for me to do still tonight."

The pain was almost too much. She took a quick breath, and another. Why had she come here? Why had she done this? She wasn't strong enough. Since losing the baby she wasn't strong at all...

"David." She touched her mouth to his chest, kissing his warm still damp skin. "Another hour then. That's all I'll ask for. I promise."

"I'll have to go sooner or later."

She knew that. She knew how it worked. "Okay."

"Okay," he echoed before drawing her close, settling her slim body next to his. "For the next hour I'm yours."

David felt Olivia take a swift breath, heard the faint catch in her voice. "Mine for an hour," she whispered.

She was fighting tears.

David felt a stab of remorse, regret for the things that couldn't be changed, regret that Olivia had ever been hurt by their relationship because she had been hurt, very hurt, and it was the last thing he'd wanted.

From the beginning he'd tried to shield her from his life, from the reality that was, from the facts that couldn't be changed no matter how many times you looked at them.

From the beginning he'd wanted to protect her. She deserved protection, deserved to be cherished. He knew about her past, knew her mother had been an alcoholic, knew she was left, abandoned, and knew the one man that she had fallen for years later had been unavailable. Emotionally. Spiritually. Legally.

Olivia should never have been his mistress. She should have been someone's wife. Treasured. Respected. Valued.

Stifling the anger and self-loathing within him, David drew her even closer, held her more securely and kissed the top of her head. _Not an hour_, he silently corrected. _Yours forever._

* * *

**This is the part when I tell you, that this won't be updated for another month.**

**scream**

**scream**

**scream**

**scream**

**ice cream**

**scream**

**scream**

**scream**

**sun screen**

**scream**

**scream**

**scream**

**scream**

**scream**

**sexy teen**

**scream**

**scream**

**cause**

**WE'RE JUST FUCKING WITH YOU! Next, More Olivia! More David! More David & Olivia! THEN Brian comes back (oh shit!) and all hell breaks loose...and Liv thought losing the baby was the worse thing to ever happen to her. **

**DONE**


	9. You Can Run But You Can't Hide

**I guess we've kept you waiting long enough-**

* * *

Don't look at the clock, Olivia told herself, don't watch time pass. Because an hour was nothing. An hour was brutally short. Just sixty minutes. Three thousand six hundred seconds. An hour would be gone in no time. And despite being held so securely, Olivia felt pain at being in David's arms, not joy. Because she was waiting again. Waiting to say goodbye, to let him go. She hated waiting, too. Hated letting him go. She could do a hundred things―all difficult, all requiring prowess, talent, skill. But the one thing she couldn't do was let David go.

She'd tried, too. God knows she'd tried. She'd wanted more, needed more, but somehow less with David seemed better than more with anyone else. Now lying in his arms, curled against his side, Olivia felt the past rise up, the life she'd lived and she was suddenly, vividly reminded of their last weekend together, the weekend at home which didn't turn out to be a full weekend at all.

He'd arrived Thursday afternoon, and was scheduled to fly out Sunday evening. It was supposed to be special for them both, because it had been so much uninterrupted time together. She was ecstatic to say the least, using the week to make sure her apartment and wardrobe was ready. Then Thursday had come and he hadn't showed.

She waited. And waited. And then finally he called late Saturday night―to say he couldn't make it, but he'd see her Sunday morning, he'd definitely see her before he had to leave again. She'd been upset, hurt, disappointed and yet she clung to the fact that he'd promised Sunday morning, held on to the fact that he'd given her his word.

And he had come Sunday morning and they'd had a late breakfast before he'd taken her on the table but it wasn't the weekend she'd hoped for. Just like their relationship had never been what she'd hoped for. Because she'd needed more than empty hotel suites, even if they were lavish suites. She'd needed less disappointment and more peace. Less hurt and more happiness.

Maybe he did keep his word, because like that Sunday in Paris, he'd eventually show up but more and more often he'd show so late there was no time to talk properly, make love properly, be loved properly. And now she'd let it happen again, and everything was screaming inside her, everything was on fire. She'd allowed herself to be reduced to nothing. Because she loved him.

It felt as if she'd carelessly cut her own throat and the knife hadn't even been that sharp, but she'd done it fast, surrendered herself to him before she thought her actions through. Before she understood the consequences. Olivia bit down on her tender lips. She'd been tricked, fooled by the body and the senses. Somehow, each time she made love with David, she thought there was more. She was sure there was more...that there could be more, if she only asked. If she dared to risk.

Because making love with David made sense. She loved the way he looked at her. She loved the heat and the interest and energy. And when he touched her, the walls came down completely and it was just about them, the two of them together. Sexy, seductive, and inexplicably beautiful. No one had ever touched her the way David did, no one had ever made her feel so perfect. So...sacred.

In his arms like this, the only thing she feared was time. When he was with her, she feared time passing. When he was away, she feared time slowing. Time was the only obstacle. Or so she'd once thought.

David rubbed her shoulder, dropped a kiss on her head. "I have to go now."

"David―"

"It's been an hour." And they'd made a deal. She'd begged him to stay, and he had, and now she couldn't make him feel bad for leaving.

"All right," she said, her voice low and unsteady.

"You'll be okay?"

_No_. "Yes." She felt him throw the covers back and he slid from the bed and then drew the covers back up over her.

"You're sure?" he asked, reaching for his clothes.

She listened to the clink of his belt buckle, the whisper sound of fabric sliding against skin. "Yes." But she couldn't watch him dress. She couldn't do it again so she closed her eyes, turned her head away. But the hurt was huge, sharp, a dragon with endless teeth. Why was he always leaving her? Or was she just the kind of woman men left? The next thing she heard was the door quietly opening and closing.

He'd gone.

David had made it perfectly clear tonight that he wanted no commitments, nothing to tie him down. She was, and always had been, about convenience. And she wasn't convenient anymore. Whatever arrangement he had made with Kim and her family had prevented that, and to make matters worse she'd been the one to push him in her arms.

How could she have loved him so much and he felt so little? How could he take her, make love to her, for two years giving her pleasure, receiving such pleasure, only to let it all go away? How could he just walk away? She'd given him everything, access to all her body and every millimeter of her heart―why hadn't that been enough?

The questions burned her, returning now just to haunt her just as they had every night and day for the past six months. How could someone willingly give up something like what they had? Their relationship was different. Their desire was hotter, brighter, their satisfaction greater. They had _everything_. How could that not be enough?

She sobbed into the crook of her arm, sobbing so hard there were moments she couldn't catch her breath and finally she knew she had to stop. _Pull yourself together_. _You'll get over him. It's just a matter of time_. Pushing wet strands of hair from her cheek, Olivia took a deep breath, and then another. Maybe. Maybe not. She drew a shaky breath, and then another. _It'll pass. Nothing lasts forever._

And yet the clichés just made her angrier. She didn't want to get over David. She didn't know how to get over David. Not when she still wanted him like this, not when she still needed him like this. Not when she was still so deeply, hopelessly in love with David Haden, love of her life. David Haden, father of the child she'd lost.

* * *

Olivia woke the next morning to brilliant sunshine and the sunshine confused her, tricked her. For a moment she didn't know where she was or why she felt as though she'd been run over by a truck and left for dead. And then it hit her. It all came back. What happened last night. Where she was today. In the hotel. In the room David gave her. The morning after...

The ache inside her was nearly intolerable. And the sunshine didn't help, she thought, rubbing tiredly at her eyes, her eyes sore from crying herself to sleep. But it was a new day, and Olivia forced herself up. Leaving the bed, she began gathering her clothes still scattered on the floor- her slip, the torn panties and gown. And there in the tangle of clothes Olivia discovered David's cotton undershirt, the one he'd worn last night beneath his dress shirt.

She picked up the cotton T-shirt and pressed it to her chest, still able to smell David's spicy fragrance on the fabric. _David._ The heartbreak hit her again, the heartbreak still so stunning, always unreal. And pressing the shirt to her mouth, a kiss of sorts, she breathed in the scent of him, breathed in the emotion before tossing the shirt back to the ground.

In the en suite, Olivia stepped beneath the shower, let the water stream down washing away all memory of last night's lovemaking. She dressed swiftly, not letting herself think, not letting herself feel. She was in the lobby, checking the time when a hard voice sounded behind her. "You're getting good at this."

The sound of David's voice behind her made her jump, and she jerked in her stance. She gasped, putting one hand on her chest to quiet the mad drumming, calming down when she realized it was him. He was dressed in khakis and a crisp black shirt, and with his dark hair combed and his jaw shaven smooth he looked coolly elegant and perfectly in control.

Unlike the man who'd taken her to bed last night.

Unlike the lover who'd made her so completely his...

Pain sliced through her and she held her breath, trying to stay calm, maintain control like David.

"Where are you going?" he asked, eyes narrowing.

If she didn't think and just allowed herself to be, she could feel the heat and strength of David's body against hers still. She could feel the way he took her. Loved her. If she didn't speak and didn't move she could smell his clean spicy scent, a combination of his amazing skin and expensive but subtle cologne. She could taste his mouth on hers, the warmth and the coolness of his tongue playing hers, his lips teasing hers, the scrape of his teeth.

The sex worked so well. Why did nothing else? Olivia swallowed the lump filling her throat and shifted her suitcase from one hand to the other. "I'm going home." He just looked at her, a long level look that made her insides curl. He was angry. Angry with her. "I guess you finally got the closure you needed."

"I did."

"Then what was last night?"

"Closure for you."

"I don't close what I'm not finished with."

Olivia scoffed. "Don't talk to me in circles David. I don't have the time or the energy."

"Look if this about last night―"

"It's not just last night, David. You never stay after you've finished making love. For over two years I asked you to stay, to spend the night with me, but each time you had to go. You always have excuses. But it's lonely being left. It feels awful watching you dress and go."

"Oh I see. So what's this supposed to be? A dose of my own medicine?"

Defiantly she looked up, met his gaze squarely, reading the intensity in his dark eyes. He was still so hard. So fierce. He'd take her to bed again and again, but that was it. The extent of what he'd offer her. Outside the bedroom, he'd never give her more. He would take her body, pleasure her body, but he'd never love her. "David, there's nothing for me here."

"There was plenty between us last night."

"That's called sex."

"It works."

It was exactly what she feared he'd say, what she didn't want him to say. She wanted him to want her, fight for her, crave her the way she craved him. And for the longest moment she couldn't speak because it hurt, this gap in needs, a difference that was now clearly insurmountable.

"I deserve more than sex," she said finally, a terrible lump filled her throat. "I deserve more from you."

"More?" He was toying with her, his tone downright mocking. "As in gifts? Trinkets? Tokens of my affection?"

Her jaw tensed, flexed. It seemed impossible that they'd been lovers for so long, that they'd actually believed their relationship worked. How had so little been enough for her for that long? Olivia couldn't imagine ever settling for less now, not when she knew that she'd had her priorities all wrong, that she'd never known herself, who she'd been, and what she'd needed.

Sex might feel good, but she wanted love. Sex answered certain physical needs but it didn't satisfy the emptiness inside, the longing to be accepted, cherished, validated. "I've had enough trinkets and tokens. I'd like a real relationship, one based on trust and respect―"

"I trust you. And respect you."

"One where both people give." This was killing her, making all her frustrations and needs known. She hated being vulnerable like this, hated having to ask for anything. "You didn't give, David, you took."

He shrugged. "I gave you what I could."

She gritted her teeth at his tone, hating his calm indifference, that insufferable arrogance which set him above her, making him the mature, rational one and she the emotional, needy female. It seemed almost inconceivable now that she'd given herself to him so freely, that she'd allowed him such access to her body, as well as her heart, because she'd given him her heart, too, and it was the one thing he hadn't wanted.

Olivia drew a rough breath. "Maybe I need to be completely honest. Maybe what I should say is that I don't understand how you could make my body feel so good, but care so little about the rest of me? What was so special about my body?"

"_Olivia._"

"Don't Olivia me. There's nothing wrong with wanting I'm asking you." She felt so exposed now, so needy and vulnerable but she couldn't help it. It had all been pent up for too long. The wants. The needs. The fear. Why couldn't he give her what she needed? Why couldn't he love her? Surely he had the money to pay Kim's family now. She was asking for love, not money, not power, not fame, nor success. Love.

"Maybe all I need is to screw." David's deep voice, pitched low and hard, echoed in the hall.

"Great," she sighed, grabbing her suitcase and heading down the stairs rapidly, one quick step at a time. "Get laid. Go screw. Just stay away from me."

"You don't mean that," he said, following her down the staircase. "Or you wouldn't have traveled all this way to see me again."

"All this way? It's a subway and a taxi drive. And I told you. I needed closure."

"Or another mind-blowing orgasm."

And then he laughed, and Olivia stopped mid step, turned to face him. "You're making me hate you."

"Good. You should hate me. You shouldn't have ever accepted what I gave you." And he pulled her into his arms, pulled her against him so she felt the hard press of his body from his chest to his hips to the thigh he pushed between her legs even as his head descended and his mouth covered hers. His kiss stole her breath, his mouth forcing her lips open, forcing her surrender. He knew what he wanted and he was determined to have it.

Olivia shuddered at the flick of his tongue against her sensitive inner lip, shuddered again as he reached up to clasp the swell of her breast, his palm hard against her nipple, pressing, bearing down even as need coiled in her belly, fierce, sharp insistent. Her legs trembled and helplessly she arched against him as he strummed her nipple, a pinching, squeezing sensation that tormented her nerves, heightening pleasure to almost pain.

She wanted him. Now. Here. In her.

She wanted him. Hard. Fast. Furious.

She wanted him and she felt mindless, helpless, his. And he knew, he _knew_.

She'd give him anything he asked. She'd beg him to take her, fill her, beg him to give her release.

The pressure on her mouth eased and she drank in air as his head briefly lifted.

"You should have demanded more," he said, his voice rough, raspy with passion. "You should have insisted on more from the very beginning."

Her head was swimming, spinning, her senses stretched, teased, dazed. She felt empty, achy between her legs. And her heart felt just as empty, and achy in her chest. There would never be true release. Not from him, not with him. He was put on earth to torture her. "Why are you doing this?" she choked.

"Because you wouldn't. You couldn't. And it needed to be done. I was never any good for you Liv."

Her eyes stung. He was being awful, making the ending of this―whatever it was, whatever it had been―excruciating. She couldn't bear for it to be awful. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to make everything okay. Closure for her meant making everything okay, but maybe this time there wouldn't be real closure. At least there wasn't going to be peace.

Because beyond the discomfort of the moment, beyond the pain, there was pride. And self-respect. As well as something called self-preservation. If he wasn't going to help her, protect her, then she had to protect herself. And if he couldn't respect her, she had to do that for herself, too. Tears welled in her eyes and for a moment she felt lost. Abandoned. And it wasn't something she ever wanted to feel, not again.

No, she had to make sure she was safe. Valued. Treated well. She deserved to be treated well. And those thoughts, those elusive rational thoughts allowed her to stand on tiptoe and kiss him, kiss him gently, tenderly, kiss him with pain and heartbreak before she broke away, descended the rest of the lobby and exited through the front door.

David stood frozen on the step and watched her go. He saw her walk through the door and watched it close behind her and as the door shut he felt a rush of emotion―mostly rage―before telling himself not to think.

_Don't care._

Quickly he headed back to his room to change for the excursion Miranda had planned, and as he climbed the stairs he kept chanting don't think, don't care, don't feel. There was no point thinking or feeling now. What was, was. Period. But David knew he'd hurt her. Knew he'd leveled her, hitting her far harder than was fair, and it made him sick.

He didn't want her hurt. He didn't even know why he said what he'd said to her. He was angry, yes. And lashing out. But she wasn't the one he was angry with. No, his anger was directed at Brian and Grace, at the courts...at himself. But not Olivia and yet now Olivia was walking away...probably looking for a cab.

He should go to her. Apologize. Explain. Reaching the elevator, he drew a breath. But explain what? That he'd betrayed her? That he'd knowingly betrayed her for years? How could he explain? That he'd been as unfair to her as Grace and Kim had been to him? But Olivia didn't know any of that yet. She didn't know about his real life, the life he'd kept hidden, private, the life that would crush her if she found out.

And she'd soon find out. He had to tell her. Last night he'd determined he'd tell her this weekend, as soon as the celebration was over and Kim had gone off on business. It was time. But until then he wanted to keep the drama low...for his reputation's sake if nothing else. Inside his bedroom, David stripped off his shirt and searched through his bureau for another.

His bedroom door opened abruptly. "David." It was Donnelly.

"You don't knock?" he asked, turning to face her.

"I'm a certified judge. I've been knocking wood for years."

"Which is why you should knock on mine. You never know what you might find."

"Oh, I don't worry about you doing anything in your bedroom." Her voice was impassive. "You do it in the closets."

He shot her a dark glance, resignation tinged with humor. "You shouldn't be watching."

"Some things, David, are hard to miss." Elizabeth remained in the doorway, slim, elegant, very contained. She wasn't particularly tall and yet she exuded authority. Control. "Now your...friend...is outside with her suitcase. Does she have a ride?"

He slipped on a white linen shirt and began rolling the cuffs back. "I don't know."

"Why is she leaving now?"

"I'm not sure―"

"You are sure. You've just been fighting with her for the past ten minutes."

David's brow lifted. "She's a cop Lizzie. Duty calls, I'm sure."

"Miranda said she was Brian's girlfriend," Elizabeth continued. "But she's not, is she? She's yours."

"She couldn't be my girlfriend―"

"I'm not stupid, David. I've known you longer than two or three years. I know what I heard, and I know what I saw. Just what exactly does she know? If not the truth then-"

He said nothing, his jaw tight. "Part of it."

Donnelly took a step forward, her expression just as fierce as David's. "Tell her all of it. She deserves as much, don't you think?"

"No." His sarcasm wasn't lost on her.

"You're being awfully coy to be sleeping with your enemy David. Are you sure that's wise?"

The corner of David's mouth tilted. "Olivia isn't my enemy, and she's not with Brian. She's with me. I've been seeing Olivia for over two and a half years."

Elizabeth looked from David's things to David and back again. "You've been seeing her?"

"Yes," David answered.

"Not Brian?"

"No."

Elizabeth's forehead creased. "Then why did she arrive with him?"

David's jaw tightened. He hesitated for just a fraction of a second, "To surprise me," he answered smoothly. Elizabeth stared at him suspiciously going from his things to him. She seemed to be trying to make up her mind about something.

"You didn't seem happy to see her yesterday."

"You know how I feel about Cassidy."

"Mmm." Elizabeth's lips pursed and then with a glance at David's and her suitcase, asked yet another question. "Why is she leaving now then? Why  
before the weekends over?"

"Something's come up." He saw his Elizabeth's expression and he shook his head. "It's complicated―"

"Then uncomplicated it," Elizabeth retorted impatiently. "You've come too far and lost too much to let it all go to waste. Despite what happened in the past, you deserve to be happy too David."

She shot him a piercing look before heading to the door. "And for goddsake get her a ride back home. No taxi will take her back today. The Yankees are playing." And she walked out without looking back or saying goodbye. David stood a moment listening to his Donnelly's footsteps echo down the hall. Nothing like an overbearing guardian, he thought, but the corner of his mouth quirked. He loved her. Strong women had never intimidated him.

Olivia was standing next to her suitcase in a very busy taxi line when a car pulled up and the front door opened, revealing David inside. He'd changed into a casual white linen shirt and khaki shorts.

"Get in," he ordered.

"I'm fine.

"No taxi will drive you back to home while the Yankees are playing the Red Sox."

"No."

"Are you really going to sit here an argue with me? We both know that within the next ten minutes you're going to get in this car. Whether it's by force on you're own will. So let's just cut to the chase and get it over with. I don't have time for this."

Olivia's fingers gripped the suitcase handle tightly. She'd been so impulsive coming here. But then she'd been a gambler her whole life, a player in the game, confident, bold, aggressive. She'd taken risks in her personal life just the way she'd taken risks in business, but this time, she'd failed. He stepped out of the car and took her suitcase from her hands and stood by the door until she reluctantly got in.

Once inside, they drove in a sea of traffic in complete silence.

"What are you thinking?" David wondered out loud, as he watched her look out the window.

"Was," she corrected. "I don't know what I was thinking...don't know what I thought would really happen."

"Maybe you thought I'd see you and remember how much I enjoyed being with you and we'd get back together."

"Please stop."

"You came for answers, Olivia."

"I got them."

"Are you sure you got the right answers?" There was the strangest note in his voice, a tone akin to suffering but it couldn't be. This was David after all. And he didn't feel, and he certainly didn't suffer.

"I've got all the ones I need."

He looked at her, frowning at her disposition. She seemed so unaffected, so distant and content, that he wondered if he had succeeded in destroying what was left of them in her. He was distraught over that idea, but even more so over the fact of how much it bothered him. Olivia kept them alive. Everything in her was hope and a chance for happiness, however small and convenient it may be.

He wanted to say something, to prove her wrong, but the words didn't come. He had a feeling they never would. It was too late for words. He'd have to show her. He needed to show her how important it was that she stay in his life. It was vital.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked after awhile.

"First back to the hotel to leave your things, and then the picnic."

"I'm not staying at the hotel again."

"Then we're going straight to Central." He said, switching lanes.

"What about Kim?"

"Kim will be there, and so will my sister, Donnelly, your crew is supposed to show up too, but I doubt it. If I remember correctly, your job isn't very easy to escape."

David pulled his sports car up at the side of the curb and parked the car a visible distance away from the picnic.

"Why'd you park so far away?"

"I could use the walk." _And it's more time with you. _"Olivia?"

"Yes?" He didn't say anything. "What? Is something wrong with my dress?"

"No. You look beautiful."

"Oh."

"But that's not what I mean, I have to tell you-

"Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to call you."

"Kim-" David started to say.

"Everyone's looking for you." Kim saw the look in David's face and thought now might be a good time to acknowledge Olivia. "Who's this?" she asked with a very small smile.

"Kim, this is-

"I'm Olivia Benson. It's great to see you again." Olivia said holding out her hand. Kim didn't take it.

"Benson...Oh yes, I remember. You're one of Don's minions." Kim step forward and gave Olivia a hug that was perhaps too Joe Familiar. "You're right it is good to see you. I do hope everything's all right? But I can assure you David's been a good boy."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well I just assumed that you were here on business this morning. Last night was rather a celebration, but this morning is for family only." Kim replied.

"Olivia _is_ family." David shot back, his tone thick with edge, knocking Kim intellectually off balance.

"I see. And where is Brian, this morning? You two seem to have caught quite the eye over this weekends excursions. I hope he hasn't gotten himself into too much trouble."

David clenched his jaw. The thought of the man anywhere near Olivia still repulsed him. "Brian's gone." He paused.

"That's too bad. Perhaps he'll come around again." Kim said to Olivia. "Dave, there's a reporter here from the New Yorker, they want to do a piece on us before the morning's out. Are you up to it?"

"It can wait. Right now I have business to discuss. We'll talk about it tonight."

Kim got the message. Her eyes narrowed and swayed from Olivia to David. "Right, tonight." She moved her hand as if to touch him, but David flinched away before she had the chance. Taking Olivia's hand they walked off together without another word. Kim stood alone watching them go, a small frown appearing on her curious face. A range of emotions flushed through her in response to what just happened, but she couldn't think long, not when someone had been eager to speak on the phone.

* * *

David took what might have been his upteenth detour that morning, and lead Olivia through the park.

"Why did you do that?"

"This is my day and I want you to be apart of it. And I know Kim. If there is a problem, it's hers. She's a typical girl. Not satisfied unless she gets what she wants, when she wants it." David was suddenly walking by himself towards the rest of his family. He noticed Olivia had stopped and turned back. "What is it?"

"You better go," Olivia said quietly. "I don't belong here."

"I think you've earned that right better than most."

"I'm not in a picnic mood," she answered, unable to hide her bitterness.

"Neither am I." His voice was brusque, forceful. "But no Taxi in New York is going to take you where you need to go, and unless Cassidy is waiting somewhere for you, you're not leaving the city anytime today. So you might as well join the outing and make the best of it."

Olivia shook her head. "Kim should be here."

"She should, but she's not. You are, and that's all that matters."

Olivia lifted her chin. "But have you told your family you only want me for sex?"

His brow furrowed, his dark gaze brooding. "Olivia―"

"I want to go."

"I'm sorry, Olivia―"

"Me too."

"No." But he said it softly, so softly it forced her to look at him, really look at him, and his expression surprised her because he looked lost. Confused. And despite her anger and hurt she couldn't walk out, not like this. "We need to talk. There are things we ought to discuss. Things you should know."

"Then tell me now.

"Along with my family there are over fifteen reporters, and thirty photographers and God knows whatever else. This is not the place to cause a scene."

"What you're going to tell me will cause a scene?"

He hesitated. "It will be upsetting."

His tone scared her. "What? It's not like you're married or something." She attempted to joke, needing to lighten the mood, needing laughter. But when she saw his shocked expression her laughter subsided. His expression changed yet again, shifting, hardening, his features becoming closed and unreadable. For a moment there was just silence then he muttered something, shook his head.

"Stay for the rest of the weekend," he said. "Stay with me today and we'll talk in the morning once everyone departs." He paused, his gaze searching her face. "And you know we need to talk. We both need understanding...or whatever you think closure is." Closure. Her favorite word. And she didn't want closure, she hated the very word, but she did need to understand what it was tearing them―and her―apart.

She needed to do it for her. "Okay."

He smiled, but she didn't see relief in his eyes. If anything he seemed...resigned. A few minutes later with shorts, with her nerves blown into a frenzy, Olivia walked with David towards an enormous high risen tent in the middle of central park. But it wasn't just a tent, Olivia discovered, as they arrived. The clean, bright, and stylish tent towered over two lounges, three mini bars, four _very_ long rows of dining tables, and professionally captured the most stunning view of a private polo match.

A lavish breakfast buffet had been prepared for the guests and the reserved area was a lively hub of activity as everyone milled about sipping champagne and balancing plates piled high with fresh fruits, sliced meats, cheeses and warm fragrant breads. David assisted Olivia through the chaos, making sure she wasn't any more than a few inches away. "There's coffee, juice, plenty to eat. Are you hungry? What would you like?"he asked. "You'll want to have a good breakfast now since it'll be a while before we go back where we'll get ready for tonight."

"Tonight?"

"At the poker game. You will accompany me there this evening."

"What, as your mistress?"

"As the queen of my house." David said matter-of-factly. Olivia smiled, catching the joke, but she wondered if that was all she would ever be. Just part of a game. Something to play. David signaled to a nearby waiter, and whispered something in his ear. "I'll be right back. I need to speak with a few people and let them know I'm here, but it won't take long."

He left her but he hadn't forgotten her. A waiter appeared shortly at her side with a cup of coffee laced heavily with milk and a small plate with a warm blueberry muffin and a side of soft butter. Her favorite breakfast. She glanced toward David who was making the rounds, playing the cordial host, and her lips curved ruefully. He confounded her. She honestly didn't know what to make of him. Even here with his family he was so contained, so detached, essentially a closed book.

But why?

What made him mistrust so much? What made him want sex, but not love? Convenience, not commitment? Why would a man as strong, as wealthy, as powerful as David be so ... afraid? She sighed and finished up with her food and then took the initiative to speak with some of the familiar faces she knew. There was a guy that she met from working computer crimes, and a woman from forensics as well.

"Would you like more coffee?" David asked, joining her.

"Your friend is very attentive. He's been by three times with fresh cups."

"That's what he's paid to do." David rested his forearms on the railing, and he stared out at the casual polo match. The morning was already quite warm and yet the breeze cut the heat. Olivia glanced at him over her shoulder. "Your friends have been whispering and staring at me."

"You're beautiful."

She made a face. "That's not why they're staring at me."

He laughed, lifted his hands. "I'm sorry. You're right. You are beautiful but that's not why they're looking at you. They're curious."

"About...?"

"You. I've never...brought anyone here before." Central Park was David's favorite place in the world. He'd made so many fond memories here and he loved being able to come so freely as he got older. He made so many decisions while running it's long paths, and he dreamed about so many possibilities while sitting in it's grass. It was like his own personal quiet space. Unusual for a man of his lifestyle but then again, so very appropriate for a man of his personality.

"Never?"

"Not since I was a kid." David saw the way she looked at him, and he knew she didn't believe him, or maybe it's that she didn't understand him. Well, he couldn't blame her. He didn't understand himself. All his life he'd thought he was one person and then he'd discovered he was someone else. He'd always been strong, fair, just. But ever since meeting Olivia...He'd done nothing but play dirty. Break every rule.

"I'm glad you didn't go," he said after a moment. "I didn't want you to leave like that."

"Then or now. It doesn't change anything. I still have to go." He heard the cool note in her voice. She was still upset with him. She should be.

"Eventually, yes," he answered.

With her turned away from him he felt a rush of inexplicable emotion―need, pain, anger, again, so much anger―and it was just a matter of days...hours...now before he told her the truth. His gut churned knowing she'd be devastated. She'd never forgive him. Why would she forgive him? He couldn't forgive himself.  
And this is why he'd ended it six months ago, he reminded himself.

This is why he'd let her go. It was better for her. Cleaner. Smarter. Safer. For her. And him. But mainly her. How could she move on if she were still so emotionally tied to him? Her hands balled on the railing. "You make me crazy," she whispered. "You pull away when I need you, come to me when I don't. You hurt me, and confuse me, and I don't know why I still care for you so much when you've made my life a living hell." Her voice broke and she dipped her  
head, hiding her face and David knew she was trying not to cry.

If she were really his, he'd pull her to him and comfort her. But she wasn't his. Couldn't be his. Olivia knew David was watching her, felt his ambivalence and his ambivalence just cut even deeper. You have to be hard, she told herself, tough. But she didn't feel hard inside, she felt like glass. She felt fragile...ethereal. Her strength and resolve were gone. It was as if the warrior had broken, leaving her crumpled. Leaving her so damn small.

She couldn't bear David's anger or indifference any longer. She could take the brutality from anyone but him. She'd been his...how could he hurt her like this? How could he continue to be so cold, so hard, so removed? What she needed most was tenderness. Now. Right now. She needed his arms around her, holding her, needed his lips against her neck, her cheek, her mouth, warming her, soothing her. Loving her. But he didn't love her. And he felt no tenderness for her.

He'd break her the same way he broke all his competition. She pictured the legal system he'd so completely dominated these past ten years, recalled the sleek gritty, dangerous cases he'd won and realized he'd already broken her. She was like one of his cases caught in the media. Twisted, insinuated lies from high profile names, double standards.

Her head spun with the truth. She'd once thought she was so tough, so together. And yet now look at her... She was nothing. She'd become nothing. Love had reduced her to this.

"Why do you still care?" David asked after a long silence.

"I loved you."

"Why?"

He wanted to discuss this here ... now? He wanted a rational conversation now? He wanted to discuss love after six and a half months of torture? Yes, she did love him but how could this be love? How could love hurt like fire? How could love level like this, smash, destroy? She'd always been taught that love was patient, love was good. Love was kind. Love wasn't selfish. But that's not how she felt. She felt angry. Fierce. And it was the waiting that had done this to her...to her heart.

The longing to hear from David made every uncertainty roar to life, and when the silence stretched, when he didn't call, when the days and weeks passed without a word she felt her security slip, her peace of mind crack. His distance left the door open to fear and doubt. Was waiting this hard for everyone? Did other women feel this way when alone...did they wonder like she did? Did they worry? Doubt? Did other women approach love with more confidence, with less fear?

If she'd felt deeply and truly loved would she have been more grounded, less nervous? What would life have been like if she'd been his true love instead of a  
warm body in his bed? And every time he left her, she prayed he'd say, I'll call you. And then she'd pray, let him call. Let him call soon. But he never did. He made her wait. And wait. And slowly it broke her. It was the waiting for love that reduced her to  
this.

"Maybe it wasn't love," David said, his shuttered gaze resting on her face. "Maybe it was lust and you thought it was love."

Her lips tugged, emotions sharp, too intense. "I know the difference," she whispered, thinking that the past seemed light-years removed, their volatile relationship part of someone else's life...someone else's experience, and even though the good feelings seemed so far away, she knew there'd once been good feelings in this relationship. She looked at him, seeing his dark beauty, the hard lines and edges of David Haden.

Tall, powerful, authoritative. A lawyer who didn't compromise. Her heart squeezed inside her chest. If only he'd compromised for her...

"I loved how I felt when I was with you," she said after a moment. "I loved how I felt when I looked at you. You gave me joy. You gave me peace. When I was with you I wanted nothing else, nothing more. Every moment was precious, every moment meant so much to me."

"Yet you never saw us in the future. You never saw us growing old together."

She looked at him strangely. "Why do you say that?" How completely ridiculous. Of course she thought of that. She thought about that all the time.

Lines formed on either side of his mouth and for a moment he didn't answer. Then his head shook, his features tightening. "I know I wasn't good for you, and I know I―and our relationship―had hurt you."

The relationship had hurt. After awhile. After the limitations had become too narrow, too restrictive, too binding.

"You didn't give me a future." She couldn't look at him anymore, the heartbreak back, the feelings so sharp and bittersweet. "You didn't allow me to dream. You made it clear from the start it was sex, and I tried to be content with that." She exhaled hard, and drew another breath, the air hot, aching inside her lungs. "But I fell in love with you anyway. I couldn't help it. You're not like anyone I've known before."

"How so?"

"I felt like you needed me. I guess I was just used to having it the other way around."

"I meant that much to you?"

"What you gave me meant much more. Until I wanted to keep it...as if that's a surprise." It went over his head. "People...they always go after what they can't have."

"You had me." There was something in his voice, in his tone, that reminded her of how she used to feel when alone with him―desired, sheltered, adored. God, how she'd loved being with him, being loved by him. It was the best feeling in the world.

She tried to smile, but couldn't. "Not all of you." David's forehead creased, deep lines furrowing between his strong eyebrows and silence stretched between them the silence stretching so long that Olivia shifted. "I obviously shouldn't have wanted more," she added after a moment. "I should have asked for diamonds instead. They sure as hell cost a lot less." she joked lightly.

'There was nothing wrong with you asking for more." His voice was low, harsh. "I know you wanted more, needed more. I gave you very little." He hesitated, glanced at her, features savage. "I gave you virtually nothing."

_He'd known. _

Olivia felt a flicker of pain, like the sharp edges of a palm frond brushing her heart, simultaneously cutting and caressing. He'd known.

* * *

**Guys, this was sad- so I should warn you- it gets worse before it gets better, and you have my word- it get's much better. But that's a long ways off, believe me I feel your pain. So there's like another chapter of this really depressing conversation and then BOOM, first half is over- And now, may we present Brian Cassidy**


	10. Blurred Lines

** CRITICS**

**i realized i forgot to do this sorry!**

**lawandorderfan96: **This is so unfair! That chapter was abso-fucking-lutely amazing! part of me wishes that this story would end so that I could have my life back, but another part of me, a stronger part-just wants to keep reading!

And now I get all emotional and Livid-obsessed by saying that David needs to get over whatever his problem is, although it's probably very valid, if only to him at least, be with Liv, and have little Livid babies while living happily ever after, but I suppose it can't all be rainbows and kittens *sigh* :/  
P.S. If David really wants her to be his then he should follow Beyoncé's advice and put a ring on it!

**(TO OUR FANREADER: Patience mah friend.)**

**iwannahamberger2: **Ahhhhhgg! More sooon please! Danke!

**(TO OUR FANREADER: we feel it is our duty to inform you that we are going on a hiatus after our next chapter. PREPARE YOURSELF)**

**katechoco: **Um..yeah..ook…. this was….a freaking AMAZING chapter, one of the most, or probably THE MOST sentimental and moving chapter I'ver ever read on a story here! Seriously, I cried a bit at the end…. Wow. wow! You make their drama feel so real, their feelings are so beautifully described! Great job! *Claps really hard*

Also: "You're surprisingly difficult to forget" AWESOME line. Are you trying to kill us here? :P :P

**(TO THE ONE WHO STARTED IT ALL: *BIG SMILE* I'm trying to murder you and make it look like a suicide)**

**fayevdm: **Such a sad chapter :(

**(TO OUR FANREADER: yeah dude. It get's worse)**

**Yall are just going to die when you read this**

* * *

She couldn't see, the sudden sting of tears blinding her vision, her head so full of words and emotions that she didn't even know where to begin. On the inside there was a woman who'd never felt secure, never felt loved, and she'd picked David to love her because if he―difficult, untameable David―should love her then she was truly valuable. Lovable-

"Can I just interrupt for a moment?" _Great. Another woman. And this one has a baby. _She was cradling her infant daughter against her shoulder, one hand raised protectively to shield the baby's head and neck from the sun.

"Of course," David answered, reaching to take the child in his arms. "I've wanted to say hello to this beautiful princess all morning."

Olivia couldn't watch David with the baby. It was the last thing she wanted to see and so she focused on the woman who was looking at her with the strangest expression―surprised, as well as intrigued.

"You must be Olivia," she said, "I'm Christine, David's sister. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to meet you earlier. I think there was a misunderstanding―"

"It's okay," Olivia interrupted, knowing what David's sisters thought, and as it was what they were supposed to think, the last thing Olivia wanted from any of them was an apology. "I understand."

"So how did you two meet?"

"Olivia is a detective for special victims." David said calmly, gently patting the baby's back.

"That's exciting."

"It used to be. I've been doing it for so long that it's now just about going through the motions" Olivia said, wanting to change the subject, nearly as much as she wanted to escape. She couldn't handle seeing David with the baby. It was too painful, too vivid of a reminder of what she'd lost. "But I don't think I'll stop anytime soon. Girl's gotta eat."

"Ah." Christine nodded with a glance at David. "Another workaholic. I'm always saying to David, don't work so much. You need to rest more, play more, but David is very driven." Christine shot her brother another reproving glance. "He is not very good at taking things easy."

Olivia smiled but she wouldn't meet David's eyes. Instead her gaze dropped to the baby he was holding in his arms, the infant curled so contentedly against his chest, David's powerful hand cupping the back of the baby's head, holding the infant easily, comfortably, cradling her as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Her chest tightened with heartache. She and David hadn't just had sex. They'd created life. They'd made a baby.

Their baby.

Olivia watched David return his niece to his sister, the child reaching for her mother's neck and finally coming to rest on her shoulder. For a moment Olivia couldn't breathe, pain shooting through her, a lance of white-hot heat. _That could have been me_ she thought, that could have been me with our daughter.

"What's wrong?" David asked Olivia as Christine walked away, excusing herself so she could feed the baby.

Olivia looked at David, but she didn't see him, just the ultrasound, that first glimpse of the daughter that wasn't meant to be. "Nothing," she said. "It's nothing." Because it was nothing now. Nothing she could do. Nothing she could change.

Even if she wanted to.

"You're not very comfortable with kids, are you?" he asked.

Turning her head away, she stared out at the horizon of blue, trying not to scream at the injustice of it. "I like kids."

She'd been thrilled when she found out she was pregnant. She'd been thrilled to know she was going to be a mother. In her forties, it had felt right in a way she couldn't explain...not even to herself. For years she wanted it, but there was always work, and the fear of having to do it by herself, but nowadays she didn't care about the rest. She was ready to be a mother, ready for this next step in her life. Maybe she was too strong, too independent to make a good wife, but she knew how to love and her baby would be loved.

Then came the ultrasound.

She had a daughter.

And her daughter wasn't healthy. Nothing had come together quite right, limbs didn't attach correctly―a hole in her tiny heart.

Olivia had been dumbstruck. The doctor talked. Olivia stared at the sonogram. Her daughter―her daughter―wouldn't survive.

Sitting there in her robe, the cold gel drying on her stomach, time came screeching to a stop. After the doctor finally finished talking, she sat silent, her head buzzing with numbing white noise. And then the cloud cleared in her head and she was herself again. Tough. Determined. The fighter.

"How can I help her?" she'd asked.

The doctor's brow creased. He didn't speak. His expression grew more grim. "You can't," he said at last.

But it wasn't an answer she accepted. This was her daughter.

Her daughter...and David's. 'There must be something." She strengthened her voice, and her resolve. "Procedures done in utero."

"It's unlikely she'll even survive birth. If she does, she won't survive outside of the womb."

Olivia shook her head, furious. She wouldn't accept a diagnosis like that, and she'd stood then. Brave, fierce, undaunted. "You're wrong." Her voice didn't waver. "She'll make it. I'll make sure she survives."

But Olivia had been the one wrong. Two weeks later she woke up in agony. Rushed to the hospital, and miscarried that night.

"Do you want a family?" David asked, ignorant that each of his questions were absolute torture.

"Yes." Her eyes burned but she wasn't going to cry, couldn't cry about the devastating loss. Some pain went too deep, some pain caused insurmountable grief.

Losing David had hurt―badly, badly―but losing their child had broken her heart.

* * *

It was early afternoon when the picnic ended with many of the guests scattering to their cars. It was hot, temperatures soaring for mid-September but Olivia stayed with David and his sisters who were stretched out on the blankets, their conversation light, teasing, punctuated with much laughter.

And David teased his sisters as much as they did him. She'd never seen David like this. She'd only ever known the proud man, the lover and the lawyer, never the man who cherished his family and was adored in return. He lay not far from her now, propped up on his elbow. His body was powerful, muscular, beautiful. She tried not to stare and yet she couldn't not look.

His hand briefly touched his knee, his skin darkly tan, the hair on his thigh even darker, a crisp curling of hair on toned muscle, on taut bronze skin. She'd never met another man put together the way David was. The ease with which he sat, he stood, he moved. The shape of his head. The perfect nape. The broad palm, the strong hand absently stroking his knee. Just looking at him made her remember last night, made her remember how it felt...skin on skin...his hand on her thigh...his hands everywhere. Watching him now she almost felt like she was burning inside.

"Have you enjoyed today, Olivia?" Miranda asked, sitting up and stretching. Suddenly everyone was looking at her, and Olivia, caught in the middle of thinking private thoughts, blushed. "I have, thank you."

It was true, too. She'd enjoyed herself. After the picnic and the polo match, David's family stuck around and a second part began. This one far more intimate. They'd hired an ice cream cart and finished the afternoon doing little things like flying kites, playing hide- and-go-seek, and then conversational games. It was childish, but she hadn't felt so young, happy and alive in years.

"The hide-and-go-seek was probably the highlight of my year." she added, and glancing up she saw that David was watching her. He wasn't smiling, either. He looked hard. Focused. Intent. What was he thinking? There was obviously something on his mind.

"Well we hope you can do it again, soon," Miranda said, cutting a wedge of cheese and snagging a small bunch of red grapes. "I'm sick of always teaming up with David. It'd be nice to actually win once and awhile."

"I'd like that," Olivia answered.

"So when do you think you'll come back?" Miranda asked, with an innocent look at David.

"She hasn't even left yet," David answered, extending a hand to Olivia "But it's probably time we all packed up and headed back."

David helped Olivia to her feet and after folding several blankets Miranda told David that she and the others could finish up and so David and Olivia began a leisurely walk back toward the car.

"You have a beautiful family," Olivia said as they left the others, walking through the tall sun burnt grass surrounding the park. She smiled as she recalled meeting Miranda- officially, Christine, David's younger sister Nina, and his younger brothers Edward and Greyson.

"We had good parents."

She shot a swift side glance. David never talked about his parents. Come to think of it, no one did. Not even his sisters. She expected to meet them, or at least come across them by chance but she hadn't. Maybe he didn't want them to meet her, maybe he didn't want her to meet them. Either way she felt cheated, which was unfortunate after spending such a beautiful day with the rest of the family.

"No different than yours," he went on.

Olivia scoffed. If only he knew. She never told him about her parents either. She gave him the G-rated version and just told him that her mother had died and she never knew her father- which was entirely true, but she never spoke of how any of that came to be. She pondered a moment and couldn't see the harm in telling him now. They were over, and she'd lied and avoided the truth enough this weekend.

Olivia drew a sharp jagged breath, breathing in the warm air fragrant with sweet dry summer grasses. "Very different actually. My mother was alcoholic, and my father was her rapist."

"I never knew that."

She shrugged. "We never talked about our personal lives. Never discussed childhood, or our families."

"My mother died."

"When?"

"I was young. Eight...nine. The girls were smaller. Eddie and Greyson were young too. "

Olivia glanced up at David. "Were you close?"

"Yes." David's dark, watchful gaze rested on her face.

"And your father?" she asked.

"He died one year after I went to college."

You could almost feel the ghost of the past here, she thought, stepping up onto a fallen stone. The air felt thick, saturated by time and the civilizations come and gone. The weight of time made her realize how insignificant she was. She might want to feel big and important, but no one lived forever. Not even the great leaders and philosophers lived forever.

"I'm sorry." Olivia said, her voice faint in the warm breeze.

"I'm not. He loved my mother. Almost lost his mind when she died. He was happy to go, but not before making me promise to find someone who made me as happy as she made him."

"Didn't you ever want to get married?"

David's expression was shuttered. "You don't have to be married to be happy."

"Did I ever make you happy?"

"Yes."

"But you were afraid of committing to me?"

"I was afraid to lose you."

She remembered the last six months, the sorrow at losing David, the grief over the miscarriage, the deep sadness that didn't seem to go away. She'd fall apart, repair herself, patching herself together to get to work, accomplish a few things, but before she knew it, she'd be falling apart again, sitting at her desk with a pile of DD5s and a broken pen. Battling to keep her mind sane.

She didn't know how not to miss David. Didn't know how to stop loving someone who'd become the only family she'd known in years. When he left her it was like death but he hadn't died. If they'd been married, people would call it a divorce. But she wasn't his wife. She was nothing. And she became nothing. And she'd learned nothing from the pain but not to want or need anyone again. He was right to fear it, and suddenly she didn't blame him as much.

"You can't lose something that isn't yours," she said softly.

He swore softly and reached for her, wrapping an arm around her, bringing her firmly forward until she was against him. Hip to hip, knee to knee, he completely dwarfed her, his body taller, bigger, stronger. And standing so close, she felt the tension running through him, as well as that thread of hot emotion, the emotion he didn't like, didn't want, but couldn't seem to control now that it was loose.

His head dropped, and she turned her face up to his even as his face dipped, his lips brushing hers. From anybody else the kiss would have been so brief she would have said it was nothing, but that slight caress of his mouth on hers was hot, sharp, fierce and her stomach tightened, legs trembling a little at the shock of it all.

His gaze followed the path of his lips, the fiery dark depths touching her lips, and then the pulse at the base of her throat. "But you were mine," he mouthed against her throat, his voice deep, rough, a husky edge that made her feel far too much.

She wouldn't cry. There was no reason to cry now. "But you didn't choose me."

"Choose..." He said the word as if he did have a choice. "I can't."

Olivia stepped away from his arms. The warmth of his body weakened her defenses. She was far better standing apart from him, on her own two feet._  
_

"I know," she said as she considered the past several years, her history with David, and sighed regretfully. They might know each other's bodies, but they didn't understand each other's minds and hearts. "That's not a part of the agreement."

"We should get you back. We don't have long before the poker game," David replied stalking off, severing the intimacy they'd just shared. A brutal lump filled Olivia's throat before she followed.

* * *

They arrived back at the hotel a brief ten minutes later.

"Do you have your key?" David asked as he pulled her suitcase from her trunk."

"Yes."

"Take it to the front desk." Her eyes narrowed, but she complied without protest.

"How will you be paying this evening Ms. Benson?"

"You can add the charge to my tab Thomas." David answered coolly.

"Very well sir. And Mr. Gregson told me to inform you that your package has been delivered."

"Good," he signed his name on some paperwork and then turned to Olivia,"Come on. We don't have much time."

As soon as they were inside he left to make a call, for business he said, and she was left alone to explore. David's penthouse suite was a gorgeous apartment with floor to ceiling windows. The modern suite was cold and hard just like him, but the comfortable living arrangements that occupied the space made it cozy, and reminded Olivia just how warm he could be on the inside. She sighed heavily as she looked out the window. She was being reminded of a lot of things lately- particularly her last night with David and what she asked of him.

She didn't know how to explain it, but somehow she felt like he was giving her all the things she had asked for. Recognition. Love. Respect. Attention. Adoration. The pride of having her around. The time spent with his family alone was more than she would have ever dreamed.

If only she could go back in time. She wanted the old Olivia back, the one that was firm, strong, decisive. That Olivia would know what to do now. That one would be able to handle all these conflicting emotions. Slowly, unsteadily, she tucked the loose tendril of hair behind her ear. She had wanted more, so much more from him, and she didn't even know how to ask for more―the first time had unprecedented consequences―and he never volunteered it.

The truth was, at work she was aggressive, she knew what she wanted, she went after what she wanted, but at home...it was something else entirely. At home she wasn't sure about the rules. How did one get more? How did a woman get what she needed? Was she to _ask? Demand?_ Was it overstepping her boundaries to express what she needed-

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered from behind, kissing her head. She shied away and shook her head.

"How we ended up like this." David frowned at her. He knew she was being open with him, not that he knew why but it didn't matter. Not when he believed that she was protecting herself from anything he might have to say, and say he would. He had made decisions today. Decisions concerning he and Olivia's relationship and he had to discuss them with her. She needed to understand why he couldn't give her the things that she asked of him, the things that he'd wanted to give from the start. Even if things with Kim were complicated, maybe she'd understand.

He softened up a bit and relaxed before his thoughts got the best of him. She didn't deserve to learn that way. The hard way. He'd have to be easy and smooth just to weaken the damage. He knew what he spoke of would hurt her, even worse, provide the perfect excuse for her to walk out now and never see him again. As he said before, it wasn't so much the idea of commitment that frightened him- whatever the circumstances- it was more so the idea of losing her.

Before he would've kept his mouth shut and let it be, but now it didn't seem worth it. Olivia was a good woman, despite the way he used her. He knew that she was faithful, and loyal, and honest. He knew that she couldn't seem to catch a break much anywhere that she turned. He knew that life had been unkind, and life had been unfair to her. He knew that she'd often blended in with her surroundings just to protect herself from doing anymore damage than she could take.

Olivia was a suffered woman, and it frustrated him that he had somehow been apart of that suffering. She was never supposed to get attached the way she did- the way he did. He was stupid to ever think that what he proposed could have worked without repercussions. Maybe there was a chance when it was just her that was involved but then he'd gotten involved, and he'd wanted the things she was strong enough to ask for. But saying those wants out loud wasn't enough to change their lives and the mess they'd gotten themselves into a long the way.

So he had to explain things to her. Playing the guessing game didn't seem to do anyone any good.

"It's a long story."

"Aren't they all?"

"What did Brian tell you?" He asked while taking his watch off.

"That I should ask about Grace."

David turned but he did not turn from her. "Are you sure you want to hear this? I'm not exactly sure how much closure it will bring." Olivia said nothing. Did nothing to stop him. She needed to hear this. "Grace and I were college sweethearts. We met in law school. I was studying criminal justice, she was studying family court. After graduation we were married and our lives began overnight. I spent long hours trying to support us both and start the company, but the time apart hurt our relationship and we grew further and further away.

By the time I landed my first case we were already looking at divorce, but we never let it get that far. We kept trying to make it work, an effort here, and effort there, but in the end it really didn't matter. One of us always felt like we were being sold short. Then came Brian's case. His sister was charged with murder in the second degree after a drug deal went wrong. Of course, since she didn't do drugs, the allegations were completely untrue and the real criminal went undocumented.

I tried my best to get his sister out on bail, and if not the smallest sentence out there, but the murder had been so brutal and heinous that the jury was desperate to see someone charged, and in the end Brian's sister ended up having to serve to life sentences. After that day in court he had mentioned having intent to see me pay for what I let happen, and then like dominoes everything fell apart.

Grace and I were virtually through, but our marriage remained in tact for the sake of publicity. I was under a lot of media stress, and she was handling a high profile custody agreement. Our lives seemed to be headed in two very different directions. I was going to the top of the judicial system and she was going to meet Brian every Thursday at some cheap motel.

Things started getting ugly when he asked her to leave me. To this day I never understood why she refused but she did, perhaps like me she was still trying to hold on to something good. Nonetheless, Brian had been infuriated and he had retaliated by pulling the breaks on her car. As soon as she got on the road, she'd gotten hit, dying on impact and leaving the M.E. to fill in all the rest. That was on March 30th in Rhode Island.

After that Brian disappeared, but Grace's family was horrified. Coming into some wealth themselves, they had the power to investigate everything from beginning to end. There efforts put me out of concern but Grace's diary put me back in them. She'd written about how unhappy she'd been and how I was never around and they had seen it all, and felt that I was in part to blame for Grace's death. So to make up for it, I was promised to Kim.

The deal was that I'd marry her, stay with her long enough until she conceived and in exchange the company would be able to continue. The Greylaks's gave me the money to start and in exchange I was supposed to be a good husband to Grace. It should have been easy but I got to wrapped up in the company and I lost our time at home. I lost it so bad that she practically ran into Brian's schemes. Unaware of course that he was just trying to get back at me for what happened with his sister.

After she died, the arrangement passed onto Kim. If I refused her parents would have ripped the company apart and I would've gone bankrupt trying to build it up again. Thankfully she made it as uncomplicated as possible for us both, but it didn't matter. We'd been married two years and still no children. So finally I decided we needed a break. Just a few days away from each other and while we were apart I met you and the rest went to hell."

Olivia lost her footing. Her head throbbed and the air that tried to pass through her lungs was scratchy and coarse. Her mouth went dry and her vision went blurry but she did not falter. Her only reaction had been her hand grabbing hold of the nearest chair. His voice started to echo in the back of her head but she listened on intently.

"That's why I could never give you what you asked. Because-

"I was the other woman."

"Yes." David stared at her, watched her process the news he was giving her and knew she was falling apart. Her head and eyes down, her breathing hitched, the moisture unpreventable, she was breaking down right in front of him.

"Why did you lie to me?"

"You were worth it."

"You said that you were faithful to me for two and a half years."

"I was-

"You're married! You don't think I'm that stupid do you?" she shouted. "Answer me!"

"I told you the truth."

"You lied."

"It didn't matter!" he shouted back. "I was trying to get out of it. I choose you! I didn't have a choice and I chose you! End of story!"

Olivia bent low on her knees and brought them to her chest, she needed to hold something while she cried. "All this time I thought it was me! Me! Do you have any idea how awful you made me feel? Maybe he doesn't like this about you, maybe he doesn't like that!-

"You were never supposed to get hurt."

"Oh I wasn't? Then you tell me why I feel like I've just walked through a Jigsaw movie."

"You were never supposed to find out Olivia."

"Right I know. I'm not good enough to hear the truth, just good enough to be screwed and screwed over. Well you did your job David. You did it well."

"I never wanted you to hurt, Olivia," he said, and the concern in his voice made her even more upset. "Maybe I haven't explained myself well, but I do care, and have cared―"

"About sex!"

"About you." He reached for her, drew her toward him.

Olivia resisted. "If you cared about me, you would have talked to me, listened to me, supported me―not thrown me away." She tugged hard, struggling to pull away. "People aren't disposable, Max. I shouldn't have been disposable."

"It was complicated, Olivia―"

"Excuses! I don't want excuses. And I don't want you to touch me. Not anymore. Because it's not fair…not fair how you use me...my body, my feelings...against me." And she broke free from him even as her senses screamed for more. She didn't want space. She wanted love.

"You weren't supposed to find out because I was trying to fix it! I was trying to fix it for us! Don't act like you're the only one who's lost here. I went to bat for you and I failed! But it didn't matter, so long as you were there with me, by my side at the end of the day, even if it wasn't for very long. Because an hour with you was better than a lifetime without. And I loved you baby, just like I love you now."

His kiss on hers was a mountainous flame Olivia couldn't seem to burn out no matter how hard she tried. Is mouth on hers had been so wanting, so greedy and demanding that it was hard for Olivia to pull away as easily as she would have like, but she did.

"No." she pulled away and ran off to the nearest room where she closed the door behind her. He of course followed. He thrust the door open, and she nearly went flying. She noticed he didn't offer an apology, either.

"Some things are black and white, but then there are all the shades of gray," he added. "There are things we can control, and thing we can't. We can work very hard, and we can do our best, but even then, sometimes it's not enough."

She didn't want to listen. She'd heard enough of him blowing hot air around.

He was marching on her, his strong jaw tight. "I know you're angry with me, and Olivia, I know you like to believe all things are possible, but I've been forced to learn that sometimes our best isn't enough, that even good intentions mean nothing."

"I don't care anymore." Olivia tried to escape into the bathroom but again he wouldn't let her shut the door on him. He followed her into the bathroom, cornering her near the sink.

"You do care. That's the problem. You care and I care and we're both going mad with wants...needs...that go nowhere." He pressed her back against the edge of the sink. "I did try to let you go, Liv. I thought if I let you go and you met someone new, met someone good, loyal, less complicated, you'd be happy. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have the happiness you deserved."

He wasn't touching her yet but she felt him, felt his size and strength, felt his heat, his energy, that raw primal instinct that set him apart from other men, that made her feel beautiful. Desirable. Because when he looked at her the way he was looking at her right now, she couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else. Couldn't imagine ever wanting, needing anyone else. And when he looked at her like this, his dark eyes hot, determined, intense, she knew how much he still wanted her.

She knew how much he needed her.

She knew he might never use the words she wanted to hear, but he did feel, and he did care.

He was leaning forward, his head dipping and she knew he was going to kiss her. She knew, too, she shouldn't let him kiss her. The pressure of his mouth against hers always undid her. It wasn't just a kiss when his mouth touched hers, it was love. She loved him. She loved the feel of him, the smell of him, the warmth in his skin, the sensation of his hard body against hers.

But she didn't trust him. And she didn't understand him and she couldn't―wouldn't ―be vulnerable anymore.

Balling her hands into fists, she turned her head away as his head lowered. "You can't have me this time," she whispered, his lips brushing hers and then the corner of her mouth as she refused to meet his kiss. "I have to be practical." _Strong._

He cupped her face in the palm of his hand. His thumb stroked her cheek and she bit her lip to hide her immediate and emotional response.

He was everything to her. He was more important to her than anything else...and yet he was also driving her mad.

She felt crazy. Unbalanced. Unstable. This was wrong. And it had to stop. She had to get the tough Olivia back.

"I'm not letting you go. I can't do it again," he growled, stealing her away again. Ripples of an emotion torn by pain and want gravitated in Olivia's body. It hurt her to fight him, and hurt her not to, but where she didn't fight a want harvested in her, and before she could stop it, he was unraveling her like he did all the times before.

Her mouth opened up to him, welcomed his tongue with an urgency that had her arching up against him for more. She moaned in his mouth from the intensity of their passion, shuddering at the ferocity of his movements. So much. All at once. And in no time at all she felt the soft cushioning of his bed beneath her. Though she hardly noticed due to his hard erection pressing firm against her while his mouth moved down her neck nipping the soft flesh tender with a heat of their own, and dragging the straps of her dress down with him.

By then she was ready to accommodate him the way she did last night. The way she did so many times before. She took him wholly and completely, and so deep it felt as if he were touching her womb. It was amazing how little she cared about what he revealed to her a few moments ago. The idea that this really could be the last time heightened her excitement. And the knowledge that David was a part of her again was all that mattered.

He felt so good inside her. So big and powerful. He filled her physically and spiritually in ways that she couldn't describe. He gave her release twice and then a third time before letting his own take charge. He came violently, pumping his hips against her until he was totally spent. Then he dropped his head in the hollow of her neck and found a sense of peace and satisfaction that he hadn't met before. He closed his eyes, wanting to prolong the moment, not wanting to withdraw form her quite yet.

He knew if they weren't pressed for time he'd take her again, but they had to leave and the thought of her so far away from him- even be it a few feet- rocked him to his core. He hadn't known fear before meeting Olivia. Hadn't worried about losing something until he met her. He spent years watching his father rot away at the loss of his mother, never understanding how a man could break so completely down and out of control until he laid eyes on her. The thought of watching her go was something he had never had intentions of entertaining, until the moment she did.

Shifting softly beneath him she sat up and pushed him off her, grabbing the closest thing she could find to cover herself. _She wasn't really going was she? Not so soon?_

"What now?" he asked out loud.

"I don't know," she answered quietly. The pleasure had been good while it lasted, but it was pain hell bent on loose when it was over. He was married. The life she wanted so badly with him, the dreams she built so strongly around them never really stood a chance. No wonder he had been so careless to parade her around in front of his family. It didn't really matter did it? Kim was his wife, and she was just a woman he brought to secret places. Digesting it all, Olivia realized that she was grateful their daughter wasn't born. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself knowing she'd brought her into the middle of all this.

"We don't have to end it."

Of course they did. Sleeping with married men was not something she did. Ever. She respected marriage too much. If that had been the case she would have slept with Elliot months ago, and maybe a relationship with David would have been unheard of. But God, an affair? It was forbidden in her books.

"Yes we do."

"What does that mean?"

"We don't have to stop seeing each other. I think we can both agree that staying as far away as possible from one another doesn't work," she replied blankly, with no emotion whatsoever. Didn't even have the strength to look at him in the eye. "We could be friends, be cordial...we're both adults- but _this. __This_ ends here. Tonight."

"Friends then," he repeated, rising behind her to remove her long hair and kiss her shoulder. But she was impassive. Her thoughts were else where. David had gone to the end and back to tell her his secret. Maybe it was time that she told him hers.

"Since we're putting all of this behind us, there's something you should know too." She waited for him to react, but nothing seemed to phase him. Maybe because he thought nothing would be as bad as his confession, but that was because he hadn't yet heard hers. "David I-

His cell phone was ringing. "It's the alarm. We have to get ready."

"But I have to talk to you. It's important."

"We'll talk more tonight. Besides, I need a drink before we discuss anything else. My nerves are shot. You can get ready first. I've got somethings to handle before we leave."

"But David-

"Don't worry. I'll be back. We can talk when I get back."

The next thing Olivia heard were the elevator doors being closed.

* * *

She was having a hard time getting ready. She'd broken down on the bed. In the shower- twice, probably ran all the hot water. Once by the sink, and three times while she tried to put on her makeup. She'd burned her fingers multiple times while curling her hair- she was a mess.

Would she have loved him so intensely if he'd been more available?

Would she have endured so much loneliness and shame if he'd been someone else...someone steady, permanent, available?

For that matter, had she ever fallen in love with someone available?

Had she ever fallen in love with someone who actually loved her?

No.

It had always been one-sided. It had always been unrequited, as if love had to be sharp and love had to cut. Love, the ruthless, Love the critic, Love the judge.

Her eyes burned nearly as much as her chest. What on earth had she been thinking all these years? What choices had she been making?

The insight stunned her. Horrified her. Made a mockery of her so-called independence and strength. She wasn't strong. She was destructive, self-destructive.

She shuddered and jumped when she heard David knocking on the other side of the door.

"Just a second!" she called out, trying hard to stifle her sobs. Her hands were shaking as she gathered her makeup into her bag and tried hard to calm down before seeing him. She knew he would detect something was wrong the minute she came out.

"It's ok. I know what you're worried about. I took care of it. Come on. You can come out." she sniffed, tightened the knot in her robe, and took a deep breath before unlocking the door and letting him. She was smart enough not to look at him for too long.

"You're nervous aren't you?" No. She wasn't. But she nodded her head anyway. "Well maybe this will help you get comfortable." He handed her a large navy blue box, with dark ribbon on top.

"What is it?"

"Open it," he urged.

Olivia brought the box to the nearest table and unraveled the ribbon. Removing the lid and a heap of wrapping paper, her eyes came to rest on a gorgeous floor length lilac chiffon gown. She gasped as she felt the material brush against her fingers. The dress probably costed more than what she made in a year. She'd never worn or seen anything like it in her life, and probably wouldn't ever again. The plan to leave him was already set in motion. Just until tonight she told herself. Tonight and then you can go. It's easier this way.

"You don't like it." he said.

"I'm sorry...I just don't know what to say. It's beautiful."

"And you're going to look beautiful in it." He kissed her cheek. "Get dressed. I'll be ready in an hour."

And it was in an hour that they had made their debut at the poker game. Heads had turned and conversation had stopped as they entered the room, but it was the attention was not unwelcome. In comparison, it was different than being with Brian. With him, there were up turned noses and harsh whispers but with David there had been small smiles and admiring gazes.

Flurries erupted inside Olivia as she blushed and politely smiled back, because she couldn't help but feel that she'd succeeded at being at David's side. And she wasn't the only one who noticed either. Miranda, Christine, and Nina gave approving glances as well and welcomed them warmly. The gesture soothed her nerves. Even if they weren't going to last forever, at least she'd have the memories of a time where she thought they would.

"Will you be alright until I get back?" David asked, sitting her by his family.

"Of course," she smiled.

"Wish me luck." This would have been the part where he kissed her, and reluctantly pulled away, but as far as everyone else was concerned, Olivia was nothing more than an escort. Maybe his family thought different, but to the rest of the world, in everyone else's eyes they were undetermined. They'd leave it to the quiet gestures that spoke loads themselves, to explain their relationship, so it was no surprise that David had been as discreet as possible.

Even the palm of his hand on her face before he left was brief enough to look like he'd removed a stray hair or a light feather. It in no way gave any gave any sign that they had once been more than just acquainted with each other. But that was the least of Olivia's concerns, because as David walked away and she caught a glimpse of Brian entering the room, she suddenly wished she hadn't so easily thrown away her luck.

* * *

**NOW DO YOU GUYS SEE?! DO YOU SEE WHY THEY COULDN'T BE?! Fucked up right? And then it pretty much goes down hill from here. What will happen? What will Brian do? What will Brian say? What will David do? What will David say? What will happen to Olivia? Ermehrgerrd! Continue? Not continue? **


	11. Twisted (Thank You Porter)

**CRITICS**

**nickandliv: **Twist the fucking knife why don't ya!

**(TO OUR BFF: JUST BLEED IT OUT. WE'RE HERE FOR YOU)**

**guest: **PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE update it SOON i love it soooo much!

**(TO OUR FAN READER: I PROMISE we will! Don't know how much you're going to love it by the end of this chapter but it was fun! Glad you enjoyed it)**

**teleficsmovies211: **As sad as thus chapter was, it was beautifully written. I love what you guys give me each every time. Please please please please please please don't make us wait too long.

**(TO OUR BIGGEST FAN: We won't make you wait! But we suggest some time off. I know we are!)**

**lawandorderfan96: **I love this story because it's so fantastically written and unique (and the idea that it might end up happy and Livid helps), but then I hate this story because it's so well written that I want to cry along with Olivia, which makes me love it even more! Not sure if this makes sense but it's supposed to be a positive review, and I hope you update soon (:

**(TO OUR FAN READER: Cry darling. Just let it out. We will buy you some tissues. You're going to need them, this round.)  
**

**fayevdm: Intrigued again :) BTW, I could really do without you presenting Brian Cassidy again.**

**(TO OUR BIGGEST FAN: GLAD YOU'RE INTRIGUED AGAIN ;) As for Cassidy...I'll just say sorry now)**

**OK SO, this is the part where I destroy your lives. READ (oh also, we went back to the previous chapter and put in some details as to why David is still married to Kim, one of our darling readers pointed out that it was a bit confusing. So we cleared it up a bit. It's the usual blackmail of course, but hopefully you understand a bit more why it's so complicated)**

* * *

Olivia's stomach did a free fall, a long horrible dive as her eyes met Brian's. He smoothed back his greasy hair the way he did when he was about to cause an issue, and pulled out the chair that sat directly across from David.

"Back again?" David quipped without so much as a glance. He was too busy writing a check for bets. Olivia watched them from afar.

"I forgot something," Brian responded gruffly.

"You could have called," David answered. Dressed in a black tuxedo, he looked elegant. Composed. Controlled. "I would have been happy to have it sent."

"Maybe I didn't trust you to send her back," Brian answered.

"Her?"

Brian's white teeth flashed. "My fiancée."

"Ah. Right. You're supposed to be getting married. Rhode Island, isn't it?" Olivia tensed as she watched the exchange.

"I'm sorry sir, high card deals only." The dealer warned Brian. David's attention caught and noticed a manila envelope on the table. David raised his hand.

"I'll allow it."

"Very well sir."

"Whatever it is, I certainly hope you're ready to lose it." David said coolly.

"I'm counting on you to kick my ass."

"It is Mister Haden, Mister Cassidy, Monsieur Regaur, Mister Mendel, and Lady Elisa. That is to say, a big blind of thirty thousand dollars, a little blind fifteen," The dealer continued. The cards were shuffled. David cut his as the cards were dealt face down.

"Twenty thousand." Regaur bet.

"Twenty thousand." Brian bet.

"Twenty thousand." David bet. The other players fold. Mendel deals out.

"Three hearts. 9-8-5." The dealer calls.

"Fifty thousand." Brian bet rather loudly. The table broke into silence and then erupted into murmurs. David eyes Brian. He has a flush or three of a king to be playing so strong. That or he's bluffing. The dealer lays down the next common card. It's a nine. Elisa and Regaur deal out.

Brian bets again

"100 hundred thousand." More chips go in. Mendel is out again. The dealer faces up A-K-J-J.

"Three hundred thousand," Lady Elisa bet. Brian pushes his chips, David follows. A million dollars now lie on the table. The dealer turns the card over it's a King. The five card face-up is A-J-J-K-K. Brian goes all in. David goes all in.

"Six and a half," he bet. The room buzzed .

"Mister Haden, you've been called." David shows his cards.

"Full house, Kings on Aces." The dealer announced.

"Oh dear. Did you think I was bluffing?" Brian taunted. David clenched his jaw as soft clapping emerged around him.

"Big blind now one million." The dealer called. David bet one million.

"You know...she's not worth it," Brian sighed as he twisted a chip between his fingers. "Five million."

"That's a lot of money. Even for you." David pressed.

"I got a hefty loan from a life insurance policy. Some broad I was bangin- you might of known her. Grace I think her name was."

Back at the table with David's family, Olivia was shaking.

"All you alright love? You look pale." Miranda whispered.

Olivia blushed. "I just wish I knew what was going on."

"Twenty-four million is in the pot. Possible flush, possible full house, two pairs? Sixty million in the pot. It's getting out of control." Greyson explained.

"That's a lot of money on the table." Christine whispered. "He shouldn't be in that deep." Then the dealer laid out the last card.

"Somebody's got the full house!" Eddie whispered.

"Five million," Lady Elisa bet.

"Ten." Brian bet.

David pauses a moment. He's already lost a ton of money... "Ten million."

"Players, show your cards," the dealer requested. Regaur plays a spades flush but Elisa beats him with a pair of eights. Full house. Brian lays down his cards, Ace and six. A higher full house. So far he's in the lead. It's David's turn. He uncovers a 5 and a 7.

"It would seem you have the lower hand Mister Haden." The dealer murmured.

"My flush is. But not my straight flush." David reveals four through eight of spades the high hand. He's just won everything. Brian grins at him unflinching.

"You can collect your cash value in the back of the room Mister Haden."

"Will do thank you. " David replied collecting his chips, leaving the envelope behind.

"Did he win?" Olivia asked.

"He won it all." David's youngest sister Nina gleamed.

"We're partyin' tonight boys!" Eddie hooted. David winked at Olivia as he passed their table to cash his chips.

"Congratulations," she smiled softly.

"Don't congratulate me yet. I still have to figure out what I'm going to do with 65 million dollars." David grinned. "I'll just be a minute. Then I'll take you home." Olivia nodded, and just like he'd said, he'd returned to her to take her back. He left some money with his siblings and said good bye before leaving with Olivia.

"Do you have all your things?" David asked as they passed the lobby.

"They're being put in your car."

"Good. We should probably get you back before it gets to late. Are you going in tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure yet. I think I'm just-

"Leaving already?"

David cursed quietly under his breath. "Just ignore him."

"Hold on now. Wait a minute." Brian said wedging his shoulder between them. "You forgot this." Brian grinned, handing him the manila envelope from earlier.

David was baiting Brian. He was looking for a fight.

"David," she whispered, squeezing his hand, knowing he couldn't really want trouble now, not when he'd regret it later.

"It was clever to set the make-believe wedding in Rhode Island, though," David added, continuing his baiting, ignoring Olivia's hushed protest. He wanted trouble. He was asking for it. "Considering Grace was from Rhode Island. That's just so you. Wanting to inflict the most pain possible." His tone dripped contempt and Brian seemed to shrink in size and strength as David's power grew.

"I do enjoy your suffering," Brian answered unkindly, but less sure of himself than before.

David's upper lip lifted in a snarl. "Go to hell."

"I'm on my way." Brian turned as if to leave, but stopped midstride. "And so are you."

David wasn't intimidated. "Goodbye."

Brian pretended to think. "A thought just came to me. Isn't Grace buried near here?" He glanced around, brow furrowed in mock concentration. "I think her funeral was held in St. Patrick's last spring. What was it? February? March?" He shrugged. "Anyway. I forget. But then, she wasn't my responsibility, was she?"

Grace again, Olivia thought, turning icy cold on the inside, even as she felt David physically, emotionally withdraw, leaving her, the hotel steps. It was always about Grace. And Brian. And some god-awful feud. She glanced up at David and the expression on his face made her recoil. Rage twisted his face, his features set in lines so violent she felt her legs buckle.

David's upper lip curled, half snarl, half sneer. "No more than you sister was mine."

"They've already suffered." David's eyes flashed fire. He was different. Changed. "It's our turn now buddy. I've already paid my debts. Speaking of paying debts. How's Kim working out for you? If she's as good as he sister was-

David lunged forward, seizing Brian by the neck. His hands wrapped around Brian's throat, fingers pressing tight. "You should have cared about her a little more. You should have at least cared. Because we all did. We all went to hell and back with our suffering."

But Brian couldn't answer, not with David's hands wrapped so tightly around his throat and Olivia grabbed at David's arm, struggling to break his hold, but David wouldn't let go.

"Stop it!" Olivia said, professionally wedging herself between them. She pressed her hand against David's shoulder, trying to get through to David, but he was like another person, beyond reason, beyond control. He was in some kind of hell and he was determined to take Brian with him.

"Don't do this, David," she begged, pulling hard on his arm, trying to get through to him. "Don't do this here. Now. Not like this."

But David wasn't even looking at her. His dark eyes pinned Brian as surely as his hand. Outwardly David betrayed nothing, but Olivia saw his fingers squeeze tighter around Brian's throat and she felt David's rage. "Please," she repeated in a desperate whisper. "Let's go. Now."

And from the corner of her eye she saw the unmistakable flash of a camera. "The press can see you," Olivia said. "You have to stop or all of this will be on the front page."

Finally something Olivia said registered and David pushed Brian back. Brian clawed at his throat, gasping for air. "Get away," David gritted. "Get away from here or I will take you apart here and now."

Olivia caught Brian's eye. His pale face was flooding with colour, his expression over-bright and he gave her a bitter, brittle smile to match the bitter, brittle gleam in his eye. He wasn't safe, or sane. He wasn't anything good at all.

"What about her?" Brian asked roughly, one hand up against his bruised throat. "Aren't you going to destroy her, too?"

The hot fire that glazed David's eyes faded to dull red. "And why would I?"

"You would, if you knew what she did to you," Brian answered in a silky voice that sent shivers down Olivia's back.

David's expression was scornful as he took Olivia's hand. ''I'm not interested in your lies and games."

"This isn't a lie. It's true, all true."

"I don't care."

Brian held his position. "You should. She was pregnant." Brian's tone sharpened. "With your baby."

Olivia felt David's grip pinch. She heard him draw a quick breath.

"Your daughter," Brian continued ruthlessly, relishing his role as the harbinger of bad news. "Good old Olivia aborted her. She'll tell you it was a miscarriage, but check the hospital records and you'll see she ordered a D & C. It's all in the envelope."

"Stop it," Olivia choked even as David's hand fell from her arm. She'd grown cold and still while Brian talked, so cold and still she thought she'd been swallowed by ice but the last words, the wretched naming of the procedure was still so graphic in her mind, so full of violence that she couldn't stay quiet.

"Why?" Brian demanded. "You wanted revenge. You came here for revenge. I just don't want you to lose sight of your goal." Then he smiled cruelly. "I'll head off now. Duty's done. No need to overstay my welcome."

And he nonchalantly walked down the hotel's steps, leaving Olivia alone with David even as Miranda and her four bridesmaids stepped from the car.

David looked at Olivia as though he'd never seen her before.

"He twisted everything," Olivia said, hearing Miranda and the girls' excited voices. This shouldn't be happening now, not here, not with so many people to see. "It's not how he said."

David features could have been carved from granite. His voice was as hard, no warmth anywhere in his voice or eyes. "So you weren't pregnant?"

"I was-"

"Was."

"There were complications―"

"Did you have a D & C?"

Olivia had gone hot and cold and she was hot again. She couldn't answer him but she had to. "No. Not the way he made it sound, but I-

"That wasn't what I asked. I wanted to know if you had a D&C."

Footsteps echoed on the old stone steps and the girlish voices drew near. His sibling's exuberance only made David's anger unbearable. "If you wanted to know, maybe you should have been there―"

David grabbed her arm. "If you did something to the baby out of spite, or revenge―"

"If I did something to my baby?" She shoved him back, features contorting with pain and outrage. "If I did something to my baby? What kind of wretched lunatic are you? As if I'd ever do anything to my own child!"

"You don't even like children."

"My God." She choked, a strangled cough as she struggled to get air. "My God. You are disgusting. You're out of your mind."

"I'm out of my mind? I wasn't the one who aborted the baby!"

"You don't know what happened! You weren't even around to care. You-

"Tell me what happened! Tell me. What happened. I want the truth." David's voice had been so demanding, so loud and dark that each word felt like a door being shut in Olivia's face. Each shutting door, stinging more painfully than the last. "Did. You. Get. A D&C...That's all I want to know."

"David let me expl-

"Answer me!" he shouted.

"Yes." Olivia whispered, swiping the one tear that escaped her heavy lids.

"Yes," he repeated quietly. Silence deadpanned. "Very well played Olivia. Well done. You've certainly out done me."

Olivia saw the heartbreak in his face and she knew she'd wounded him deep. As deeply as he had wounded her- or worse. Suddenly and so quickly the tables had been turned and David was the one suffering. And as much as she would have hated to, she wished they could trade places. She'd known that pain, she knew how to deal with it. But he didn't. She didn't know what it would do to him.

"David?" she tried again, hoping this time he'd let her in.

"I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you ever again. If we work a case, put your business through someone else and have them come to me. But don't ever approach me again. Don't call me. Don't email me. Throw away my number. Burn it if you like. I want you out of my life. For good. And I want you to forget about what happened this weekend all of it. We're done."

"There's no way in hell we're done."

"Maybe you're not, but I am. I'm sick of the secrets and the lies and the pretense. There are things you haven't told me that you should have told me―"

"Just like being married right!"

"Kim and I are married but she is not _my wife Olivia_! She is not the mother of my child! The child that you kept a secret from me!" He yelled again, pacing like a lost animal. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

Olivia's head swam. She couldn't believe David would think the worst of her, couldn't believe he'd think she could do such a thing after everything they'd been through. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd carried the baby to full term. Maybe I would have told you. I don't know. I never got that far."

She took a quick breath, skin prickly, hands damp, her stomach nauseous. "The baby wasn't healthy. She―" Olivia broke off, breathed in deep, trying to keep the horror and nausea at bay. "I called specialists. I met with the best neonatal doctors in the country but... " her voice died. Olivia felt nothing, her body and emotions shutting down.

Her voice drifted away and she shook her head. "Why am I explaining? I don't have to explain myself to you. I owe you nothing. Just as you obviously feel you owe me nothing, because that's what you've given me. For two and a half years it's been nothing."

"Don't tell me it was nothing! Our daughter wasn't nothing!" No their daughter had been everything. And she was glad he realized that.

David knew now she'd miscarried, but he didn't know, not what was important, not what he needed to understand. It doesn't matter what he thinks, she told herself. It doesn't matter if he's angry, doesn't matter if he hates you, he's nothing to you anymore.

But all the pep talks in the world couldn't stop the blistering streaking of pain. She wanted to tell him what really happened, needed him to understand what was wrong―

But no. If he'd been there, he would have known. If he'd cared, he would have known...

Her stomach hurt. Olivia took a quick breath. If he'd been there he'd know, just like she knew, he'd realize what she'd been through, what the baby had been through. He'd realize there were some things one could never forget. Like the loss of a child. Even if the baby was just eighteen weeks old. It had still been her baby.

If he'd been there, he'd know...like she knew.

Like she couldn't forget.

Like she couldn't forgive.

Above his siblings were coming down the stairs. The boys slapped David's shoulder and ruffed his hair, cheering him on as they hopped in the car. The girls giggled behind them. But they didn't move. Eyes to eyes. Foot to foot. They were unflinching.

"David, Olivia! Come on! I want to party!" Miranda whined as Eddy honked the steering horn obnoxiously.

"Why did you do it?" he asked finally.

"I didn't have a choice." _So that's what it was, _David thought. _She didn't have a choice. _

"Neither did I. But I still chose you." He gave her one last glare of defeat and simply walked away.

* * *

**... Some of you saw this coming, some of you didn't. For those of you who didn't what'd you think? Poker game is really important. Since we're going on hiatus you guys can imagine what's going to happen next. No preview for the next chapter so I guess this is really it guys! See you soon! Also this marks the end of the first half, so we'd like to send a special thanks to Ms. Porter for all her creativity and her amazing story. See ya!**

**Oh wait and also, I've been seeing a lot of comments about people wanting me to go into distinct detail the night Liv miscarried. That'll come up later. Guess that's your preview! Ok bye now (for real this time)!**


	12. Half Of What You See

**WE'RE BACK! HOOORAAAAYYYYY! NOW- BEFORE YOU GUYS GET STARTED WE JUST WANT TO REITERATE THAT ADA IS A CROSSOVER, AND AS WE MENTIONED BEFORE, THIS STORY WILL FEATURE CONTENT FROM UP TO TWO PUBLISHED BOOKS. SINCE FF DOESN'T HAVE AN ELIGIBLE CATEGORY FOR LISTING WE JUST THREW IT IN THE POT WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. AS PLANNED, ALL AUTHORS AND THEIR WORK WILL BE CITED AT THE END. NOW CONTINUE ON MY LOVELY DARLINGS! FEEEEEEEEELSSSSS SO GOOD TO UPDATE THIS- JACK & KATE**

* * *

The glass doors of the board room whispered open, and every head turned to observe the man who came striding out of the darkness into the reception area.

If David Haden was aware of their scrutiny, or if he sensed that there were far more people hanging around than could be deemed strictly necessary at that time of day, and most of them female, he gave no sign. His lean, six-foot-tall body was clad in the elegance of a dark suit and tie. The fact that he was frowning, and his lips were set in a grim line, did nothing to reduce the force of his blatantly masculine appeal.

He looked, it was felt, just as a desperate man should when they're on the verge of losing _everything._

Then, as the person of interest, Victor Greylak, emerged from his office to greet him, the crowd, hurriedly realizing it should be elsewhere, began to fade swiftly and unobtrusively away.

David wasted no time on niceties. He said, his voice sharp with anxiety, "I trust everything is taken care of then?"

"We're finished here," the older man responded.

David nodded his head, and left the office without another word. Outside a sea of press waited for him.

* * *

Elizabeth Donnelly jumped out of the comfort of her couch the moment she heard the door close in her Manhattan penthouse. She clicked the TV off and ran in her robe and slippers to David. She knew he would come here of all places at a time like this. She expelled a sigh of relief when she saw him. "Is it over?"

"Not yet." The tone was courteous, but it had a distancing effect. So far, it seemed to warn, and no further.

Elizabeth pulled a face. "That's also Kim's opinion. She's just left."

"She was here?"

"She brought flowers."

David's brows lifted. "Then I am grateful to her." He took off his coat and loosened his tie, slouched in the nearest chair.

"She's a woman of tact," Donnelly said. "And she knew we would wish to talk privately. There is no other reason for to have left before your arrival. She wants it to sit."

"Perhaps to provoke feelings."

"What feelings?"

He hesitated. "Have you heard any news from _her_?"

"No one's seen her weeks. Her captain's been making visit's to her apartment." David's eyes shot up. "Not like that you idiot. That man is the closest thing she has to family. Cordial visits. Nothing more. On what note exactly did you part, for you to think a thing like that?" David shrugged. "Well I hardly think it it isn't for the best."

"There is no question of that. We have fully discussed the matter, but decided that we both value our independence too highly and remain content as we are." "You've been keeping an eye on her?"

"Of course I have. She's still here, at home." David's mouth tightened. "And you still won't tell me why it is you've decided to stop speaking with her."

"I felt—a period of adjustment might be helpful."

"A curious decision, perhaps," Elizabeth said. "Considering the pressing reasons for your resignation."

"It was time." David set his teeth.

Elizabeth scoffed. "Sure it was." He groaned. "Whatever. The point is, you're free now. They can't touch you. You can make your own choices from here on out."

"I can't do law," David mumbled.

"Maybe not here but elsewhere. I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities for you to do business over seas." David sighed and got out of his seat. "Did you ever think about traveling?"

"Lizzie."

"What?" David turned and gave her an ironic look. "Fine. Next topic...You won't even call her?"

"I have nothing to say," David replied.

"But you will talk to Kim won't you? You were a fool not to have settled matters with her long before you approached your marriage."

"If stupidity were all, I could live with it," David said with quiet bitterness. "But I was also unkind. And I cannot forgive myself for that."

"I see," Donnelly said slowly. "Well, that is bad, but it's more important to ask yourself if she can be persuaded to forgive you."

"Who knows?" David's gesture was almost helpless. "No matter what I say or do, I'll never get the company back." He paused, before adding expressionlessly, "It's over."

Elizabeth put his fingertips together and studied them intently. "It's not over. You finished a chapter not the book."

"Speaking of books," David said pulling his hand away, "Did you look into what I asked?"

"You can ask Petrovsky, but other than that the only person I trust is Seligman."

"Have him do it then."

Donnelly laughed at him. "What are you going to do? Drag her to the court house steps?"

"No you're going to give her a subpoena."

"On what grounds?"

"Murder. First degree."

"That's a serious case David."

"But it will be quiet. And Seligman will have enough evidence to charge her. Once she realizes that there's no where to run I can push forward with my other plans."

"Which are what exactly?" Her tone shifted into a skeptical mock. Smart as they both were, she couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he sounded.

"You'll know soon enough."

"That doesn't cut it."

"I'm afraid that it will have to do for now. It _must_ happen," David said quietly. "I can not allow the present situation to continue any longer. For one thing, I am running out of excuses to explain her absence. The girls ask about her, they want to know what's going on. I left Kim, I lost the business. It's time- and did you find _him_?"

"The information is on the table." She paused to read his reaction, but there wasn't one. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

"I couldn't be more sure."

However, David wasn't as thoughtful later, as he drove back to his apartment. He owned the top floor of a condo complex, purchased it right after he and Kim got married. Although he never got much use out of it because if he wasn't in Olivia's bed, he'd be somewhere else on business.

He remembered showing it to Olivia one night, asking if she had any ideas or requirements of her own that could be incorporated, but she'd said haltingly that it all seemed "very nice", and refused to be drawn further. But then, David thought, frowning, apart from whispering in bed she hadn't said too much to him at all. She kept the conception and murder of his child completely secret. Something he should, of course, have noticed but for his other preoccupations, he conceded, his mouth tightening.

She hadn't even spoken when he did bring her around his family, and given her the _more _she seemed so desperate to have. If they did speak it was personal, and always leading up to something else. It was never smooth, never calm or sweet. They didn't have conversations like that. Just chaotic ones. Hasty ones. Ones where things were said though rarely meant.

David bit his tongue. It had been near two months since he'd seen her. Even now as his quiet rage subsided, he still showed no particular interest to go knock on her door, or contact her in anyway. What she did still repulsed him beyond measure and he still wasn't sure if he had quite forgiven her. He'd gone above and beyond to forget everything that happened and in his efforts he succeeded most of the time.

Life had been good those past two months. Already two steps ahead of Donnelly he'd taken the initiative and looked at law firms over seas which provided exhilaration and interest, also allowing him to travel widely. And with his dynastic obligations remaining no more than a small cloud on his horizon he had enjoyed women, his physical needs deliciously catered to by a series of thoroughly enjoyable affairs which, the ladies involved knew perfectly well, would never end in marriage.

But while he'd learned early in his sexual career to return with infinite skill and generosity the pleasure he received, he'd never committed the fatal error of telling any of his all nighters that he loved her—not even in the wilder realms of passion. Now, as he walked into his apartment, he heard the phone ringing. He ignored it, knowing only too well who was calling, and he did not have the energy to entertain that conversation.

He recognized that, if he was to stand any chance of doing what he was trying to do, she was a luxury he could no longer afford. However, courtesy demanded that he tell her in person that their relationship, both on the record and off, was over.

Not that she would protest too much. A secret love was one thing, disrespecting and confusing the hell out of her parents would be another. As he walked across his vast bedroom to the bathroom beyond, shedding his clothes as he went, he allowed himself a brief moment of regret for the lush, golden, insatiable body he'd left in bed only a few hours before and would never enjoy again.

But everything had changed now. And at the same time he knew how totally wrong he'd been to become involved with her in the first place. Especially when he had no real excuse for his behavior apart from another infuriating encounter with Olivia's damnable answering machine. So she still didn't want to speak to him, he'd thought furiously, slamming down his receiver as a bland, anonymous voice had informed him yet again that she was "not available". She was still refusing to give him even the slightest chance to make amends to her.

Well, so be it, he had told himself. He was sick of it. Sick of the madness he'd been enduring since she left. At the time there were still so many questions he needed to ask. He wanted to know why she did it, and why she didn't tell him. Did she think he wouldn't have cared? He would have. Now because of her carelessness, he had done everything to forget.

And it had not been a difficult task because, at a party that same evening, he'd met Kim and invited her to a very proper and public lunch with him the following day. Which had been followed, without delay, by a series of private and exceedingly improper assignations in a suite at a discreet and accordingly expensive hotel.

And if he'd embarked on the affair in a mood of defiance, he could not pretend that the damage to his male pride had not been soothed by Kim's openly expressed hunger for him, he thought wryly. It was the first time in years that he'd taken advantage of his marital rights, and in all truth he'd never been so happy to be married in all his life- that is until the morning after.

The morning's were always the hardest part, especially when he'd realized what he'd done and who'd he done it with. He'd wake up to the day's light and almost mistake Kim's fiery red hair for Olivia's dark tresses. The realization that it, in fact wasn't her, was just salt on the wound. He sighed and stepped into the shower cubicle, switching the water to its fullest extent, letting it pound down on his weary body, needing it to eradicate the edginess and confusion of emotions that were assailing him.

But he could not allow any lingering animosity, he told himself as he stepped out of the shower and began to dry himself. He had to put the past behind him, where it belonged. Today had indeed been a warning—in a number of ways. It was indeed more than time he abandoned his prime lifestyle and applied himself to becoming a husband and, in due course, a father. He had already succeeded in a number of ambitions, and made connections that even Kim's family couldn't touch.

If he wanted to reestablish himself in the trade- which he would- he could. But it was time to venture into other things. The time of his celebration had brought all these considerations into perspective he thought, staring broodingly in the mirror as he raked his damp hair back from his face with his fingers. Now he needed to figure out what to do with them. Beginning with taking Olivia to court.

He abruptly knotted a dry towel round his hips and walked purposefully out of the bathroom, ignoring the invitation of the turned-down bed in the room beyond, and proceeded instead down the hallway to his office. It was an impressive room, its size accentuated by the pale walls and a signal lack of clutter. He'd furnished it in light colors too, with deep, lavishly cushioned sofas in cream leather, and occasional tables in muted, ashy shades.

The only apparently discordant note in all this pastel restraint was the massive desk, which he loved because it had once belonged to his grandfather, and which now occupied a whole corner of the room in all its mahogany magnificence.

In banking circles he knew that he was viewed as a moderniser, a man with his sights firmly set on the future, alert to any changes in the market. But anyone seeing that desk, he'd always thought dryly, would have guessed immediately that underlying this was a strong respect for tradition and an awareness of what he owed to the past.

He went straight to the desk, extracted a file from one of its brass-handled drawers and, after pouring himself a generous Scotch, stretched out on one of the sofas and began to glance through the folder's contents. An update had been received over the fax machine the previous day, but he'd not had a chance to read it before, and now seemed an appropriate time.

He took a contemplative mouthful of alcohol as his eyes scanned swiftly down the printed sheet, then sat up abruptly with a gasp, nearly choking as his drink went down the wrong way and he found himself in imminent danger of spilling the rest everywhere.

He recovered instantly, eyes watering, then set down the crystal tumbler carefully out of harm's way before he re-read the unwelcome information that the file contained. The details of Olivia's procedure were documented explicitly. Even the things she discussed with the doctor were recorded in full transcript.

It read:

DR RYAN: I'm sorry you've reached this consensus. Have you had time to talk it through with the father?

PATIENT: He's not...I mean, I'm doing this alone.

DR RYAN: I see. And you're sure you want to go through with the procedure?

PATIENT: Yes.

DR RYAN: Very well. We should probably discuss side effects before we-

David crunched the report into a ball and threw it across the room, cursing long and fluently.

He flung himself off the sofa and began to pace restlessly up and down. He did not need any evidence, he thought savagely. He'd won many a case with far less that what he had. It was all just a matter of when now. It was all mapped out to the finest detail. With the exception of a minor indisposition he was satisfied with the plans he made.

Come tomorrow morning, she would be subpoenaed and by late afternoon everything she owned would belong to him. Once the paper work was drawn up he'd show her what it's truly like to not have a choice. Because he would make very sure that from then on she would not have one—only want one—only wish for one.

He'd make sure of that. And, he told himself harshly, he would enjoy every minute of it.

* * *

**GUYS?! CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT LIV SAID AT THE HOSPITAL?! CAUSE I CAN'T...So...court...that's going to be pretty crazy. What are David's plans? What is he doing? Who's _him_? MORE! NEXT!**


	13. Shots Fired

**CRITICS**

**nickandliv: **David has lost his GD mind! He hasn't a legal leg to stand on with this ridiculous case, no matter what he 'thinks' happened, it wasn't illegal. And where the heck has Olivia disappeared to? Two months and no one has seen her? Once again, this story has me by the throat and is choking the life out of me! I'd hate you guys if I didn't love you so much!

**teleficsmovies211: **I'm glad my loves are back but wtf is wrong with David?! He is going to make Olivia crumble with this court thing? What is he trying to prove?! How heartless and scorned can he be? Geez Louise but I can't wait for more

**LOL YOU GUYS ARE FUNNY If you think David was crazy in that last one...**

**LOL. Just READ ok? And please for the love of God don't cry.**

* * *

Move on. Since that night near two months ago, Olivia had been determined to leave everything behind and move on. She was still so stunned at how everything happened and fell apart, that she hardly believed it happened at all. The only evidence that it did came at night like a monster young children are afraid of. She'd be at home on her own and suddenly wish he was there.

Even worse were the times that she'd sat and watched their whole lives play right in front of her. She'd imagine how happy they'd be, then she'd get the courage to call him, and like the bitter taste of vinegar after mistaking it for water, she remembered Brian and the whole thing fell apart. She needed to move on. It was time. She couldn't deal with the pain in her chest anymore, or the constant disappointment she received whenever he didn't call or make the initiative to speak with her again.

So a week ago from today, she'd asked Don to help her pack up everything in her apartment. She was redoing the whole thing, floor to ceiling. She'd gotten new furniture, new cabinets a new bed, new floors- basically replaced every part of her apartment where she and David had sex and never looked back- that is with the exception of the room down the hall.

They hadn't slept in that room but Olivia had to have it redone. It was silly to have a perfectly good room, filled to the brim with baby gifts and furniture, when there wasn't a baby. That's what she told herself when she moved everything out. The crib, the changing table, the rocker, the clothes, the toys, the wardrobe. Everything.

_Move on._

But that was hard to do. Especially when the past was around every corner.

"Liv?"

_No. No, no. It can't be. _She pushed her sunglasses up on the roof of her head so her eyes wouldn't be cheated if her ears were playing tricks on her. It had been so long. So long since she heard that voice, that her body literally started to shake with anticipation. Then their eyes met and she felt like she could stand and breathe for the first time in years.

She imagined this particular meet, a million times in her head. In almost all of her scenarios they usually started with her smacking his face so hard that the blue fell out of his eyes, but to her surprise she wanted to do the complete opposite or nothing at all.

She said uncertainly, "Elliot—what are you doing here?"

"That should be my question. Shouldn't you be at work?"

The million-dollar question…she hadn't been there either. She took a leave of absence the minute she got to her apartment the night she last saw David.

"I took a break," she said lightly.

"Oh," he said. "Cap' can't be to happy about that."

The note of casualty in his voice was not lost on her. She said quickly, "Elliot—don't…"

"No," he said. "I know. I'm sorry." He looked past her to the display of upmarket baby clothes she'd been contemplating and his mouth tightened. "I gather congratulations must be in order?"

"What?" Olivia spoke more forcefully than she'd intended, and flushed when she saw his surprise.

"I mean you've always dressed well, but I think those clothes are a bit too small."

"Oh, right. Right. No. They're not for me. A friend- she's uh, having a boy instead."

"Well, you seem to have come to the right place," Elliot said, inspecting a couple of the price tickets with raised brows. "You need to be the wife of a millionaire banker to shop here." He smiled at her. "She must be quite a friend."

"Let's just say that I owe her," Olivia said quietly. She studied his features. He still looked the same, only lighter. Happier. He even looked younger, but he was still the same.

"Do you have to finish up now?" Elliot asked. "I just can't believe I've run into you like this. I was wondering if we could have lunch together." Meeting Elliot again was a surprise for her too, she thought, but tricky when she had so many things to conceal.

'Sorry.' Her smile was swift and genuinely apologetic. 'I have to be somewhere in about five minutes.

"Oh. Ok then."

"Maybe some other time." She wanted to tell him that the old times were over. That they'd died the day he left without so much as a goodbye.

Not that she could altogether blame him, she reminded herself. Their romance had been at far too early a stage to command the kind of loyalty and commitment that she'd needed. It had only amounted to a few kisses, for heaven's sake. And it was one of those kisses that had brought their relationship to a premature end—right before Elliot had shot and killed Jenna Fox. The tense, shocking nights that followed when she'd finally discovered what the future really had in store for her.

"Yeah. Another time...anyway it was great to see you."

Olivia nodded in agreement and flashed a small friendly smile but the teller behind her was growing impatient.

"Do you want your receipt?"

"What? Oh yeah. Thank you." She took the receipt and hurried away- but she'd forgotten Elliot. "You know what-

"What about dinner?"

"I was just going to say that, maybe lunch is ok. I don't have anywhere important to be. It can wait."

"Come on. I know a place."

* * *

Even as she walked away with Elliot, Olivia was still unsure if she was doing the right thing.

It occurred to her, wryly, that even though it was years since she'd actually contemplated running away with him, her heart was not exactly beating faster as she contemplated the conversation ahead. David was right about her. She had changed. There was a time when she depended sole on Elliot's presence, needed him like the world needed the sun, but then David came along and little by little, gave her the things that Elliot couldn't-didn't.

She had to admit, it felt good to see him, and she'd just about give anything to hop into a city sedan with him and a cup of coffee. Maybe just to catch-up or do what they did best- prevent. They prevented a lot of things back then, and it didn't always have to do with New York's crime rate. She glanced at him secretly, remembering the many times before she _prevented_ herself from doing something stupid, but she didn't see the things that she used to. Wasn't attracted to him the way she was.

Elliot was just...her old partner. The time away that he spent avoiding her, ruined their friendship, and the time she spent looking for him ruined her interest. Even when David came along she allowed herself to hope, but it didn't last not when David made it so hard for her to think about anything- let alone anyone else. She looked away wondering if she was going to Elliot what happened between them. Maybe it wasn't his business to know.

On the other hand, going out to a restaurant appeared marginally more tempting than spending another solitary evening in front of the television. Yet solitary, she thought with a faint sigh, is what I seem to do best.

Two hours later, she was ruefully aware that Elliot's thinking had not grown any more elastic during his absence, and that, in spite of the intimate ambiance of the bistro he took her to, she was having a pretty dull time. A faintly baffling one, too, because he seemed to be in a nostalgic mood, talking about their past relationship as if it had been altogether deeper and more meaningful than she remembered.

He had far more confidence these days too, smartly dressed to appeal, and less agitated by the norm. All in all, she decided, he was a nice guy. Possibly the better version of the partner she knew. But that was definitely as far as it went.

However, the food at the Bistro was still excellent, and when she managed to steer him away from personal issues and on to his new life in the city she became rather more interested in what he had to say, and was able to feel glad that he was doing well.

But even so, the fact that he had not gone there through choice clearly still rankled with him, and although he'd probably bypassed a rung or two in the justice ladder as a result of his transfer, she detected that there was a note of resentment never far from the surface.

"So what's an SVU detective like you up to these days? Did you meet someone yet?"

"Yeah I did." Olivia returned, without thinking.

"Lucky guy."

"Not particularly." She ate some of her dessert. "So I suppose you're not going to tell me why _you _were in one of the top baby stores in Manhattan?"

He gave a small bitter laugh. "I was waiting for you to ask- No I met someone."

"Really?"

"It didn't last, but she had our son- Max."

"Elliot. You had another baby?"

"Yeah I did. He's hysterical too. You've gotta meet him. I want to bring him by the station one day but he's a bit too young to go now."

"Well, well, well. What a surprise." Donnelly grinned waltzing over to their table. "Benson. Stabler." She addressed them both. "I have to say, I didn't expect to see you in town."

"I'm just visiting." Elliot replied politely.

"Of course you are." Donnelly smiled thinly. "Well I hate to cut this reunion short but you're ex partner's been subpoenaed." Elizabeth handed Olivia the paperwork.

"It says I'm expected to be at court now."

"Which means you're already fifteen minutes late."

"I don't understand. I haven't been at work-

"This isn't an SVU case." Elizabeth shot.

Olivia read over the paperwork and looked up apologetically at Elliot. "I'm sorry."

"Go. I'll be behind you."

* * *

"Wait right here." Donnelly said, before stepping into chambers. Olivia sat outside and meticulously ran over the turn events that had taken place before she took her leave of absence. She could hardly think since so much time had passed, and the wonder of where Elliot was at that very moment had distracted her thoughts even further.

"Olivia?" Elizabeth called, holding the door open.

She stopped so abruptly that Elizabeth nearly cannoned into her as she saw with horror exactly who was waiting for her.

David was sitting inside with Lionel Granger, one of the sleaziest lawyers SVU had ever had the pleasure of working with. Even though David's back was to her, she was frozen in her stance, and refused to go any further.

"What's going on?" she asked faintly.

"Sit down detective. I've got bigger and better places to be. So let's get this over with." The only seat in the room was next to David and she'd rather be butchered than sit there.

"I'll stand."

"Whatever. You are facing some serious charges, detective."

"Like what?" Olivia interrogated forcefully.

"Murder in the first-degree, harassment of my client, yaddi yaddi ya. Who cares?"

"Murder? I think you need to check your books Granger."

"I did. Did you check yours? Mr. Haden has reason to believe that you willingly participated in the murder of his unborn child, after you refused to end the affair you two had behind this whole justice system's back." Olivia went lightheaded. Her body sparked and balanced on a thousand jagged needles but she stood her ground, and even though she was staring at Granger, she was speaking to David.

"I didn't murder our baby." Olivia choked. David didn't so much as flinch in his seat.

"Let's not get dramatic. Don't cry. You should be happy. Mr. Haden is prepared to offer you a deal. As I'm sure you know, the marriage between my client and Kim Greylak has ended. Instead of taking life in prison, Mr. Haden is prepared to sign a formal contract of marriage, during at which time you will have another child." Olivia gasped freely, unaware that she was crying. "After you've given birth, the parental rights and full custody of the child will be signed over to Mr. Haden, and you will be free to divorce him."

"You sick unimaginable bastard!" Again David did nothing.

"If you fail to conceive, or if Mr. Haden has reason to believe that you are trying to prevent a pregnancy, the deal is forfeit and you go straight to jail. I'll give you a minute to think about it."

_If I fail- _"I wouldn't have a another baby with you, if it was the only chance I had at a family," she choked.

"Is that a no?"

"It's a go to hell!"

"I've been there, it's no place for a beautiful woman such as yourself. Take the deal." Olivia shook her head.

"Take the deal Olivia!" David shouted. Her breathing hitched as she flinched in fear. Now she was the one refusing to look at him. The room went quiet and hostile.

"Take it." Granger encouraged. "If you don't you'll go to prison, you'll lose your job, you'll never work again, and Calvin Arlis, your previously adopted son, will end up in the worst foster care system well-fare can buy. The kind that places little children in homes with thirteen other little children, whom are neighbors to drug dealers and sex offenders."

"He has his mother."

"She's legally unfit. His grandparents are in failing health." Olivia sighed and began to pace.

"In addition, should you decide not to sign the contract, the consequences I have previously stated will follow through, and you will be billed for Mr. Haden's financial losses due to the close of his company, which at a total amount is equivalent to seventy five million dollars." The number sounded so ridiculous Olivia had to laugh.

"No. You don't have any evidence."

"Smoking gun. We've got your medical reports, testimony's from your co-workers saying that they had no idea you were ever pregnant, a signed document by your appointed doctor, stating the details discussed about your procedure-

"You can't. That's doctor patient confidentiality," Olivia fought back.

"I can. Because I know somebody who knows somebody, who is the president of the hospital you were seen in, who is incredibly fucking pro-life. Long story short there are a handful of people who are ready to nail your ass to the wall. You can't win. Take the deal." No answer. "Olivia?"

"Where do I sign?" she said more firmly. Her grief had turned to cold hard bitterness.

Granger held up a small pack of paper. Olivia went behind his desk and snatched it out his hand. She took the nearest pen and flipped to the end of the pack where she was supposed to sign her name and made a box.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Asking for more while I still have the chance." Olivia answered hotly, repeating the words David used as an excuse for not giving her the relationship she deserved. "If we're going to do this. I want a say in how it's done," she announced aggressively. "I want separate bedrooms. When the baby is born, I want them to be Christened, and if it's a boy I want him circumcised. When they are old enough, I want he or she to receive a private education."

"Is that all?" David challenged with clenched teeth.

"No. It's not," she shot back. "I don't want them to know about this. Ever. Because the last thing I want is for my child to grow up thinking that I didn't want them." Olivia finished, her voice raised a pitch higher as she tried to restrain herself from crying again.

"Teaching your child how to lie. Excellent choice for a first lesson." David spat, his tone flaring with disgust, but Olivia continued to write, steadily mapping out the her terms of consent.

"I want visiting hours on the weekends and I get to keep them every Tuesday. They will spend Christmas with me Christmas Eve with you and I want to be present for every birthday, dance recital and soccer game they have."

"I'm not agreeing to that. How can I trust that you won't slip them arsenal or set the house on fire while they're sleeping? How can I trust that they won't get a hold of your gun and shoot themselves trying to play cops and robbers like mommy? -

"Oh screw you! I'd kill you before I laid a finger on my baby."

"Oh really? What a sudden change of heart you've made. I wonder was it when I threatened your job, or mentioned money that you decided to change your mind."

"You're sick. You agree to my times or-

"Or what? You've made it very clear to me that you don't want our child anymore than the charges I want to press against you. You've got some chip on your shoulder if you think I'd give you the time of day to make their lives miserable."

"I don't care what you think, or say. I'm not letting you take my child."

"Why not? Do you honestly think you can give them the life that I can? The best schools, the best clothes, home cooked meals instead of that Chinese crap your gorge yourself on. Let's be real for once Olivia. If you care so much about our child than surely you'll agree that they deserve the best."

Their baby did deserve the best...but to not be apart of their lives...she couldn't live with that.

"You can have your Tuesday's and Birthdays, but no weekends and no Christmases."

"And their recreational events?"

"Come if you can, but if I remember correctly, your job is not so easy to escape."

Olivia cringed, despite everything what he was asking wasn't impossible, but to go about it in such a way when he knew that he would be forcing her to have sex with him, and when he knew too that he didn't love her...Olivia couldn't stop shuddering with angry loathing.

"I need time to think."

"To think or runaway?"

His cruelty appalled her, but she couldn't stop herself from acknowledging the truth of what he was saying. For a brief entity she wondered how far he'd go to track her down, but something told her not to test the odds.

Olivia had signed her name so quickly, desperate to get out of that room, that David couldn't be sure she signed it all. She threw the contract at his face and stormed out. A million thoughts were racing in her head, a million and two. Elliot wasn't there- but she had gotten used to that hadn't she? And the idea of what she' just done both haunted and sickened her to the point of insanity.

Her heart started to race and her hands and fingers were numb. She felt an absolute loss of control and she simply couldn't stop the violent tremors of panic that sky rocketed from corner to the next inside her head. She slid down the wall of the courthouse interior and took a minute to herself. She tried to keep from crying but the tears just kept coming. She hated David. Hated him.

The way he talked to her, the way he embarrassed her in chambers, and exposed her personal life to her colleagues. She hated how abruptly he uprooted her past, but more than this she hated how much he didn't trust her. She hadn't killed their baby. She died. She'd miscarried, and she blamed herself for months over it. Even after all this time, she still hadn't forgotten the gruesome details the night it happened.

_It was late. 11:00, maybe 11:30. She'd gotten up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. She didn't even bother to turn the light on. And why should she? It was supposed to be simple. Go to the bathroom, go back to bed. But when she pulled the sheets back to make room for herself, she felt a pinch. She'd frozen. Every bone in her body went completely still. She was waiting of course. Waiting for something else or nothing at all. A signal to tell her it was safe to go back to bed. Was it safe? Yes it-_

_But then came another. This time it stole the air from her lungs. Her hand went subconsciously to the small curve, hidden under the cotton she wore to bed and then she felt another one. This one twice as painful as the last. She seethed through her teeth and quickly retraced her steps back into the bathroom flicking on the light before she was even inside. _

_And to her horror there was blood. Everywhere. She gasped, permeated with fear as her blurry eyes traced the small, darkened red trail from the edge of the toilet to the tile on the floor, and finally there at her feet where a small pool was forming. Olivia retrieved her hand and found it thinly coated with a fresh line of blood. She could hardly hold her hand up she was shaking so badly, crying so hard. _

_With her strength she carefully walked out of her room, trying to avoid as much pain as possible, clutching on to the wall for support. When she finally made it to her kitchen, she grabbed her coat and put it on, then went for her keys on the counter. She was shaking and she was cold. She couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. She was losing- No. She wasn't. She couldn't. She wasn't it going to let it happen. _

_She tried to pull herself together and breathe through her nose. Stable herself. Get the key in the door Olivia. Unlock the door Olivia. But she couldn't find the key. More pain. Pain. She bit her lip and stifled a moan, pushing through what she now knew as a contraction. And in her moment of clarity she found the key. The door opened, and pushed her further inside before letting her out. _

_Then there was nothing. She didn't feel anything anymore. She was nauseous. But the pain...She curled her body around the corner and leaned against the wall in the hallway. She could see the stairs laid out before her and pictured David running up them to see her. To hold her. She could imagine the sweet and spicy scent of his skin when he neared her, and she smiled for him. Wishing he was there, wishing she had told him...He would have known what to do._

_When he was around she was calm- at peace. In his arms, nothing else in the world existed, and if she closed her eyes- she drew a sharp intake of breath. Don't close your eyes. Keep moving Olivia. She had to get into the elevator. She took her time nearing the steel doors, but she couldn't afford to waste it being careful. Her baby was dying, and it was her responsibility to make sure that she survived, no matter what the costs. _

_She slammed the palm of her hand against the small elevator button and was instantly hit by a flash of light when the doors opened. She took one step forward and the rest went black. _

_Downstairs the doorman to the apartment building was watching the whole thing from the moment Olivia stepped out of her apartment. Unsure of the circumstances himself, he put off calling the police, but when he saw her pass out in the elevator he had never dialed three numbers faster. He turned the emergency breaks on the elevator and sprinted up the four flights of stairs to Olivia's rescue._

* * *

_Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep. _

_She sharply inhaled. She could smell him- the warmth, the security._

_"David..." she panted. Her eyes opened...slowly, slightly._

_"Oh good. You're awake." __The service man from her apartment building? _

_"Where am I?"  
_

_"Mount Sinai Hospital. They let me stay with you- I thought maybe you could use a familiar face." _

_"Your-_

_"Luke. I just started work in your building. You wave to me in the morning." _

_"I remember..." Olivia wanted to smile but she couldn't. Between the tubes in her nose and the sore aftermath her body was experiencing, she couldn't do much but lay there- but he knew how she felt about him. He was the new kid on staff. His father worked as the building's janitor, and as Polish immigrants it was very hard for them to get the job, but Olivia knew the family from another apartment building she stayed in when she first moved to New York, so she put in a good word. _

_"The doctor wanted me to tell her when you wake up. I am not next of kin so I can not be here with you much longer, but is there someone you would like for me to contact?" _

_"I'm ok...thank you."_

_"Are you sure, not uh Davis- David?" Olivia flinched. "You said his name quite often while you were sleeping." _

_"Did I? I'm-_

_"Please. Don't. You have been through enough already. If you're ok, I will just tell the doctor now. Is this alright?" Olivia nodded. "It will be ok little warrior. You are strong woman. Like Polish," Luke smiled, and left her alone._

_She pulled out her nasal tubes and was immediately suffocated by the thick air that surrounded her. Breathing on her own was going to be extra strenuous, but she did it anyway. She needed her body to be strong. She had to be strong for her baby- if there was still a baby, but she wasn't about to think like that. She pulled the IV from out her arm, and took the pressure gauge off. And then she sat there. _

_Not thinking. Not moving. Hardly breathing. Smoothing her palms together to keep from holding her swollen abdomen, petrified of feeling nothing there. And she was petrified. _

_Then her doctor came. _

_They spoke._

_And she delivered the news._

_And she left like all the rest before. _

_And Olivia was in that room. _

_Alone._

_Without herself._

_Without her baby. _

_And then she cried._

That was how it happened. There was no choice. A procedure was done so she didn't bleed to death. There was no choice. There was no hope. There was no chance. It was not until she found herself in the hospital chapel that her hope was restored. That the mourn of her tears came to an end, and the chance to start over presented itself.

That was how it happened.

* * *

**Hope we did ok with the MC scene. For full effect, youtube Dream by Priscilla Ahn and play it from the part where she takes the tubes out and read to the end, very, very slowly. And please don't worry about Liv and David, Elliot's not going to come in and screw stuff up and they're not going to be miserable together. This chapter was a canon- I know. Just don't worry about them ok? This thing that they got themselves into- it's dangerous. **

**You knew what you were getting yourself into, just like they did. Don't worry. Seriously. Like I'm for real! They will turn out OK. I have read your reviews, I will take care of them! Don't worry! But for now, you can freak the fuck out. SEE YA**


	14. To Love Honor & Decieve

**CRITICS**

**fayvdm**:WOW I can't believe that. Not sure how she could sign that contract knowing the truth of what happened. David couldn't possibly follow through on his threats.

**YES HE CAN YES HE CAN YES HE CAN!**

**teleficsmovies211: **You have done it again. I am breathless. This chapter was riveting. I'm so happy to be hooked to this wild ride!

**We're happy too ;)**

**IT'S LOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGG LIKE YOU LIKE IT**

* * *

Olivia felt a soothing rush of release as her nerves laxed under the cool sensation water gave as she splashed some in her face. Having retreated to the bathroom to take a moment to herself, the reality of what she'd just agreed to with David had just hit her. They were going to be married, and as his wife she was expected to have his child. A logical request for any normal wife to be, but she was not a wife and her situation wasn't anywhere near normal.

She grimaced as she recalled the disturbing details to the extent of David's contract. It wasn't the what, or the who involved, nor was it the when that he had anticipated all of this to happen that made her uncomfortable. It was the why. Why was he forcing her into a marriage? Why did he want a baby with the woman whom he believed killed his late and unborn child? Why did he want to exploit them so callously?

It was no mystery that David had undoubtedly hated her. After today, she was sure he had a death wish on her, and the boundaries! Forfeiting custody of her only child, the one she planned to love and give herself fully to. It was ridiculous, absurd, unfair, uncalled for- it was blackmail. Yes. That was the only word for it. Making threats against Calvin and her job. It was practically barbaric.

And appropriately so. She'd always known David to be an animal. In the bedroom. In the boardroom. Flashing his teeth and digging his claws into any and everything he could get his hands on, and now he was flashing his teeth and digging his claws into her. Before it was just her body, just a silly infatuation, but now it root deep and her soul ached for what she knew would come next. It was a losing game from here on out she thought quietly. And then of course the other parts of the situation proved to be equally threatening as well.

When was this supposed to happen? What about work? What about her life? Her friends? She sighed regretfully, keeping new and stronger tears at bay. Once again she had shorted herself. He could lock her in room for all she knew. But it wouldn't come to that. Would it? No it couldn't- then again, a lot of things couldn't have happened before today, now it seemed like every impossibility in the world was possible.

But now wasn't the time to feel sorry for herself. She needed to get ready, wanted to make sure that everything was in order before she lost it all to a loveless marriage and an uneventful life. She held her head high as she left the court house, determined not to look back- that is until Lionel Granger _made _her look back.

"About fuckin' time. What were you doin' in there? Reattachin' your head to your shoulders? Get in." He said as he passed by and stood next to a black city car. Olivia was hesitant. She glared at him underneath her sunglasses before settling in without a word.

"Anthony this is the new Mrs., Mrs. this is Anthony. Good. Now that we're all fucking acquainted, can you give us some fucking privacy?" Granger barked. The privacy door slid up and Olivia and Granger were left to their own devices. Bleakly Olivia stared out of the window of the city car that had been called for her convenience, as they sped through the busy streets of Manhattan.

She hadn't asked Granger where they were going, had not addressed any questions or conversation to him at all. It was safe to say she had no idea where they were going and had no intention of asking. All Granger had told her once he ascertained that she was prepared to accede to the terms David had proposed to her- an agreement she had thrown at him with flashing eyes and an angrily set mouth as she tried to remind herself that his proposition surely demeaned him far more than it demeaned her- was that he was taking her to a hotel where she would be staying for the next two days.

"...And in the meantime, your things will be transported to a more permanent location."

"What about work?" Olivia heard herself ask. Was it too stupid to wonder how her life at work would change? Would their be restrictions, limitations to that as well?

"Oh no. There will be no work- until of course Jr. arrives." Olivia's chest collapsed. No! He couldn't take that too! Up until now, SVU had been her only outlet, her only escape from the madness that David had dragged them both into, and now she wasn't allowed to-

"What do you mean? I can't just-

"Oh yes you can. And anyway it's already done. You wouldn't have been able to work anyway. The little stunt you pulled cost David the entire firm. Since he ruled things out with Kim he can't work in New York anymore. He'll have to go overseas first, and then come back under a whole new company."

"Overseas?"

"He could go anywhere really. Europe Asia, South East Asia, Russia...Australia...all of the fucking above." This was crazy. First she was marrying David, now she was leaving the country? She sighed miserably. All her dreams had so effortlessly turned into a nightmare. "Hey, lighten up. Most broads would kill to be in your shoes."

"To be blackmailed and coerced into someone's bad version of four play? I don't think so."

Granger was about to say something slick, but the interrupting sound of the privacy door sliding down dismissed his efforts.

"We're here Mr. Granger." Anthony said.

"This is your stop. You're on the 20th floor. When you get there, somebody will come bring you dinner, and go over a few extra details. Get out- and oh before you go, your boyfriend wanted me to give you this."

Granger handed Olivia a business card from the cafe where she'd met Elliot earlier. She exited the car and shut the door on his face, hoping to never see him again.

Then as if to read her mind he said, "See ya at the wedding!"

She groaned before inspecting the card he gave her. On the back was a number she didn't recognize, but suspected was Elliot's. Carelessly she threw it in her pocket, deciding then and there that it didn't matter whether or not he gave her his number. She'd given up calling him a long time ago. She sighed and looked up, finding herself standing outside The Peninsula Hotel, and loathing the idea of staying there, made her way inside.

* * *

In the bathroom, Olivia stood in the middle of the marble tiled floor for what seemed like forever. The bathroom was beyond decadent. Plush towels and heated bath robes were at her disposal, and beautifully scented bath salts were lined around the rim of the tub. To her dismay she was uncapping every one of them, testing to see which one she liked best, unsure of which one to use- and then suddenly a lump filled her throat making it hard for her to breathe.

She'd been in hell for the past few weeks, thinking of David, wondering where he was, what he was doing, why it had been so hard for him to believe her, and now it seemed she'd been pulled out from the ashes to be placed on a pedestal. It didn't feel right. None of it felt right. What was it supposed to mean? All the trouble of putting her in a hotel like this, stocking it with things he knew she'd love, and all for a woman whom he despised. She was so confused.

She felt like he loved her. She felt it. But maybe it was the essence of the past relationship they had that haunted her now. It had to be, because the David she knew now, was completely different than the David she loved. This David was cold, heartless, ruthless, and distant. Just thinking of how he looked in Chambers only a few hours ago seemed to make Olivia feel like they were worlds apart. He was practically a stranger, only addressing her when it suited him or when he thought he was being challenged.

It was strange. Impossible. Overwhelming.

The transition was too much. Leaning over the marble surround, she turned the hot water on. While the tub filled she dumped the vanilla scented salts inside and stripped herself of her robe. Naked, she examined herself in the mirror. Even to her own eyes she looked too thin, too pale, too- Since when did she become so insecure about how she looked? She sighed and slid carefully inside the tub, morally disappointed with herself. If she was going to have a chance at surviving this thing with David, she was going to need a hell of a lot tougher skin.

The bath felt like heaven, and she soaked until the water cooled, forcing her to action by shampooing and conditioning her hair. Later, clean and wrapped in the soft white cotton robe found hanging on the back door, Olivia left the bathroom for her bedroom and then realized she didn't know what to do next. She had no clothes. She didn't feel comfortable wandering around the suit in just a robe.

Fresh anxiety hit and out of an old nervous habit, she began chewing her thumbnail down, chewing it to bits. She had to go home. She needed to go home, and even thought the hotel was gorgeous, and this was probably the only time in her life that she'd ever stay in a five-star property, she couldn't enjoy it. Couldn't appreciate the high ceilings, the tall windows and the exotic decor, not when she knew it wouldn't last.

Before she could make a move, the suite's doorbell chimed. She tightened her robe a bit more and opened the door to a woman who had a striking resemblance to Julie Andrews. She had a striking ease to her that made Olivia feel at home, and the way she smiled seemed to bring warmth to the situation, so much so that Olivia found herself smiling as well.

"Good evening dear. I trust now is a good time?"

"Oh. I wasn't- I mean I didn't know I was expecting anybody."

"Not to worry darling we'll get you all sorted out. I'm Nan by the way." Olivia closed the door behind her and followed her in. "I've ordered up some tea, and I've brought a fresh pair of linens for the evening." Nan explained as she handed Olivia a large, beautifully decorated box.

"I'll leave you to get dressed and wait for you just out here."

"Thank you." Olivia replied hesitantly. She wasn't exactly sure what to make of the woman who'd arrived at the suite, but she was grateful for the clothes. Once she'd dressed in a new pair of cotton Mayfair pajamas and of course the necessary undergarments she met Nan out in the sitting room.

"Is there someplace in mind you'd like to do this? Shall I join you there in the sitting area, or would you prefer to move to the dining room?" Olivia wasn't quick enough to answer so Nan had volunteered and option for her.

"Maybe in here, I think the light is better- you can put the tea just there, thank you." Nan said to the butler. He set the tea arrangements down on the nearest table, and left as quickly and quietly as he came.

She carried her briefcase to the low coffee table in front of the upholstered couch in the living room and set her briefcase down. And when Nan had opened the briefcase, a small but noticeable gasp had escaped Olivia's mouth.

It was filled with diamond rings. Rows and rows of diamond rings in the velvet-covered, foam lined briefcase. There had to be at lead thirty rings, maybe a little more, and the diamonds were enormous. They started in the three-or four carat range and went all the way to to three or four times that size.

But not all diamonds were the traditional clear stone. Parts of the rows glittered with pastel light and a dozen rings featured the incredibly rare and costly yellow and blue diamonds. Each diamond was cut differently too, and the shapes and styles dazzled her-round cut, square cut, oval, pear. The settings were all unique too, with prongs inset with diamonds, the bezels paved, every setting glittering with fire and light.

"They are, very beautiful if I might say." Nan quipped over her perfectly crossed legs. Olivia was speechless. "I know you'll want to choose something timeless- it'll be a symbol of your commitment you know? And you'll want a diamond that will always make you feel like you've done something right."

Olivia half leaned over and died. "A bit overwhelming I imagine?" Nan said trying to bring comfort into the room. They hadn't been together long, but she could tell that this woman was different. So quiet. So beautiful, and tangibly sincere. She could tell that she had been hurt and suffered long because of it, but that only made Nan adore her even more.

She was so unlike the previous woman she'd worked for. Less selfish, self centered, and downright rude. Nan hardly flinched as she thought about the daring red headed woman who ordered her around, and asked ridiculous tasks of her, and it warmed her heart to know- or at least anticipate, that this woman would be nothing of the sort.

She felt that she at least owed the woman a choice at a valued friendship, and why not? They were to be joined at the hip from here on out.

Olivia wanted to speak up, but all she could manage was a small nod. "It's funny I think...," she started as she poured a cup of tea for herself.

"How so?"

"All the times I've imagined a proposal, and you come strolling in with a case full of diamonds."

Nan had a laugh. "Not exactly your knight in shining armor I suppose. But I do hope you'll like something I've chosen."

"You've chosen?" She'd at least hoped that David had a look at one of these, but it was stupid to think like that when so much had changed between them.

"Mm. Yes. I visited the best jewelers in the city. Tiffany's Harry Winston, Cartier." Olivia choked on one of the pastries that had been delivered and retreated further into herself. "Good heavens! Are you alright?" _Harry Winston? Cartier? _No she was not alright. These weren't just engagement rings, they were diamonds. _Real ones_. Olivia could hardly swallow as she pictured herself wearing one of them.

Even less appetizing was the idea of how it was all apart of David's charade. None of this was supposed to last. All of it was for show. Was he testing the type of woman she was? Was he trying to see if she was truly in it for the money? _He'll kill me_, she thought. _Then I'll die. _"I'm fine."

"I know choosing can be difficult," Nan said kindly, "It's a very emotional decision and it requires time and thought. And you know I can change any one of these to make them more suitable to your liking."

"I appreciate it Nan, really I do, but your right. I'm overwhelmed. I can't make this sort of decision right now."

"I understand completely, but you're rather pressed for time. Maybe if you tried describing what you like. I could help you that way."

Olivia gnawed at her lip. All day she'd been talking, and all day no one seemed to listen. She felt like she was being challenged on every run, and it sooner made her want to explode- not on Nan though. She didn't deserve that, but the way her life had been so carelessly turned upside down made her want to scream.

She took a minute to compose herself, trying her best not to come off annoyed or frustrated and stared down at the rows of rings. "These rings...they're too much."

"Are they?" Nan was impressed. Very impressed.

"They're too elaborate, and large and more than I need."

"Indeed. Modesty is the greatest luxury there is. A cut then. One that would suit you?"

"Square...maybe oval..."

"And for the band?"

"A smaller width...not too thin."

"Of course. Then I'll be back tomorrow morning with something more appropriate." Nan announced, packing up the briefcase.

"Aren't you going to ask me my size?" Olivia asked, just a little bit worried for Nan to go through the trouble.

"No need. I've been given all the necessary information to proceed with the better details, but perhaps a name?"

Olivia stood up to show her out, but didn't move forward until she replied. "Benson. You can call me Benson."

"Alright. Benson it is," Nan smiled.

**(A LINE BREAK SHOULD BE HERE, BUT BECAUSE FANFICTION IS BEING AN ASS, THERE ISN'T ONE)**

Sunlight.

Olivia woke at first glance to the vibrant rays of sunlight that caught her bed sheets, and almost to quickly tried to hide herself from them. She hadn't slept much, and during those few hours she did catch, she had the unnerving feeling that someone had been in the bed with her. It was a vivid feeling, no doubt plagued by the nightmare she had that put David in the very hotel suite that she was in.

He'd been watching her. Then he left to go bark at someone on the phone. He came back, watched her some more, then touched her...and touched her...spoke to her with ease instead of the harsh and demanding tone he used nowadays. He held her, whispered to her...and why hadn't she said anything back? It was just a dream. A terrible, senseless dream.

Olivia was interrupted in thought by a modest tap on her door. "Benson? Are you in there? It's Nan, we have something to discuss."

"Just a sec!" Olivia called out. _How did she even get in here? _Olivia stumbled out of her bed sheets and opened the door for Nan.

"Good morning!"

"Good morning," Olivia smiled.

"You look marvelous. Beauty Sleep I assume? Come here, let me have a look at you." Nan pulled Olivia into the morning light and turned her chin so it beamed down on her. She opened her mouth to say something but a smile caught her instead, and then the tender swell of her palm was against Olivia's cheek. "What a lovely bride you'll make."

Olivia's eyes stayed warm but they narrowed over Nan's small frame. In the back of her head she began to wonder just what exactly Nan knew about her, and how much she knew about her situation with David. If she had the time today, she made a mental note to herself to have a background check drawn up- not that she felt threatened, just curious.

Nan grabbed her tea. "Did the dress arrive yet?"

"Dress?"

Nan took a daring sip, flinching at the scolding temperature at her lips,"Mm- Your attendants have just arrived downstairs. They'll take care of your hair and makeup, but not to worry I'm sure there's just been a holdup. I'll telephone Max while you're getting ready, and in the meantime you get showered and I'll have the girls come right up."

Olivia choked on thin air as Nan walked away. The wedding. It was today. The muscles in her abdomen tightened and churned, and her head went into a frenzy as the anxiety hit her like a storm. Hearing the threatening tone and giggle of new guests, Olivia rushed into the bathroom and locked the door. She shut off the lights just as she began to feel the pieces of herself slide off the shelves and shatter on the floor inside herself.

She couldn't bare it. Closing her eyes and turning on the sink, she struggled to breathe through her nose as she pressed the back of her palm against her mouth. Then without warning she'd thrown up. Quick to drown out the sound she'd clutched on the sink handle and cold water came rushing out.

She cleansed out her mouth, and took some time to calm down. Staring at herself in the mirror, she felt so alone, so frightened by what was happening around her, that she couldn't bring herself to think straight.

Her heart palpitated wildly beneath her chest, while she tried to think about what to do. She didn't want to marry David. Not like this, but with people waiting for her outside, she didn't think she had much of a choice.

She sniffed, and cleared her throat trying to pull herself together. Trying to hold it in. Trying to not think about any of the details but she could hardly manage with shaking hands. Trembling she took off her clothes and treated her self to a hot shower.

Even after the soothing beads relieved her nerves she still couldn't bring herself to accept the fact that she was marrying David. David who cheated on his previous wife. David who only believed in agreements and arrangements. David who wanted nothing more than to use her body, again and again and again. David who would never love her or feel what she sometimes still felt for him.

The water was hot, but the fiery bolts of tears that slid down her cheeks were hotter and much like the night of her miscarriage, Olivia had found that she was within and without herself.

* * *

Not entirely ready, Olivia entered her living room expertly wrapped in another complimentary robe, and was instantly greeted by two younger girls. They'd been in deep conversation when she arrived but they broke off abruptly to greet her.

"You must be Olivia. I'm Samantha and this is my assistant Rebecca. It's lovely to finally meet you."

"Same here," Olivia smiled. It wasn't as sincere as she wanted it to be, but it would have to do.

"We don't have much time," the Samantha explained, steering Olivia into the dining room, where she'd already laid out hair appliances on the table counter. The curling iron, flat iron and hot rollers were all plugged in, heating, while the blow dryer lay close by, along with a half- dozen bottles of lotion and hair spray.

"What did you have in mind?" Samantha asked as Rebecca got a head start on Olivia's nails. To be honest, she hadn't the slightest clue. She would have liked something that would compliment the dress, but seeing as though she had no idea what it looked like, she hadn't a clue in her right mind. So she opted to play it safe.

"Simple."

"Simple..." Samantha repeated, tilting Olivia's face this way and that. "Simple, beautiful, elegant. Right. Beck's I want you to use that nude color and pull out that warm golden dye for her hair."

The girl's worked endlessly, perfecting every detail, giving Olivia the perfect shades of warm radiance and natural tones. By the time they were finished, Nan had arrived with the dress.

"Oh- just look at you. You're positively gorgeous! I dare say I feel color in my cheeks." Nan paraded as she brought in yet another ostentatious box. Also of note was how marvelously she'd exchanged her casual jump suit for a lovely cut periwinkle suit.

Flattered, Olivia couldn't help but laugh, but it was short lived. The knowledge that the dress was now here meant that she was indeed one step closer to marrying David. She shivered, suffering from a sudden fit of nerves.

She was scared.

"There all set. Now hurry into the dress so we can see how gorgeous you'll look." Samantha urged.

Inside her bedroom, Nan awaited, removing the shrill paper and ribbon that concealed the dress inside. Olivia hovered behind her, frightened to death at was beneath it, but when Nan pulled the ivory material she felt at ease. So much so that the faintest smile came out on her face.

"Beautiful..."Nan whispered. "I'll be just outside. You'll knock if you need me?"

Olivia nodded. She waited until Nan gave her privacy to feel the butter smooth material beneath her fingers. Then it hit her. She'd seen this dress before.

_She was rushing._

_The doorbell rang._

_Olivia scooped up the last bit of paperwork off her kitchen counter and threw it on top of her fridge. Then after a final look, she opened the door and David came eagerly inside pulling her into him, kissing her lips, tugging on her hair. _

_Olivia held onto him while he pushed them further in, and kicked the door closed with his foot. Leaning her against the counter he broke the kiss. "It smells good," he whispered, referring to the dinner she made for them. _

_Olivia smiled over his neck while he pulled down the zipper from her dress, "You gonna eat it this time?" Then on cue, David brought a sauce dipped spoon between them. Olivia giggled in his arms and watched lick it clean._

_"Mm. Tastes good," he grinned. _

_"But?..." Olivia challenged._

_David sighed, "You taste better!" he hiked her around his waist as she laughed. He carried her to her bedroom without an ounce of protest until she hit the sheets._

_"Wait! Turn off the stove!"_

_"Liv!" David groaned._

_"David I'm serious. It'll burn."_

_"We're not going to eat it anyway."_

_"We're not?" _

_David detected the disappointment and confusion in her voice and decided maybe they were moving too fast._

_"I have a better idea. Let's eat it now."_

_"Really?"_

_David kissed her on the lips again. "Mmm. Now. Right now." They had to eat. They had to eat now or there would be no dinner. _

_Following him back into the kitchen Olivia prepared two plates, while David was preparing to take his appetizer, but the catch of something on the floor stopped him before he got a chance to touch her. Reaching for the paper he, picked it up and examined it. _

_"What's this?"_

_"What?"_

_"This," he showed her the photograph of a gorgeous Max Mara wedding gown from the designer's 2012 collection. The dress was simple and the furthest thing from posh but Olivia loved it in a sweet kind of way. The spaghetti straps and the graceful v cut had a sort of lovely feel to it. It was less than decadent but it was beautiful no less than the hundreds of other gowns that Olivia imagined herself in._

_"Nothing. Just a dress."_

_"Yes. I can see that. Do you like it?"_

_"I think it's nice." _

_"It's a wedding dress."_

_"So?"_

_"Why were you looking at them?"_

_"I wasn't. It just caught my eye. I wanted to keep it for later."_

_"Oh..." David put the photograph aside as Olivia handed him a plate. They ate in silence, and to her surprise neither of them made an attempt to rush. "I know him."_

_"Him who?" Olivia asked as she had as sip of wine._

_"Max Mara." Olivia continued to stare at him blankly. "The guy who designed the dress you were 'keeping for later.'" Her expression resolved. "His name's Luigi." _

_"Did you work a case for him?"_

_He nodded, inhaling a twirl of spaghetti. "There's three of them. A family, but nice people." _

_Olivia tightly crossed her legs under the table. It frustrated her when he talked in circles. It was true. She loved the dress, but it didn't mean anything. They weren't getting married. That wasn't part of the agreement. And so what if he knew the designer? She wasn't getting engaged anytime soon._

_David waited for her to say something but she never did. "I could talk to them if you want." __She nearly choked on her food. _

_"What?"_

_"It'd be like a favor...an IOU or something. I mean when the time comes, when you meet the right guy." She'd already met him she thought quietly. _

_"If I meet the right guy..." _

Olivia chortled, thinking back to that night. They ended up not sleeping together that night. That was why it was so easy for her to remember. He hadn't used her body for pleasure but rather intimacy.

Though her marriage to David had been deemed unwanted and significantly out of circumstance, it seemed to comfort her that he'd been so careful as to give her something like that to wear on her wedding day.

But it still didn't change anything.

The dress was easy to put on and didn't require any assistance. Simple. Beautiful. Elegant. She was ready. Catching herself before she left her room she saw herself in the mirror. Samantha had highlighted her hair then curled it in loose waves, topping it all off with a white rose at her ear, and done her makeup exceptionally natural.

And Rebecca was not to be out outdone either. Never had she seen a lovelier nude on her nails. It was all perfect. So wondrously perfect, but it wasn't real. Sighing, she exited her bedroom playing a large smile. If the wedding itself was fake, she had better learn to play at being the fake bride.

"You look perfect," Nan said sitting by the coffee table. She rose to her feet at once to greet Olivia and then took a step back to examine her handiwork. "So fresh and charming."

Olivia smiled gratefully even as she heard the door open and close. It was Anthony the driver. Seeing up close, Olivia recognized him as David's body guard. She flinched, anticipating the news he was about to bring.

"The car's downstairs,"

"Right. We'll be down in just a moment. Olivia darling your shoes." Nan said handing her a box.

"I'll put them on for you." Rebecca offered. Olivia let her oblige.

"And the flowers." Nan handed Olivia a bouquet of freshly cut white roses and then finally seemed to be at rest. "There- oh good heavens! The ring!"

Nan retrieved a small engagement box from her suit pocket and produced it to Olivia. "I'll let you do the honors."

Olivia felt faint as she opened up the signature Harry Winston engagement box and nearly dropped all together when she saw the diamond inside. The square cut, peach champagne diamond had been the perfect combination of grace and modesty.

"Do you like it?"

"How did you-

"An old friend my dear. An old friend but be quick to slip it on, we're a bit behind."

* * *

At precisely 2pm, they had arrived at St. Bartholomew's church in Manhattan. Olivia braced herself as she entered into the large doors with Nan at her side. After this morning she'd practically given up trying to figure out what was going on or what would happen next, so it came as no surprise to find the entire church empty- that is with the exception of Granger and David at the end of the hall.

She'd expected it to be a small wedding but it was dreadfully quiet. So quiet that she could hear her hear thumping unceremoniously inside. So tightly had she clutched her bouquet that her skin in her palm had been pierced by the thorns.

She felt sick with a numbing disbelief that this could be happening on her wedding day; the day that should have been one of the happiest in her life.

"Olivia! Oh darling you look beautiful!" Miranda exclaimed as she came out with Christine, her baby daughter and Nina. The other girls gasped in awe.

"Miranda?" Olivia said out loud, but you could hardly notice with the girls crushing her in their embrace.

"Oh we're so happy for you guys!" Nina whispered. "We can't believe you didn't tell us!"

"Nan, you've outdone yourself." Christine smiled proudly.

"Girls! Don't mess her just yet. David's yet to see her. Come now, he'll be very upset if she's not perfect." Nan scolded politely.

"Where are the boys?"

"With him," Miranda said motioning down the aisle. "Now don't worry. I've taken care of everything, and I've told them not to start until you're ready."

"Are you ready?" Nan asked holding out her arm. Olivia could only manage a nod as an orchestral version of Time To Say Goodbye was preformed by a hidden string quartet. "Excellent. Girl's, Nina you go first."

Olivia watched anxiously as her soon to be sister in laws made it down without a scratch and hoped things would be as smooth for her.

Her head was swimming with pain and fear as she started to walk down the aisle. She could see the back of David's dark head as he waited for her to reach him. How could this be possible? How could all of this be possible if David had never loved her?

Nan gave her away and then retreated herself to the other set of pews behind Olivia, a great deal away from Granger.

"Dearly beloved..."

Olivia felt herself start to sway. Pain and longing filled her in equal measures. It should have been the happiest day of her life. She was, after all, marrying the man she loved- had loved.

"With this ring I thee wed with body I thee honor and all my worldly goods I thee share."No emotion she noticed. No feeling. Only a heart as cold as stone. And such an appropriate vow at that. He was marrying her for her body, and since she'd agreed to it, everything he had, would more than likely be shared because of it.

"I, David Haden, take you, Olivia Benson, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." David said as he placed a band on Olivia's finger.

"You were my yesterday, you are my today, you will be my tomorrow. All that I am I give to you." It was the best she could do. She saw it in a movie once- and yet somehow her vows proved to be equally fitting.

"I Olivia Benson, take you, David Haden to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." Then a ring was placed on David's finger.

"You have declared your consent before the church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen. You may kiss the bride," the priest concluded.

It was the first time during the entire ceremony that he looked at her, and it was brief at that because he reached for her at such an urgency that she lost all control and by fault gave it to him. His kiss was passionate and unyielding but remarkably short lived and when it was over, it was over.

Breathless after parting, Olivia could hear Greyson and Eddy whooting behind David, and then his sisters were by their sides congratulating them.

It was believable until out from the corner of her eye, Olivia spotted Elizabeth Donnelly. And like rain on a summer day Olivia knew for fact it was all short lived. All so terribly short lived.

* * *

**I hope everybody took me seriously when I said Nan looks like Julie Andrews, because she really is LOL. Also, if you want to know what Liv's hair looks like just google SVU on location with Mariska Hargitay and Danny Pino...any pic**** (particularly with a mobile fan) will do. The gown- google simple wedding dresses, it's like the second one that pops up. YA. So...coming up next...the honeymoon...FUN.**


	15. Sleeping With the Enemy

**CRITICS**

**guest: **Loving this story! I look forward to my email stating a new chapter is in! Please update soon! obsessed :)

**AH! SO GLAD YOU'RE OBSESSED WE ARE TOO!**

**lawandorderfan96: **These past three chapters have been great, heart wrenching chapters that make me both wish that this were a full length novel, and wish I had the willpower to give up the internet. But as always, please continue soon (:

**AH SOMEBODY FEELS ARE PAIN! (We've continued for you ;)**

**guest: **Your story is so addicting! I find myself impatiently waiting for another fix. ;)

**IMPATIENTLY WAIT NO MORE! :D**

**southernnotcountry: **I kept hoping Nan was going to sing 'My Favorite Things' so I took Nan looking like Julie Andrews seriously. Their honeymoon should be entertaining.

**AH! SOMEBODY TOOK US SERIOUSLY!**

**kezireh24: **I hate David Haden. He needs to get the full story before he did this. I really hate him. I wouldn't forgive him after this. He has violent and extreme tendencies. I really hate him. I'm just hoping Live doesn't crack under pressure and does something extreme. Great update!

**HE MUST BE FORGIVEN- even after this chapter- DONT WORRY ABOUT LIV, OR DAVID DARLING THEY'RE IN GOOD HANDS, WE JUST LIKE TO STIR UP THE DRAMA ;)**

**nickandliv: **Sucks that non of her squad was at the wedding. I had hoped that Don would give her away. And I hate David.

**WHO SAID THAT WAS THE WEDDING? ;)**

**katechoco: **Omg this story keeps getting more interesting in every chapter! Can't wait for the next :)

**WAIT NO LONGER!**

**proceed...**

* * *

She was a wife now, even though she didn't feel like one. Even after the signed the paperwork with Seligman after, it still hadn't hit her. But she must have undergone a partial change of heart, because she had gone through the required rituals with apparent docility—although Olivia had to note that they must've been the only newlyweds in the world to spend the first two hours of their marriage without addressing one word to each other.

It had only been when they were seated stiffly side by side, in the comparative privacy of the city car returning them to the hotel to change for their honeymoon trip, that he'd broken the silence.

"We're moving to Italy."

"You're moving to Italy. I'm just the bed maid remember?" Olivia threw back defiantly.

Her mood hadn't improved since their first exchange in the car, nor during the largely silent journey to their honeymoon destination in lake Como—the first time, she realized, that she'd been entirely alone with him since he discovered the news of her miscarriage. A reflection she found disturbing.

And she knew with a kind of detachment that she would have to pay for what she'd let happen in one way or another.

It occurred to her too that she'd never been his passenger before—another first for her to add to all the others—and as the low, powerful car sped down the street under his casually controlled expertise she remembered a jokey magazine article she'd once read, which had suggested a man's sexual performance could often be judged by the way he drove.

She observed the light touch of his lean fingers on the wheel and found herself suddenly wondering how they would feel on her skin. However, as the silence between them became increasingly oppressive, she felt that a modest conversational overture might be called for.

She said, "How long will you have to do business there?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"How long it takes you to get pregnant." Olivia subsided, flushing. So much for trying to make conversation, she thought.

"It is quiet, and overlooks the sea, it's accepted as a suitable location for a newly married couple to begin their life together." He added curtly.

She looked down at her slim smooth legs, at the slender manicured feet displayed by the elegant and expensive strappy sandals she was wearing and tried to hard to analyze "married life together," with David.

David had married her by arrangement, not as an object for his romantic desires, but in order to provide himself with a mother for his child, because she was the very woman who'd irresponsible enough to lose his first.

Not the kind of fate she had ever envisaged for herself, she acknowledged with an inward pang. But this was the situation, and she would have to learn to make the best of it—eventually.

And it might indeed have been a step in the right direction if she'd made herself accept that token kiss in church earlier, she thought uneasily. At least they'd have commenced this so-called honeymoon on talking terms.

In addition, David might well have his own ideas on how their marriage should be conducted, she reminded herself dejectedly, stifling a sigh as she risked another wary glance at his unyielding expression.

But no amount of dejection could possibly have survived her first glimpse of the enchanting coastline around Lake Como.

Olivia leaned forward with an involuntary gasp of delight as she saw the first small town from the plane window. Its white buildings gleaming in the late-afternoon sunlight, clinging intrepidly to the precipitous rocky slopes above the restless sea which dashed itself endlessly against them in foam-edged shades of turquoise, azure and emerald.

When they got on the road itself, however, it was an experience all its own, as it wound recklessly and almost blindly between high cliffs on one side and the toe-curling drop to the sea on the other. The rockface didn't seem very stable either, Olivia thought apprehensively, noting the signs warning of loose boulders, and the protective netting spread along the areas most at risk.

But David seemed totally unconcerned as he skilfully negotiated one breath-stopping bend after another, so she sat back and tried to appear relaxed in her turn. She wasn't terribly successful, to judge by the swift and frankly sardonic glance she encountered from him at one point.

Yet, if she was honest, her nervousness wasn't entirely due to the vagaries of the Lake. It was perfectly obvious that they would soon arrive at their destination, and she would find herself sharing a roof with him—no longer as his guest, but as his wife.

And that infinitely tricky moment seemed to have come, she thought, her fingers twisting together even more tightly as they turned inland and began to climb a steep narrow road. Olivia glimpsed a scattering of houses ahead of them, but before they were reached David had turned the car between tall wrought-iron gates onto a winding gravel drive which led down to a large, sprawling single-storey house, roofed in faded terracotta, its white walls half-hidden by flowering vines and shrubs.

He said quietly and coldly, as he brought the car to a halt. "I've known these people here a long time. Try to be respectful to them."

Outside the air-conditioned car it was still very warm, but the faint breeze was scented with flowers, and Olivia paused, drawing a deep, grateful breath, before David took her hand, guiding her forward to the beaming trio awaiting them.

"Olivia, this is Massimo, the manager of the estate." He indicated a small thin man in a grey linen jacket and pinstripe trousers. 'Also his wife, Evangelina, who keeps house here and cooks. Massimo, Evangelina, my wife Olivia."

Evangelina must be very good at her job, Olivia thought, as she smiled and uttered a few shy words of greeting in halting Italian, because she was a large, comfortable woman with twinkling eyes, and twice the size of her husband.

Inside the house there were marble floors, walls washed in pastel colours, and the coolness of ceiling fans.

Olivia found herself conducted ceremoniously by Evangelina to a large bedroom at the back of the house. It was mainly occupied by a vast bed, its white coverlet clean and heaped with snowy pillows on which tiny sprigs of sweet lavender had been placed.

It was cozy, Olivia thought, aware of a coyly significant glance from Evangelina. But contrary to the good woman's expectations, the leading lady in this particular production would be sleeping there alone tonight, and for the foreseeable future.

The only other pieces of furniture were a long dressing table, with a stool upholstered in gold brocade, and a chaise longue covered in the same material, placed near the sliding glass doors which led onto the veranda.

On the opposite side of the room, a door opened into a bathroom tiled in ivory marble, with a shower that Olivia reckoned was as big as her master and guest bedroom in her old apartment.

Another door led to a dressing room like a corridor, lined with drawer units and fitted wardrobes, and at the far end this, in turn, gave access to another bedroom of a similar size, furnished in the same way as the first one except that the coverlet was striped in gold and ivory.

Presumably this was the room which David would be using—at least for the time being, she thought, her mouth suddenly dry. And she was relieved to see that it, too, had its own bathroom.

Her separate rooms, she thought quietly. Turning away hurriedly, she managed to smile at Evangelina and tell her that everything was wonderful—magnificent—to the housekeeper's evident gratification.

Back in her own room, she began to open one of her suitcases but was immediately dissuaded by Evangelina, who indicated firmly that this was a job for Nan, who would be overjoyed to hear of her arrival.

All this goodwill, Olivia thought with irony, as she followed the housekeeper to the salotto, where coffee was waiting. Yet how much of it would survive once it became clear to the household, as it surely would, that her marriage to David was totally failing to live up to everyone's expectations?

She'd braced herself for another silent interlude, but David was quietly civil, showing her the charming terrace where most of their meals would be taken, and explaining how the rocky local terrain had obliged the large gardens to be built on descending levels, connected by steps and pathways, with a swimming pool and a sunbathing area constructed at the very bottom.

'My godfather says the climb keeps him healthy,' David said, adding with faint amusement, 'His wife has always claimed it is all part of a plot to kill her. But it does not, however, stop her using the pool every day.'

She looked over the balustrade down into the green depths. 'Do you have the same plan, perhaps?' It seemed worth carrying on the mild joke.

'Why, no,' David drawled, his glance travelling over her. 'You, Liv, I intend to keep very much alive.'

* * *

No one ate early in Italy, and she was used to that, but by the time dinner was eventually served the strain of the day was beginning to tell on her.

She was ruefully aware that she had not done justice to the excellence of Evangelina's cooking, especially the sea bream which had formed the main course, and her lack of appetite was not lost on her companion.

'You're not hungry? Or is there something you would prefer?'

'Oh, no,' she denied hurriedly. 'The fish is wonderful. I'm just very tired—and I think I'm getting a headache,' she added for good measure.

"You should lie down."

And she did.

She walked sedately to the door, trying hard not to appear as if she was running away, but knowing he wouldn't be fooled for a minute. But at least he'd let her go, and what conversation there'd been during the meal had been on general topics, avoiding the personal.

In her bedroom, she saw that the bed had been turned down on both sides, and that one of her trousseau night slips, a mere wisp of white crêpe de Chine, had been prettily arranged on the coverlet.

More scene-setting, she thought. But the day's drama was thankfully over.

She had a warm, scented bath, and then changed into the nightgown that Nan had left for her because there was little to choose between any of them. She'd have to go shopping for more she presumed.

She climbed into the bed and sank back against the pillows, where the scent of lavender still lingered, aware of an odd sense of melancholy that she could neither dismiss or explain.

Sleep's what I need, she told herself. Things will seem better in the morning. They always do.

She was just turning on her side when an unexpected sound caught her attention, and she shot upright again, staring towards the dressing room as its door opened and David came in.

"What are you doing here?" she asked pulling more covers over herself.

"An odd question, Liv, to put to your husband when he visits your bedroom on your wedding night."

She sat rigidly against the pillows, watching him approach. He was wearing his normal flannel pants, but his bare chest suggested that there was nothing beneath them.

She lifted her chin. "I told you that I was tired."

"Also that you had a headache." He nodded. "And by now you have probably thought of a dozen other methods to keep me at a distance. I suggest you save them for the future. You will not, however, need them tonight," he added, seating himself on the edge of the bed.

It was a wide bed, and there was a more than respectable space between them, but in spite of that Olivia still felt that he was too close for comfort. She wanted to move away a little, but knew that he would notice and draw his own conclusions. And she did not wish him to think she was in any way nervous, she thought defensively.

As for what he was wearing—well, she'd seen him in far less in the past, but that, somehow, was a very different matter.

"I wasn't trying to make excuses."

He said, "No. You just like to keep the fire burning."

"You did that yourself."

"We both do it, but I have a reason to, you don't."

"I'm not arguing with you tonight David. Please go."

"In a moment," he said. "When I have what I came for."

"You're not going to-

"It's quite simple," he said. "I want to finish what we started this morning at the church" She stared at him. "The passion..." He leaned forward, brushing a strand of hair back from her face. "Don't you?"

"Not tonight." She shook her head. "Not happening. Because you can dress up what you've done any way you like, but the fact is you bought me. Anything you do to me will be little more than legalized rape.'

There was a terrible silence, then David said, too quietly, too evenly, "Rape? Where is the crime in a husband trying to make love to his wife? Maybe it's hidden in the same place where a mother thinks it's ok to kill her baby."

Slapping her across the face would have hurt less. David took her by the shoulders, pulling her towards him, his purpose evident in his set face.

"Let me go." She began to struggle against the strength of the hands that held her, scared now, but still determined. "David stop."

She pushed against his chest, fists clenched, her face averted.

She froze in horror, and realized that David too was very still, his dark face changing with a new and disturbing intensity as he looked at her. His hand slid slowly down from her shoulder to a more intimate objective, cupping her breast in lean fingers that shook a little. He brushed her nipple softly with the ball of his thumb, and as it hardened beneath his touch she felt sensation scorch through her like a naked flame against her flesh. Frightening her in a way she had never known before.

"No." Her voice cracked wildly on the word. "Stop!" She flailed out wildly with her fists, and felt the jolt as one of them slammed into his face. He gave a gasp of pain and reared back away from her, his hand going up to his eye. Then there was another silence.

She thought, the breath catching in her throat, Oh, God, what have I done? And, even worse, what is he going to do?

She tried to speak, to say his name—anything. To tell him she hadn't meant to hit him—or at least not as hard.

Only she didn't get the chance. Because he was lifting himself off the bed and striding away from her across the room without looking back. And as Olivia sank back, covering her own face with her hands, she heard first the slam of the dressing room door and then, like an echo, the bang of his own door closing.

And knew with total certainty that for tonight at least he would not be returning.

* * *

She was on edge. Wired. She hadn't slept, hadn't gone to bed. Refused. She stayed up, pacing her bedroom, playing the scene over and over again in her head. After she decided he wasn't coming back, she wished that she had hit him harder.

He deserved it. He'd hurt her. Again. She didn't know why it was so hard to get used to. It was love of course. She'd loved him so much. So much that she'd immediately burst into a storm of tears, burying her face in the pillow to muffle the sobs that shook her entire body. Not that he could have heard her, of course. The dressing room and two intervening doors had made sure of that.

She was inconsolable, but why? She'd succeeded in getting him to leave her bedroom. That was the point right? And he never came back. Not even after…

She swallowed, closing her eyes, wishing she could blank out all the inner visions that still tormented her. That remained there at the forefront of her mind, harsh and inescapable. Forcing her once again to recall everything that had happened that night

Once she was quite sure that he'd gone, her first priority was to wash the tearstains from her pale face and get herself into some real clothes.

Exchanging her slip for a pair of flannels of her own, she visually recanted the way he'd looked at her, the delicate graze of his hand on her flesh, yet at the same time it had brought home to her with almost terrifying force the real reason—the only reason—they were together.

She'd agreed to this marriage only to repay a mountainous debt and to make life easier for Calvin. Nothing else.

David had accepted the arrangement solely to replace what he so stupidly believed she'd taken from him. That was all.

She'd assumed David's unwilling offer to postpone the consummation of their marriage was a sign of his basic indifference. Now she didn't now what to think.

She'd tried to play down her fears—telling herself that all he required was a child, a son to inherit the Haden name and the power and wealth it represented—and had spent time before the wedding steeling herself to accept that part of their bargain, to endure whatever it took to achieve it, assuring herself that his innate good breeding would ensure that the…the practicalities of the situation would be conducted in a civilized manner.

Only to blow her resolution to the four winds when he'd attempted to follow through and she'd panicked. Badly.

She had reason, she told herself defensively. After losing their first she was frightened half to death at trying again. She wouldn't be able to handle another incident on top of everything else too.

Surely he must have recognized that there was no chance of their marriage working in any real sense? On the other hand, perhaps he didn't actually require it to work at all. Because for him it was simply a means to an end. A business arrangement whereby her body became just another commodity for him to purchase.

Something for his temporary amusement that could be discreetly discarded when its usefulness was finished.

When she'd had his baby.

That, she thought with a little sigh, was the likeliest explanation.

For a moment she stood staring at herself in the mirror, studying the shape of her body under the thin fabric of her nightdress. Noticing the length of her legs and the way the shadows in the room starkly reduced the contours of her face, making her features stand out more prominently.

She turned away, smothering a sigh, and made her slow, reluctant way back to the bed, lying there shivering in its vastness in spite of the warmth of the night.

Still listening intently, she realised, for the sound of his return, no matter how many times she promised herself that it wasn't going to happen. While at the same time, in her head, the events of the day kept unrolling before her in a seemingly endless loop of error and embarrassment.

It was several hours before she finally dropped into a troubled sleep. And for the first time in years there was no bedside alarm clock to summon her into a new morning, so she woke late to find Nan at her bedside with a tray of coffee, her dark eyes sparking over her with warm delight.

Looking to see how I survived the night, Olivia realised, sitting up self-consciously, aware that her tossing and turning had rumpled the bed sufficiently to make it appear that she hadn't slept alone.

My God, she thought, as she accepted the coffee with a stilted word of thanks. If she only knew…

And silently thanked heaven that she didn't. That no one knew, apart from David and herself, what a total shambles her first twenty-four hours of marriage had been.

* * *

**It gets better for them at some point- I swear. More drama/angst/ oh shit ness next. I should probably stop telling you guys not to hate David. It takes a a long time before he gets his shit together. AND THE STUFF HE MAKES LIV- my cookies are finished baking in the oven so you guys are going to have to wait LOL**


	16. If At First You Don't Succeed

**CRITICS**

**guest: **My heart is pained so much for Olivia. How much can one person go though in a lifetime? I'm on edge wanting and waiting for her reprieve to come.

**IT COMES!**

**guest: **Is this going to be Livid or EO?

**LIVID**

**guest: **Cookies are done...we have to wait?! NOOOOO! Seriously enjoying this story.

**I HAD TO SERIOUSLY ENJOY MY COOKIES LOL**

**southernnotcountry: **I'm going to hate David until I find him worthy of my forgivness!

**SMART READER**

**nickandliv: **sadistic!

**I KNOW DARLING, I KNOW!**

**READ**

* * *

Nan was persistent, but Olivia managed to convince her gently but firmly that she could draw her own bath and choose her own clothing for the day without assistance, uttering a silent sigh of relief when the she reluctantly withdrew, after informing her that breakfast would be served on the rear terrace.

Because she needed to be alone in order to think.

She'd made a few decisions before she'd eventually allowed herself to sleep, and rather to her surprise they still seemed good in daylight.

The first of them was that this time she must—must—talk to David without delay, and offer him some kind of explanation for her behavior. She had no other choice.

But that would not be easy, she thought, cautiously sipping the dark, fragrant brew. Because if she simply told him that she'd wanted to talk there was no absolute guarantee that he would want to listen.

And she could hardly admit that the angry words she'd hurled at him, and he hurled at her last night might in fact be only too true. That David was some vengeful, lust driven rapist whose one mission in life was to hurt her.

No, she thought forcefully. And no again. That is- until that afternoon.

* * *

She replaced her empty cup on the bedside table and drew up her knees, wrapping her arms around them. Frowning as she wondered how she could possibly tell him that she was now prepared to fulfill her side of their arrangement. While making it quite clear, at the same time, that she intended to regard any physical contact between them as solely part of a business deal and certainly not the beginning of any kind of—relationship.

He didn't require her for that, anyway, she thought. According to the press his needs in that respect were already well catered for by—Kim Greylak.

_Kim_. Olivia groaned. She too was staying in Lake Como. Even though the news of the divorce was known back at home Olivia had her doubts it had reached overseas. And despite their legal separation, they still worked together, which gave David plenty a reason to escape the house for what was called 'business.'

But she wasn't about to sit here and think about Kim. Throwing aside the covers, she got out of bed and prepared to face the day.

She hadn't taken a great deal of interest in purchasing a new wardrobe. But here she was, on the first morning of her marriage, with a tricky confrontation ahead of her, so choosing something to wear from the array that Nan had unpacked and hung in one of the dressing room closets, suddenly seemed to acquire an additional importance.

She finally decided on a sun dress and a pair of sandals to out in and then went in reluctant search of David.

She'd assumed he would be at the breakfast table, but when she walked out into the sunshine she saw that only a single place was set in the vine-shaded pergola.

She turned to Massimo in faint surprise. "The signore has eaten already?"

"Si, signora. Early. Very early. He say you are not to be disturbed." He paused, his face lugubrious. 'And then he goes out in the car. Maybe to see a doctor—for his accident."

"Accident?" Olivia repeated uneasily.

Evangelina came surging out to join them, bearing a fresh pot of coffee and a plate of sweet rolls to add to the platter of ham and cheese already on the table.

"Si, signora," she said. "Last night, in the dark, Signor David he walk into door." Her reproachful glance suggested that the signore should have been safely in bed, engrossed with his new bride, rather than wandering around bumping into the fixtures and fittings.

Olivia felt her colour rise. "Oh, that," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "It's that bad?"

Pursed lips and shrugs invited her to think again, and her heart sank like a stone as it occurred to her that David might not be feeling particularly receptive to any overtures this morning, and that her apology might have to be extremely humble indeed if it was to cut any ice with him.

Which was not altogether what she'd planned.

She hung around the terrace most of the morning, waiting with trepidation for his return. And waiting…

Until Massimo came, clearly bewildered, to relay the signore's telephone message that he would be lunching elsewhere.

Olivia, managing to hide her relief, murmured 'Che peccato,' and set herself to the task of persuading Massimo that it was far too hot for the midday banquet Evangelina seemed to be planning and that, as she would be eating alone, clear soup and a vegetable risotto would be quite enough.

She still wasn't very hungry, but starving herself would do no good, so she did her best with the food, guessing that any lack of appetite would be ascribed to the fact that she was pining for David.

She was already aware that glances were being exchanged over her head in concern for this new wife left to her own devices so soon after her bridal night.

If David continued his absence they might start putting two and two together and making all kinds of numbers, she thought without pleasure.

Her meal finished, she rested for a while in her room with the shutters drawn, but she soon accepted that she was far too jittery to relax, so she changed into a black bikini, topping it with a pretty black and white voile overshirt, and went back into the sunshine to find the swimming pool.

As David had indicated, it was quite a descent through tier upon tier of blossom-filled terraces. It was like climbing down into a vast bowl of flowers, Olivia thought, with the oval pool, a living aquamarine, at its base. The sun terrace surrounding the water was tiled in a mosaic pattern of ivory and gold, and sunbeds had been placed in readiness, cushioned in turquoise, each with its matching parasol.

At one end of the pool there was a small hexagonal pavilion, painted white, containing towels, together with extra cushions and a shelf holding an extensive range of sun protection products. It also contained a refrigerator stocked with bottled water and soft drinks.

The air was very still, and filled with the scent of the encircling flowers. The only sounds were the soft drone of bees searching for pollen and, farther away, the whisper of the sea.

Olivia took a deep breath. If she'd simply been visiting on holiday, by herself, she'd have thought she was in paradise. As it was…

But she wouldn't think about that now, she told herself firmly. For the present she was alone, and she would make the most of it. Even if it was only the calm before an almost inevitable storm.

She slipped off her shirt and walked to the side of the pool. She sat on the edge for a moment, testing the temperature of the water with a cautious foot, then slid in, gasping with pleasure as the exquisite coolness received her heated body.

She began to swim steadily and without haste, completing one length of the pool, then another, and a third, feeling relaxed for the first time in days.

Out of the water, and dried off, she was careful to apply a high-factor lotion to her exposed skin before stretching out to sunbathe.

Allowing herself to burn to a frazzle might be an effective way of postponing the inevitable, she thought ruefully, but it wouldn't do much to advance the cause of marital harmony. And she couldn't afford to let matters deteriorate any further—not now she'd made up her mind to yield herself to him.

She capped the bottle and lay back on the padded cushions of her shaded lounger, closing her eyes and letting her thoughts drift.

Dinner tonight, she supposed, would probably be the best time to tell him of her decision—and then she might well drink herself into oblivion for the first time in her life, which was not something she'd ever contemplated, or a prospect she particularly relished.

It was just a question of doing whatever was necessary to get her through this phase in her life relatively unscathed, she thought unhappily, and alcohol was the only available anaesthetic.

It occurred to her that David would probably know exactly why she was drinking as if tomorrow had been cancelled, but why would he care as long as he got what he wanted? she asked herself defiantly.

Anyway, she'd deal with that when the time came, and in the meantime she should stop brooding and turn her thoughts to something else entirely.

She ought to have brought something to read, she told herself ruefully. But when she'd mentioned packing some books into her honeymoon luggage Julia had stared at her as if she was insane, then told her acidly that David would make sure she had far better things to do with her time.

Which brought her right back to square one again, she thought with a sigh, sitting up and reaching for her shirt.

She'd noticed some magazines yesterday in the salotto, and although they seemed exclusively to feature high fashion and interior design, they'd at least be a diversion.

Also they were in Italian, and Zio Guillermo had suggested kindly, but with a certain firmness too, that it would be good for her to start improving her language skills as soon as possible. So she could kill two birds with one stone.

Because of the heat, she deliberately took the climb up to the terrace very easily, pausing frequently to stand in the shade, and look back over the view.

But as she reached the top of the last flight of steps she halted abruptly, her heart thumping out a warning tattoo against her rib cage.

Because David was there, sitting at the table, his feet up on an adjacent chair, reading a newspaper, a glass of wine beside him. He was wearing brief white shorts, a pair of espadrilles and sunglasses. The rest of him was tanned skin.

There was no way to avoid him, of course, Olivia realized uneasily, because this was the only route to the house. She just wished she was wearing more clothes. Or that he was.

It was all too horribly reminiscent of the last time he'd seen her in a bikini, when she'd given way to an impulse she'd hardly understood and been left to weep at her own humiliation.

She swallowed. But that had been years ago, and she wasn't a child any longer—as he'd demonstrated last night.

And now there were things which had to be said, which couldn't be put off any longer. Three birds, she thought, for the price of two. And bit her lip.

As she stood, hesitating, David glanced up and saw her. Immediately he put his paper aside and got politely to his feet. "Good afternoon." His greeting was unsmiling, impassive.

"Good afternoon," she returned, dry-mouthed. In some odd way, he seemed taller than ever. "I was hoping you'd be back."

He said expressionlessly, hanging onto the extension cord of a phone as he leaned against his desk. "I am flattered."

His tone suggested the opposite, but Olivia plowed on, trying to look anywhere but directly at him.

"Evangelina said you might need medical treatment. I was concerned."

"In case I had been blinded?" he questioned with faint derision. He hung up the phone and he shook his head. "Evangelina exaggerates. As you see, no doctor was necessary," he added, removing his dark glasses.

She had to look at him then, staring with horror at the dark bruising at the corner of his eye. It was even worse than she'd expected.

She said softly, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it—that it was a total accident. You just...I just needed time."

He shrugged. "Then God help me if you ever intend to do it."

Color rose in her face. She said, "I never would. I was startled, that's all." She spread her hands defensively. "All this—the strain of these last weeks—the wedding—it hasn't been easy for me."

"And therefore my quite unreasonable wish to sleep with you was the final straw?" he said softly. "Is that what you are saying?"

She bit her lip. "Yes." She looked down at the black and white marble tiles at her feet. He was not making this very easy for her, she thought. But then why should he? He was the one with the black eye.

"Also," she went on, "I have to thank you for pretending that you walked into a door."

"It's the usual excuse, I believe," he said crisply. "And anyway I felt the truth would hardly be to the credit of either of us." His mouth twisted. "And Evangelina would have been most distressed. She is a romantic creature."

She did not meet his gaze. "Then we must already be a terrible disappointment to her."

"No doubt," he said. "But we must all learn to live with our various disillusions." He shrugged again. "And for some time to come, it seems, to judge by last night."

The moment of truth had arrived. Earlier than she'd planned, but a few hours couldn't really matter. Anyway, there was no turning back now, she thought, taking a deep breath. But her voice faltered a little just the same. "Well maybe not."

There was an odd silence, then David said slowly, "Why, Olivia, are you saying you want me to make love to you?"

She realized that he was looking at her, studying her, allowing his eyes to travel slowly down her half-naked body. Thought again of a time when she would have responded with eager joy to the caress of his gaze, and how her pathetic attempt to lure him had met with rejection instead.

A small, cold stone seemed to settle in the middle of her chest.

She said, lifting her chin, "Don't sugar coat it not when you have Kim in your back pocket. We both know exactly why we're here, and what's expected of us, and it has nothing to do with love."

She stared rigidly past him. "You said last night that you wanted me to finish what you started in the church, but that's not going to happen. It can't. Because, however long you wait, I'm never going to be ready in the way you wish."

He was utterly still, she realized, and completely silent. In fact, she could have been addressing a statue. A man of bronze.

Oh, God, she thought. This would have been so much less complicated over dinner. And she wasn't explaining it all in the way she'd rehearsed down at the pool either. In fact, she seemed to be saying all kinds of things she hadn't intended. But she'd started, and she had to go stumbling on. She had no choice now.

"You bought me for a purpose." Her voice quivered a little. "So you're entitled to use me—in that way. I realize that, and I accepted it when I agreed to marry you. Truly I did. I also expected that after yesterday you'd at least give me time to adjust—and wait in order to make…sex with you…easier for me. Except, it hasn't worked. Because waiting has just made everything a hundred times worse. It's like this huge black cloud hanging over me—a sentence that's been passed but not carried out."

She swallowed. "It's been this way ever since we became engaged, and I can't bear it any longer. So I'd prefer it—over and done with, and as soon as possible."

She slid a glance at him, and for a brief instant she had the strangest impression that it wasn't only the corner of his eye but his entire face that was bruised.

Some trick of the light, she thought, her throat closing as she hurried on with a kind of desperation.

"So I need to tell you that it's all right for you to come to my room tonight. I'll do whatever you want, and I promise that I won't fight you this time." And stopped, at last, with a little nervous gasp.

The silence and stillness remained, but the quality of it seemed to have changed in some subtle way she did not understand.

But all the same it worried her, and she needed it to be broken. To obtain some reaction from him.

"I'm sorry that my attempt at behaving towards you with consideration has failed so badly. Forgive me, please, and believe I did not intend to cause you stress by delaying the consummation of our marriage. I thought the sooner we started, the sooner you'd be able to leave. However, that can soon be put right. And we do not have to wait until tonight."

Two long strides brought him to her. He picked her up in his arms and carried her towards the open French windows of the salotto.

She said, in a voice she did not recognize. "Now?" She began to panic.

"Now." He crossed the room to the empty guest accommodations, setting her down on the enormous bed that caught almost all the sunlight in the room.

Olivia pushed down on his shoulders to keep him from going so fast. He said softly, "You said you would not fight me, Olivia. I recommend that you keep your promise."

She looked up at him—at the livid bruising and the hard set of his mouth. At the cold purpose in his eyes.

"Not like this- please." Her voice cracked.

"Then how do you want it? Soft? Slow? Rough? Hard? Dangerously somewhere in between like in the past? Don't distress yourself." His voice was harsh. 'Your ordeal will be brief—far more so than it would have been tonight. And that is my promise to you."

He reached down almost negligently, stripping her of the bottom half of her bikini and tossing it aside, before unzipping his shorts.

He did not hold her down, nor use any kind of force. Shocked as she was, she could recognize that. But then he did not have to, she thought numbly, because she'd told him that she wouldn't resist.

And he was, quite literally, taking her at her word.

Nor did he attempt to kiss her. And the hand that parted her thighs was brisk rather than caressing.

She tried to say no again, because every untried female instinct she possessed was screaming that it should not be like this.

That, whatever she'd said, this wasn't what she'd intended. That she'd been nervous and muddled it all. And somehow she had to let him know this, and ask him, in spite of everything, to be kind.

But no sound came from her dry, paralyzed throat, and anyway it was all too late—because David was already guiding himself slowly into her, pausing to give her bewildered face a swift glance, then taking total possession of her stunned body with one long, controlled thrust.

Arching himself above her, his weight on his arms, his clenched fists buried in the softness of the coverlet on either side of her, he began to move, strongly and rhythmically.

Olivia had braced herself instinctively against the onset of pleasure she'd imagined would be inevitable, even if she hadn't been taken with any kind of tenderness. There was only room for pleasure with David. That's what had gotten them into this mess anyway.

It was the astonishing sensation of his body sheathed in hers that was totally controlling her awareness. The amazing reality of all that potent, silken hardness, driving ever more deeply into her aroused and yielding heat, slowly at first, then much faster, that was sending her mind suddenly into free fall. Alerting her to possibilities she had not known existed. Offering her something almost akin to—hope.

And then, with equal suddenness, it was over. She heard David cry out hoarsely, almost achingly, and felt his body shuddering into hers in one scalding spasm after another.

For what seemed an eternity he remained poised above her, his breathing ragged as he fought to regain his control. Then he lifted himself out of her, away from her, dragging his clothing back into place with frankly unsteady hands before getting to his feet and looking down at her, his dark face expressionless.

"So," His voice was quiet, almost courteous. "You have nothing more to fear. Our distasteful duty has at last been done, and I trust without too much inconvenience to you."

He paused, adding more harshly, "Let us also hope that it has achieved its purpose, and that you are never forced to suffer my attentions again. And that I am not made to endure any further outrage to my own feelings."

He walked to the door without sparing her one backward glance. Leaving her where she was lying, shaken, but in some strange way feeling almost—bereft without him.

And at that moment, when it was so very much too late, she heard herself whisper his name.

* * *

Even now Olivia could remember with total clarity that she hadn't wanted to move.

That it had seemed somehow so much easier to remain where she was, like a small animal cowering in long grass, shivering with resentment, shame and—yes—misery too, than to pull herself together and restore some kind of basic decency to her appearance as she tried to come to terms with what had just happened.

Eventually the fear of being found by one of the staff had forced her to struggle back into her bikini briefs and, huddling her crumpled shirt defensively around her, make her way to her room.

There, she'd stripped completely, before standing under a shower that had been almost too hot to be bearable. As if that could in any way erase the events of the past half-hour.

How could he? she'd asked herself wretchedly as the water had pounded its way over her body. Oh, God, how could he treat me like that—as if I had no feelings—as if I hardly existed for him?

Well, I know the answer to that now, Olivia thought, turning over in her search for a cool spot on her pillow. If I'm honest, I probably knew it then too, but couldn't let myself admit it.

It happened because that's what I asked for. Because I added insult to the injury I'd already inflicted by telling him to his face that he didn't matter. That sex with him would only ever be a 'distasteful-duty'—the words he threw at me afterwards.

She'd sensed the anger in him, like a damped-down fire that could rage out of control at any moment, in the way he'd barely touched her. In the way that the lovemaking he'd offered her only moments before had been transformed into a brief, soulless act accomplished with stark and icy efficiency. And perhaps most of all in his subsequent dismissal of her before he walked away.

Yet, anger had not made him brutal, she reflected broodingly. He had not behaved well, perhaps. After all, she had still been his new wife, but he had not forced her—merely used her confused and unwilling assent against her. And he most certainly hadn't hurt her.

Or not physically, at least.

Which made it difficult to blame or hate him as much as she wanted to do, she realized, aggrieved.

Suddenly restive, she pushed the coverlet aside and got out of bed, moving soundlessly to the small easy chair by the window.

If ever she'd needed a good night's sleep to ensure that she was fresh, with all her wits about her for the morning, it was now. And it just wasn't going to happen—thanks to the man occupying her living room sofa and the memories his arrival had forced back into her consciousness.

Memories of leaning slumped against the shower's tiled wall, a hand pressed against her abdomen as she realized it would be nearly three weeks before she knew for certain whether David's 'purpose', as he'd so bleakly expressed it, had been achieved, and his child was growing in her body.

Of trying desperately to formulate some credible excuse to avoid having to face him at dinner in a few hours'time—or ever again, for that matter—and knowing there was none. She would have to pretend that she didn't care how he'd treated her. That she'd neither anticipated nor wanted anything more from him, and was simply thankful that the matter had been dealt with and need not be referred to again.

Of eventually dressing in a pretty swirl of turquoise silk—not white, because it was no longer appropriate, and not black because it might suggest she was in some kind of mourning—and joining him with an assumption of calmness in the salotto.

Of accepting his coolly civil offer of a drink with equal politeness, realizing he had no more wish to speak of the afternoon's events than she did. And then of sitting opposite him in silence, during an interminable meal.

A pattern, she had soon discovered, that would be repeated each evening.

Not that he'd planned to spend time with her during the day either, as she had found out when she joined him for breakfast the following morning, at his request, conveyed by Nan.

"This is a very beautiful part of the world, Olivia, and you will no doubt wish to go sightseeing—to explore Lake Como itself, of course."

Was he offering to escort her? she wondered in sudden alarm, her lips already parting to deny, mendaciously, that she had any such ambition. To say she was quite content to stay within the precincts of the villa while he went off to on business, or wherever, and stayed there.

But before she could speak, he added smoothly, "I have therefore arranged to have a car placed at your disposal. The driver's name is Paolo. He is a cousin of Evangelina and completely reliable. He will make himself available each day to drive you anywhere you want to go."

So I don't have to…

The unspoken words seemed to hover in the air between them.

"I see." She should have been dancing with relief. Instead, she felt oddly—blank. She hesitated. "That's—very kind of you.'

He shrugged. "It's nothing."

And that she could believe, she thought bleakly. It was his way of dealing with an awkward and disagreeable situation—by simply ridding himself of the source of annoyance.

David paused too. He went on more slowly, "I have also ordered a box of books to be delivered here for you—a selection from the bestseller lists in Britain and America. I recall you used to like thrillers, but perhaps your tastes have changed?"

Olivia found she was biting her lip—hard.

"No," she said. "Not really, but thank you." Adding stiffly.

"You're welcome." His mouth curled slightly. "After all, Liv, I would not wish you to be bored.'"

A comment, she thought stonily, that removed any further need for appreciation on her part.

For the next few days it suited her to play the tourist—if only because it got her away from the villa and David's chillingly aloof courtesy. To her endless embarrassment he continued to treat her with quite astonishing generosity, and as a result she found herself in possession of more money in cash than she'd ever dreamed of in her life, plus a selection of credit cards with no apparent upper limit.

She'd often wondered what it might be like to have access to unrestricted spending, only to find there was very little she actually wanted to buy.

Maybe I'm not the type to shop till I drop, she thought, sighing. What a waste.

But she did make one important purchase. In the village she bought herself three maillots—one in black, another in a deep olive-green, and the third in dark red—to wear for her solitary late-afternoon swim, and to replace the bikinis she never wanted to see again, let alone wear.

Eventually she decided she had visited enough churches, admired enough Renaissance artifacts, and gaped at sufficient pictures. Also, she felt disinclined to give any more assurances about David's health—especially as the bruise on his eye was fading at last.

Her main danger was in eating far too many of the delicious almond and lemon cakes served in the cafés in the village, as she sat at a table in the sunlight and watched the crowds as they milled about in the ancient square.

So many families strolling with children. So very many couples, too, meeting with smiling eyes, a touch of hands, an embrace. No one, she thought, had ever greeted her like that, as if she was their whole world. Not even Elliot. But their relationship hadn't had a chance, being over almost as soon as it had begun.

And then, in her mind, she saw a sudden image of David, standing at the altar only a week before, as if transfixed, an expression that was almost wonder on his dark face as she walked towards him.

And what on earth had made her think of that? she thought, startled, as she finished her coffee and signalled for the bill.

Not that it meant anything—except that the sight of her had probably brought it home to him that his head was now firmly in the noose.

All the same, the buzz of talk and laughter in the air around her only served to emphasise her own sense of isolation.

She thought, with a pang, I have no one. Unless, of course… And her hand strayed almost unconsciously to the flatness of her stomach.

The next morning, when Evangelina enquired at what hour the she would require Paolo to call for her, Olivia said politely that she did not wish to do any more sightseeing for a while.

"Ah." Something like hope dawned in the plump face. "No doubt you will be joining the signore by the pool?"

"No," Olivia returned coolly. "I thought I would go up to the village for a stroll."

"The village is small," said Evangelina. "It has little to see, signora. Better to stay here and relax." She gave a winning smile. "Is quiet by the pool. No disturb there."

In other words, Olivia thought, caught between annoyance and a kind of reluctant amusement, no one would go blundering down there in case the signore decided to take full advantage of his wife's company by enjoying his marital rights in such secluded and romantic surroundings.

She shrugged. "I'll swim later, as usual," she said casually. "After I've been for my walk." And she turned away, pretending not to notice the housekeeper's disappointment.

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia passed through Villa Santa Caterina's wide gateway and set off up the hill.

Evangelina, she soon discovered, had been perfectly correct in her assessment. The village was small, and no tourist trap, its main street lined with houses shuttered against the morning sun, interspersed with a few shops providing life's practicalities, among them a café with two tables outside under an awning.

Maybe on the way back she'd stop there for a while and have a cold drink. Enjoy the shade. Read some of the book she'd brought with her. Anything to delay the moment when she would have to return to Villa Santa Caterina and the probability of Evangelina's further attempts to throw her into David's arms.

At the same time she became aware that every few yards, between the houses and their neat gardens, she could catch a glimpse of the sparkling azure that was the sea.

The view from the villa garden was spectacular enough, she thought, but up here it would be magical, and in her bag she'd also brought the small sketching block and pencils that she'd acquired on yesterday's trip trough the village.

She was standing, craning her neck at one point, when she realized the lady of the house in question had emerged and was watching her.

Olivia stepped back, flushing. "Perdono," she apologized awkwardly. 'I was looking at the view—il bel mare,' she added for good Italian was far from perfect, but she wanted to try while she and David were living there.

Immediately the other's face broke into a beaming smile. 'Si—si,' she nodded vigorously. She marched over to Olivia and took her arm, propelling her up the village street while chattering at a great and largely incomprehensible rate—apart from the words 'una vista fantastica', which pretty much explained themselves.

At the end of the street the houses stopped and a high wall began, which effectively blocked everything. Olivia's self-appointed guide halted, pointing at it.

"Casa Adriana," she announced. "Che bella vista." She kissed her fingertips as she urged Olivia forward, adding with a gusty sigh, "Che tragedia."

A fantastic view, I can handle, Olivia thought as she moved off obediently. But do I really need a tragedy to go with it?

However, a glance over her shoulder showed that her new friend was still watching and smiling, so she gave a slight wave in return and trudged on.

As she got closer she saw that the wall's white paintwork was dingy and peeling, and that the actual structure was crumbling in places, indicating that some serious attention was needed.

It also seemed to go on for ever, but eventually she realized she was approaching a narrow, rusting wrought-iron gate, and that this was standing ajar in a kind of mute invitation.

Beyond it, a weed-infested gravel path wound its way between a mass of rioting bushes and shrubs, and at its end, beckoning like a siren, was the glitter of blue that announced the promised view.

The breath caught in Olivia's throat, and she pushed the gate wider so that she could walk through. She'd expected an outraged squeal from the ancient metal hinges, but there wasn't a sound. Someone, she saw, had clearly been busy with an oil can.

This is what happens in late night thrillers on television, she told herself. And I'm always the one with her hands over her face, screaming Don't do it! So it will serve me right if that gate swings shut behind me and traps me in here with some nameless horror lurking in the undergrowth.

But the gate, fortunately, displayed no desire to move, and the nameless horror probably had business elsewhere, so she walked briskly forward, avoiding the overhanging shrubs and bushes with their pollen-heavy blossoms that tried to impede her way.

There was a scent of jasmine in the air, and there were roses too, crowding everywhere in a rampant glory of pink, white and yellow. Olivia was no expert—but she recognized oleanders mingling with masses of asters, roses, and clumps of tall graceful daisies, all wildly out of control.

Halfway down, the path forked abruptly to the right, and there, half-eclipsed by the bougainvillea climbing all over it, was all that remained of a once pretty house. Its walls were still standing, but even from a distance Olivia could see that many of the roof tiles were missing, and that behind the screen of pink and purple flowers shutters were hanging loose from broken windows.

But there'd been attempts elsewhere to restore order. The grass had been cut in places, and over-intrusive branches cut down and stacked, presumably for burning.

In the center of one cleared patch stood a fountain, where a naked nymph on tiptoe sadly tilted an urn which had not flowed with water for a very long time.

And straight ahead, at the end of the path, a lemon tree heavy with fruit stood like a sentinel, watching by the low wall that overlooked the bay.

Rather too low a wall, Olivia thought, when she took a wary peep over its edge and discovered a stomach-churning drop down the sheer and rocky cliff to the tumbling sea far below.

She stepped back hastily, and found herself colliding with an ancient wooden seat, which had been placed at a safe distance in the shade of the tree, suggesting that the garden's owner might not have had much of a head for heights either.

That was probably the tragedy that her friend in the village had mentioned, she thought. An inadvertent stumble after too much lemon cello by some unlucky soul, and a headlong dive into eternity.

She seated herself gingerly, wondering if the bench was still capable of bearing even her slight weight, but there was no imminent sign of collapse, so she allowed herself to lean back and take her first proper look at the panorama laid out in front of her.

One glance told her that 'fantastic' was indeed the word, and she silently blessed the woman who'd sent her here.

Over to her left she could see the cream, gold and terracotta of the villas that over looked the lake, looking as if it had grown like some sprawling rock plant out of the tall cliffs that sheltered it. The towering stone facades themselves gleamed like silver and amethyst in the morning sun under a dark green canopy of cypresses. And below the town the deep cerulean sea turned to jade and turquoise edged with foam as it spilled itself endlessly on the shingle shore.

She could even see the rooftop swimming pools of the hotels overlooking the port, and the sturdy outline of the medieval watchtower, which no longer scanned the horizon for pirates or enemies from neighboring city states, but served food in its elegant restaurant instead. Beyond it lay near Varrena , and if she turned to glance the other way she could see the dizzying tumble of Lecco, and in the far distance a smudge that might even be Colico.

The horizon was barely visible, sky and sea merging seamlessly in an azure blur.

It was also very quiet. The sound of traffic along the ribbon of coast road was barely audible at this distance, and for the first time in weeks Olivia felt the tension within her—like the heaviness of unshed tears—beginning to ease, and something like peace take its place.

So good, she thought. So good to be truly alone and leave behind the pressure of other people's expectations. To be free of the necessity of changing into yet another charming and expensive dress just to make occasional and stilted conversation across a dinner table with a young man whose smile never reached his eyes.

To be, just for a while, Olivia Benson again and nothing more, with no apology for a marriage to haunt her.

She looked down at her hand, then slowly slid off her wedding ring, and buried it deep in her pocket.

There, she thought. Now I can pretend that I'm simply here on vacation, with my whole life ahead of me, free to enjoy no one's company but my own.

Only to hear from behind her a small, mild cough which announced that she was not alone after all. That someone else was there, sharing her supposed solitude.

Startled, she jumped to her feet and turned, to find herself confronted by a small woman with rimless glasses and wisps of grey hair escaping from under a floppy linen sun hat. Her khaki trousers and shirt were smeared with earth and green stains, and she carried a small pair of pruning shears in one hand and a flat wicker basket full of trimmings in the other.

Oh, God, Olivia thought, embarrassed color flooding her face. That house can't be as derelict as I thought.

Aloud, she said, in halting and woefully incorrect Italian, "I'm sorry, I was told that no one lived here."

"You may stay if you like," said a gentle voice. It was Nan "I also come here to look at the view, but I saw a potentially beautiful space going to rack and ruin and I couldn't resist the challenge. No one has ever objected," she added. "Probably because they think I'm mad to try."'

Her smile was kind. "So please don't run away on my account. And I'm sorry if I startled you. You were a shock to me too, appearing so quietly. For a moment I thought Adriana had returned, and then I realized you were totally twenty-first century. Quite a relief, I have to say. Have you been here before?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, this is my first visit."

"My husband and I were fortunate enough to be able to retire here." Nan looked out at the bay with an expression of utter contentment. "We have an apartment nearby, but it only has a balcony, and I do miss my gardening. So I come here most days and do what I can." She sighed. "But as you see, it's an uphill struggle. Shall we sit down—if you have time?"

"Of course, I could use the company." Nan took a seat at the other end of the bench. "David's let me have ample freedom."

"That's—lovely for you." Olivia was suddenly conscious of the ring buried in her pocket. She added hurriedly, "But why has the garden been allowed to get into such a state?" She glanced around her. "Doesn't the owner—this Adriana—care?"

"I think she would care very much if she was alive to see it, but she died a long time ago—over fifty years, I gather—and ownership of the property is no longer established."

"She didn't have an heir?" Olivia asked with a certain constraint. Another topic, she thought, she'd have preferred to avoid.

"She and her husband were still newlyweds," Nan explained. "According to the local stories they made wills leaving everything to each other. And when he pre-deceased her she refused to make another.

She shrugged. "Relatives on both sides have made legal claims to the estate over the years, but I suspect that most of them have died too by now, so the whole thing is in abeyance."

"Oh." Olivia drew a deep breath. "So that's the tragedy. This wonderful place just left to—molder away." She shook her head. "But why didn't Adriana change her will?"

"Oh, that's quite simple," Nan said quietly. "You see, she never actually believed that her husband was dead."

Olivia frowned. "But surely there must have been a death certificate at some point?" she objected.

"Under normal circumstances," the other woman said. "But sadly there was no real proof of death. Filippo Barzoni was sailing back from Ischia—he was a keen and experienced sailor, and had made the trip many times before—when a sudden violent squall blew up. Neither he nor his boat were ever seen again.

"Some wreckage was washed up near Sorrento, but it was considered inconclusive as the storm had produced other casualties. However, no one but his widow believed that Filippo could possibly have survived. They were passionately in love, you see, and Adriana always claimed she would know, in her heart, if her husband were no longer alive. She felt most strongly that he was still with her, and that one day he would return."

She sighed. "That's why she had this bench placed here, so she could sit and watch the bay for a blue boat with maroon sails. She came every day to keep her vigil, summer and winter, and she refused to listen to any arguments against it. 'One day, he will come back to me,' she used to say. 'And he will find me waiting."'

"How awful," Olivia said softly. "Poor woman."

Nan smiled again. "She didn't see herself at all in that way, by all accounts. She was very calm, very steadfast, and doing what she believed in. As well as love, you see, she had faith and hope, so maybe she was one of the lucky ones."

"What happened in the end?" Olivia asked.

"She met a man- a lawyer from New York. Someone with the same respect for tradition and values as she and they became partners. You see he was always traveling, so she'd go with him and look after him, preparing his breakfast, making sure his socks were in the right drawer.

"But then he'd gotten married and the job was passed on to his new wife, but she managed, they'd still remained very good friends."

Olivia's eyes narrowed in over Nan, the way she did when she found out something curious on a case. The story was strange, Olivia thought. Strange for her to speak so freely about, and mirror so carefully to her own life.

She put on her gloves and rose. "But this is far too lovely a day, and you're much too young and pretty for any more sad stories about lost love. And I must get on with some work." She looked again at the sea. "However, this is a wonderful spot—especially to sit and think—and I hope I haven't depressed you so much that you never come back."

"No," Olivia said. "I'd love to come and sit here—as long as I won't be in the way."

"On the contrary, I think we can peacefully co-exist."

"Now I truly don't have a reason to be sad."

"Nor I," Nan agreed. "But I know some of the local people tend to avoid it."

Olivia said slowly, "You said, when you saw me, that you thought for a moment Adriana had come back. Is that what people think?"

Behind her spectacles, Nan's eyes twinkled. "Not out loud. The parish priest is very against superstition." She paused. "But I was surprised to see you, because so very few visitors come here. In fact, I always think of it as the village's best-kept secret."

"Yet they told me?" Olivia said, half to herself.

"Well, perhaps you seemed like someone who needed a quiet place to think in the sunshine." As she moved away Nan glanced back over her shoulder.  
"But that, my dear, is entirely your own business."

And co-exist, we did, Olivia thought, looking back with a pang of gratitude.

It had been late afternoon when she'd finally returned to Villa Santa Caterina, and she had fully expected to be cross-examined about her absence—by Evangelina if no one else, particularly as she'd failed to return to the villa for lunch. But not a word was said.

And no questions had been asked when she'd announced the following day that she was going for another walk, or any of the days that followed, when she'd climbed the hill to the house, passing her hours quietly on Adriana's bench. She read, and sketched, and tried to make sense of what had happened to her and where it might lead.

Keeping, she realized now, a vigil of her own.

She'd invariably been aware of Nan's relaxed presence elsewhere in the garden, and sometimes they had chatted, when the older woman took a break from her endeavors, having kindly but firmly refused Olivia's diffident offer of help.

Conversation between them had been restricted to general topics, although Olivia had been aware that sometimes her companion watched her in a faintly puzzled way, as if wondering why she should choose to spend so much time alone.

Once, indeed, Nan asked, "David doesn't mind seeing so little of you, my dear?"

"No, not at all." Olivia looked down at her bare hand. "We're not—close."

And Olivia had told her everything, about their relationship in the past, losing the baby, coming to his award celebration with David, how he found out about her miscarriage, and blackmailed her into marriage.

She wanted someone to now the truth about her, and by the time she'd finished, Nan had known a lot more than the truth to say the least.

And then, in the final week of the honeymoon, all her silent questioning was ended when she woke with stomach cramps and realized there would be no baby.

Realized, too, that she would somehow have to go to David and tell him. And then, on some future occasion, steel herself to have sex with him again.

Both of those being prospects that filled her with dread.

She took some painkillers and spent most of the morning in bed, informing Evangelina that she had a headache, probably through too much sun.

"Perhaps you would tell the signore," she added, hoping that David would read between the lines of the message and guess the truth. That as a result she might be spared the embarrassment of a personal interview with him. But Evangelina looked surprised.

"He is not here, signora. He has business in Naples and will not return before dinner. Did he not say?'

"He did, I just forgot..."Olivia kept her tone light. Let's keep up the pretense, she thought, that this is a normal marriage, where people talk to each other.

In a way she was relieved at his absence, but knew that her reprieve was only temporary, and that eventually she would have to confront him with the unwelcome truth.

By which time, she told herself unhappily, she might have thought of something to say.

Oh, God, she thought, swallowing. I'm going to have to be so careful. I need to make him believe it was just a serious fit of bridal nerves.

From which I've now recovered…

Because that was important, she told herself, when considering the next huge obstacle she had to overcome. Which was, of course, the inevitable and unavoidable establishment of their marriage on as normal a footing as it was possible to achieve—given the circumstances.

* * *

**OH SO KIM'S IN THE LOOP- DAMN **


	17. Everything In Perspective

**CRITICS**

**guest: **The night is so dark in Olivia's life that it feels like I'm underwater holding my breath. I'm happy she has found a confidant in Nan but I can't wait to breath again.

**I HEAR THAT THERE ARE UNDERWATER OXYGEN HOLES. BREATHE. YOU'RE ALMOST TO THE SURFACE.**

**nickandliv: **So can Kim just like... be killed in a freak accident, or nah? I enjoy nothing about her and it makes me itch when her name is mentioned. #KillKim

**DON'T SCRATCH! #KILLKIM - I'D SAY MORE BUT IT'S SPOILER SO I CAN'T. HEHE.**

**bellatisha: **I'm hating David & tired of Liv suffering.

**US TOO!**

**southernotcountry: **Ugh Kim

**#KILLKIM**

**catcat04: **Great story) But please add a little happiness

**NOT YET! BUT SOON, VERY SOON**

**- i thought you guys trusted us! LOL I'll say it again- we WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM ;) **

* * *

The business in Naples must have taken longer than David had bargained for, because for the first time Olivia was down to dinner ahead of him. And when he did join her he was clearly preoccupied. She sat quietly, forcing herself to eat and making no attempt to break the silence between them. But when the coffee arrived and he rose, quietly excusing himself on the grounds that he had phone calls to make, she knew she couldn't delay any longer.

She said, "Can they wait for a few moments, please? I have to talk to you."

'"Then talk." His voice was cool, but he stood, waiting.

She flushed. "I have bad news for you. I found out this morning that I'm not pregnant after all." She added stiltedly, "I'm sorry."

"Are you?" His tone was expressionless. "That's a surprise."

She wanted to tell him that wasn't what she meant. That, however it had been conceived, during the weeks of waiting to her own astonishment the baby had somehow become very real to her—and in some strange way precious. And that this had come home to her most forcefully today, when she'd had to face the fact that his child had never actually existed, and had found herself in the extremity of a different kind of pain. The kind that she was hoping to avoid.

She said with difficulty, "You must be very disappointed."

His faint smile was as bleak as winter. "I think I am beyond disappointment, Olivia, but we should discuss this and other matters in the morning. I've got Paris on the other line."

When he had gone, Olivia sat staring at the candle-flame, sipping her coffee and feeling it turn to bitterness in her throat. Then she pushed the cup away from her, so violently that some of its contents spilled across the white cloth, and went to her bedroom.

She undressed, cleaned her teeth, and put on her nightgown, moving like an automaton. She got into bed and drew the covers around her as if the night was cold. The cramps had subsided long ago, and in their place was a great hollowness.

It's gone, she thought. My little boy. My little girl. Someone to love, who'd have loved me in return. Who'd have belonged to me.

Except it was only a figment of my imagination. And I'm left with nothing. No one.

Until the next time, if he can ever bring himself to touch me again.

Suddenly all the pent-up hurt and loneliness of her situation overwhelmed her, and she began to cry, softly at first, and then in hard, choking sobs that threatened to tear her apart.

Leaving her, at last, drained and shivering in the total isolation of that enormous bed.

* * *

He had never, David thought, felt so nervous. Not even on his wedding day.

He dried his face and applied a little aftershave, reflecting as he did so that his hand had shaken so much while he was carefully removing even the tiniest vestige of stubble from his chin that it was a miracle he'd not cut himself to ribbons.

Like some adolescent, he thought in self-derision, with his first love. Except he was no longer a boy, but a man and a husband, wanting everything to be perfect. Yet he was afraid at the same time that he might already be too late for the errors of the past to be forgotten. Or forgiven. Especially that first disastrous time, which it still shamed him to remember.

_"Are you saying you want me to make love to you?"_

He recalled the faint flicker of hope in his question.

_Say—yes,_ he'd prayed silently. _Please God, say yes. I need you so badly darling!_

Instead, stunned by anger and disappointment, and wounded by her declared indifference, he'd simply taken her without any of the gentleness and respect he'd promised himself he would bring to her initiation, forcing himself to remain grimly oblivious to anything but his own physical necessity.

To appease by that brief and selfish act the aching desire that had tormented him since that moment at the precinct when he'd first seen her. And which had only increased throughout the weeks of self-imposed denial that had followed their engagement.

With hindsight, he knew that in spite of what he'd said afterwards he should have swallowed his pride and gone to her at some point, and for both their sakes put matters right between them. He wished he would've taken the chance to tell her how much he still loved her even though he couldn't wrap his head around what she did, that Kim was history, and then convinced her that he did indeed want her by devoting himself exclusively to her pleasure until she slept, fulfilled and sated, in his arms.

One small sign—one—over dinner that night that she too had regrets was all it would have taken. But there'd been nothing except that quiet, nervous politeness that had chilled him to the soul.

Leaving him to wonder in anguish whether that afternoon's quick, soulless episode was all she would ever want from him—as much intimacy as she would ever permit. Whether she neither expected nor required any joy or warmth from the uniting of their flesh. Whether her real hope was that pregnancy would release her from any further demands by him.

Forcing him to realise too that she had no more wish to spend her days with him than she did her nights. That she seemed to prefer total solitude to even a moment of his company. Which was perhaps the most hurtful thing of all.

And that was why, when she'd told him in that small, stony voice that after all there would be no baby, it had seemed like a reprieve. As if he'd been given another chance to redeem himself and their marriage, he'd thought, hiding his instinctive thankfulness.

A God-given opportunity to try again.

Evangelina had told him, brow furrowed, that 'the little one' had spent an uncomfortable day, which had given him the excuse he needed to go to her at last. To share her bed, he'd told himself dryly, without even a suspicion of an ulterior motive, and prove to her that he could be capable of real tenderness.

And in doing so accustom her by degrees to his continued presence beside her at night. So that he could tell her gently, at some point, that he wanted their baby made in mutual happiness and delight. Perhaps more. He never meant those things that he said in the courthouse. Half of it was made up, and none of it was in the contract. He'd only hired Granger to make it believable. But if she did conceive and the baby was born he didn't want her to feel trapped.

He wanted her to be able to go if that's what she wanted, but he'd secretly hoped that their union would convince her to stay, that the birth of their baby would be enough to prove that they were good together and that being the mother of his child was nothing to be afraid of. That he wanted it- desperately...but if she didn't...if they truly weren't enough and he had failed her on all accounts then...maybe it never was love-as he said in the beginning. But she'd married him, and that had to account for something.

And then, as he'd raised his hand, he'd heard her weeping—listened, frozen in shock, to the harsh, agonised sobs reaching him all too clearly through the thick wooden panels—and every thought, wish, desire that had accompanied him from his room to hers had vanished. Leaving in its place a sick, empty void.

Because she couldn't have been crying over a child that had never existed—a child she hadn't even wanted.

No, it was the realisation that eventually she would have to submit to him again—allow her body to be used a second time— that must have released such a terrible storm of grief. Grief, he'd recognized painfully, and revulsion. It could be nothing else.

His worst fears had been horribly justified.

Yet who was to say that anything had changed now—tonight? David asked himself broodingly as he dropped the towel he'd been wearing and put on his robe. What if the morning's bravado suddenly deserted her, and when the time came for her to redeem her promise he found her in tears again?

What would he do then?

Last time he'd returned silently to his room and spent a wretched night sleepless with his regrets, knowing, as dawn approached, that he had to let her go for a while. That he simply did not trust himself to live any longer as they had been doing.

Because there would come a night, he'd told himself with brutal candour, when his need for her might overwhelm him. And he could not risk that.

Of course any separation would be purely temporary. He would make that clear. Then gradually he would resume contact between them, and begin courting her as he should have done from the first.

He'd accepted that his fight to win her would be conducted from a distance, at least at the start, but he'd never for a moment anticipated crashing headlong into the implacable wall of silence she'd proceeded to build between them on their way to Lake Como.

Leaving him struggling a second time against that lethal combination of damaged pride and sheer bad temper that had been his downfall previously.

And proving, he told himself bitterly, that he'd learned precisely nothing in the intervening period.

Because he should, of course, have followed her, preferably on the next flight, and courted her properly. Sweeping away her resentment and resistance until he found her again.

Found Olivia—the woman who'd once looked at him as if he was the sun that warmed her own particular universe.

Every instinct he possessed told him that she had to be there, somewhere, if only he could reach her.

So what had stopped him? The fear, perhaps, that she might still elude him and he could fail?

He did not, after all, take rejection well. So when all his overtures had been ignored he'd looked deliberately for the most practical form of consolation he could find.

And now he was back at the beginning, trying to construct a whole new marriage from the ruins of the old.

The only certainty being that she would not make it easy for him.

She hadn't even trusted him enough to tell him that she'd been in pain on the journey, but he'd seen the strain in her eyes, the way her hand had gone fleetingly to her forehead when she'd thought he wasn't looking, and had taken appropriate action once they'd reached the villa.

But that was the simple part, he thought wryly. Now, somehow, he had to win her.

And for the first time in his life he had no idea how to begin.

* * *

And the following morning their honeymoon had come to an abrupt end.

Her confrontation with David had taken place, to her discomfort, in the salotto—a room she'd tried to avoid ever since…since that day, and where she'd managed to never to be alone with him again.

She had sat. He had stood, his face bleak, almost haggard. The golden eyes sombre.

He'd spoken quietly, but with finality, while she had stared down at her hands, gripped together in her lap.

As they were now, she noticed, while her memory was recreating once again everything he'd said to her.

When he had concluded, his voice had been harder. "I also propose that we spend some time apart from each other, in order to examine our future as husband and wife. Decisions will need to be made, and some consensus reached. Therefore I am quite willing to stay at my apartment in Rome, and make our home in Tuscany available to you for your sole occupation."

And now here he was in person, suddenly and without warning. Back in her life, she thought with anger, because in reality he'd never had the slightest intention of letting her go.

Her 'breathing space' was over and there was nothing she could do about it.

Because he clearly had no intention of giving her the divorce she'd been counting on, and she had no resources for a long legal battle.

The first of many bitter pills she would probably have to swallow.

Besides—she owed him, she told herself unhappily. There was no getting away from that. Morally, as well as fiscally, she was obligated to him.

And now, however belatedly, it was indeed payback time.

And she couldn't escape the fact that she'd gone into their marriage with her eyes open, knowing that he did not love her and recognising exactly what was expected of her.

So, in that way, nothing had changed.

This was the life she'd accepted, and somehow she had to live it. And on his terms.

But now she desperately needed to sleep, before tomorrow became today and she was too tired to deal with all the difficulties and demands she didn't even want to contemplate.

And this chair was hardly the right place for that.

With a sigh, she rose and crossed to the bed. As she slipped back under the covers it occurred to her that this might be one of the last nights she would spend alone for some time.

Something else, she told herself grimly, that she did not need to contemplate. Yet.

And she turned over, burying her face in the pillow, seeking for oblivion and discovering gratefully that, in spite of everything, it was waiting for her.

She awoke as usual, a few moments before her alarm clock sounded, reaching out a drowsy hand to silence it in advance. Then paused, suddenly aware that there was something not quite right about this wakening.

Her heart pounding, Olivia lifted her head and turned slowly and with infinite caution to look at the bed beside her. And paused, stifling an instinctive gasp of shock, when she saw she was no longer alone.

Because David was there, lying on his side, facing away from her and fast asleep, his breathing deep and even, the covers pushed down to reveal every graceful line of his naked back.

A fraction of an inch at a time, she began to move towards the edge of the bed, desperate to make her escape before he woke too.

But it was too late, she realised, freezing. Because he was already stirring and stretching, making her vividly conscious of the play of muscle under his smooth tanned skin, before turning towards her.

He propped himself casually on one elbow and studied her, his eyes quizzical. "Good morning."

"Good morning be damned." She found her voice. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He had the gall to look faintly surprised. "Getting some rest, Liv. What else?"

Olivia realized his eyes were now lingering disturbingly on her shoulders, bare under the narrow straps of her slip, and then moving down to the slight curve of her breasts revealed by its demure cotton bodice. Her throat tightened. I have to get him out of here, she thought. Not just out of this bed, but this room too. Before I make an even bigger fool of myself.

"But as we are here together," he went on musingly. "It occurs to me that maybe I should teach you what a man most desires when he wakes in the morning with his wife beside him." He reached out, brushing the strap down from her shoulder, letting his fingertips caress the faint mark it had left on her skin. It was the lightest of touches, but she felt it blaze like wildfire through her blood, sending her every sense quivering.

Dry-mouthed, she said, lay frozen. "Don't you think I have waited quite long enough to instruct you in my needs? What I like and how I like it?" She tried to think of something to say and failed completely. She was aware that he'd moved close, and knew she should draw back, distance herself before it was too late. "Because it is quite simple," the softly compelling voice went on. "I require it to be very hot, very black, and very strong—without sugar. Even you can manage that, I think."

Olivia shot bolt upright, glaring at him. "Coffee," she said, her voice almost choking on the word. "You're saying you want me to make you coffee?" She drew a stormy breath.

David lay back against the pillows, watching her from under lowered lids. "Not the response I had hoped for, Liv." His drawl held amusement. He glanced past her at the clock. "However, I see it is still early, so maybe I will forgo the coffee and persuade you to join me in a little gentle exercise instead. Would you prefer that?" Another pause. "Or has the kitchen suddenly become more attractive to you after all?"

She said thickly, "Bastard," and scrambled out of bed with more haste than dignity, grabbing at her robe. She was followed to the door by the sound of his laughter.

Once in the kitchen, she closed the door and leaned against it while she steadied her breathing. David had been winding her up, she thought incredulously, subjecting her to some light-hearted sexual teasing, and it was a side of him she hadn't seen before.

But it isn't true, she thought, her throat tightening. Not for me. Simply wanting someone isn't enough, and never could be. I'd have to be in love to in order to give myself, and even then there'd have to be trust—and respect as well.

An issue of course because, he didn't really want her. She was simply a means to an end. But what happened on their honeymoon obviously still rankled with him. For once his seduction routine hadn't worked, and with his wife of all people.

She filled the kettle and set it to boil, noting with rebellious satisfaction that there was no fresh coffee. So he'd have to drink instant and like it.

She spooned granules into a beaker, then glanced around her, wondering what would happen to her little domain when she returned to Italy. It was hardly likely she'd be able to retain it as a bolthole when her role as Haden wife and future mother became too much to bear.

Although she supposed she could always ask. Because she'd need somewhere eventually, after she'd given David his child and became surplus to requirements.

In painful retrospect, she'd worked out that any plans she might have for her eventual child—the bond she'd once envisaged—would be little more than fantasy. She'd seen the stately nurseries at the Haden family home, and knew that once she'd given birth her work would be over. There'd be no breastfeeding or nappy-changing for her. The baby would be handed over to a hierarchy of doting staff who would answer its cries, be the recipients of its first smile, supervise the tooth-cutting and the initial wobbly steps, with herself little more than a bystander.

She shuddered.

The coffee made, she carried the brimming beaker back to the bedroom. But it was empty, the covers on the bed thrown back.

He was in the adjoining bathroom, standing at the basin, shaving, a towel knotted round his hips and his dark hair still damp from the shower.

"You haven't wasted any time." Self-consciously she stepped forward, and put the beaker within his reach.

"I wish I could say the same of you, Liv." His tone was dry. '"I thought you had gone to pick the beans." He tasted the brew and winced slightly. "But clearly not."

"I'm sorry if it doesn't meet your exacting standards."

Damn, she thought. In view of what she was about to ask, a more conciliatory note might be an improvement.

He rinsed his razor and laid it aside. "Well, it is hot," he said. "And I am grateful for that, at least. Thank you."

And before she could read his intention, or take evading action, his arm snaked out, drawing her swiftly against him, and he was kissing her startled mouth, his lips warm and delicately sensuous as they moved on hers.

The scent of his skin, the fragrance of the soap he'd used, were suddenly all around her, and she felt as if she was breathing him, absorbing him through every pore, as he held her in the strong curve of his arm.

And she waited, her heart hammering, for his kiss to deepen. To demand…

Then, with equal suddenness, she was free again. She took an instinctive step backwards on legs that were not entirely steady, the color storming into her face as she met his ironic gaze.

"So," he said. "We make progress, Liv. We have not only shared a bed, but you've managed to not burn the coffee." He collected his razor and toothbrush, and put them in his wash-bag, then walked to the door, where he paused.

He said gently, "You were worth waiting for, Olivia," and went out, leaving her staring after him.

If there had to be only one door in the flat with a bolt on it, she was glad it was the bathroom.

Not that she would be interrupted. Instinct told her that David would not try to make immediate capital out of what had just happened, but would leave her to wait—and wonder.

Which, of course, she would, she thought, gritting her teeth.

She'd always known it would be dangerous to allow him too close, and she could see now that her wariness had been fully justified.

He was—lethal, she thought helplessly.

Yet even she could see it was ridiculous to be so profoundly disturbed by something that had lasted only a few seconds at most.

Her only comfort was that she had not kissed him back, but had stayed true to her convictions by remaining passive in his embrace.

But he was the one who stopped, a small, niggling voice in her head reminded her. So don't congratulate yourself too soon.

* * *

Later, he watched while she packed, and she saw his mouth tighten when he observed the few basic items that her wardrobe contained, but he made no further comment. Possibly, she thought, because for once he was lost for words. Or calculating how much it would cost him to re-equip her for her unwanted role. No! Her self-reproach was instant and whole-hearted. That was totally unfair. If money was all it took to make her happy, then by now she'd be ecstatic, because in material ways she'd lacked for nothing from the very beginning.

Kept in the lap of luxury, she told herself derisively. And knew she would not be the first to discover how lonely and unrewarding that could be. As she sat beside him on the way to the airport, trying to present at least an appearance of calm, he was the first to break the silence between them.

"Our flight is booked to Tuscany, but I am wondering whether Rome would not be a better option.' He paused, glancing at her. 'A transfer is easily arranged. We could spend a few days at my apartment and then travel to Puglia at the weekend."

A few days, she thought, her throat tightening. And a few nights—alone with him.

A situation which bore all the hallmarks of a second honeymoon, but the same propensity for disaster as the first. In an apartment that she'd never seen, and which might not have the separate bedrooms which offered at least a semblance of privacy at the Villa Proserpina.

And then, with dizzying abruptness, she found herself remembering those few brief moments earlier that day, when his arms had held her and his lips had touched hers. When she'd experienced the hard, lean warmth of his body against hers and realized, in a blazing instant of self-knowledge, that she didn't want him to let her go… And she wondered if he had known it too. She wondered if even after all of this, she still loved him- needed him to heal.

That kiss had simply been to prove a point. Unfinished business, that was all. Because he'd made no attempt to put a hand on her since. Even sitting side by side in the back of the car like this, he was making sure there was a distinct space between them.

But, she thought, swallowing, all that would change tonight. There was no escaping that harsh reality. And she'd had that softly arousing brush of his mouth on hers to warn her what she might expect.

She was trembling inside again, bleak with an apprehension she couldn't dismiss, and in spite of the comfort of the flight, and the assiduous attentions of the cabin staff, she found herself developing a headache.

However, as she reminded herself tautly, it would hardly be politic, in the current situation, to mention the fact—even if he believed her. Better, indeed, to suffer in silence than to be treated with icy mockery. Or anger again.

And she closed her eyes, wincing.

They were met at Galileo Galilei airport by Nan and Anthony, who, with due deference, handed David a briefcase as he took his seat.

'You will excuse me, Liv?' He spoke, she thought, as if the flight had been an endless exchange of sweet nothings, instead of several more edgy hours almost totally lacking in conversation. 'There are some urgent messages I must read.'

Huddled in her corner, Olivia observed some of the most exquisite scenery in Europe with eyes that saw nothing. Maybe one of the messages would summon him immediately to the other side of the globe, she thought, without particular hope.

But he went through the sheaf of papers swiftly, scribbling notes in the margins as he went, then returned them to the briefcase just as the car turned in between the tall stone pillars and took the long avenue lined with cypresses leading to the gracious mass of pinkish-grey stone that formed the Villa Proserpina.

All too soon they'd arrived at what would be her home for the foreseeable future, and as if things weren't quite bad enough Elizabeth Donnelly had to be waiting for them, like a thin, autocratic spider that had invaded and occupied a neighbouring web. Olivia still wasn't sure what her play was in all of this, but since that day in the courthouse she hadn't trusted a muscle in her body.

Wearily, she pushed her hair back from her face, aware that her head was throbbing badly now, and she was almost grateful when her untouched cup was taken from her hand and David said quietly, "You have had a long day, Olivia. Perhaps you might like to follow Elizabeth's example and relax for a while in your room?"

Yes, she thought longingly. Some time and space to herself, however brief.

David stepped to the long bell-pull beside the fireplace, and gave succinct instructions in his own language to the uniformed maid who answered its summons.

As a result, only a few minutes later Olivia found herself lying under the silk canopy of the large four-poster bed that dominated her bedroom, divested of her outer clothing and covered by a thin embroidered quilt.

In addition, a cloth soaked in some soothing herbal essence had been placed on her forehead, and she'd been offered two anonymous white tablets and a glass of water to swallow them with.

Even while she was telling herself that relaxation under the circumstances was totally impossible, she went out like a light.

* * *

Olivia awoke slowly and lay for a moment, feeling totally disorientated. Then, as her head cleared, she remembered where she was. And more importantly, why.

Swallowing, she sat up, pushing the hair back from her face as she stared around her, feeling once more as if she'd been caught in some time warp. She was again the nervous bride-to-be of the previous year, being shown her future domain by the man who would share these rooms with her. And too embarrassed at the prospect to allow herself more than a fleeting overall glance.

But some details had remained locked in her memory. This huge bed, for instance, with its tapestried canopy and curtains, where eventually she'd be obliged to submit to whatever David asked of her. And those two doors—one leading into the palatial white-and-silver bathroom which they would share, and the other the communicating door into the adjoining room, his room. At present, mercifully closed.

She became aware of other things too. That the shutters over the long windows leading out to the loggia were fastened, and their concealing drapes drawn over them. That the pair of deeply shaded lamps that flanked the bed had been lit by someone, too. And all this while she'd slept.

But how long had she been there? She reached for her watch, which had been placed on the night table, but was instantly distracted by the unwelcome sight of the communicating door swinging open and David walking into the room.

Stifling a gasp of dismay, she slid hastily back under the shelter of the coverlet and saw him halt, his brows lifting cynically at the manoeuvre.

Beautifully cut charcoal pants clung to his lean hips and accentuated the length of his legs, and his white shirt hung negligently open, revealing far too much of his muscular brown chest.

In spite of herself Olivia felt her mouth dry, and her heart beginning to thud. She said with faint breathlessness, "What's wrong?"

"Certainly not what you seem to expect," he returned crisply. He looked her over, his dark eyes assimilating the slender shape of her under the concealing coverlet. "Unless, of course, you insist?"

"I don't." The denial seemed choked out of her.

He smiled faintly. "I believe you. But I just want to talk to you." He walked over to the bed and stood at its foot, his dark gaze examining her. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you." Her recent headache seemed to have vanished completely, she realised with surprise. But no doubt there would be many more to take its place. And this interview could be the first.

"Good." His tone was silky. "Can you be ready in an hour?"

_What? Was he taking her somewhere? _

She fastened her watch back on her wrist. "I could probably be ready in five minutes."

"One of the reasons I suggested a stopover in Rome," he said softly. "So that you could go shopping." He paused. "Although not the only reason, of course."

"No?" She made a slight adjustment to the watch's bracelet, not looking at him. "I appreciate that."

"We should probably get things ready for the nursery."

She did glance up then. In the days leading up to the wedding, in spite of her own inner turmoil, she'd been aware there were other tensions in the household.

She bit her lip. Olivia took a breath. "Oh." She hesitated.

He stood up and walked slowly round the bed to her side.

"Not to much, but we can decide what furniture should be delivered and pick out a few toys." He spoke softly.

"It's a bit early don't you think?" Olivia had had her fair share of preparations, she didn't need to do it again to learn that next time it was best to wait.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, and as she tried to move away from him, leaned across to place a hand squarely on the other side of her, trapping her where she lay.

"No I think it's perfect timing," he queried softly, looking into her dilating eyes. He bent towards her, his purpose evident, and Olivia reacted, gasping, her hands braced, to her dismay, against the warmth of his bare chest.

'"I have to get ready."

"I know." David's smile widened disgracefully into a grin of pure enjoyment at her stumbling words. "Particularly your assurance that it will take you only five minutes to dress."

He lifted a hand and brushed a strand of hair back from her flushed face. Ran an exploring finger down the curve of her cheek and across the moist heat of her startled, parted lips.

"So, at long last," he added softly, "we are together—and with all the time we need."

Olivia stared up into the dark face poised above her, unable to think coherently. Scarcely able, she realised, to breathe. Shatteringly conscious of the heat of his lean body and the beguiling, never-forgotten scent of his skin: the clean tang of the soap he used overlaid with the faint musky fragrance of his cologne.

The almost hypnotic beat of his heart was imprinting itself on her spread hands, still trapped against the hair-roughened wall of his chest, and finding an echo throughout her entire bloodstream.

Then David bent his head, and she felt the warmth of his mouth on hers. But not in the way she'd experienced in that brief contact this morning, she thought, her brain reeling. No it was not like that at all.

Because this was an unhurried and totally deliberate exploration of the contours of her mouth- an exact replica of the kisses he'd give her before their relationship had so appallingly come crashing down. And although his lips were still gentle, they were also offering a frank enticement which she could not ignore. Or, it seemed, resist.

Not this time…

Then, in one dizzy, shaking moment, Olivia knew that her instincts had been entirely accurate. Understood completely why she'd been so right all this time to keep him at arm's length and further. Why she'd reacted so violently to his touch on her wedding night—and later, when she'd been offered the chance of escape, she chose the villa instead of his apartment in Rome.

Determined to make it so by doing her utmost to cut him completely out of her memory, her life. _And, God help me_, she thought with anguish, _my heart._

David lifted his head and looked down at her for a long moment, before leaning down again to brush small kisses on her forehead, her half-closed eyes and along the betraying hectic flush that she could feel heating her cheekbones.

Then his mouth returned to hers with renewed urgency, and involuntarily, devastatingly, her lips were parting under his insistence, allowing the silken glide of his tongue to invade the inner moist heat that he sought. She found too that she was no longer trying to push him away. That in fact she was not simply yielding to his kiss, but slowly and shyly offering him a response.

And that as a result his demand was deepening—turning to undisguised and passionate hunger. When he lifted his head, they were both breathless. His lambent gaze holding hers, David ran a caressing finger along the curve of her lower lip.

"You are trembling, Liv." His voice was soft. "Am I truly such an object of terror to you still?"

She stared back at him, wordlessly shaking her head. Not terror, she thought, but excitement and the promise of unimagined delight.

Everything that she most feared from him. Everything that she most desired.

He said, half to himself, "And I came here only to talk…"

He drew her back to him. His lips touched her throat, dwelt for an instant on the leaping, uneven pulse, then found her ear, caressing its inner whorls with the tip of his tongue and allowing his teeth to graze softly at its small pink lobe, forcing a gasp from her.

His mouth moved downward, planting kisses on the delicate line of her neck before lingering in the fragrant hollow at its base.

She didn't even know when he'd slipped her bra straps from her shoulders, but they were certainly bare when he traced their slenderness with his lips, touching her skin as if it was fragile silk.

At the same time his fingertips began to glide gently over the exposed curves of her breasts, where they rose above the scalloped edge of her bra, and she felt her nipples swell and harden against their lace confinement in a response to his touch, which was as stark as it was involuntary.

His hand slid under her back, releasing the metal clasp so that he could slip the tiny garment from her body completely and allow his fingers to cup her breasts instead, stroking them gently, almost reverently, while his lips captured hers again, caressing them with an explicit insistence she was unable to refuse.

More than that, as she returned his kisses Olivia found she was touching him in turn, pushing his shirt from his shoulders in clumsy haste so that her eager, untutored hands could begin to learn his body. Could seek the muscled planes and angles of his shoulders and the supple length of his spine under the satiny skin.

Could turn his kiss, too, into a sigh of longing.

David reached down and threw the shrouding coverlet aside, his hands drifting slowly and sweetly down the length of her body before returning to her tumescent breasts, taking them in the palms of his hands and offering them to the candid adoration of his mouth.

His lips gently possessed first one scented mound and then the other, his tongue teasing the puckered rosy peaks with lingering sensual expertise.

Her body was alive, quivering with the sensations he was provoking, and fierce shafts of delight were running through her like a flame in the blood as she arched towards him, stifling a little sob. Wanting more.

And—as his questing hand slid down over her ribcage and her stomach to the flimsy barrier of her briefs—wanting everything…

Only to feel his whole body grow suddenly tense, and to realise that he was lifting himself away from her, looking across the room at the door, his brows snapping together.

Reality came storming back as she heard it too—the sound of knocking, followed by a woman's voice.

"What—who is it?" Her voice was unrecognisable.

David called sharply in curiosity. He turned back to Olivia. "It is Nan," he told her ruefully, shrugging. "She's probably here to prepare your bath and assist you to change." He added dryly. He paused, looking down at her. "So, does she come in?" he asked softly. "Or shall I send her away in order that I may bathe and dress you myself?"

But the spell was broken, and the flush that warmed her face was suddenly one of embarrassment—not just at the unexpected interruption, but at the intimate picture his words had conjured up. Also at the realization of how close she had come to absolute surrender. And not just of her body, but her mind and will too.

She said, stumbling a little, "But if you tell her to go then she'll know that we're together... And why…"

"We're married," he said levelly, "It will hardly come as any great surprise to her."

"Yes." Her blush deepened. "But she might say something to other people."

"It could happen." David studied her wryly. "I think, Liv, you must accustom yourself to a little curiosity from the staff. They too have waited a long time to see you here."

"I understand that." She snatched up her bra and fumbled it back into place, avoiding his gaze as she struggled with the hook. Telling herself to be thankful that matters had gone no further. "But it's all too soon for me. I can't deal with it yet, living under a spotlight. Knowing that everything that happens is going to be under scrutiny."

Including, no doubt, the moment I become pregnant…

"Then the answer to my question is no," he said quietly.

He moved her hands aside, dealing briskly and deftly with the recalcitrant clip on her bra, then he lifted the soft mass of hair and dropped a kiss on the nape of her neck.

It was the lightest caress, but it made her burn and shiver all over again.

He said, "I will leave you to your maid, Olivia. But we still have to talk." There was an odd note in his voice—almost strained. Since they'd been together in Lake Como, playing the hard ass was surprisingly harder to do. He couldn't just push her aside or use her anymore, like he planned. He did still love her very much, he'd always loved her but because of complications he never gave her what she deserved. Now there were no complications, and he still loved her, but somehow things had still managed to turn out of control.

"There are things that have to be said—things I think you must know—before we begin our real marriage," he continued.

_Real marriage?_

Retrieving his crumpled shirt, he swung himself off the bed and strode off towards his own room, leaving Olivia frantically hauling the coverlet back into place and straightening the pillows in an attempt to eliminate any indication of recent events.

David paused in the doorway, sending her a final, frankly sardonic glance as he observed her efforts.

"Save yourself the trouble," he advised. "You wouldn't deceive a blind woman.

He called, "Come in, Nan," and disappeared, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he left Nan had come to Olivia's aid, and much to her dismay saw everything like David had said. She listened with open astonishment to Olivia's halting explanation of that morning's events and found herself un-shy of humor.

She had to admit it was pleasant having a scented bath drawn and waiting for her, but the size of the deep, wide tub she was lying in, together with the twin washbasins and another of those king-size walk-in showers, its glass panels etched with flowers, all served to remind her that this bathroom had been specifically designed for dual occupation.

And that sharing this space with David was yet another intimacy of marriage she would have to learn. And quickly.

She gave the nearest image a fleeting glance, a hand straying to the curve of her breast as she remembered the other fingers that had touched it—the sensuous mouth that had brought the nipple to vibrant, aching life.

Recalled too the brief force of his body inside her own all those months ago. The moment when she'd realised she did not want his possession of her, however curt and perfunctory, to stop. Acknowledged, without pride, that even the thought of it had caused her unfulfilled body to burn—to scald—with need ever since.

Which had always been an excellent reason for not thinking of it, she thought wryly as she rubbed body lotion in her favourite scent into her skin and put on fresh underwear. But now, once again, as the events of the past half-hour had taught her, she had no choice. Because, as he'd proved in one succinct lesson, she could no longer pretend indifference to him.

It was not simply a matter of keeping the strictly conditional promise she'd made him in the courthouse that morning. Not any more.

No longer a granting of permission to take what he wanted.

Nor a private but steely resolve that, no matter what he did, she would somehow maintain her stance of indifference. Hold herself aloof from any possibility of genuine intimacy between them.

That was no longer possible.

Because, for good or ill, she'd been brought here to live with him as his wife. And this time it was the whole package.

Although nothing had fundamentally changed, she reminded herself painfully. David might have proved beyond doubt that he could arouse her to the point of no return—but then, after their past encounters, his pride would demand no less.

_Our real marriage_. David's own words, she thought. But without love they were meaningless. Nothing more than an invitation to sexual satisfaction.

But it wasn't just his lovemaking that would hold her in thrall to him. It was this enforced proximity of everyday living that was the actual danger to her heart, just as it always had been.

Because she'd already undergone a crash course in the subject of David Haden during her earlier times, and she hadn't forgotten a thing.

Even before she'd discovered her desire she'd learned to crave his company, judge his moods, bask in his kindness—and to feel only half-alive when he wasn't there.

The sound of his voice in the distance had always been enough to set her heart racing. But apart from that moment of supreme lunacy in Como, she'd always managed to hide all the myriad feelings she had for him. Even, for a long time, to pretend they did not exist.

But now she had to share these admittedly spacious rooms with him, when, apart from sex, all he'd ever offered her was nice things and recently, and awkward form of friendship.

So she would have to be careful never to hint by word or gesture that she might want much more, because that could lead to another rejection. And that would be—unendurable.

_Those were the circumstances_, she told herself._ And somehow I have to abide by them_.

* * *

**GUYS WE'RE ALMOST THERE! And then Kim comes and- my popcorn's done popping. I'm going to go watch Catching Fire.**


	18. To Have And Have Not

**CRITICS**

**southernnotcountry: **No please don't leave me! Kim comes and does what?! #KILLKIM

**YOU'LL SEE! (Lol guys let's make this a hashtag! #KILLKIM)**

**skyscraper77: **Ugh this makes me sick. Olivia shouldn't fall back in love with him because he's screwed her over, forced her into a marriage and then had sex with her again her wanting. Maybe if she got pregnant with a baby that was just as unhealthy as the other then he'd see the problems and pain she had.

**CLOSE...ALMOST**

* * *

They never got the chance to leave the villa that day. Halfway into Olivia's bath, David had returned with news that all of his family would be joining them for dinner, and then he'd apologized for double booking and over looking the occasion. It sufficed for her, but the same could not be said for Nan who'd been in an uproar trying to get Olivia and everything else ready.

She'd planned to wear her hair loose, as usual, but the waiting was quite adamant about transforming it into a skilfully casual topknot, with a few soft strands to frame the face. It provided a distinct touch of elegance, she discovered when it was done, and was smiling and nodding. And heaven knows, Olivia thought, as she applied a touch of soft pink to her mouth, I'm going to need all the help I can get this evening.

She found herself wondering a little shyly if David would like her new style, but when he came to escort her downstairs, himself resplendent in a dark grey suit, his pristine white shirt set off by a deep crimson tie, he made no comment, seeming lost in his own thoughts. Nor were they particularly happy ones, if the grim set of his mouth was to be believed.

But what was wrong? Surely he couldn't be annoyed because she'd failed to send away earlier? He must know that her surrender had only been postponed, not denied.

Perhaps he, too, was simply dreading tonight's dinner party, but he made no comment as they exited out of the villa and stood awaiting their guest. David clenched her head anxiously when he saw the first taxi arrive.

"Will you be alright?" he'd asked. Olivia glanced over at him, and immediately knew he was referring to himself.

"Don't worry about me, David." Olivia answered, practically pushing him towards the yellow car. "Go greet them."

"David!" he heard his grandfather cry before they reached each other. David wrapped his arms around the old man, noticing he'd lost an inch or two and was thinner that he should be.

"_Benvenuto Paupo_," he said in a husky voice, kissing him on both cheeks several times.

"_Dove è lei?_" David turned to Olivia who was standing next to Nan. Illuminated by the slanting rays of the sun, her moist chocolate eyes looked shades lighter and shimmered under the light. They mesmerized him. He put his arm around her waist. "Paupo? This is my wife Olivia. Olivia this is my grandfather, Santino Haden, but everyone calls him Paupo."

Normally David's grandfather was a little more verbal, but for once he couldn't seem to find words. David could tell that he wasn't the only one charmed by Olivia's natural golden looks, he was moved by the emotion she couldn't hide.

"_Piacere di conoscerti- _Please to meet you- Paupo," Olivia smiled giving a kiss of interest on both cheeks as well. Her soul reflected in her warm smile, touching David in places he hadn't been aware of.

"I've wanted to meet you for a long time," Paupo whispered kissing her cheek tenderly, "They told me that you resembled Venus herself," he kissed her other cheek, "For once, the gossip is true."

Like David himself, within the first few minutes of meting her, he'd been won over by Andrea. She had a warmth and vibrancy that engulfed you, much like David's mother who'd passed on. Already David could see that Olivia would be the life-giving elixir his grandfather needed.

"Come inside," he motioned to Santino. "We'll drink a toast." And through that hour, the rest of the family had arrived. Once introductions were made, dinner was served to all twenty of them were sitting at the dining room table.

In total there was: Paupo, David, Olivia, Nan, Miranda, her husband Richard, Christine, her husband Nick, their daughter Isobelle, Nina, her fiancé Christoph, David's ant Josephine, and Uncle Lou, their kids Rosa and Carmen, Elizabeth Donnelly, Evangelina, Massimo, their daughter Eva and Kim Greylak. And all forty of their eyes seemed to be on Olivia as she spooned a little of everything on her plate.

She was relieved when she glanced up and saw the teenagers, Rosa and Carmen smiling at her. Olivia sensed their curiosity. She was prepared to indulge them if it would help break the ice.

"How's the antipast'?" Paupo asked, watching her intently.

"Delicious." Olivia answered holding a glass of wine finely to her lips. "I haven't had this much meat since last night." The table erupted in warm care lighted laughter, rattling the dishes and the cutlery as Paupo howled at the head of the table. Even David who near choked on his food was laughing. And Olivia thought as she watched him carefully, how nice it had been to hear such a sound, but Kim on the other end of the table, was not.

Her premonition that this could be a seriously tricky occasion was reinforced into bleak certainty when she entered the salotto at his side and met Kim's inimical gaze, directed at her from a high-backed chair at the side of the fireplace.

Impenetrably dark eyes swept her from head to foot, taking in every inch of the chainstore clothing, and the thin mouth pursed itself in open disapproval.

"So you have decided to come back, Olivia," was Kim's eventual greeting, accompanied by a faint sniff. "I suppose we must be gratified that you have at last remembered where your duty lies. And hope that you do not forget again."

There was an appalled silence. As Olivia gasped, her face reddening with mingled indignation and embarrassment, David's hand closed over hers.

He said softly, "But Kim forgot to say, Olivia, how delighted she is to see you again." He looked at Kim with a threatening stare. "Isn't that right Kim?"

There was a pause, then Kim gave an abrupt jerk of the head that might have been interpreted as a nod. Paupo came surging forward at this juncture, offering Olivia a glass of wine and telling her pointedly how pretty she looked. She was grateful, but hardly reassured, as she took a seat at the long table in her and David's dining room.

She'd hardly expected a full-frontal attack, she thought shakily. But clearly David knew that his grandmother would be unable to resist some biting remark, and had been prepared for it.

Well, she'd done her worst, and now it was over, so perhaps they could all relax. Perhaps…

"What do you like to eat?" Ant Josephine asked. Her Italian accent was just as pronounced as her brother's but Olivia was impressed that they all spoke English so well.

"Too much fast food."

At that remark, Rosa and Carmen grinned and started acting more natural.

"When you worked for David, did you ever fly on his private jet?" Rosa wanted to know. The rest the family had begun to indulge themselves in their meals.

"Yes. I've been on it quite a few times." Once or twice for the vacations he'd taken her on, and then again when they moved to Italy.

"How come he didn't bring it to the Puglia?"

"He sold it."

"Why?" The teen's shocked expression was priceless.

"Because he sold his company and doesn't have to travel as much anymore."

"Does he still own his building in New York."

"I never owned it," David answered. "I leased a couple of floors for business."

"Do you have homes all over the world?"

"Not yet."

"How many bodyguards does he have?" Carmen asked.

"Just one. His name's Anthony." Olivia replied.

"You must be upset that David gave up the company." Rosa commented.

"Actually, I'm not. He's home more, so I don't complain." She wasn't sure how she managed, but she'd already given her new family too much to assimilate at once. In fact she was afraid that she'd said more than she should have, but the re-encouraging touch of his hand at her back kept her at bay.

"How come David married you? Does it mean that ant Kim won't be able to stay anymore?" Carmen pressed. Despite everyone's sudden interest in their meal, all desire seemed to halt and depend solely on Olivia's answer to that question. If she said that he should ask his cousin, then she wasn't strong or smart enough to be at the table. If she told them the truth, that it was because their cousin believed she'd done something irrevocable, then she'd be grazed, and never truly accepted, but if she lied, then to hell with it all.

"No Carmen. Kim will be able to stay as long as she likes, whenever she likes, but your cousin and I have decided to marry because-

"We make each other happy," David chimed in. "It's not an easy task Carmen." David chimed in. "You'll learn that when you get older. Some people do a better job at making you happy than others."

Olivia glanced at him, her heart instantly growing heavy at what he said, and her eyes closing instantly when she tried to imagine just what he was trying to describe to his younger cousin. It was meant to set the record straight but it hardly did that.

On the contrary, everyone seemed on edge still. Apart, that was, from Kim, who had commandeered the hostess's chair at the foot of the table—to Paupo's open but silent annoyance—and was conducting a series of majestic monologues on the political situation, the iniquities of the taxation structure, plus the continued and unnecessary influx of foreign residents.

And no prizes for guessing who falls into that category, Olivia thought, trying to feel amused but not succeeding. She glanced across at David, seated opposite, and realised he was already watching her, his mouth still unsmiling, but the golden eyes heavy with hunger. And something more. Something altogether less easy to define, she thought, as swift, shy heat invaded her face.

She would almost have said he was anxious—uncertain. But that was absurd, she told herself. After all, only a few hours before she'd betrayed herself utterly in his arms. And now she had nowhere left to hide. No more excuses to deny him the complete physical response he would soon demand from her.

"So. You are from New York?" Paupo asked.

"I am."

"I've never been to that city. Do you like it?"

"It's home. I can't imagine another place."

"Is it as beautiful as they say?"

"Not as beautiful as here."

"Wait until there's fog." Miranda said. Olivia had the impression the other women were trying to make conversation rather than attempting to sour the situation for her.

"It can't be as bad as New York's."

"The winter's here are different," Christine pointed out.

Suddenly she felt David's hand on her shoulders from behind. "Why do you think I brought a wife home with me? They turn out to be very useful at times like that." She blushed from the comment and felt a current of white-hot heat travel through her body at his touch. By now the men were chuckling. Most of the women smiled. Most.

Paupo must have picked up on Kim's negative feelings. He chose that moment to stand with a wineglass in his hand. After clearing his throat he said, "I'm thankful to have lived long enough to see the day my grandson has come back home to live. Bringing Olivia with him is another great blessing. May you both share long years and many children together.

He saluted the two of them before taking a drink. By the way David's hands kneaded her upper arms, she could tell he was trying to control his emotions- but for whom were they restored?

"It's good to be back Paupo."

"So what will happen now?" Miranda asked.

"Olivia and I will be living here for the foreseeable future. Business is good on this side of the hemisphere right now. Which reminds me- If anyone wants to help us prepare for the the Great White, we won't turn you away.

"The Great White? What's that?" Olivia asked.

"A storm." Donnelly answered, staring her descriptively in her eyes. "The biggest storm of the winter. It comes every year in Puglia. Snow fall starts at seven feet deep and threatens to go higher."

"That sounds pretty serious."

"If you don't know how to survive it."

When dinner ended, they were about to move back to the salotto for coffee, but Paupo, who was looking tired, made his apologies and announced his intention to retire.

"Forgive me, my child." He kissed Olivia on the forehead. "We will talk together tomorrow." He turned to David. "A word with you, _teso'_? I promise I will not detain you too long from your wife's company."

There was an awkward silence, rendered even more difficult when the coffee was brought in and the tray placed almost pointedly on a table beside Olivia. A move Kim observed with raised eyebrows and tightly compressed lips.

Then the door closed behind Paupo, and the three women were left alone.

By some miracle Olivia managed to pour coffee from the heavy pot without spillage or any other accident, and once they were all served Christine immediately embarked on a flow of light, almost nervous chat, talking of a book she had just read, the coming opera season at Verona, and a new young designer who had taken Milan's fashion world by storm.

"Perhaps we should engage his services for Olivia," said Kim coldly, when the younger woman paused. "It might help with what you and David are trying to pull off."

"Excuse me?" Olivia frowned.

Christine bit her lip. "I think Olivia looks fine," she said quietly.

"Fine?" Kim gave a grating laugh. "She will need to look much more than that if she is to sustain David's interest long enough for him to render her to his liking."

"Kim," Miranda protested, casting a shocked glance at Olivia's burning face. "That is hardly a topic for discussion amongst us."

"Because it is a matter that should be kept within the family?" Kim moved her hands and her bracelets glinted in the lamp-light like the eyes of malevolent cats. "But surely we can have no secrets from you, can we? Not after my husband has apparently installed you here in my place. And while I cannot be expected to approve of such a situation," she added silkily, "at least you're less prone to scandal—unlike David's present mistress."

It was suddenly difficult to breathe. Olivia found that the lamplit room seemed to have receded suddenly to some immense distance. She put her coffee cup back on the table with extreme care, as if it might dissolve at her touch. The only reality was the cold, scornful voice, speaking with perfect clarity as it flayed the skin from her bones.

"No doubt our relationship was worth the risk with you. We'll survive it, but I hardly expect to see you through the winter." Her smile was pure acid. "Small wonder, too, Olivia, I can't say I recall David ever bringing you with him on any of his business excursions. It is only his pressing need to restore what you took from him that has brought you in our company at all—as I am sure you know."

"Yes," Olivia said, in a voice she did not recognize. "I know."

"But what I must ask myself," Kim went on softly, "Is if it is likely that a girl already more trouble than she is worth can prevent David from pursuing this disgraceful liaison which could be the ruin of us all. For myself, I think not."

Christine was on her feet. "Kim," she said in a choked voice. "Enough."

"You don't agree with me" Kim sounded mildly interested. "You are, of course, very much a woman of the world. Perhaps you can use your…experience in pleasing men to give Olivia some tips—advise her on ways to ensure that David does his duty and spends his nights in her bed, where he belongs. Something she has signally failed to accomplish so far," she added with contempt. "And I hold out little hope for the future."

"And what makes you think that?" Olivia wondered out loud. It was true, but how did she know?

"A man has to confide in someone when his wife isn't available."

"This is unpardonable," Kim voice was ice. "I overlook your insults to me—they are no more than I expected, but to turn your venom on my family is beyond forgiveness."

"Venom?" Kim repeated. "But you're misunderstanding me. I just want her to be focused on the task ahead of her. To appreciate that once she is no longer a novelty for David he will quickly become bored and look for other entertainment. If she is prepared for his diversions, surely she is less likely to be hurt."

"You are the one who does not understand," She was dying inside, but somehow Olivia got to her feet and faced her adversary, her head high. "You speak as if this was a love-match. As if David and I—care for each other. But we don't, as everyone must be aware. You pointed out yourself that David other reservations when he married me." She lifted her chin. "It is a strictly limited commitment that suits us both perfectly. Therefore I don't need illusions, nor do I expect fidelity. The fact that David has other women does not matter to me. Why should it, when I don't love him?

"And once David and I have a baby, which will be more than you ever had with him, he is at liberty to choose any bed in the world—just so long as it isn't mine. But since you know all that it really shouldn't be any concern. If I were you, I'd be wondering how he got in my bed in the first place."

She turned to the door and saw him standing there, silent and motionless, his face that of a stranger, carved from stone. The dark eyes blank with disbelief.

She had no idea how long he'd been in the doorway. How much he'd heard. But it had surely been enough.

A slow knife turned inside her, and she could have screamed with the pain of it. Could have stormed and wept and begged him to pretend—to lie that there was no one else. That for this one brief time he would be hers alone.

But she could not embarrass him—or herself—in such a way. Could not betray her inner agony.

Instead, keeping her voice cool and level, she said, "Perhaps you would confirm for your previous wife, David, the practicalities of our arrangement, and assure her that her kind advice, however well meant, is quite unnecessary?"

She added quietly, "Forgive me if I don't stay, but it's been a long night."

And she went past him, her bright tearless eyes staring into space. Back to the lonely rooms and the empty bed waiting for her upstairs.

* * *

Olivia had not known it was possible to hurt so much and feel so empty at the same time. As if she'd been hollowed out and left to bleed.

She'd claimed tiredness, but she turned back at her bedroom door, knowing that she couldn't yet lie down on the bed where only a few hours ago she'd been held in David's arms, her whole body alive and eager with the promise of joy.

But that was the illusion, she thought, shivering. Imagining even for a moment that she could exist on sex alone. Or his faint offer of friendship. That she could somehow make them enough when she wanted so much more. When she wanted—everything.

And now, in a few corrosive, malignant minutes, the impossibility of that had been spelled out to her in terms that left no room for hope.

That told her she was worse than a fool to think that David's lovemaking could be prompted by anything but expediency. That he'd decided having her warm and responsive in his bed would simply make his task easier. And then, his duty accomplished, he would return to the glamorous forbidden woman who'd kept him in Rome all this time, his marriage sidelined once again—for her sake.

So, for a while, she thought with pain, she didn't want to go back to that room—that bed. She needed quite badly to be…somewhere else.

Slowly, her arms wrapped round her body, she went along to the room at the end of the passage. On her previous visit it had been turned into another salotto—their own private sitting room. With a television, and a sophisticated sound system for David's music collection and an alcove for dining.

Now it was long finished, the walls painted a restful colour between pale gold and apricot, and the shuttered windows that gave access to the loggia overlooking the garden hung with curtains in plain bleached linen.

The same fabric had been used to upholster the large, thickly cushioned sofa in front of the fireplace, and after lighting one of the tall lamps Olivia curled herself into one capacious corner, feeling the quiet comfort of the place close round her and wishing it could absorb her completely. That she could just…vanish, and never be seen again.

Never have to face anyone or try to deal with the wasteland her life had become.

Now, too late, she could understand the strange atmosphere she'd sensed in the house. It had been the uneasy calm before the storm. Because they must all have feared that Kim had come there only to cause trouble.

She was the only one who didn't realize, she thought.

And while Paupo's reproof to the woman had provided a momentary respite, it had failed to silence her in the real mischief she planned to make. But then nothing could have done that.

The real, lasting brutality had been aimed unerringly at herself. Not that she'd been the only target tonight, she reminded herself. Christine Alesconi had also suffered from the signora's malice. But in the scale of things Christine had got off lightly. Kim. She tried the name under her breath. A woman beautiful, experienced, and previously married to her husband. Everything she'd needed to know in one smiling, destructive sentence.

And everything that she was not, she thought. She would not, however, allow herself to cry. That was definitely not an option. Because she needed to stay calm and rational in order to prepare for the moment when she would have to face David again. When all her skill at self-protection would be brought into play once more.

Because wasn't that what the whole of the past year had really been about? Mounting guard on her emotions—her needs? Denying every instinct—every desire?

Nothing but an endless, futile attempt to convince herself that the war going on inside her was really fuelled by hate, she told herself broodingly. At the same time armouring herself against the possibility that one day he might come back.

_And what good had it done her?_ she wondered in despair. It had only taken a few kisses—the stroke of his hand on her breast—to bring her conquered and whimpering into his arms. But for Nan's intervention she would have committed the worst mistake of her life—would have given herself completely—and she knew it. And in her surrender could have betrayed herself irretrievably. Could have sobbed out her pathetic yearnings against his skin.

Might even have broken the ultimate taboo and said the 'love' word, she thought in self-derision. At least she'd been spared that. Otherwise, after tonight's bombshell had exploded, she'd have been forced to live, humiliated beyond belief, with the consequences of her own folly. But now she needed to be strong. So a tear-stained face would simply be a sign of weakness she could not afford.

She moved restlessly, wondering what was happening in the other part of the house. What kind of recriminations were being aired. No doubt she would find out tomorrow, she thought, then realized, with a startled glance at her watch, that it was nearly the next day already. And that, in spite of her reluctance, it was time she went to bed.

* * *

**I promise that we're like 99.9% almost done with all this tension ERMEHGERD. JUST MAKE UP ALREADY. TELL HIM THE TRUTH, BELIEVE HER THIS TIME, HAVE A BABY AND LIVE IN ITALY UNTIL YOU DIE- but not yet. NEXT**


	19. Gray Area

**CRITICS**

**nickandliv: **KIM DOES WHAT? DIES? YES, I LIKE THAT. #KILLKIM

******#KILLKIM **WE LIKE IT TOO 3

**nickandliv (again lol): **SO I'm thinking, Kim right? She needs to die faster than I first needed her to. I'm serious, no more breathing...hurt nap. Seriously. #killkim Do it. Now.

**#KILLKIM IN LIKE THIRTY CHAPTERS YES- SOON**

**kezireh24: **Can someone kill Kim? Make her die! I need this to be updated soon! I should be writing my own focus right now, but I need this story! Can you kill Kim? I need to know how David will react! Update soon...please.

**#KILLKIM (what is this focus you speak of? May we see? *Excited*)**

**fayvdm: **I worked the weekend and was pleasantly surprised to find a multiple chapter update waiting for me when I logged on my computer this evening, woot. I'm loving this story because it is just so unique and still very intriguing :)

**YOU MAKE AN APPEARANCE THIS CHAPTER HEHEE**

**lawandorderfan96: **You are just on top of updating and I'm loving it, I can't even seem to read a full chapter before the next comes out!(this isn't a complaint so please don't change a thing). I suppose I trust you to make things all better but in the mean time I am emotionally distressed due to you and you shall be receiving my therapy bill as well.

**YAY SOMEONE TRUSTS US! CAUSE GUYS IT GETS BEYOND BAD BEFORE IT GETS BEYOND BETTER- PAUSE, WE'RE STILL PAYING THE TISSUE BILL!**

**southernotcountry: **Kim, that bitch! How could she do such a thing! I'm angry #immakillabitchnamedkim I honestly didn't like her on the show nor do I like her now. You're just adding fuel to the fire!

**#KILLKIM #IMMAKILLABITCHNAMEDKIM (lol!) THE FIRE WILL GROW...LIKE ARMAGEDDON (i feel the need to say that I'm in love with your icon pic. every time i see it, and Liv's face, I relate it to what's happening in this story and it's just so appropriate. I crack up ****every time- no shame)**

**teleficsmovies211: **Hey y'all. I been here the whole time but I have been speechless. I trust you and can't wait to see how u take care of them

**YAY SOMEONE ELSE TRUSTS US!**

**guest: **I want to thank you for giving us so many chapters in a short time. It was such a treat. As smart as David is (a lawyer no less) you would think the guy would have better communication skills with Olivia when it comes to his true feelings? Love this! Can't wait for more!

**IT WAS A PLEASURE MY DARLING. A PLEASURE!**

**guest: **I sure hope David puts Kim in her place. Please David, don't let Olivia down!

**ALL IN DUE TIME MY LOVE, ALL IN DUE TIME.**

**This has M stuff in it. **

* * *

Nan seemed to have been busy again, because Olivia found her bed had been turned down on both sides. She went through the routine of removing her make-up, before finally unpinning her hair and brushing it loose int a silky cloud on her shoulders.

Then she walked reluctant over to the bed, climbed in, and turned to switch off the lamp. Only to realize with sudden, frozen shock that she was no longer alone. That David was there, standing silently in the open doorway of his room.

"I thought you'd be sleeping," he said at last.

"I will be," she said tautly. "In about two minutes." He came across to the bed and sat down on its edge, looking at her.

"You took down your hair," he said softly. "I had hoped to do that for myself."

"You hoped?" Olivia echoed, her throat tightening to a choking point.

"Before I removed everything else...yes." He paused. "She's leaving in the morning after breakfast. Any future visits will be discouraged."

"Why? Because she told the truth?" She took a quick harsh breath. "Or are you going to deny that you've been having an affair."

"Deny it?" His brows lifted. "I was going to tell you about it this morning. And anyway it doesn't matter. It was before we were married."

She stared at him in awe. She was in complete awe that his words had been nailed into her with a hammer. "And that's supposed to make it ok?"

"Of course it is. We were separated. I wasn't sure what I wanted from you, or if I wanted to continue our relationship." She stared at him, unable to find the words. He pulled back the sheets in settled in with her. "Neither of us have a past to be proud of."

"Speak for yourself." Olivia lifted her chin. "But I'll always be grateful for it, for reminding me what you're really like, and the kind of life I might expect with you." She took a deep breath. "Besides, I'm happy for you. I'm glad you have someone to be with when this is all over."

There was a tingling silence. "I doubt it. After you give me three sons, and two daughter, I can't say either of us will look to good on the market."

She gasped softly. "That wasn't part of the agreement."

"Wasn't it? Maybe not, but now you see how difficult things become when you ask for more. It's-" he paused, "Messy, and don't act like you're innocent in all this."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Then answering her own question, "David I told you-

"No you didn't. Where might that lunch have led, if he had given him more of your time? I know how much your old partner meant- means to you. You told me as much when we were together. What would have happened, I wonder, if I hadn't been there to intercede?"

"You weren't there." Olivia frowned.

"Elizabeth was there. So I was there. Same thing." David shrugged. "But it would have happened."

"No it wouldn't have," she said softly.

"How can you be so sure?"

_Because I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you, _she thought, staring down at the coverlet. _Never loved or wanted any one else. That's the truth I've had to hide ever since you walked back into my life and unkindly asked me to marry you. That's the truth I've been trying to hide from myself all this time._

_Because you don't feel the same, and you never will. You only want this damnable baby. And I- want all the things you can't- won't give me, and that's what makes any real honesty between us impossible. _

_Because I couldn't bare it- I'd die before I let you find out how I really feel and have you feel sorry for me._

Aloud, she said shortly, "Elliot blew it when he stopped returning my phone calls," she swallowed. "But even if I had planned to take a lover, what possible right would you have to object when you have a mistress?"

"I have whatever rights I choose." David retorted crisply. "And one is to ensure that I have you first. So that I can be certain that any child in your body will be mine and no other's." Olivia stifled the air that longed to escape her lungs. "And you're tense is off. I don't have a mistress. I had one."

"Have, had. They're the same word David. "

"I wasn't aware you had _or have_ any feelings about our marriage. Apart from resentment of course. But gossip was was long at bay before Kim and I slept together. The press theorized a million reasons why she and I had decided to end things, " he said broodingly. "Don't think I found their speculation pleasant, however true it was."

"Why? Were you thinking about how it'd make me feel?"

"Yes." She wasn't expecting that. He paused. "Tell me something, did you ever read even one of letters I wrote to you?"

_What letters? _"What letters?"

"I wrote to you after that weekend. I wanted to know more about what happened, but you never..."

"No," she almost shouted. "There was no letter."

"Pity. We could have turned out so much better than this. But it doesn't matter anymore. I already learned what I needed to know about you." _So he knew, she thought. And he just didn't care. _"Can you say the same? Do you know everything you need to know about me?

"For instance; _What I need, what I like and how I like_ it?"

He was referring to sex this time. Olivia sighed and pushed his chest away, turning on herself on her other side, her back to him.

"No...but why don't you ask Kim. I'm sure she knows."

"Because that is what you agreed to do. And also because you don't love me," he went on. "Nor are you in the least concerned if there are other women in my life, because you are only here to have my baby." He paused. "You said so yourself, if you remember. Not long ago, and in front of witnesses too."

His hand touched her bare shoulder. Stroked its soft skin with heart-stopping gentleness. "So, if you don't care what I do, if you are supremely indifferent to the way I live my life and how I amuse myself when you're not there, why should it matter to you whether Kim goes or stays? Or who might take her place?

"Therefore what possible excuse do you have to withhold yourself from me any longer. To refuse to behave as my wife- and the future mother of my children?"

Olivia couldn't speak or move. It occurred to her suddenly that this was how a hunted animal must feel when the trap closed around it. But this was a trap entirely of her own making.

_But I do care, _she said in utter silence. _I care so much. Just the thought of you with someone else tears me apart. Making me only half of what I should be. Only I can't tell you that. I have to go on pretending. _

Aloud, she said very quietly, "I don't have an excuse anymore."

"Good. Finally we have reached an understanding. Tonight we'll put the past behind us forever, and you will learn to belong to me completely." Olivia tensed- really tensed when David sat up and took off his shirt.

"You see, there was something about your latest confession that intrigued me (**i guess someone else is intrigued fayevdm ;**). While you were proclaiming your indifference you may have said you didn't love me..." then bending down low so that he could be near to her face he said, "but you never said that you didn't want me. "

He allowed his words to settle into a bone chilling silence, then his lips were on her skin. "So for tonight at least, Liv, listen to your body, not your mind."

_Touch me. _

_He has to touch me...I'm trembling. Remind me how long I've loved you, how much I've always wanted to be yours, even when I could only guess...imagine...what that might mean. It's the only way. _

"Why? One is stupid and the other is senseless."

"You know why." His hands drew the straps of her slip down from her shoulders. She stopped him.

"Can't you just do it like last time?"

"Why? I've seen you before. And anyway I want there to be nothing to separate us from each other. Not clothing, not lies, not silence. Just a man with his wife." He added more gently, "I've waited so long to see you- hold you like this."

She closed her eyes, trying to shut him out of her consciousness. To deny what was happening between them. But her other senses were still only too alive, and she felt the fabrics whisper against her skin as he discarded it.

And in the silence that followed she heard him sigh quietly, and with undisguised satisfaction. Then he reached for her, drawing her into his arms, making her aware of every inch of his undisguised, urgent body against her nakedness as his lips took hers.

And while she could never accuse him of using force, nevertheless his kiss was deep- and, she discovered, also implacably unrelentingly thorough. Sparing her nothing as it possessed her. A declaration, she realized dazedly, of intent.

A challenge to her levels of resistance, stating silently but potently that it was useless for her to pretend she was unmoved by what he was doing to her. And perhaps it was. But that didn't mean she had to add to her earlier mistakes by making it easy for him, or by adding her name to the list of eagerly compliant women who'd shared his bed, she told herself with a kind of ragged determination, keeping her eyes so tightly shut that they began to ache.

But David wasn't making it easy for her either, ash his mouth continued to move achingly, intensely on hers. As she was made to discover the heated excitement that the deliberately sensuous brush of his bare skin against hers could generate. And was reminded, as he pulled her even closer to his hard member, exactly how it had once felt to have all of him sheathed deep inside her.

And how, for one brief second of time, she had wanted it to last forever. Yet giving herself now would make her all too vulnerable to discovery, she thought, clinging to her last shreds of reason. Could lure her into betraying that she had more at stake from this encounter than any mere initiation into the deep waters of sensuality.

And if pride, maybe, and an atom of self-respect might be all she could salvage from this welter of confusion and unhappiness that was threatening to overwhelm her, then she would settle for that.

Yet how could she battle her own needs when hands were renewing their lingering, pleasurable exploration of her body, tracing her bone structure as if he wished to commit to memory and gently molding every delicate curve and hollow?

When, wherever she felt his touch, her skin warmed and blossomed in helpless pleasure, making her senses swim? She felt him lift his head and knew that he was looking down at her. She was glad that he could not see her eyes as his fingertips stroked her breasts, coaxing he rosy nipples to aching, unresistant life, making them stand proud for the homage of his lips.

And as they touched her- she found herself pierced by a pleasure that bordered pain- Olivia turned her head away, pressing her mouth to the brim of his shoulder, biting to keep from crying out.

_This isn't making love, _she thought desperately. _He's just testing your will- your capacity for endurance. So, fight. Fight damn you. Don't let him know- don't ever let him see. You can't..._

David's mouth enclosed each tumescent peak in turn, suckling them languorously, teasing them softly, exquisitely with his tongue. His fingers slowly traversed the flatness of her stomach, to outline the angle of one slender hip and close on it in a gesture so frankly proprietorial that she almost flinched.

Again she felt him pause, as if sensing- even gauging- her resistance and his hand came up to capture her averted chin, compelling her to face him again. She felt him smooth the hair back from her forehead, then brush a soft caress across her inimically closed eyelids, before returning to her mouth.

And as he kissed her Olivia could taste the scent of her own skin on his lips. His hands were moving again, sliding round to her back, his fingertips unhurriedly stroking the shivering skin up to her shoulder blades, then back down to the graceful length of her spine to the sensitive area at its base, massaging it gently, before slipping down to caress the slight swell of her bottom, his touch gentle, but deliberately inciting.

And for a shocked instant, in spite of herself, Olivia found her body arching towards him in shivering response, feeling his dark chest hair graze her swollen nipples in a torment that was as delicious as it was calculated.

_"Mine."_ She could feel his smile whispering the words against her mouth. _"My Liv." __  
_

He shifted his position slightly, putting her back against the heaped pillows as he bent to her, kissing her throat, her shoulders and her slender arms, while his fingers traveled down to the hollow of her hipbone and lingered there.

Olivia could feel the dark headlong rush of desire scalding her body as his hand descended slowly to seek the silky mound at the junction of her thighs, his touch like gossamer against the downy flesh. Persuading her, she realized, to open herself to the ultimate intimacies.

Realized too that her resistance was ebbing under the insidious pressure of this skillful studied arousal.

That all the deep hot places of her womanhood were melting in a surge of passion, yearning to offer up their secrets to his possession. And that David would already know this. Would know exactly, how to slide his hand between her slackened thighs and caress her moist inner flesh.

How to find that tiny hidden nub that was somehow the center of all delight and coax it to swell and harden under the delicate practices play of his fingers as they stroked circled and tantalized, just as her nipples were doing under the renewed cajolery of his tongue.

And Olivia was lost. She couldn't think or reason any more. Nothing seemed to exist but the sweet, terrifying anguish of this assault on her senses. The response was being wrung from her shaken, defenseless body.

Her body was beginning to writhe, her hips lifting against his questing hand in mute pleasing for - what? For him to stop- to somehow end this shameful pleasure? To release her from this rack of delicious sensuality?

Or for him to never stop?

Her head turned restlessly on the pillows as she tried to stifle the moan of longing rising in her throat. The sound that would betray her utterly- telling him without words how desperately she needed to feel him inside her again.

To feel him feeling her, and offering her completion that had been denied when he'd taken her before. And David was whispering to her, his voice slurred and heavy as he told her she was beautiful...that she was all the sweetness of the...and yes, it would be soon. It would be everything.

And it that moment she felt it, that first faint reaction stirring deep within herself, as if she was being drawn out of herself towards some distant unknown peak, with every nerve ending, every drop of blood concentrated, blindly focused on that small, rapturous center of sensation, aching and erect under the subtle, relentless glide of his fingertips.

Then, between one breath and the next, Olivia found herself overtaken, her shuddering, gasping body consumed by pulsations of pleasure spreading through every vein, every bone, every inch of her heated, shivering skin, each one more intense than the last.

Until at their highest and fiercest pitch she thought she might faint or die, and heard herself cry out, her voice ragged with fear and wonder. And when the hot incredible trembling at last began to subside, she found herself wrapped closely in David's arms, her sweat dampened face buried in his shoulder and his lips against her hair.

Ashamed that, after all, she'd rendered him such an easy victory, but knowing that even if she wanted to she didn't posses the strength to move away.

Nor did she want to...

But at last it was David who moved, reaching over the edge of the bed to climb out.

Her body still quivering softly, Olivia opened weighted eyelids and stared at him, feeling suddenly bereft. Surely, surely that could not be all? a voice inside her begged. There must be more. There had to be…

Aloud, she asked in a daze, "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere,. I'm coming back." The reply was soft—almost soothing. When he turned back to her she realized he was tearing open a small packet taken from his pocket, and swiftly and deftly making use of its contents.

And in some dazed corner of her mind she thought, But that can't happen. He shouldn't be doing that. Not if we're going to…

Then he was drawing her once again into his arms, his mouth opening hers to admit the heated glide of his tongue. His hands stroked the length of her glowing body, then slid beneath her, lifting her towards the hardness of him that had already parted her unresistant thighs. He entered her with one sure, powerful thrust.

And all thought of protest died for her. Because, defying logic, reason and even common sense, this glorious and all-consuming sensation was what she'd been living for all these long, sterile months.

In spite of its comparative inexperience, her body, still blissfully euphoric in the wake of her first orgasm, was too relaxed to offer any impediment to his possession and she accepted him—welcomed him into her with joy.

It was so different, she thought, her mind reeling. So utterly—wonderfully different from that first time. Yet how could it possibly seem so right when everything between them was still so terribly wrong? And always would be…

And then, as David began to move inside her, she abandoned all pretense at rationality and let her body think for her instead.

"Did I hurt you?" The question seemed torn from him as he looked down at her, the golden eyes searching hers. "Olivia, tell me—promise me that I didn't."

"No." She breathed her answer, an instinct she'd not known she possessed prompting her to raise her hands and clasp his shoulders, to move her hips in slow, deliberate allurement. The ultimate physical reassurance—the candid offering of her entire self for his enjoyment.

At his instant, fervent reaction she closed on him hungrily, drawing him into her without reserve, holding him, then giving him release so that he could drive forward again, slowly and rhythmically, each time penetrating her more deeply, and surprising her into a gasp of raw pleasure.

Oh, God, he felt so amazing—so incredibly, dangerously beautiful…

At the same time her intuition told her that David had himself well under control, patiently reining back his own needs in order to allow their bodies to became fully attuned to each other.

Until she realized her own responses, her own demands, should fully match his own.

And even though she told herself it was—it must be—too soon, she could already feel within her, like a ripple on a tranquil sea, the renewed, irresistible build of helpless sexual excitement.

Felt it, reached for it, strained after it, half ashamed of her own greed, a tiny, frantic sob rising in her throat.

And in the next instant she found herself totally overwhelmed once more, her body throbbing in the harsh, almost feral throes of ecstasy as she moaned her pleasure aloud.

She became aware of David rearing up above her, his head thrown back, throat muscles taut, as he gave a hoarse cry of rapture and his body shuddered into hers with the force of his own fulfillment.

Afterwards they lay motionless, still entwined, the only sound their ragged breathing as they struggled to return it to normality.

Olivia lay, eyes half-closed, her body still lost in its exquisite lassitude. She thought drowsily, I'm not the same person, not any more. I've been transformed.

She looked down tenderly at the dark head pillowed on her breasts, longing to hold him there for ever, to stroke his disheveled hair, to kiss his eyes and mouth and whisper everything that her heart was crying out to tell him.

But she did not dare.

Because her mind was slowly and gradually beginning once more to deal with reality. Making her face a few essential truths.

Because nothing had changed at all. Not herself. And certainly not the situation that she was in.

Because sex, however magical, made no actual difference. And she must never fool herself into believing that it might.

So she did not try to stop him when eventually he eased himself away from her and left the bed to cross to the bathroom, but lay quietly, staring into space.

Asking herself how many more nights like this she could possibly endure. How deeply enmeshed in this web of passion and desire he'd spun round her might she become before she committed the cardinal sin of telling him that she loved him?

Might he even become so essential to her that there would come a time when she would not want to leave? A time when she would sacrifice every hope for the future and choose instead to remain here in his house, the obedient, docile wife, performing the domestic duties he'd outlined so succinctly to her only last night?

Careful never to be too curious about his absences. Scrupulous about ignoring the inevitable gossip that would reach her whenever he strayed too openly. And grateful for the occasional night when he would turn to her for his amusement.

Was it worth submitting to that kind of heartbreak? she asked herself wretchedly. Could she bear to watch herself slowly disintegrate in hurt and loneliness in this half-life he'd offered her?

No, she thought, shivering. I can't do that.

She made herself move, retrieve the covers from the foot of the bed and pull them into place, sheltering under them just before David, yawning, came sauntering back into the room.

His brows lifted when he saw the straightened bed, but he made no comment as he slid in beside her, pulling her into his arms.

"We should turn in," he suggested softly. "Then see what the rest of the night brings."

The words seemed to beat in her head.

"No," she said, taking a deep breath.

"You don't need to sleep?" David whistled softly. "You have incredible stamina, Liv. I wish I had it, but being only a man," he added ruefully, "I need a little time to recover."

"I meant," she said thickly, "I'd rather be alone."

There was a fractional pause, then he said gently, "But sleeping and waking together is all part of marriage, Olivia."

"For other people,maybe but not us."

It was worth a shot. David released her, lifting himself on to an elbow as he stared down at her. "We're not doing this. I don't understand why you're so upset all of the sudden."

"I want to know why you did that," she said quietly. "Why you used protection when you're supposed to be making me pregnant."

David grinned. It had been his last tactic, but he didn't see any other choice. He used a condom, and would continue to use them until she submitted to him. Until she fell in love with him, and the thought of leaving him was so far from her mind she'd have to live three lives until it came back to her.

But in all efforts, he had hoped to buy some time. It was clear that she was more than ready to finish things between them, but he never wanted them to end. Getting her to marry him had been the icing on the cake. Now if they could only just live their lives together until the end of their days, he thought.

And why not? They should be able to. There was nothing in between them, no business, no secrets, no spouses. Just them.

"Right," David said softly. "I get it. But there's plenty of time ahead of us for that." He stroked the curve of her cheek. "Maybe we should learn to be husband and wife before we attempt to become a father and mother." He smiled reminiscently. "When I was young Paupo, had a saying—'First the pleasure in bed, later the joy in the cradle.'"He added softly, "After what we just did I thought you might agree with him."

"But I don't. We're not married David. We made an arrangement." She swallowed past the unbearable tightness in her throat. "Don't forget why I'm here. It's for one purpose only, and it's not as your plaything." She added, "You have someone else for that."

His mouth tightened. "I have told you, a million times, it's over. And it should never have happened, except…" He paused. "Well, that doesn't matter. My concern is that you should believe me—and try, if you can, to forgive." He added wryly, "Or are you going to punish me for the rest of our lives?"

"Kim may have been sidelined," Olivia returned icily. "But I'm sure there are plenty of others waiting to take her place. And you better believe I'm not one of them. I'm looking forward to my independence, and I'm not going to sit here and let you cheat me out of it for a day longer than necessary just so that you can change the terms of our deal and use me as a substitute mistress."

_I can't believe I'm doing this—that I'm lying to him, saying these awful things, when every word is like sticking a knife into my own flesh._

"You think that's what's going on?" His voice changed—became harsh, almost derisive. "You're insane. How can I leave you for two minutes, no more, and find a different person—this stranger when I return?' He shook his head in bitter disbelief. "How can you put us through heaven one moment and hell the next?'

"Because you forgot why you married me," she said, struggling to keep her voice level. Unemotional. "Why you forced me to come back to you. But I haven't. And until you remember the terms of our agreement and decide to follow them, maybe you should spend your nights in your own room."

"I have an even better suggestion," he said with icy savagery. "Why, don't you give me a list of the days each month when you are most likely to conceive, so that I can restrict my visits to those occasions only?" He paused. "That way we'll both be saved time and trouble."

He flung back the covers and got up, reaching for his pants and shrugging them on.

As he put on his sweater, he looked down at her. "You have to be the blindest woman I have ever known." And he turned away, walking across to his own room and closing the door behind him.

She nearly went after him. Nearly followed to tell him that she hadn't meant it—any of it. To beg him to come back. To hold her close and keep her safe. And to be there—at her side always.

Except that wasn't on offer.

There was sex, of course. The master with his latest pupil. He'd probably been sufficiently intrigued by the frenzy of her response to continue her lessons if she asked.

But how could she settle for a single course when she wanted an entire meal? A feast…?

And eventually there would be compensation, she thought achingly. A permissible focus for all the love dammed up in her heart, and one that she could even acknowledge, as she'd recognised that far-off day in Lake Como.

There would be his baby…

So she could hope—live for that instead. Because, she thought, as she turned over, burying her unhappy face in the pillow that he'd used, trying to find some faint trace of him, because she had no other choice.

* * *

**So what happened to that letter? What did it say? And you all know Kim's not leaving tomorrow right? **

**Yo this chapter was weird.**


	20. The End of The Affair

**fayevdm: **Amazing update. I was definitely intrigued when you included me in your chapter :)

**THIS IS GOING TO BECOME AN INSIDE JOKE ISN'T IT LOL**

**teleficsmovies211: **Okay! I'm tired if these two only talking out of anguish and anger! I need him to just say how he feels because I feel belittled when he talks to her?! Like wtf? I want some honesty from these two pretty mf's. I still love and trust u guys but I had to vent real quick. Until we meet

**HONESTY BELOW**

**xxsamanthakingxx: **Omg! If I never hated Brian before I do now. I'm so intrigued but this story that I can't put it down. I can't wait to read the rest.

**CHAPTER 6 READER- SO YOU'RE INTRIGUED TOO EH?**

**southernotcountry: **I'm so mad at Olivia and David! My lord just be honest with each other! Kim probably threw the letter away before it got to Olivia! Trying to ruin people's lives…damn you Kim.

**#KILLKIM TWAS NOT KIMBERLY**

**xxsamanthakingxx: **Yay David to the rescue!

**CHAPTER 7 READER- NOOOOO DAVID BLOWS THE RESCUE**

**iwannahamberger2: **I dont get it...he is spending all this time trying to get her to confess she loves him...WHY THE FUCK DOESNT HE JUST TELL HER HE LOVES HER AND NEVER FUCKING WANTS TO FUCKING LET HER FUCKING GO! Ugh! Never once had he CALLED the hospital or that freakin Luke guy to confirm she actually miscarried...hes just going by the scattered words of the lying cheating vengeful Brian Cassidy whose fault this shit is anyway. Now this is truly making her a sex slave. DAVID NEEDS TO GROW A PAIR STOP GETTING PEOPLE TO BOX AND TORTURE THE POOR WOMAN. He NEEDS to tell her he LOVES HER AND FREAKING MEAN IT! Force marrying someone and threatening a mourning mother is not the way to do it. SMH! Okay...'nough said. Update soon.

**HE TELLS HER HE LOVES HER AND NEVER FUCKING WANTS TO LET HER FUCKING GO DOWN BELOW**

**kezireh24: **I need this to be updated! I'm going through withdraw! I love this story so much, and I'm going insane with out it!(: Kim needs to die. I've been plotting ways to kill her all day. I think I've developed an unhealthy obsession with this story...anyways! Keep up the great work! KILL HER!

**#KILLKIM WE HAVE ALL DEVELOPED AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION**

**katechoco: **Let's spread the love people! Everyone #killkim !  
And omg I wanna bump their heads together, they are the most stubborn people ever!

**#KILLKIM HEADS ARE BUMPED**

**skyscraper77: **No he fucking deserves it because he made her marry his ass against her will. She should had what he did to her and what he has become. After all of that I could never love someone again. That's terrible. And then he had sex with her when she didn't want it so it was basically rape. He's a jackass and I have long lost respect for him. I wish she would explain to him about their baby so he can see what a pompous ass he is being.

**THERE ARE NO WORDS- READ!**

**lawandorderfan96: **There are so many people that I want to bitch slap right now. Kim, Olivia, David, you guys (but if I do that then you might not update and none of us want that). *sigh* I suppose all I can do now is wait for a happily ever after :l

**#KILLKIM KEEP CALM BITCH SLAP AND WAIT ON**

**guest: **I though you said the torture was over 99% done? If it's not him it's her who needs to smell the roses. And that... that Kim is just salt in the wound! Ugh! Please, please end my pain soon! ;)

**#KILLKIM THE WAIT IS OVER**

**guest: **I dont get it. This story is just weird now. it started of real strong and and it stayed like that for a long time but after he found out about the baby it got dumb. first off all why do they talk like that now? they sound like lame rich people. That aint how they talked in the early chapters they dont sound real now everything sound fake like a bad soap opera. please stop making them talk like that. and why is you have Olivia sounding like she dont know David? like she dont know what sex is all of a sudden. what happened to all the heat that yuo said she felt for him and all the loemaking they used to do and she craved his touch so much? why its like they are starngers now? i'm not putting you down as a writer but you changed the whole feelings of the story and its not good. please fix it. and olivia is a cop she would know what david could not charge her with a crime for the baby so she would not agree to that situation. please go back and make this good again. it is not making since. but please if you dont do nothing else make them stop talking like that. oh and i read your other stories you write good sex scenes. every since they got in italy even the sex scenes dont look like something you would write they are boring. what is going on? the whole writing style is off every since they got to italy.

**This is beyond the funniest review I have ever read in my life!/First let me apologize for relocating to London, it's my fault everyone sounds like they've just fallen out of downton abbey. When we dust off I'm sure I'll realize how ridiculous it sounds and go back and change everything. Given that, I just sweeped C19 and I'm appalled that it saw daylight./ Second, sex is different this time around because they used to fuck before, now that they're married and they both want more, the lust has simmered down and it's more of a love thing. But the next chapter- the chapter only- has the heavy heavy stuff, so YA/ And yes! You're right, Olivia does know what she can and can't be charged with, but since her baby survived long enough to be considered human her d&c could be considered murder, but obviously that can't fly because her life was in danger./ Last we wish we could make the sex more intense like chance! But unfortunately this story is listed under T so we have to keep it on the sweeter side of things, but I'll tell you what. If it means that much to you, PM us your email address and we'll personally send you an unrated version full of all the smut in the world. Stick with it if you can dearest, it get's gangster again. I promise ;)**

**FINALLY- YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO GET MIND FUCKED...This chapter is shorter than short, but I'm ok with that. I think it deserves to be set apart from all the rest because this is where the bad gets better and the better gets best. GET MINDFUCKED- READ.**

* * *

The Puccini aria with its theme of doomed love came to its plangent end.

She should, Olivia thought, get up and choose another CD—one, maybe, without quite so many resonances. But she remained where she was, curled up once more in the corner of the sofa in her private salotto.

Since David had left their home in Puglia, three weeks earlier, the weather had remained unsettled, a mixture of sun and showers, with an occasional hint of thunder.

More in tune with her mood than brilliant heat, but hardly conducive to spending her afternoons in the garden or by the pool, so she was glad of this room as a kind of sanctuary.

At first she'd taken care to spend part of every day with her grand father-in-law, but now he'd begun to work in his study again, with his consultant's wary permission, preparing to pick up the reins at the bank once more.

"I hope he isn't overdoing things," Olivia had said anxiously one evening after dinner, finding herself alone with Miranda, whose answering smile had been reassuring.

"He'll be fine. Better to push the limit than stay below it." She'd added meditatively, "Plus David could really use the extra hands, since he's so low on staff these days. Paupo's someone he can trust."

Leaving Olivia to murmur an embarrassed, "Right," and hastily change the subject. She should have know those details, but since she and David had the smallest time to each other- most of it used for other activities- she had no idea where the company was headed.

Because the truth was he was never there. In fact, she'd hardly set eyes on him since the night of their quarrel, she acknowledged wretchedly.

When she'd ventured downstairs the following morning, after that miserably restless night, it had been to discover that he'd already left for an appointment in Rome.

"You could have gone with him, dear, but he insisted you should be left to sleep," Nan had added, smiling, totally misinterpreting both David's apparent solicitude and the deep shadows under her eyes.

She sees what he wants to see, Olivia had thought, stifling a sigh.

And when she and David had met at dinner, the cool polite stranger of their honeymoon had returned. So much so that Olivia had wondered whether she'd only dreamed the events of the previous night. Because there was surely no way in which she could ever have spent the rapture of her climax in this man's arms.

Later, she had waited tensely in her bedroom until she saw the light come on under the communicating door, then made herself go and knock.

It had opened instantly to reveal David, his shirt already half-unbuttoned and his expression wary.

"What?" His brusque tone did not encourage her either, nor the fact that he didn't seem to notice she was once again wearing only a nightgown.

Olivia held out a folded piece of paper. She said stiltedly, "I wrote down that information that you wanted."

He took it from her, his face expressionless as he scanned the brief list of dates she'd provided.

"You're all business aren't you?" He paused to let her say something, but she couldn't argue. "I'll try to follow your example, but in the mean time I'm afraid I'll miss our first-," what word should he use? "Appointment." _That was it. _He paused, his wintry smile not reaching his eyes. "Unless, of course, you decide to come with me."

"No." She looked down at the floor, aware that this was not going as she'd dared to hope. "I promised Paupo I'd let him show me how to keep up the villa, and then Nan wants to take me shopping."

"Then you'll have to wait until next time." David said too gently. "I'll mark the dates in my agenda."

"Don't,"she whispered, still not looking at him. "Please—don't."

"Why? Do you want me to forget?" he asked, and shrugged.

Olivia flushed red. "Your agenda gets passed through a hundred hands a day. I'd really rather someone not know what we're doing."

"Why are you ashamed to have children with me?" Olivia glared at him, again the loss of words to profound to utter. "Oh. Right. I remember. You are. Is that what happened when you had our first?"

"No," she managed. Still after all this time it still made her flinch.

"Isn't it? You were too ashamed to- what was that phrase you used?- have me in the picture."

"What are you talking about? If you wanted to be there you wouldn't have left. You would have stayed, you would have seen, but because you wanted to play games, and keep us from your wife-" she got emotional, "You weren't."

"I would have ended things with Kim the moment I found out, but you never told me. I wouldn't have left. I would have stayed but you didn't give me the choice to stay or go."

"I didn't give _you_ a choice? You didn't give _me _a chance! I asked you to choose us and you didn't! Everything else was so goddamn more important!" Olivia shouted.

"It was! We had an affair!" David yelled back, knocking papers off his desk. "With all the lies, and the sneaking around in between!" Olivia flinched as he shouted in her face. "I needed more time! I had it all worked out, divorcing Kim, relocating! Everything was supposed to work but you wanted it too soon. And we lost it all. We lost it!" Olivia closed her eyes and opened them. Her face was turned, she wouldn't look at him. She couldn't.

David was boiling like an empty pot on a stove. If you so much as got close he'd burn you within an inch of mutilated skin. He realized how uncomfortable she was and reluctantly gave her the space her body needed to adjust to what he said. He stepped over his paperwork and went to the window, using the cool image of the pool to help him simmer down and think straight.

"You didn't think I had a right to know?" he asked in a more civil tone.

She sniffed. "I would have told you."

"Why did you do it?"

"I didn't have an abortion David. I had an accident. I-

"I saw the transcripts. Dr. Nicholas Ryan. Parkway Hospital, Manhattan NY. I saw what you said. I know what you asked him to do. So I'm asking you-please...tell me the truth. I have to know why."

The blood drained from Olivia's face. She was immediately overwhelmed with profound love and fear for him all at once. Only a crazy person, only someone who cared, only someone who truly loved someone else would dig that deep to find out what happened. She wiped her eyes and cautiously moved closer to him.

She studied him from behind, trying to decipher what he was feeling in that moment.

"How do you know about that?"

"Brian." David heard her scoff. "I had the same reaction when I opened the envelope he threw at me that night, but I had it investigated and it was all true. So I ask again, why did you do it?"

"I was young...and stupid." David turned to look at her, frowning at what she was saying. "Nicholas Ryan is-was my doctor in college. I had a pregnancy scare after I went to a party with a few friends. It was-supposed to be fun, take the load off from everything going on...And I met this guy, this kid, his name was Johnny. We were both drunk out of our minds and we didn't...I mean neither of us thought about what could happen.

"But I knew. And a few weeks later I tested positive...I was in college, I couldn't...I couldn't take care of a baby then. I was...it wasn't the right time. And no, Johnny wasn't in the picture." David was quiet. Very, very quiet. "Regardless of what you still might think, you don't have the grounds to match it up."

"Why not?"

"Because Parkway Hospital closed over ten years ago. That address is full of apartments now. I know because I've busted more perps than you can count on that street, and as much as we both wish we'd met each other that long ago, we didn't. Which means-

"You didn't have a procedure..." **_Yes, yes, he was putting things together._**

"I wanted her more than you know...and I wish she-I wish she was here so you could see that." Olivia smiled through the blurry haze that was in her eyes. "I wish you knew that."

Then like the cold winds of an oncoming storm David pulled her so close to him that it was physically hard to breathe. He forced his lips on hers, pleasantly surprised when, for the first time, she didn't try to fight him. When she so much as dared to kiss him back, harder, stronger than he did. He broke the kiss chanting the simplest mantra, but to Olivia it was the peace. The restored happiness, the soothing calm at last.

_"I'll stay with you. Don't ever leave me. Promise me? I love you so much. I can't lose you. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. Just stay with me. Please, please, please. Don't go. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you so much. Honey I'm sorry..."_ And on and on, and on. Between the most tender kisses, the most numbing embrace.

And Olivia was at rest. Because for the first time, it felt so good to be in love, so good to be married to David Haden.

* * *

**MESSAGE: If we publish something that sounds off to you, let us know! PM or leave a comment. I know some stuff sounds weird, but just remember it's a crossover, and we probably just ran over something that should've been cut, so let us know. **

**SERIOUSLY: OH MY GOD that was well played. I mean 'cause you guys all remember that episode right? How awesome was it to finally see them on the same page? See I told you I would take care of them. Just don't hurt me when Liv goes to the hospital next chapter. #KILLKIM**

**Did I say that?**

**AND THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR HELPING US REACH A GOAL OF 100 REVIEWS! THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING ;)**


	21. Under Suspicion

**southernotcountry: **So I was going to write this whole emotional review about how I may or may not have sheded a few tears and how y'all may or not have ruined my tough image because I've never cried while reading a fanfiction while the rest of my grade does; I won't do that because I'm way too lazy for that. Anyway that touched my soul! This was worth the wait and the craziness of David. Y'all don't understand how crazy I look right now. I'm on the school bus crying and my friends are looking at me like I have two heads! And Liv going to the hospital? I'll cross that road when I come to it. (And if you haven't noticed I did get mind fucked)

**I WAS NOT ANTICIPATING HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME! THIS IS THE EXACT REACTION I PICTURED EVERYONE GOING THROUGH. BUT DRY YOUR EYES DARLING, YOU'LL WANT A CLEAN SLATE WHEN YOU READ THE NEXT ONES.**

**guest: **Why is half of the chapter just "author notes"?

**BECAUSE WE LOVE OUR AUDIENCE**

**iwannahamber2: **Kk now thats more like it!

**IT WAS THE REAL DEAL HONEY! LIKE KETCHUP ON YOUR HAMBERGER**

**nickandliv: **Wait, WHAT? Hospital? The hell? Ok, I will say this one last time. KILL. KIM. NOW! Capiche?

Oh, and the 'I love yous'? PERFECT! #KillKim

**#KILLKIM YES HOSPITAL! YES WE WILL KILL HER!**

**kezireh24: **Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayay! I'm so happy! Livid! All that hatefulness between them was gripping but so sad. It took its toll on me. I'm so happy now! XD Love the update! Did you say...#KILLKIM? Hospital? Oh no. Ughers.

**#KILLKIM YES HOSPITAL! OH NO IS RIGHT!**

**katechoco: **FINALLY! *happy dance*  
But... What do you mean Liv goes to the hospital? You are such a tease :p :p

**WE ARE TEASING**

**fayevdm: **AWESOME... I had faith that you would fix this mess and in such an intriguing way ;)

**YES WE FIXED IT, IT WAS INTRIGUING**

**skyscraper77: **Awww okay that was good. I feel better that the truth is out now although David has handled things completely wrong up until now...

**HE WILL HANDEL THINGS BETTER FROM HERE ON OUT!**

**guest: **WONDERFUL, I FUCKING LOVE IT, YOU ARE SO SO SO GOOD! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

**WE FUCKING LOVE YOU!**

* * *

Olivia smiled as she walked back to the villa in the heat of the sun. It had only been a few days since David had gone, but she'd missed him terribly. Since their union in his office they'd been inseparable- that is until reality caught up with them, and the pressing appointments with clients across the country had needed David's audience. They hadn't even properly consummated their joy when the phone rang to call him away.

She'd wanted to go with him, but she'd lacked the wardrobe to leave, so she had to stay behind with Nan until all her shopping was done- and they were far from it. Things for herself, things for a new room in the house. Olivia smiled even more, knowing full well what that meant.

And she paused, tensing, as she heard in the distance the sound of a car approaching down the avenue.

Oh, God, she thought, her throat tightening in mingled fear and longing. David—it must be David. No one else was due.

She glanced down at her dirty dress from lying in the grass, her hand going to the clip confining her scraped-back hair at the nape of her neck. She was not going to meet him like this—not when she had cupboards full of new clothes, thanks to Nan.

She was pulling off her things as she ran to the bedroom. Seconds later she was in the shower, emerging breathlessly after a couple of minutes to dry herself and apply scented lotion to her skin, spraying the matching perfume on her throat, her breasts and thighs.

She scrambled into her newest and prettiest white lace underwear and put on an equally creamy, lace blouse , beautifully cut, and a soft white skirt, sliding her feet into low-heeled pumps.

She brushed her hair until it crackled, then applied a coating of mascara to her lashes and some soft color to her mouth.

It occurred to her that she'd not heard David come up to the suite, or go into his room. No doubt he had stayed to talk to Paupo.

She wanted to run, but she made herself walk calmly and sedately downstairs. There would be time later to demonstrate how eager she was to see him again, she thought, her pulses hammering.

As she reached the entrance hall, Paupo was coming towards the stairs, carrying a travel bag and a briefcase.

She took a breath. Tried to sound casual. "I thought I heard a car, Paupo. Is someone here?"

"_Sì, amore_." He beamed, indicating the door of the salotto.

Try and play it cool, Olivia adjured herself as she pushed open the door.

She walked forward and halted, her throat closing with shock and disappointment. For the room's only occupant was Miranda seated on a sofa and glancing through a fashion magazine.

She glanced up with her usual calm friendliness. "Oh you're home. I thought you'd still be in town with Nan."

"Miranda—"She forced herself to smile. "I didn't know you'd be here this weekend."

"A last-minute decision." She spread her hands. "Paupo called me, and I couldn't refuse." She studied Olivia with a faint frown. "Are you ok? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine."She took a seat, smoothing her skirt with nervous hands. "I—I thought it might be David's car."

"David—here?" She shook her head. "I don't think he's coming back so soon." She paused. "Have you heard different?"

There was a silence, then Olivia said quietly, "No. No message."

There was another, longer silence, then Christine said, "Olivia, you have no mother. I, I have no daughter, and maybe I am not qualified to speak, but I cannot stay silent when I see how unhappy you are." She hesitated. "It's no secret that your marriage has been troubled from the first. But when you returned here with David we all hoped that you might find a life together."

"Not quite all." Olivia's hands gripped together in her lap.

"The woman is a witch," Christine said calmly. "We don't have to regard her. My concern is the words you spoke to her, and which David heard. I saw him at breakfast the next morning and he looked grey—like a ghost. And when he left the following day he was alone." She looked steadily at Olivia. "As he has been, I think, since your marriage."

She paused. "I don't count the foolishness he played with Kim," she went on, and held up a placatory hand as Olivia stiffened. "Nor do I condone it, believe me. But when a man is hurt and lonely he will sometimes find comfort in the wrong place. And you were hardly around to object," she added dryly.

Olivia bent her head. "No," she said with constraint. "I stayed away because it had never been a real marriage. David never wanted a wife—and he wanted me least of all- but all that's changed now. And it really shouldn't be anyone's concern. My marriage is between David and I. What I said...at the time I meant it, but the whole thing has really come sort of left wing. Turns out we'd been too caught up in the past to focus on our future."

"Well then I'm glad to hear it." Christine said slowly, hardly believing the words herself. "After you became engaged he changed. He was quiet, thoughtful, when he returned from Italy to New York, making plans for the wedding and where you would live. He wanted everything to be perfect for you. He was also nervous, which I had never seen before." She smiled suddenly. "It made me like him better. And I also think that he wished to be married to you very much."

"If only you knew how much we'd like to stay that way," Olivia smirked.

"So what will you do about Kim?"

"Miranda, I've worked as a New York City detective for twelve years. Kim can say what she wants but it doesn't change that David I are married now. There's nothing she can do that David or I will do ten times worse." Olivia said confidently.

"Their past transgressions don't worry you?"

"It's like I said. We're focused on our future now."

* * *

She could, she supposed, follow David to Rome, Olivia thought as she trailed slowly upstairs, her mind whirling. Visit him. Make him a few days late in his return to Puglia.

But what on earth was she pack? And anyway, after everything that had happened between them would he even be ready to jump into an intimate relationship, so strong, so fast?

She walked back into the salotto and closed the door. Late-afternoon sun was pouring in, filling the room with real warmth. Maybe it was a good omen, she thought. Or perhaps she was going a little crazy in the head, looking for signs and portents in the weather. Because at this time of the year storms were never far away.

She put on some more music—not Puccini, this time; not more love lost, love betrayed—but some lilting guitar and harp concertos. It still sounded funny to her, but she learned to enjoy it. It wasn't the usual pop list that often hit New York's radios but it could set the mood.

Curling back into the corner of her sofa, she looked down at her hands, twisting her wedding ring on her finger. Something Miranda had said was forcing itself back into her mind. 'Their past transgressions don't worry you?…'

_Their_, she thought, trying the words for herself, as if she was learning a foreign language. _Past transgression_?

She really wouldn't have given it a second thought, but David had been so blunt about it before. As if he didn't regret it. And she'd seemed so...unthreatened by her when she came for dinner. Even though things were good between her and David now, she still felt like there was something else between them...

She couldn't say what, and maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just the distance of his work in Rome, she thought hopelessly. That had to be it. What else could tear them apart? After what the circus they'd just went through, she'd expected God himself to come between them if He didn't hold them together.

She leaned back against the cushions, closing her eyes, letting the music soothe her, and the gentle golden heat permeate to the marrow of her bones, feeling relaxed for the first time in a long while.

Maybe she should spend her nights here on the sofa, she thought wryly, rather than in that big bed with all its loneliness.

And yet, as the weariness engineered by so many restless nights finally overcame her and she slept, she dreamed she was swimming in the ocean. And as she turned her head, trying to avoid the abrasive flow of water, she felt the wave crash on her face and smolder her under the depths.

The next instant the field had gone, transformed into an ordinary sofa again, and she was sitting up, eyes wide open and her heart pounding, wondering what had woken her.

She heard, not too far away, the soft sound of a closing door.

It might have been Miranda, of course, checking that their conversation earlier had not upset her. But her sister in-law would never visit this part of the house without an invitation, and neither would Paupo, she was sure. They would both regard it as an invasion of privacy, whether David was there or not.

David…

With sudden shock, she remembered the abrasive wave she'd encountered in her dream, and knew why it had seemed so strangely familiar—and so enticing.

It was the touch of his skin, she thought, so rough, so light, tender and desperate. The texture as much a part of him as the color of his eyes and the curl of his smile.

And it could only mean that he was here—somewhere. And that, however briefly, he'd been close to her. Touched her.

But it also meant that he'd found her asleep, slumped inelegantly, and, in a worst-case ever scenario, possibly even snoring—with her mouth open.

"Oh, God," she muttered as she scrambled off the sofa, pushing back her disheveled hair from her face, trying to straighten her creased dress, searching for and then abandoning her kicked-off shoes.

She flew barefoot along the passage to her bedroom, but it was empty. She halted, a hand going to her mouth like a disappointed child.

Only to realise that the communicating door was standing half-open for the first time in weeks, and someone was moving around in the adjoining room.

Olivia walked across and pushed the door wide.

David was there, crossing with an armful of shirts to the leather suitcase lying open on the bed.

She said his name quietly, almost tentatively, and he turned immediately, his brows lifting.

"Olivia." He might be casually dressed, in blue pants and a matching half-buttoned shirt, but that was how she preferred. Easy to take off.

Without haste, she began to release the first of the buttons that fastened the white blouse from neckline to hem, holding his eyes with hers.

When she'd undone them all, she shrugged the blouse from her shoulders, and lunged at him, throwing her arms around his neck, wrapping them into a kiss so deep, so tender, that it never seemed to end. David snapped her bra open and off...then the back zipper of her skirt to cup the softness of her bottom...

Until she was uncovered completely for the intensity of his gaze.

She put up a hand to stroke his hair, before running her fingers, down the strong line of his face to the faint roughness of his chin. It been a long time since she did that. It felt good to do it now. So free. So fulfilling.

Her hands slid down, freeing the remaining buttons on his shirt, pushing its edges wide apart so that her fingers had the liberty to roam over his shoulders and bare chest. To feel the clench of his muscles and experience the sudden unsteadiness of his heartbeat as she deliberately tantalized the flat male nipples, feeling them harden as she moved closer to brush them with the aroused peaks of her own breasts.

She began to touch him with her lips, planting tiny fugitive kisses all over the warm skin as her hands slid down to deal with the waistband of his trousers, pausing, the breath catching in her throat, as her fingers flickered on the iron-hardness beneath the fabric and heard his soft groan of response.

She tugged at his zipper, then dragged the heavy fabric over his hips and down to the floor, so that he could step free of it. Then her fingers returned to release his powerfully aroused shaft from the cling of his silk shorts and, shyly at first, to caress him.

She felt his hand move in its turn, tangling in the soft fall of her hair, holding her still as his mouth came down on hers, his kiss hard and deep, his tongue probing all her inner sweetness.

Then, still kissing her, he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the other room and across to their bed.

There was no gentle wooing this time. No slow ascent to pleasure. Their mutual hunger was too strong, too urgent for that. Instead, he stripped off his shorts and sank into her, filling her, as he gasped his need against her parted lips. And Olivia arched against him, her body surging in a reply as rapturous as it was uncontrollable.

Almost before they knew it they had reached the agonized extremity of desire. Olivia sobbed into his mouth as she felt the first quivers of sensual delight ripple through her innermost being, then deepen voluptuously until her entire body was shaken, torn apart by a series of harsh, exquisite convulsions bordering on savagery. She called his name, half in want, half in exultation, as the sensations reached their peak, and heard in the next instant his hoarse cry of pleasure as his body found its own scalding, shuddering release in hers.

Still.

Just breathe.

Their eyes matched, both of them waiting for the go to do it again. To move. To kiss. To wrap their limbs together, her legs around his, her arms against his waist, so tight, urging for more. To sigh again, to moan louder, and longer, to touch stronger. To be filled so completely and utterly full that she overflowed with more.

And then she was.

Afterwards they lay wrapped together, exchanging slow, sweet kisses.

"Hi." Olivia breathed at last, nibbling softly at his lower lip.

"I should go away more often," David returned lazily, his fingers curving round her breast. "And you should actually come this time... to Stockholm," he added musingly. "And by the time we reach Brussels we might be convincing."

Her eyes widened. "You want me to come?"

"Of course I do. I won't be able to stay very long, but we'll be together, and I can introduce to everyone, and you can meet other people, travel, see the world...I was going to leave tonight, but I have other engagements," he whispered, and lifted her smiling mouth to his.

But later, when he'd fallen into a light sleep, and she lay in his arms, her head pillowed on his shoulder, Olivia found the echoing tremors of delight were being replaced by an odd sadness.

Did he share this with Kim? Was he still going to allow her to be around, come to the villa where his family was? Not that any of it mattered...they weren't getting a divorce...and he'd been honest with her about her contract and how she'd signed a waver to eat 100 Twinkies in twenty minutes (the endless pages coming from health hazards).

That was the uneasy possibility that was now suggesting itself.

Kim's existence alone had quietly gnawed away at her throughout her engagement, freezing her emotions and convincing her she would rather do without him altogether than share his attentions with another girl.

Her heart told her that she would feel no differently if there was a similar situation in the future. Indeed, it would be worse now that she had become so used to being in his arms.

And she thought painfully, there would be nothing she could do about it next time but accept—and suffer.

And remember that once, for a little while, he'd belonged to her completely.

* * *

"Signora Haden," Dr. Fabiano said gently. "I am sure that you are allowing yourself to worry without necessity over this matter." He put down his pen and smiled at her. He was a tall, rather stooped man with a goatee beard and kind eyes behind rimless glasses. "You haven't been married a year."

"I know," Olivia admitted. "But I thought—by now—it might have happened."

Especially, she thought, as she and David had spent the past three months in the passionate and uninhibited enjoyment of each other's bodies, without any precautions whatsoever.

"And we both want a child so much," she added.

David needs our baby, she thought, and I—I just wish him to be happy. To please him in this special way because I love him so desperately. And because if I give him the child he wants then I might begin to mean more to him than just the woman currently in his bed.

Because Kim hadn't disappeared like she'd hoped. She'd been there, constantly driving a wedge between her and husband. Constantly pointing out that they were one short of a happy picture.

"Sometimes nature likes to take its own time," the doctor said easily. "Also, signora, your husband may not wish to share you just yet." He paused. "Or does he share your anxieties?"

"We haven't really discussed it," Olivia said. In fact, if she was completely honest, she admitted silently, the subject hadn't been mentioned at all. Or not out loud, anyway. Since they'd settled their disputes, David hadn't asked her to do anything. Everything between them was completely willing- on both ends.

However physically attuned she and David might have become, there were still no-go areas in the marriage. Subjects they walked around rather than introduced as topics into the conversation.

But she was aware that David watched her quite often, as if he was—waiting for something.

She took a breath, "I guess it's just my imagination... but as the weeks pass I do find myself wondering if everything's all right. With me, I mean."

He looked surprised. "I have your notes from your doctor in New Yorl. Your general health seems excellent, and at the moment, Signora Haden, I would say you were glowing."

"I feel fine," she said, flushing a little. "I was just hoping for reassurance..."

"Because this would be a precious child." He smiled at her. "The first." He paused thoughtfully. "There are, of course, tests we can do—examinations that can be carried out. Usually I would not recommend them after so short a marriage—but if they put your mind at rest they could be useful. What do you think?"

She said, "I want to try them."

"Then I will make the necessary arrangements." He pulled a pad towards him and began to scribble something on it. "You will naturally tell your husband what you are planning?"

"Of course," she said.

_When it's all over and done with, and that's just a question of patience and perseverance, because everything's fine. I'll tell him then, and we'll laugh about it._

Olivia was thoughtful as she drove home later. Uneasy too.

But she had to believe she'd just made a positive move. One that could change their lives for the better.

As if it hadn't already altered in innumerable ways, she thought wryly. The fact that she had a driving licence and a car of her own now was only one of them. Yet she couldn't help remembering David's quiet words as he had put the keys in her hand. "A step towards your freedom, Liv."

Had he been reminding her that, despite the passion they shared, their present intimacy was only transient, and that one day their paths would permanently diverge? I mean what the hell was that supposed to mean? Was he joking? Maybe he thought she was barred in because she spent most of her time on the villa grounds, never really leaving to go anywhere unless Nan thought it was time for a new wardrobe.

No, she told herself, keep being positive. Apart from anything else, she was now the accepted mistress of the Villa. If the staff had looked at her askance in the days of her estrangement from David, she now basked in their approval.

And she had Paupo's whole-hearted support too. She could still see the expression of joyful incredulity on his face when she'd entered the salotto that first evening, shy but radiant, with David's arm around her and his hand resting on her hip in a gesture of unmistakable possession.

And she had heard his muttered, "At last—may the good God be praised."

Later, when they could not be overheard, Christine too had whispered teasingly, "I see the fight is over, but I will not ask who won."

And she'd started to travel too. Whenever possible David insisted on taking her with him on his business trips, and gradually, with his encouragement, she'd begun to feel less gauche on the inevitable social occasions, was able to hold her own at cocktail parties and formal dinners, even once overhearing herself described as "charming".

When she'd repeated this to David later, he'd merely grinned wickedly and drawled, "I am glad that they cannot know precisely how charming you are at this moment, Liv," letting his mouth drift slowly and sensuously down her naked body.

The apartment in Rome was no longer unknown territory for her either. But her initial visit had almost sparked off a quarrel between them. Because that first night there, when he'd taken her in his arms, she'd found it difficult to relax, her imagination going haywire as she wondered, despite herself, who else had shared this particular bed with him.

"Is something wrong?" His hand had captured her chin, making her look at him.

"It's nothing," she'd said, too quickly. "Really—I'm fine."

And they went on with it.

But Olivia had seen it as a warning that references to his past were now strictly taboo. And presumably the same sanction would apply to any future lovers he might engage in.

He would be discreet, and would expect her, in turn, to be blind. Probably dumb too, she thought, and sighed.

But whatever happened she would still be his wife, with all the courtesies her status demanded. She would wear his ring, and manage his homes and raise their children.

Those were her rights, she told herself. No one could take them away from her.

And in spite of the heat of the day, she felt herself shivering.

"You're going where?" Nan asked, her brows lifting in astonishment.

"To the Clinic in Taranto," Olivia said, her throat tightening. "Just for a day—overnight, maybe. Apparently Dr. Fabiano wants me to have another more detailed examination."

She looked down at her hands. "And since I have no idea what to expect, or what my reaction might be, I thought maybe you could take me—and bring me back."

"But this should be for David to do," Nan protested. "He should not be in Zurich, but here with you. I am astonished that he should absent himself at such a time."

Olivia was silent for a moment, then she said reluctantly, "David doesn't know."

Nan's jaw dropped. "You have not told him?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not about the initial tests, or this—new development." She paused. "I put off Zurich so I could take the tests, but I've told him that you're taking shopping again, so we'll need to get a few things."

"When he finds out he will be very angry." She groaned. 'The grandfather too, I think." She took Olivia's hands in hers. "Be advised, dear. You know where David can be contacted. Ask him to come home and tell him everything."

"There's nothing to tell-yet," Olivia said. "So if I tell him now, he'll come all the way back from Zurich to hear nothing." She tried to smile. "He might be 'very angry' about that too."

"Another risk you should take."

"It'll be fine Nan. Really. Besides, I want to do this by myself. I wouldn't be able to live with the dissapointment in his face if he were there. There are so many problems in our finances these days that I don't want to bother him with anything else. Especially if it turns out to be some kind of—glitch."

She looked appealingly at the other woman. "So, will you help me?"

Nan sighed. 'When you put it like that—yes.' She hesitated. "But understand this, Olivia, I will not lie for you on this matter. If David returns and asks where you are, or Paupo comes back early from Milano with the same question, then I shall tell them. Understood?'

"Yes," Olivia said steadily.

She was praying wordlessly, as she'd done every day since the first tests, that it would be no more than the truth.

* * *

**UP NEXT- OLIVIA'S TEST RESULTS #KILLKIM**


	22. It's Not The End (Thank You CravenPort)

**CRITICS**

**nickandliv: **Kim still exists... we are not amused. Please tell me that Liv is not infertile. #KillethKim

**...I'M JUST GOING TO SAY #KILLKIM *laughs nervously* **

**southernnotcountry: **I'm pumped up! Kim hasn't shown up which makes me happy. David is being a gentleman. Olivia is keeping more secrets from David. What could go wrong? Please don't answer that. But then again please do.

**KIM SHOWS UP! DAVID IS BEING A GENTLEMAN. OLIVIA'S SECRET IS OUT. AND EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD GOES WRONG...and then right ;)**

**fayevdm: **I am so loving these quick updates :)

**I KNOW ME TOO, IT'S CAUSE WE'RE ON SPRING BREAK.**

**You guys still trust us right? #KILLKIM**

* * *

She couldn't stop crying. Ever since she'd looked at the grave, concerned faces at the foot of her bed, and realized that her inexplicable uneasiness was fully justified after all, tears had never been far away.

And now they were there, possessing, destroying her. Eyes blinded, throat raw with the long choking sobs, she could not… stop.

Although she'd been icily, deadly calm when they'd told her what she'd insisted on knowing, dismissing their protests that she shouldn't be alone—that her husband, that David must be sent for while she heard what the tests and examinations had actually revealed.

When they had admitted with the utmost reluctance that there was something—not a simple matter of infertility alone, which could be treated, but a malformation of some kind—which, in the unlikely event that she ever conceived, would not allow her to carry any child full-term.

She'd said, in a voice she had not recognized, "But there has to be away to fix it." She'd bitten her lip until she tasted blood. "What about an operation…?"

There was a blunt answer, but she had listened to the gentle, lengthy explanations, full of medical terms that she did not fully comprehend. But then she didn't have to. Because she understood only too well that beneath the compassion and the technicalities they were telling her no. There was nothing. Nothing…

And somehow she had already known, with some strange, inexplicable female instinct. She'd felt that strange fear like a black shadow in the corner of her life, getting closer with every day that passed, until it blotted out the sun and left her in the cold dark.

But at least now, she could be alone with her misery—her aching, uncontrollable despair.

The nursing staff, so hideously well-meaning as they fluttered around her with offers of water to drink, to wash her face, to help swallow a sedative, had finally been persuaded to leave. And they'd clearly been glad to go, hardly knowing what to do for this patient—this girl—this wife, Santa Madonna, of such an important man. So powerful, so attractive, so virile. Yet doomed, it seemed, through no one's fault, to be the last of his ancient name.

Small wonder that she felt such grief, they agreed as they left, glancing back at the slim, hunched shape in the bed. For who would wish to disappoint such a husband?

He had been sent for, of course. The Director had intervened personally, horrified that such information should have been given to Signor Haden's wife in his absence. And now he was on his way.

But in the meantime Kim needed comfort, and who better than another woman, a close friend of the family—her husband's own confidant, no less—who was at the Clinica, the Director had learned, taking a their own appointment.

Which was why Olivia, having wept herself hollow, looked up from her soaking pillow as her door opened and saw Kim advancing into the room.

She said in a small, cracked voice, "What are you doing here?"

"Receiving confirmation that I'm going to have a baby. And now I find I have another errand of significant purpose." Kim deposited herself in the room's solitary armchair, her thin lips stretched in an unpleasant smile. "To bring you the consolation of a friend. Or should I keep that for David, when he arrives from Zurich?"

Olivia made herself sit up and push the damp strands of hair back from her white face. Made herself look stonily back at the last person in the world she wanted to see. "I don't think David wants to see you any more than I do," she said. "After the trouble you tried to make for us."

Kim's smile widened. "I doubt you have the right to speak for my husband,"she said. '

"He's not your husband anymore," Olivia got edgy. "He's mine."

"For now. And the trouble you find yourself in at this moment has quite eclipsed anything I could do. Because you have failed- again. According to the rumors all over the hospital you are incapable of bearing children." She paused. "Or, are they wrong?"

Olivia thought with an odd detachment, as the Kim's eyes bored remorselessly into her, that it was like being mesmerized by a cobra. That even though you knew the death blow would be delivered at any moment you still could not look away. Or move to safety.

The stranger's voice she'd heard earlier said, "No, they're not wrong."

Kim nodded with a kind of terrible satisfaction. "He'll be devastated you know." She paused. "For a while, anyway. Until he acknowledges the mistake he made with you and move on." She sighed. "Poor David. I almost pity him. This alliance—planned for so long, arranged with such care—totally in ruins."

"What are you talking about?"

"About you, Olivia. What else? About how David will set you aside so that he can marry again. And if he was smart, very soon," she added cuttingly, "You see..." Kim got closer to Olivia, touched her bed, her sheets, the cord where the IV was hooked in her arm. "During all that time the two of you spent away, quarreling over the child you took from him, and will never be able to replace, David and I had a union of our own.

"A union that as of today, has made me the proud expectant mother to be. And when he hears how you could never give him such, a, simple, simple, gift...he'll leave you, and come home to his real family. You and I both know how big the villa in Puglia is, the silence will drive him insane as soon as the rest of the family leaves. When it's just the two of you...all alone..."

"That won't happen." She'd thought that she was quite empty, devoid of all emotion. But she had not allowed for the power of a different kind of pain. The kind that cut so deeply that you felt you might bleed to death, slowly and endlessly. She rallied herself. "He's won't divorce-

"Divorce you? God no. Don't pour too much salt on the wound." Kim said smoothly. "But there are always grounds for annulment to be found, if you have influence in the right places. And David and my father are supremely influential." Her laugh was melodious. "A barren wife will prove small obstacle to their plans for the future, believe me."

Olivia stared at her in a kind of awful fascination. A smile, however crazy

"You know I almost feel sorry for you," Kim returned. "You were married for a purpose, as you admitted yourself. And like most items that are damaged or otherwise unsuitable, you are about to be returned."

Olivia breathed shakily. "Please leave Kim."

Kim stayed where she was. "But I'm trying to be your friend, Olivia. To explain frankly what lies ahead for you. I thought you would be grateful."

"Grateful to be told that I'm going to be thrown aside by my husband like a piece of junk?" Olivia asked hoarsely.

"Hardly," Kim said reprovingly. "David wouldn't think of doing such a thing. As long as you understand you no longer have any part in his life and accept your departure with grace."

She played with the ring on her hand.

Emerald, Olivia thought, her eyes drawn against her will to the green flash of the stone. And for the rest of my life she would always hate emeralds.

"Besides, this should be good news for you," Kim went on musingly. "You never wanted to be David's wife, and you made your indifference to him quite clear. In front of him, too, as I recall. Now you will be single again, and he and I will be free to marry and raise this tiger together." She smiled, her glance raking the tear stained face and slender body. "It shouldn't be difficult. Everyone will have what they want. It works that way doesn't it?"

The questioning silence seemed endless. Then she said softly, "Or maybe not. Is it possible, my dear Olivia, that you've had a change of heart? Did you mistake my David's performance of his marital duties for something warmer and been foolish enough to fall in love with him?"

She laughed again, contemptuously. "Oh my God, you did. What a truly pathetic woman you are if you imagine you have ever been more to David than a willing body in his bed. One of so many." She examined a nail.

Olivia felt naked under the scorn in those inimical eyes. The fact that her heart was breaking was not enough for this monstrous woman, she thought, fighting sudden nausea. Every last shred of pride and dignity had to be stripped from her too.

Olivia smirked at her. Her faint smile little more than a pardon of insanity.

"Did you really come all this way to tell me that?"

"Don't be naive and pretend like you don't believe a word I'm telling you."

"Oh I'm not. I'm only being the pathetic woman who's only ever been more to David than a willing body in his bed, but the difference between you and I, is that I'm the one who's going to stay there," The words flew from her mouth effortlessly even though she didn't believe them, even though the emphasis was for herself and not for the impairment of Kim's sick indulgent dreams.

"David and I are married and nothing you do will ever change that. You think he'll leave me because of some stupid night you shared months ago? You're wrong. You think that just because you can give him something that I might not be able to, you've won his heart? You haven't. David will never love you. He never did. You were just the rebound when your sister died, or didn't you know? He never wanted to marry you, you don't mean anymore to him than the next, which I'm sure, if there will ever be a next, will have far more decency than to show up and tell me what I can and can not do.

"You think you and your father have got friends in high places? Go ahead. Test the NYPD. I dare you. They will hunt you down, dig up every detail of your past, give it to the press, destroy your name, destroy you, and all before you have your morning coffee. So unless you're willing to risk the next nail appointment at some flimzy place that no one can pronounce, I suggest you walk out of here and don't come back."

"You love him...that's sweet. A woman willing to throw around threats like that, must be in love. So if you do, if you have what it takes to hold onto him at night, then I hope you have what it takes to let him go. He deserves better. He deserves to be happy with the family he's wanted since he got out of law school. Let him go. You're of no use to him now. And nothing you say will change that either."

She rose, smoothing the skirt of her dark dress. "It's for your own good, you understand. There is no sense in making a bad situation worse, and I'm sure you see that. And if you do, then you are not such a fool as to…hope."

She walked to the door, then turned, her voice throbbing with sudden emotion. "And if you think I have been cruel, imagine how you would feel, holding out your arms to the man you desire more than all the world and watching him turn away. Knowing that he will never want you again. If you still do not believe me, try it when David comes here. Reach for him—I dare you."

And she was gone.

By the time she heard the faint chatter in the corridor signalling that David had arrived, Olivia had prepared herself. Made sure she was under control. That she would not weep. Would not beg. And that she would not take the risk of reaching for him and being rejected. That most of all.

After Kim had left she had lain, staring into space, with eyes that burned and saw nothing.

With a mind that had heard only the ugly, corrosive words that had told her what she'd already known in her heart. That the doctors' verdict had not simply passed sentence on her hope of a baby, but also on her marriage.

That Kim, however uncaring and malign, had spoken only the truth. If she could not fulfill the purpose for which she'd been married she would have to step aside. She would have no choice.

Therefore she must try not to think of these last rapturous months with David. Must remember only that he would have seen them ultimately as a means to an end. That an eager and cooperative wife was much to be preferred to a woman who received his advances with sullen resentment.

But that sexual passion, however skillful and generous, did not equate with the kind of love that could weather all the storms that life sent.

It would be so much easier for me now, she thought with dull weariness, if I'd let myself go on thinking that I hated him. That I didn't want any part of marriage to him. If I hadn't let myself love him. Because I need his arms round me. Need to feel the shelter of his warmth and strength.

But it wasn't only the loss of his lovemaking—those moments when he pushed her as far as she could go and further—that she would mourn. There were all the small things—her hand in his when they walked together, the private smiles across a table or a room. The conversations about everything and nothing as they shared the sofa in the salotto, or lay wrapped in each other's arms, all passion spent.

Learning, she'd thought, to be husband and wife, just as he'd once suggested. Forging a bond that could never be broken. And now, because of nature's cruelest trick, her dreams of the future lay in pieces. And somehow she had to find the strength to walk away and build a different kind of life. Without him. A withdrawal that would have to begin as soon as he came through that door.

She had done what she could to look calm and in control, even if her emotions were like shards of broken glass. She'd washed her face, and put drops in her eyes to conceal the worst ravages. She'd changed into a fresh nightgown and brushed her hair.

He came slowly into the room, closed the door and leaned against it, staring at her, his eyes shadowed, his mouth a bleak line.

Olivia realized she'd been holding her breath, praying silently that he would come across the room and take her in his arms. That he would somehow do the unthinkable—the impossible—and make it all right.

But her prayer was not answered, and instead she heard herself say quietly, "Have the doctors told you?"

"Yes," he said. "I know everything."

She looked down at the edge of the crisp white sheet. "I—I'm so sorry."

"And I'm sorry too," he said. "That you didn't trust me enough to do this with you."

"I didn't want to worry you," she said. "Not if it was all in my imagination, as the doctor originally thought."

"But later," he said. "When it became more than a suspicion. You still let me walk away—leave for Zurich without you."

"It might still have been just a glitch." She could hear the pleading note in her voice and suppressed it. "Something easily put right. Life would've gone on."

But not life inside me—life that you put there…

"Yes," he said. "Life goes on." He drew her near and tightly in his arms, holding on to her very carefully, doing his best to give her the tenderness and security that he knew she yearned for. With her head pressed against his chest, he stroked her hair and let her cry for what seemed like hours. This was not going to be easy- for either of them.

When he thought he'd heard the last of her sniffles, he gently pulled away, to wipe her face with his thumbs. "They told me I can't stay. That you need your rest...so I'm going to go back home and come back and get you in the morning. We can talk then."

"Can't we talk now," she said, trying to rub off the moisture in his shirt. "Say what you have to say?"

"It's too soon," he said. "I have to clear my mind—to think. But tomorrow it will be different. And then we'll go from there."

"Tomorrow, then." With a superhuman effort she managed to say the words without her voice cracking in the middle.

He looked at her, and for a moment she saw the faint ghost of his old smile. "I love you."

"I know," she smiled for him.

Then watched the door close, and the breath left her body in a shaking sob.

* * *

Lake Como looked even more beautiful with the approach of autumn, although Olivia still wasn't sure why she'd decided to return there, when the obvious course had been to fly straight back to New York. After all, she was an SVU detective in a city where the crime rate was higher than Bob Marley. So if she worked hard enough and long enough the pain might begin to subside.

Except that she wasn't working. She was sitting under a lemon tree in a garden, looking at the sea. The wheel had turned full circle, and she was back at the beginning, more alone than ever.

Leaving the Clinica had been much easier than she'd expected. After all, she'd hardly been a patient needing medical sanction to be discharged. So she had simply woken after a sedative-induced night's sleep, dressed and walked out, moving confidently, her head high. Bearing, she'd hoped, no resemblance to the broken, weeping woman of yesterday.

She'd taken a taxi to the Villa—a quick phone call having ascertained that David had left very early that morning to visit Paupo in Zurich, and that therefore the coast was clear.

No one at the house had seemed anxious about her absence, probably because they thought she'd decided to follow David to Zurich after all.

Once in their suite it had been the work of minutes to pack a bag and retrieve her passport. And a second's pause to leave the letter she had struggled to write the previous evening on the mantelpiece in the salotto for David to find on his return.

She had kept it brief, stating only that it was impossible, under the changed circumstances, for their marriage to continue, and that she would sign whatever was necessary to obtain their mutual freedom, adding that she wished him well.

Then she'd gone downstairs, walked out into the sunshine, got into her car and drove away.

It was better this way. Better to take the initiative, as she kept telling herself, even though leaving like that, without a proper word to anyone, like a thief in the night, had torn her apart. But it had been infinitely preferable to the anguish of an interview with David—hearing from his own lips that her brief shining happiness had to end.

And Kim had said he would be generous, therefore he would hardly begrudge her the car he'd given her, or the money she would need to spend in order to remove herself from his life.

Not that she'd spent that much. Just petrol, her meals, and payment for the past three nights in a simple room above the trattoria in the village. No five-star luxury for this trip, she thought. Not that it had ever mattered to her. For her, the greatest luxury of all had always been the man she loved, lying beside her in the night.

But she wouldn't be staying long in this place where she'd once found a kind of peace, because, to her astonishment, the Casa Adriana had been sold.

She'd learned this from Nan, who was still fighting the good fight in the garden, even though her days there were numbered, because, as she said, the new owners were bound to have their own outside staff.

"The builders move in next week," she'd told Olivia. "I'm almost sorry, although it's good that such a lovely place will realize its full potential at last." She smiled. "Someone else must have fallen in love with the view, my dear."

Olivia made herself smile back. "Well, I hope Adriana approves of them, that's all."

"Ah," Nan said softly. "So it was that old story that drew you back?" She paused. "Will you tell me something, my dear? Because I've often wondered. When you were here before, David used to come and stand at the gate each day and watch you. Did you ever catch him?"

The breath caught in Olivia's throat. "No." she managed. "I never knew…"

"He would never come in," said Nan. "Which made me sorry, because it seemed to me that he was just as sad as you were alone, and I hoped that somehow you might find each other."

She looked at the kind face and forced a smile. "We did—for a while," she said. "But it didn't last."

"And yet you're wearing a ring now."

"Yes," Olivia said quietly. "Exactly because I was…married."

"Was? Oh don't tell me you've gone off and done something stupid. David spent so long picking that ring for you. God! He had me running back and forth from jeweler to the next, all hours of the night."

"He did?" Olivia's eyebrow arched and the soft and knowing smile that used to grace her face so many times before crossed her now. _Of course when I've left him, I find out how much he cared all along._

"I wore out my Sunday shoes for you. I don't do that for just anyone dear, but I do hope you manage to set it right with him. He'll be an awful lost lot without you."

Nan had completed her tasks and left, returning to her apartment, her husband, the waiting drink on the terrace and the comfortable discussion of the day's events. Her marriage, in tact.

And I should leave too, Olivia thought, sighing. In fact, I should never have come back to this place, with all its resonances. Because there's no comfort or peace here for me any more, and I was a fool to expect it.

I don't have faith and hope to sustain me, as Adriana did, and I can't sit here, letting my life drift by, eternally waiting for something that reality and my own common sense tells me will never happen.

She thought again of what Nan had said. That David—David—had followed her here each day and never said anything—then or later…

If I'd only known, she thought, and stopped with a little gasp. Because, she realized suddenly, she had known. She'd been aware, so many times, of something—some presence—that had made her feel less lonely but which she'd dismissed, telling herself that she was simply letting Adriana's legend get to her rather too much.

She lifted her head and stared at the restless sea, her eyes stinging with the tears she'd refused to let herself shed since she'd left Puglia.

"Olivia?" She might have imagined his voice, born out of her own desperate yearning, but not the hand on her shoulder.

She turned to face him, acutely aware of the blurred eyes and trembling mouth she hadn't allowed him to see at their last meeting. "What are you doing here?"

"Following my wife," he said. He came round the bench and sat beside her. "And I would have been here much sooner if I had not seen your passport was gone and wasted time looking for you in New York." The dark, haggard face tried to smile. "Your captain now thinks I'm insane, bursting in on him like a wild man and demanding you back."

He paused. "And then I remembered this place, and I wondered..."

She inhaled a sharp intake of breath, "Why did you let me go?"

"Never," he said. "Alive or dead. Never."

"But I can't give you what you want from me...What you've always wanted."

"You already have." Olivia drew her eyes to meet him. "The moment you signed a contract to eat 100 twinkies in 20 minutes, I thought, my God. She's in love with me. Maybe just as in love as I am with her. You gave me what I wanted when you walked down that aisle, and you married me, and you became my wife."

His shaking hands framed her face as he kissed her wet eyes, her cheeks and parted, unhappy lips.

"Believe me," he whispered between kisses. "You give me everything just by being alive."

"But when you came to see me in hospital," she said shakily, "You were so distant, and you left. Your promised you wouldn't do that."

"They told me that you were heartbroken," he said. "That it had been impossible to calm you. Therefore I didn't think my being there would have helped the situation anymore than you could. That, as your husband, I had to be strong for us both or your emotional recovery might be impeded. So didn't stay, because I too would've been lost.

"Because I knew that all I wanted was to lie beside you, put my head on your breasts and weep. I told myself—tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow we can find comfort in our love for each other." He gave a shuddering sigh. "And then I came back from Zurich with Paupo and you were gone, leaving just that little note. And then I did weep, Olivia, sitting alone in the room we'd shared. Because I thought that maybe I was wrong, and that you had not begun to love me during these last happy weeks together. That, after all, your independence mattered more to you than I did."

He shook his head. "But I also remembered all your warmth and sweetness—how Zurich had been hell without you. And I told myself that I would get you back, no matter how long it took or whatever obstacles were in the way."

She touched his cheek with hesitant fingertips. "And I did. Because when you came to stand beside me in church, and I put my ring on your finger, I knew I would not have changed places with anyone on earth. And that somehow I had to persuade you to feel the same. But that was my failure, and I can never forgive myself for it, or for what followed. Those weeks of our honeymoon were a living nightmare. I wanted so badly to put things right between us, but I did not know how to begin.'

"But if you felt like that," she said shakily, "Why did you start going away?"

He said roughly, "Because I heard you crying and I thought you could not face the prospect of having to live with me as my wife. That you saw the real me and I had scared and disgusted you too much."

"No," she said softly. "I was crying because I knew I'd really wanted our baby so that there would be someone in my life I could love without reservation."

"And I wanted you to love me," he said. "To give me another chance to make you happy. That was what I tried to say in my letter to you."

He slipped off the bench and knelt in front of her, taking a golden band from his pocket. "So will you take me now, Olivia?" he asked, his voice uneven. "Will you believe that our marriage means more to me than anything in the world, and love me as I love you, and even after this sadness live with me, let us build our future together? Will you help me do it the right way, help me love you the way you deserve to be loved?

"Olivia, we're only people. We live our lives and then we die, but you would make me feel like a , if you married me- again," he added.

"Yes," she said, stroking his hair. "Yes."

"Yes?"

She nodded and he removed her engagement ring and slipped on the band, picking her up in his arms and kissing her once and twice and three times on her lips, and then her eyes and her nose, spinning her around, untimely happy to know that this this great treasure was his forever. And their laughter when he finally put her down, was the sweetest sound in all the world.

And as they left that garden hand in hand, arm in arm.

Olivia Haden smiled up at her husband.

_Maybe Adriana was right_, she thought. _We have all we need.__  
_

_Maybe faith and hope would always prevail, and the healing can begin._

**(GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FANFICTION AND GIVE ME LINE BREAKS GRR :(**

* * *

**And that concludes the second half. From here on out it's just us readers! Thank you Craven for your amazing work that helped inspire us to write the second half of ADA! And thank you Porter for your extra help as well. We effing love you!**

**OK**

**so you guys should come up with crazy ways to #KILLKIM, even though we already know how we're going to do it! But your input could help inspire us! **

**Up next! Liv and David's real wedding/honeymoon. **

**I told you we'd take care of them! This is us taking care of them! BOOYA! And we will take more care of them! TRUST US!**


End file.
